Christian arguments against the Pearls' teachings.
Cindy Foster of The Baptist Taliban blog explains why she no longer believes in spanking in, I’m Coming Out!
Along similar lines, Dara Stoltzfus has some interesting things to say about parenting teenagers in Spanking puts the parent in a bad autopilot mode…
And speaking of Dara, she also takes a very good look at the question, Does more spanking = less crime and delinquency?
Samuel Martin looks at child-rearing in the Bible Lands both then and now in True Eastern Wisdom Is Coming West.
Forgedimagination responds to an article by the Pearls in Cloistered Fruit: (Not) An Open Letter To The Pearls. This is a rather extreme example of their teaching that everything comes down to being the fault of the woman (or in this case, women.)
forgedimagination has a very interesting series about Choices and Children Being Allowed to Make Them.
Part 1 in which she shares a story from her childhood about being allowed to make choices.
Part 2 in which she tells us about how her right to make choices came to be taken away and introduces a petition for the Home School Legal Defense Association to openly acknowledge that homeschoolers can also be abusers, and to educate their members about child abuse.
Part 3 in which she explains how inherently abusive it is to raise children with the doctrine of Instance Obedience.
I have had 2 solicitations for advice so I’m opening up the advice line. Can anyone help these readers?
Marissa Stone asks:
Can you give me some advice on teaching honesty to kids?
Right now it it feels like I am trying to push a car uphill. Not totally impossible but hard. How can you teach honesty to kids when the lies of our elected officals steroid use of his favourite soccer player or the fraud of a local CEO are all glorified in the media? What if dishonesty has worked in the past? I have used the example of a doctor who cheated in med school as an example. That dosn’t work. I don’t what else to try. If anyone can give me pracical advice that would help.
Thx
Anonymous asks:
Hi, just an anonymous question to post…has anyone heard of “crying in arms” approach to help children deal with emotions, frustrations, growth spurts and such. I have a 5 month old and came across this, but I don’t like the idea of “sleep training” but do believe that their sleep patterns are different to ours and we have to guide them how to sleep successfully. Has anyone tried this/heard of it/views against it. Thanks.
Dara Stoltzfus discusses the influence we have on our children in What Do Your Kids See You Doing?
While you’re at Dara’s blog, you will also want to read, her very thought provoking post, Kids need consequences to learn right from wrong, don’t they?! in which she considers two possible responses to a child stealing and considers which would teach the child more.
According to an article in the Skagit Valley Herald, prosecutors in the Williams court case are seeking Hana Alemu’s uncle to testify to verify her age. Her body was exhumed for that purpose, but the examination proved to be inconclusive. The reason they need her age is that the charge they are trying to prove is only valid for children under 16 years of age.
I should mention that in the Remembrance of Hanna Williams group on Facebook there is a scan of Hana’s Baptismal Certificate as well as a higher quality version a member fixed. I should also mention that Hana was born on March 8, 1997 (1/8/1989 according to the Ethiopian Calendar which is different from ours.) She died on May 12, 2011.
Jesse Hoover writes about how being gentle allowed him to correct without losing his son’s heart in When An Iron Fist Turns Soft.
Dara Stoltzfus shares about how gentle parenting saved her life as she discusses blind obedience.
Jeri, of Gentle Christian Mothers, shares about how Gentle Parenting is working now that her children are older.
Michael Pearl’s teachings are being discussed in the blogosphere again.
Rick Morton responds to Jonathan Merritt’s Analysis of Michael & Debi Pearl’s “Child Training” & The “Adoption Fever” Dialogue in this post.
Morgan Guyton discusses Why He Would Fail Michael And Debi Pearl’s Parenting Class.
Dara Stoltzfus shares another story which explains how she was Spanked and Did Not Turn Out Okay.
On a side-note, here is a pamphlet which discusses more ways in which spanked children may not turn out ok. This site also has quite a bit of stuff in Spanish.
Note from Hermana Linda: This is the continuation of a conversation in the comments of Steph’s article on Attachment Theory. Read Part 1 here. This exchange starts here.
Hi Steph, thank you for your kind reply. I totally see your point. I didn’t mention the details on how my child responds when separated. She ofcourse resists a bit but goes back to normal play within a minute or two. Getting back together is a happy time for both of us but she doesn’t need extra attention but she is loving as always. I can only speak from my own experience and I am trying to find the truth without any bias. When you say brain damage, I can’t understand that because my daughter met all her developmental milestones 6 months ahead of her peers and she is nearly 4 now and has even started reading. I often see how totally she trusts me to keep my word and to take care of her if she is in any kind of danger.
