Children and Their Choices

forgedimagination has a very interesting series about Choices and Children Being Allowed to Make Them.


Part 1
in which she shares a story from her childhood about being allowed to make choices.

Part 2 in which she tells us about how her right to make choices came to be taken away and introduces a petition for the Home School Legal Defense Association to openly acknowledge that homeschoolers can also be abusers, and to educate their members about child abuse.

Part 3 in which she explains how inherently abusive it is to raise children with the doctrine of Instance Obedience.

Advice Line: Can You Help These Readers?

I have had 2 solicitations for advice so I’m opening up the advice line.  Can anyone help these readers?

Marissa Stone asks:

Can you give me some advice on teaching honesty to kids?
Right now it it feels like I am trying to push a car uphill. Not totally impossible but hard. How can you teach honesty to kids when the lies of our elected officals steroid use of his favourite soccer player or the fraud of a local CEO are all glorified in the media? What if dishonesty has worked in the past? I have used the example of a doctor who cheated in med school as an example. That dosn’t work. I don’t what else to try. If anyone can give me pracical advice that would help.
Thx

Anonymous asks:

Hi, just an anonymous question to post…has anyone heard of “crying in arms” approach to help children deal with emotions, frustrations, growth spurts and such. I have a 5 month old and came across this, but I don’t like the idea of “sleep training” but do believe that their sleep patterns are different to ours and we have to guide them how to sleep successfully. Has anyone tried this/heard of it/views against it. Thanks.

Consequences and Examples

Dara Stoltzfus discusses the influence we have on our children in What Do Your Kids See You Doing?

While you’re at Dara’s blog, you will also want to read, her very thought provoking post, Kids need consequences to learn right from wrong, don’t they?! in which she considers two possible responses to a child stealing and considers which would teach the child more.

Prosecutors Still Trying To Verify Hana’s Age

According to an article in the Skagit Valley Herald, prosecutors in the Williams court case are seeking Hana Alemu’s uncle to testify to verify her age. Her body was exhumed for that purpose, but the examination proved to be inconclusive. The reason they need her age is that the charge they are trying to prove is only valid for children under 16 years of age.

I should mention that in the Remembrance of Hanna Williams group on Facebook there is a scan of Hana’s Baptismal Certificate as well as a higher quality version a member fixed.  I should also mention that Hana was born on March 8, 1997 (1/8/1989 according to the Ethiopian Calendar which is different from ours.)  She died on May 12, 2011.

Benefits of Gentle Parenting

Jesse Hoover writes about how being gentle allowed him to correct without losing his son’s heart in When An Iron Fist Turns Soft.

Dara Stoltzfus shares about how gentle parenting saved her life as she discusses blind obedience.

Gentle Parenting Older Children

Jeri, of Gentle Christian Mothers, shares about how Gentle Parenting is working now that her children are older.

Attachment Only By Day? – Part 2

Note from Hermana Linda:   This is the continuation of a conversation in the comments of Steph’s article on Attachment Theory.  Read Part 1 here.   This exchange starts here.

Hi Steph, thank you for your kind reply. I totally see your point. I didn’t mention the details on how my child responds when separated. She ofcourse resists a bit but goes back to normal play within a minute or two. Getting back together is a happy time for both of us but she doesn’t need extra attention but she is loving as always. I can only speak from my own experience and I am trying to find the truth without any bias. When you say brain damage, I can’t understand that because my daughter met all her developmental milestones 6 months ahead of her peers and she is nearly 4 now and has even started reading. I often see how totally she trusts me to keep my word and to take care of her if she is in any kind of danger.
I understand God doesn’t want us to cry as it makes him sad as well. But I do see in so many peoples lives that God allows some painful experiences so that they will shine even more brightly for His glory. When we did sleep training, we did make sure that she is completely safe, fed, changed and comfortable and we watched her through the video monitor to make sure her safety. Sure it was hard for us and hard for her. And I wouldn’t do it for a minute if it was not beneficial for her. That training has just done her so much good that she became more fresh and attentive during her wake times and happier.

[Read more...]

Attachment Only By Day? – Part 1

Note from Hermana Linda: We appreciate getting comments and read every one.   This comment from Jo about Attachment Theory elicited such an insightful response from Steph that I have decided to highlight it here.

From my personal experience with my own child, if you provide consistent care and love in meeting the needs of the child throughout the day, a little sleep training at night develops an even healthier attachment. My child is the most securely attached child I have seen because she is able to stay away from me without much distress as long as I tell her beforehand and also comes back to me with even more love when i get back to her. Crying it out works perfectly but should only be done if the parents are able to provide love and care for the child and securely attach in every way. We did sleep training for her when she was 9 months old and within 3 nights, she started sleeping through the night and sleeps in her own room. She is a very happy child then and now.

Discipline = Punishment? Really?

Dara Stoltzfus looks at the question, if discipline equals punishment, why does (Self) Discipline not equal (Self) Punishment ?

The Pearls in the Religion News

Jonathan Merritt has published an article about Michael and Debi Pearl on ReligionNews.com entitled, How Influential Are Michael and Debi Pearl?  And How Harmful? He only found out about them recently but has apparently done his homework very well.

The Golden Rule

Sally Clarkson explains how meeting your baby’s needs is following The Golden Rule in Pick Up Your Baby!  Do Unto Then What You Would Have Done To You!

