When a Toddler Won’t Obey

The Hippie Housewife shares 3 Ways to Respond to a Toddler Who Won’t Listen.

Another Facebook Meme Debunked

Dara Stoltzfus is on a roll.  Today’s post confronts another Facebook Meme, My Promise To My Children.

Raising Children to Not Accept Abuse

Dara Stoltzfus shows us how we can raise children to not see abusive behavior as normal in Wives With Knives.

Dara Stolzfus has many other excellent posts. I have already linked to many of them. I must now link to this post about Consequences and how we react when we mess up.

While I’m at it, I will also link to another interesting post called Looking Up.

Delayed Obedience is Disobedience?

Does the Bible teach that delayed obedience is disobedience?  To answer that question, Carissa Robinson examines the Parable of The Two Sons in First Time, With a Happy Heart.

It’s Not Always Easy

Carissa Robinson shares that Gentle Parenting is not always a bed of roses and how to get through the hard times in Bumbling Along.

An Exampling of Parenting by Jesus

Dulce de Leche hosts a post by Samuel Martin on the topic of How Jesus Would Parent,  in which we look at an example of Jesus using Gentle Parenting.

Raising a Spoiled Brat?

Rebecca Diamond explains why she is not worried about raising a spoiled brat in He’s A Spoiled Brat – And I’m Proud Of It!

Gentle Discipline Help

I have heard a few requests for more info on what to do when Gentle Discipline does not seem to be working.  I hope this is helpful.

Were You Hoping For A Perfect Child?

Ruvin, from By The Hui, looks at the Myth of The Perfect Child.  She is promising a mini-series so stay tuned.

Update:  Part 2, Mole Hills, is now up.

The Fruit of Gentle Discipline

Molly shares a beautiful story about the fruit her gently parented 3 yr old is already displaying in A Soft Answer…

Putting Our Children Above Others

Dulce de Leche continues her 10 Commandments for Parents series with 10 Commandments for Parents: Forsaking All Others.

 

The Strong Willed Child

Dulce de Leche looks at Gentle Discipline and The Strong Willed Child.

For more on this topic, check out the book, You Can’t Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) by another former Strong Willed Child, Cynthia Tobias.

Choices in Discipline

JaniceM explains her Choices in disciplining her toddler on our2crazyboys.

Should our Goal Be To Raise Good Children?

Lysa TerKeurst explains why she doesn’t want to raise a good child.  What is your goal in parenting?

Sally Clarkson Looks At Obedience

Veteran Mother and writer, Sally Clarkson, looks at first time obedience in Obedience is a pathway of Maturity and Faith.

More about Teaching

The Hippie Housewife explains the Basics of Gentle Discipline, focusing on Teaching Skills which makes a great follow up to yesterday’s post on Teaching Babies. She offers skills to prepare babies and children for the future.  As she explains:

These future-oriented solutions provide the child with skills that will be used throughout and beyond childhood. The focus is on developing the child’s own internal control rather than on managing behaviour through external control, thereby assisting the child in navigating life in a way that keeps their dignity intact.

She also links to some very helpful posts to provide background which I also recommend and have linked to in the past.

Note that this post is part of the 2012 Carnival of Gentle Discipline which you can find at the bottom of the post.

Teach Your Babies Well

The following was originally posted in thread on Gentle Christian Mothers called, “…And I’m the Strict One!“and is a follow up to my previous post, Teach Your Children Well.

At 4 months, what you want to be doing is starting the phase of ‘discipline’ that I call “show and tell” — it’s not a phase where you expect the baby to *do* anything at all. I mean that! And I know it doesn’t make sense to say “start discipline” and “the baby doesn’t do anything” when you are coming from a punitive mindset.

What “show and tell” means is that you are building the vocabulary for whatever you want him/her to be able to do without thinking twice once s/he is a toddler. You build vocabulary by saying a word and simultaneously doing that thing to the baby.

For example, when you say “Up” as you pick a baby up, that’s ‘show and tell’ — but of course, “Up” is not an instruction you want your toddler to follow later, so it’s not a good example of how ‘show and tell’ is a good start to good discipline. It’s just an example of the way that people naturally know that ‘show and tell’ is how you teach stuff to babies. It’s how they learn. That’s why it’s the method you choose when you teach everything, including when you teach the vocabulary you want them to grasp for following instructions. It’s a game. It’s no big deal.

At this stage you have TONS of time. Start by thinking and trying out what words you plan to use as your primary ‘words of instruction’. Once you’ve got them figured out, you need to *stop* using them as ordinary parts of chit-chat and *only* use them when you are going to be ‘show and tell’-ing. Your instruction words should be short and sweet. When possible, they should say what ‘is happening / what to do’ instead of ‘what not to do’. Try not to start with more than 6 to 10 instruction words. Select them carefully and always use them identically. (Many of these instruction words are going to sound like [Read more…]

What Does the Bible Really Say About Parenting?

Dulce de Leche looks at what the Bible really says about parenting.  Note that this post is part of the 2012 Carnival of Gentle Discipline which you can find at the bottom of the post.