I understand God doesn’t want us to cry as it makes him sad as well. But I do see in so many peoples lives that God allows some painful experiences so that they will shine even more brightly for His glory. When we did sleep training, we did make sure that she is completely safe, fed, changed and comfortable and we watched her through the video monitor to make sure her safety. Sure it was hard for us and hard for her. And I wouldn’t do it for a minute if it was not beneficial for her. That training has just done her so much good that she became more fresh and attentive during her wake times and happier.
Last night, my husband and I watched, “The Andy Griffith Show,” and it was the one where Opie was having fun pretending to have a black horse named Blackie. Andy, Opie’s dad, and Barney and Aunt Bea all had fun with this. Well, Opie goes off into the woods and meets a lineman named, Mr. McBeevee. Because Andy had played the Blackie game earlier, and well, since Mr. McBeevee is a rather strange name, Andy doesn’t believe Opie when Opie tells him that this is a real man who really gave Opie a hatchet and then a quarter. When Andy takes Opie out to the woods to meet this Mr. McBeevee guy, Mr. McBeevee just happens to get called away, making Opie look like a big liar.
When Opie and Andy get home, Opie knows he’s in trouble and Andy is prepared to spank Opie. [Read more...]
Note from Hermana Linda: We appreciate getting comments and read every one. This comment from Jo about Attachment Theory elicited such an insightful response from Steph that I have decided to highlight it here.
From my personal experience with my own child, if you provide consistent care and love in meeting the needs of the child throughout the day, a little sleep training at night develops an even healthier attachment. My child is the most securely attached child I have seen because she is able to stay away from me without much distress as long as I tell her beforehand and also comes back to me with even more love when i get back to her. Crying it out works perfectly but should only be done if the parents are able to provide love and care for the child and securely attach in every way. We did sleep training for her when she was 9 months old and within 3 nights, she started sleeping through the night and sleeps in her own room. She is a very happy child then and now.
Dara Stoltzfus considers anger and how children are forced to repress it. Many parents feel that it is best to teach their children to repress their anger. Those parents will typically not understand why repressing anger is unhealthy because they misunderstand the Bible. You can try to explain it to them, but they will rarely listen. Once they are sure that they understand the Bible, they refuse to even consider that they might be wrong. Dara discusses that mindset in another recent post.
Dara Stoltzfus looks at the question, if discipline equals punishment, why does (Self) Discipline not equal (Self) Punishment ?
Liz Boltz Ranfeld explains why she and her husband Don’t Spank Their Kid in a well thought out post. She has 5 main reasons which are fleshed out and explained.
1) Her child’s personality
2) Research
3) Occasional spanking so often turns into frequent spanking.
4) She’s not allowed to hit another adult; why should she be allowed to hit a child?
5) The scriptural support for corporal punishment is disturbing.
Dulce de Leche has a series on Wifely Submission
Part 1 Intro
Part 2 Before The Fall
Part 3 The Fall
Part 4 What God Has Joined Together
Part 5 Wives, Submit Yourselves to Your Husbands
Part 6 Spiritual Leadership
Part 7 Who Makes the Final Decision?
Also Eric Pazdziora explores The Myth of the Weaker Vessel.
Jonathan Merritt has published an article about Michael and Debi Pearl on ReligionNews.com entitled, How Influential Are Michael and Debi Pearl? And How Harmful? He only found out about them recently but has apparently done his homework very well.
Sally Clarkson explains how meeting your baby’s needs is following The Golden Rule in Pick Up Your Baby! Do Unto Then What You Would Have Done To You!
I have been watching 2 very sad cases in the news since October 2012. I have not mentioned them before now because neither of them seem to be following any particular extreme teaching. They are both about Christian adoptive parents who apparently tried to control their adoptive children using adversarial parenting and corporal punishment and ended up almost killing them and are now being tried for abuse.
The first case is the case of Douglas and Kristen Barbour in Franklin Park, PA. He is a Deputy Attorney General. They are accused of abusing and starving their 2 children adopted from Ethiopia. They recently regained custody of their biological children. There was mention in this article of their defense lawyer saying that they “did their best to cope with the children’s extraordinary needs.” Update: They were going to do a deposition of the 5 year old but decided against it.
The other case is the case of the Russel and Mona Hauer. The Hauers live in North Mankato, MN. It appears that their adversarial parenting caused them to starve their 8-year-old adopted son. They took him to the hospital severely malnourished and weighing only 35 lbs. Part of this was because of existing problems the boy had and part was their failure to get help and their way of trying to control the situation. In a news story published today, I see that their parental rights over this child have been terminated. There is a quote in this story which I find very interesting:
[The judge] said the Hauers failed to follow professional advice on services he needed and how to address behavioral challenges. He also faulted them for their “aversion to traditional health care beliefs and practices,” and said their “highly moralistic” efforts to correct his behavior were the opposite of what he needed.