If You were Spanked, Are You Really OK?

Dara Stoltzfus asks those who were spanked if they are really okay.  Her questions are sure food for thought.

She also looks at how children develop trust that God hears us.  The answer might surprise you.

Babies, Children and Sin Nature

Stephanie just started a new blog called The Shepherd’s Apprentice.

In her first post, she explains about the sin nature of babies and children and how we should respond to it.

She then posts about Selfish Babies or rather, if there is such a thing.

She ties it up with a look at Sin, How To Get What You Want.

Not bad for her first day.  ;-)

Seeking Peace

Samuel Martin asks us all to join him in praying for “the peace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on all under His sun suffering from family violence.”

Speaking of peace, Carissa Robinson encourages us to run to The Father with our problems for He will give us peace in Paideia, Part 3.

Voddie Baucham and The Sin of Shyness

Did Voddie Baucham really say that a shy child who refuses to obey a parent and say hello to him is sinning? Cindy of Under Much Grace provides the evidence (in the form of a transcribed audio clip) so that you can decide for yourself.

Effects of Punitive Parenting

Dara Stoltzfus reflects on how punitive parenting has affected her inner being in I was spanked and I’m NOT OK: Why and what I do.

And just for fun, the Honest Toddler explains why it is futile to force your toddler to apologize. I know that this is meant to be funny, but there is an underlying element of truth to this and something to consider.   Here is more of the Toddler’s Eye View on life.

Bill To Protect Adopted Children Being Considered

House Judiciary Committee is considering a bill to protect adopted children as a response to the Hana Alemu “Williams”  case. More information in this article in The Capitol Record.

Does “Discipline” Equal Spanking?

Carissa Robinson continues her look “at the true meaning of discipline, and how it has been warped by both Christian and secular philosophies and misconceptions about childhood” in Paideia, Part 2.  In this post she looks at the meaning of the Greek word, Paideia, and how it has been translated throughout the New Testament.

For more about the meaning of Paideia, please see her interesting comments in this post, especially this one.

Defiant Toddlers?

Carissa Robinson has started a new series called, Paideia, in which she looks “at the true meaning of discipline, and how it has been warped by both Christian and secular philosophies and misconceptions about childhood.”

She opens with a look at a toddler”s defiance, (or is it defiance?) in Paideia Part 1

When Gentle Discipline Fails

Dulce de Leche looks at how Gentle Discipline Failed Her. Or did it?

Along similar lines, MamaPsalmist considers the Gift of a Willful Child.

And Dara Stoltzfus continues her look at how she was spanked and did NOT turn out OK.

Dr. Sears Looks At Baby Training

William Sears, M.D. looks at Christian Parenting and Baby Training in a parable called, The Journey of Michael and Susan.

Goal of Parenting

We continue our look at the goal of parenting.

Dara Stoltzfus examines  Cooperation vs Compliance: Love vs Fear.

The Hippie Housewife considers Asking the right questions.

Even More Fruits of Gentle Discipline

Dara Stoltzfus has another story which demonstrates the fruits of not spanking.  With this story she makes the point that we really need to decide if our goal in parenting is obedience or to raise a thoughtful, loving, healthy adult.  For more stories like this, see my Fruits of Gentle Parenting Tag.

 

Investigation of Hana’s Remains has begun

According to an article in the Skagit Valley Herald, Hana’s body has already been exhumed and the investigation of her remains has begun.  The linked article discusses how the prosecution tried to have the expert for the defense barred from the investigation over some comments he made on the medical examiners’ Listserv.

More Fruits of Gentle Discipline

Dara Stoltzfus shares more fruits of  gentle parenting.  This fruit says that You’re Not a Failure.

Also, consider her post about Being punished for venting.

Punishment Works?

Claire, over at Dare To Disciple, continues with her Myth Busting series with Punishment Works.

Death by Submission

Misty Horner passed away in 2007 from an infection she sustained in an unassisted homebirth. Her husband and the cult they followed did not allow her to seek medical intervention during the 31 days it took for her to die. Her parents filed a wrongful death suit against her husband, Caleb Horner, his brother, John Horner and their cult which teaches extreme submission. You can read about the verdict in the El Dorado Springs Sun. This story is also covered by Fox TV. This is the first time I have heard of this story which was finally brought to my attention because the Sun article mentions Michael and Debi Pearl’s book, “Created To Be His Helpmeet.”

Old excerpts from this story can be found here.

In January of 2012 Caleb filed a wrongful termination suit against the city of Lee’s Summit which let him go after the death for which no criminal charges were filed.  I cannot seem to find any news stories with an update about this suit.

Update: Feb 15, 2013 Misty Horner wrongful death lawsuit: Horners want new trial after $108M ruling.

The Williams Trial Plods Along

The Skagit Valley Herald reports that the Court will allow defense experts to to examine Hana’s remains for use  in the trial.  They have yet to set a date for the exhumation. Murder trials are always slow moving and are usually continued many times.  At this time, the trial is still scheduled for Feb 4, 2013.

Update Jan 4, 2012:
The trial has been postponed until July 22, 2013.

When a Toddler Won’t Obey

The Hippie Housewife shares 3 Ways to Respond to a Toddler Who Won’t Listen.

Another Facebook Meme Debunked

Dara Stoltzfus is on a roll.  Today’s post confronts another Facebook Meme, My Promise To My Children.