Safe Place

The Hippie Housewife reminds us of the important place we hold in our children’s lives in this beautiful and thought provoking poem. <3

And in a similar vein, Dulce de Leche discusses helping our children feel safe to express their sadness.

Looking at Grace

I would like to share 2 things with you about grace.

The first is a post from Gentle Christian Mothers and is an example of one of the reasons a Christian mom decided to not to spank.  You can see more reasons in the rest of that thread.

The other thing I found on Facebook: (scroll down for comments)

I think I would change “Repentant or Not” into “Saved or Not” but I still feel that this gives a good explanation of the difference between Religion and the Gospel.  It is also a good explanation of the difference between the Law and Grace.

And as my friend, Rachel Sullivan-Nightengale, said,

Likewise God directs us to discipline our children–NOT threatening or punishing, which result at best in fear-induced outward compliance–but instead discipling them, gently teaching and helping them learn to do what’s right out of love for God.

We strive to imitate the way our Heavenly Father disciplines us, even as adults. He doesn’t punish us–Jesus took our punishment in full. He does guide us with loving patience at our slowness to learn, time after time.

Praise God for His abundant GRACE! May He help us mirror His grace toward our children.

Thou Shalt Not Kill The Spirit of Thy Children

Dulce de Leche continues her 10 Commandments for Parents series with Thou Shalt Not Kill. In this post she discusses how parents often kill pieces of their children’s individuality.

Also, take note of this post by Sara Mae which looks at The Nature of A Child and why we should respond to their tantrums with grace.

Teach Your Children Well

The following was originally posted in thread on Gentle Christian Mothers called, “…And I’m the Strict One!“.

Well, ladies, do you know what’s a show-stopper in a nicely chatting group of Christian Mommies?

It’s when the strictest parent there casually mentions that she doesn’t spank. Here’s the circle of my friends and acquaintances when I mentioned it:  😮  😯   😕

Friend 1:  😮  “You don’t???”
Me: “Yeah, I used to, but I haven’t in a long time.”
Friend 2:   😯 “Really?”
Me: “I try not to do anything harsh at all, really.”
Friend 1: “Well… but… your kids are angels.”
Friend 2: “Some kids just don’t need it.”
Friend 1: “Yeah, I had one that spanking didn’t work for.”
Friend 2 to 1: “It’s not the right tool for every child.”
Friend 1 to me: “You can leave if you want to, if you think it’s cruel.”
Me: “No, I just think it’s unnecessary.”
Friend 2: “Well… you’ve got angels.”

Conversation continues on which kids “need” it, with lots of “funny” stories. Apparently, their various children’s persistent poor habits means the Mom should do more of what they are already doing (spanking), but the consistent excellence of my children has nothing to do with my methods: they were born that way.

Do these people really believe random selection gave me two angels, that I never had to really parent ‘the hard way’ — while they received an assortment of challenges my methods could never meet? I should extra-respect them for raising more difficult children, beyond my scope of experience? Even if they “have to” hit these challenging children, and even if hitting them isn’t showing any benefits!

(someone asks me to clarify what I mean by “strict.”)

Ok, here’s another tidbit of reality then: my husband is often unwell, and, with rare exceptions, that makes me the only “responsible adult” in my family. That means that, since I can’t handle (much) chaos, I can’t allow it.

I have lines of painters tape on my floor outlining “kitchen” in my open-plan home. Children don’t cross those lines when I am cooking. They haven’t for years. If my daughter woke up this morning to find painters tape barring them from exiting their own bedrooms, they would, I am dead sure, stand there and call me, “Mama? Why us this here? Mama, can I cross the tape? Mama, I need to go potty!” [Read more…]

Trusting Enough To Let Go

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with Letting Go.

A Typical Gentle Day

The Hippie Housewife shares A day in the life of a gentle mother.

A Closer Look at Obedience

Molly, from Adventures in Discipline, takes a closer look at Obedience.

Grace Is For Mothers, Too

The Hippie Housewife reminds us that grace is for mothers too in These Days Don’t Define You.

Your Attitude Towards Your Children

Rach at the Incorrigible Gingers discusses how labeling children can be harmful in My Toddler Is Not Bad.

On a similar note Aubry, of My Offerings, discusses healthy and unhealthy attitudes towards children in Why Potty Training Changed My Life.

And Dulce de Leche continues with her 10 Commandments for Parents series with Honor Your Father and Your Mother in which she also discusses the difference between obedience and compliance.

Looking Back It All Went By So Fast…

Vita Mutari looks back at 17 years of being a mother and shares her reflections and advice for new moms in, Left to cry…alone.

Delayed or grudging obedience is disobedience?

Claire continues her Myth Busting series with Myth Busting 9: Right Away, All the Way, With a Happy Heart – or it’s Rebellion!

Part I: Delayed or grudging obedience is disobedience?

Part II: Is Disobedience to Parents Rebellion?

Is Your Parenting Based on Fear or Faith?

Carissa Robinson compares Fear-Based and Faith-Based Parenting.  Which one one do you think glorifies God?  Which one do you use?

For more help, check out this post by Pearl in Oyster (PIO) about how we can use our God-given hormones to help us parent better in Oxytocin and “Time In.”