This very much suggests to me that there is Christian corporeal punishment and adversarial parenting involved so I decided that it was time to at least bring these to your attention. I will continue to update this post as seems appropriate.
I should probably mention poor little Rodrick Arrington in Las Vegas here. He was not adopted, but it was his step father who beat him to death while his mother helped. I’m very unsure of this case, but certainly adversarial parenting and corporeal punishment came into play. But then, they do in all abuse cases and there are hundreds every year. 
The purpose of this blog is not to discuss undisputed abuse. It is to discuss abusive teachings which many loving and sane parents are not recognizing as abuse and to give Biblical arguments against such teachings. That is why this post is categorized as “blog.” Because it is technically off topic and does not quite fit into any of my categories. Although, I admit that I’m seeing a grey area and might end up changing my mind about that at some point. I just don’t see anyone defending any of these abuse cases or denying that is is abuse, except the defendants and their lawyers.
When Dara Stoltzfus made a blog post entitled, “20 Reasons Not To Spank,” she found that it kept growing. It got so large that she ended up creating a new site entirely for that post. She is now up to 119 reasons… so far. Without further ado, I bring you, “20″ Reasons Not To Spank, the website.
Note from Hermana Linda: Pam continues to ask thought provoking questions about how one can raise children without spanking. In This comment, she asks,
What do you mean by natural consequences? I think some of those are what I hoped for my children to avoid and why I view some punishment as a necessary part of discipline. Am I misunderstanding?
Dara Stoltzfus answered her question so well, I have asked her to reproduce her comment here. (Dara, I think I speak for everyone when I say, please don’t apologize for your many insightful words. )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Read more...]
Sylvia shares her testimony and Her Thoughts On Spanking in this post, the link to which I found in the comments of Rachel Held Evan’s post, The Abusive Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl.
Rosemary shares “a collection of thoughts on why – especially the Biblical reasons why –” They’ve Chosen Not To Spank.
Dara Stoltzfus asks those who were spanked if they are really okay. Her questions are sure food for thought.
She also looks at how children develop trust that God hears us. The answer might surprise you.
Note from Hermana Linda: We appreciate getting comments and read every one. This comment from Pam is so long that Steph decided to respond in a post, so here it is.
Hi Steph,
Though I don’t consider myself to be “pro” spanking, I am pro-discipline, and I do believe that infrequent spanking can be part of an over-all discipline plan, when done properly and with love. I have raised two boys and I have two grandsons. I’ve also, taught children and volunteered to work with children in many circumstances. I care about kids and child abuse is a deep concern of mine. I was an abused child, in the forms of medical neglect, emotional neglect, emotional abuse, emotional incest, and sexual abuse by a predator. I also, found myself in several abusive situations as an adult and I agree that children are born with natural ways of standing up for themselves that shouldn’t be taken from them. We all need to be able to protect ourselves. I also, believe that children can be defiant and they need help in learning to use defiance as a way to protect themselves and not as a means of ending up in prison. Part of the neglect I experienced as a child had to do with discipline. I don’t remember any spankings but I was allowed to eat only candy to the point of having fillings in all of my teeth by the time I was six (I also, had abscesses) and all of my teeth falling out by the third grade. My parents excuse this by blaming it on me and my refusal to eat so, they let me eat what I wanted and all I wanted was candy. I was also, sick a lot and they gave me alcohol as medication, I think it put me to sleep and I was less of a bother. The first time they gave me too much and made me drunk was when I was cutting my first teeth. They’ve always told this as a such a funny story… [Read more...]
Stephanie just started a new blog called The Shepherd’s Apprentice.
In her first post, she explains about the sin nature of babies and children and how we should respond to it.
She then posts about Selfish Babies or rather, if there is such a thing.
She ties it up with a look at Sin, How To Get What You Want.
Not bad for her first day. 
Samuel Martin asks us all to join him in praying for “the peace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on all under His sun suffering from family violence.”
Speaking of peace, Carissa Robinson encourages us to run to The Father with our problems for He will give us peace in Paideia, Part 3.
Did Voddie Baucham really say that a shy child who refuses to obey a parent and say hello to him is sinning? Cindy of Under Much Grace provides the evidence (in the form of a transcribed audio clip) so that you can decide for yourself.
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