So many Christians do not understand domestic abuse. They often teach that a Christian wife should just submit and pray harder. This booklet looks at what the Bible teaches about abusive behavior using the story of David and Saul as an example. Obviously, the relationship between Saul and David was not the same as the relationship between a husband and wife, it was more like that of a father and son. However, the general abuse dynamics are the same and it is a very interesting study. This study would be very good to share with a pastor or anyone who you feel needs more insight into abuse.
JoEllen from CuppaCocoa explains how to teach children A Better Way To Say Sorry. This method is phenomenal as are the results of teaching it. As Dara Stoltzfus said on the Facebook page for this site.
I’ve used this approach with my kids and it’s really the best way to go. Just forcing the “I’m sorry” thing doesn’t help anyone or teach kids “why” they should be sorry. I find too that when you talk to them about what they did wrong, once they’re used to this way of apologizing, they do it on their own. They will spontaneously offer an apology and ask forgiveness without being prompted to do so once they understand “why” what they did was wrong.
And, the funny thing is…once my oldest…did something and then she came to me and asked me to forgive her and I realized at that moment that here…I’d been wanting to wallow in my anger. I wanted to stay mad at her. I wanted to somehow “make her suffer” for what she’d done (the effects of having been spanked showing thru in me) and when she asked me that I had to deal with that IN ME.
Thoughtful parenting really changes US in such amazing ways.
This post is part of a larger series on How To Shape Children’s Behavior.
She also has some good marriage advice.
If you think that woman was made only to serve man then you need to read Dan Wilkinson’s explaination of what the Bible means by Helpmeet.
Dulce de Leche has a series on Wifely Submission
Part 1 Intro
Part 2 Before The Fall
Part 3 The Fall
Part 4 What God Has Joined Together
Part 5 Wives, Submit Yourselves to Your Husbands
Part 6 Spiritual Leadership
Part 7 Who Makes the Final Decision?
Also Eric Pazdziora explores The Myth of the Weaker Vessel.
Sheila Wray Gregoire discusses Debi Pearl, Wife Abuse and True Submission in Submission Doesn’t Mean Lying Over And Taking It. The discussion in the Comments is also very interesting. It was there that I found he following link:
Natalie at Dusty Feet has been working on a very detailed book review of Created To Be His Help Meet.
Complementarian Tim Challies analyses Debi Pearl’s book, Created To Be His Help Meet and points out his concerns with the teachings therein.
Part 1 looks at the harsh and critical spirit and the foolish counsel.
Part 2 looks at “poor theology, poor use of Scripture and far too little gospel.”
This is an excellent review to share with complementarians.
Dulce de Leche features an anonymous testimony about the damage of emotional and mental abuse in But He Never Hit Her.
Mrs. Jacks shares her testimony of How Submission Books Nearly Ruined her Marriage.
Bob Bixby looks at what the story of Ananias and Sapphira teaches us about Unquestioned Submission in, Sapphira – When Standing by Your Man Will Kill You.
Aubry Grace looks at the fallacy of trying to follow the advice in books like Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and An Excellent Wife by Martha Peace in her post, The Gospel Driven Marriage: How To Be A Good Wife. Excellent advice which I think every married person should read.
And in the interest of fairness, here is a good post for the unmarried to read. <3
Ever since my good friend, GreenGem, posted her Thoughts On Leadership I have been pondering my own thoughts on submission. When someone actually emailed me to ask me whether I believed in Wife Only Submission (WOS) or Mutual Submission (MS) I pondered even harder. Now I am feeling led to solidify my thoughts.
MS starts with Eph 5:21 which says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” WOS starts with Eph 5:22-24 which says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.” (Note that the words in brackets are not in the original Greek but were added by the translators.) Crystal Lutton has very good explanations of what the word, “submit” means, and what the word, “head” means. You might also want to read this explanation for more information. I’m very thankful for theses explanations because I knew that I did not agree with the patriarchy explanation which leads to so much abuse. I have seen many healthy marriages which claim to believe in WOS yet they are really following MS. This is not to say that a WOS marriage cannot be healthy, I just have not met any.
Now, I’d like to note that both those verses are followed by Eph 5:25 which says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” It occurs to me that I have never seen anyone teaching Husband Only Love (HOL.) It seems obvious to everyone that the wife is still supposed to love her husband. The fact that this passage tells the man to love his wife and does not tell the woman to love her husband seems to suggest if the man is loving his wife, she will naturally love him in return. So, maybe if the wife is submitting to her husband’s will while he is loving her, his natural reaction is to want to please her and so will naturally submit his will to what she wants. So, as they love each other and submit to each other, they work together to try to meet each other’s needs. Which is exactly how I understand MS.
Note, someone commented below that the Bible says that women should love their husbands in Titus 2:4. I would like to point out that while Eph 5:25 uses the word agape (perfect and sacrificial love), Titus 2:4 uses a variation of phileo (brotherly/family love). Also, the Bible teaches in many places that we should love everyone.
Another wife has tried and tested Debi Pearl’s Book, Created To Be His Help Meet and found that it nearly destroyed both her and her marriage. She tells her story in An Open Letter To Debi Pearl.
Created to be his Help Meet – A Review (sort of) is an exposé of Created To Be His Help Meet. He does a very good job of responding to the problematic parts of this book with Biblical corrections.
I just came across an interesting post from ThatMom about Debi Pearl and her book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. She is responding to Joy, who defended Debi Pearl in a comment on a previous post back in March of 2010:
Glenys shares a heartbreaking and powerful blog entry about an abusive marriage and exposes how damaging the advice contained in Created To Be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl, is.
Spunky’s Blog entry about Created To Be His Helpmeet
The Pearls Respond to the Blogs by Spunky
Today, I’ll let Mr. Pearl speak for himself… by Rebecca
I feel sorry for Debi and Michael Pearl! from Emotional Abuse and Your Faith
Razorbackmama’s commentary of Created To Be His Helpmeet