Advice Line: Can You Help These Readers?

I have had 2 solicitations for advice so I’m opening up the advice line.  Can anyone help these readers?

Marissa Stone asks:

Can you give me some advice on teaching honesty to kids?
Right now it it feels like I am trying to push a car uphill. Not totally impossible but hard. How can you teach honesty to kids when the lies of our elected officals steroid use of his favourite soccer player or the fraud of a local CEO are all glorified in the media? What if dishonesty has worked in the past? I have used the example of a doctor who cheated in med school as an example. That dosn’t work. I don’t what else to try. If anyone can give me pracical advice that would help.
Thx

Anonymous asks:

Hi, just an anonymous question to post…has anyone heard of “crying in arms” approach to help children deal with emotions, frustrations, growth spurts and such. I have a 5 month old and came across this, but I don’t like the idea of “sleep training” but do believe that their sleep patterns are different to ours and we have to guide them how to sleep successfully. Has anyone tried this/heard of it/views against it. Thanks.

About Hermana Linda
Hermana means sister in Spanish and Linda is my name. I was born in late 1960 to a mother who had traveled around the world and had been impressed at the baby wearing she saw in Africa and Japan. While in Japan she purchased the baby carrier in which she is wearing me in my avatar. By the grace of God, I trusted Jesus as my personal savior in 1983. He gave me a husband in 1987 and 2 sons in the early 1990's. All glory to God.

Comments

  1. Dulce says:

    Regarding the honesty question, I know that the actions of politicians and celebrities (whose morals and values are generally very different from mine) didn’t influence me growing up nearly as much as the everyday example of my parents. I watched them make telling the truth to us kids a priority, even when it was uncomfortable or inconvenient, and that made an impact. Another thing is that framing it as an issue of consequences often makes it easy to focus on how to avoid the consequences. I don’t want my children to tell the truth only because lies get you in trouble–I want them to tell the truth because Jesus is the truth and loves truth, whereas the devil is a liar and the father of lies. When they are little, we talk about Words as Magic, one of my favorite articles from Crystal Lutton, and as they get older we continue to talk about how to tell the truth. 🙂

  2. Melkmeid says:

    About the crying in arms, I’ve read about something like that from Hand in Hand Parenting, except they call it Staylistening. It’s all about helping the child express their upset emotions and get it out of their system.
    From what I’ve read, Staylistening with babies has nothing to do with sleep training.

    Hand in Hand Parenting is my favourite website out of all the ones I have come across.
    Attachment and connection is their foundation and they are all about supporting parents and bringing families closer together.

    Take care,
    Hannah

  3. Korrine says:

    @anonymous-

    I used a crying in arms approach (basically a modified Ferber method) when night weaning my 9 mo. It is completely different from cry it out (where baby is left to cry himself to sleep) in that you are offering physical and verbal comfort to your child.

    It’s still rough to see/hear your baby upset, but you are showing her you’re present and available.

    It took 3 nights of holding, rocking, and/or walking with my son while he cried intermittently, but then it was done. He was effectively sleep trained and he was actually happier because of it since he was sleeping better at night.

    • Thank you for your response and sharing your experience with crying-in-arms. For the record, weaning a child under the age of 2 goes against the World Health Organization’s recommendations. I understand that you are referring to night weaning, not complete weaning, but I did want to clarify that for my readers. I would also like to make the disclaimer that this blog does not endorse night weaning at such a tender age. I recommend that crying-in-arms only be used when no solution can be found for the crying.

      • Steph says:

        I totally agree with Hermana Linda. Crying-in-arms should only be used to support an infant who seemingly does not have a physical need. All wants are needs for infants 12 months and under. Ignoring a need and just holding them teaches them that their cues are not being read accurately, thereby, creating confusion in both child and parents and a lot of stress. It can also create communication problems later. And confuses them on what their bodily sensations actually mean.

        • Melkmeid says:

          I just find where crying-in-arms comes from. It’s from Aletha Solter.
          “Crying is an important stress-release mechanism that helps us relax and restore our body’s physiological balance.”
          http://www.awareparenting.com/highneedinfants.htm

          When Aletha Solter is talking about crying-in-arms it is Only For Stress-Release! Not to avoid meeting a need!
          Thank you, Steph saying this also!!!

          I’ve just finished reading “tears and tantrums” by Aletha Solter. She is a big fan of co-sleeping and babywearing!!! Yay!!! 🙂

          Blessings,
          Hannah

  4. Korrine says:

    I wanted to clarify that I am not a blanket proponent of night weaning at an early age, either. Also, I reconsidered my son’s age at the time of night weaning, and he was actually close to 2 years (23 months), NOT 9 months. I have 5 kids & just got confused as to which one i was referring to! I night weaned because I was pregnant & needed as much sleep as I could get at the time.

    I apologize for the confusion & the (unintentionally) misleading comments.

  5. Korrine says:

    Fudgesicles! I posted under the wrong name! Any way you can correct it? Thanks!!

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