Dara Stoltzfus is on a roll. Today’s post confronts another Facebook Meme, My Promise To My Children.
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RedditReb Bradley
September 10, 2012 4 Comments
Latebloomer was raised in Reb Bradley’s church, Hope Chapel, and is one of the Sheltered, Controlled Homeschoolers who “didn’t ‘turn out right,’ yet another disappointment to the former parents and leadership of Hope Chapel.” She shares some important insights about this in “Biblical” Parenting, Introduction. (By the way, I was surprised to see Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz mentioned in this post.)
This post is the introduction to series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley’s book “Child Training Tips”. In this series of posts she looks at how this kind of parenting is “damaging to individuals and relationships because it sacrifices all other virtues for the sake of authority and submission.”
Each Post in her series focuses on one criticism.
Criticism #1: A Parent Who Assumes The Worst in which we see the concept of adversarial relationships taken to new levels.
Criticism #2: Parents are urged to exercise an extreme level of control of their child’s mind and body, which prevents the child from preparing for adulthood in which we learn how his teaching grooms perfect victims for child predators by breaking the child’s will, removing their sense of bodily ownership and teaching them that they must respect and obey anyone older than themselves.
Criticism #3: A Parent Who Tries to Change Minds and Hearts through Spanking in which we learn about his teachings on spanking which take abuse to new levels as well as his “severe misunderstanding of the Bible and serious scholarly negligence.”
Criticism #4: A Parent Who Isolates In Order to Control in which we learn that he teaches parents to isolate their children from the world and the results of such isolation.
Sarah’s Arguments Against Spanking
August 1, 2012 Leave a Comment
Sarah, of Under the Olive Branch, explains why she does not believe in spanking in a well researched and chatty post entitled, A person’s a person no matter how small. She also answers some common arguments for spanking with counter arguments, which many will find helpful.
Discipline without Harm Part 2
May 22, 2012 Leave a Comment
In the last piece we looked at how Proverbs 22:6 means to discipline children in a way that works with them instead of against them. God is not an adversarial Parent to us, therefore, we should not be adversarial parents with our children as we are also sinners and actually sin more than our children do. The purpose of this series is to learn how to discipline our children in a manner that will lead them to God instead of away from Him. We must provide gentle yet firm discipline to our children. In this piece we will look at how to validate feelings, deal with temper tantrums, and why we shouldn’t use time-out as punishment but instead use something known as “time-IN” to help children calm down in a helpful way.
Validating Feelings—“It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to!”
Many people fail to realize just how much of an emotional life infants have right from birth. The young infant feels happy, sad, angry, and scared. But because crying is the only way of communicating their feelings, many infants do not get the validation that they require. Tragically, some infants are ignored and/or punished for crying. It is very important to understand that infants’ emotions are also their needs, and those needs must always be responded to in a sensitive and respectful manner. “It seems wise for caregivers to make the assumption that infants of all ages have feelings, since it helps us to understand their needs. The interventions we make that are consonant with our interpretations of infant emotions often seem to have the intended effect. We pick up a crying baby to soothe what we believe to be the child’s pain or discomfort as much as to stop the crying, and the subsequent relaxation of the infant confirms our belief about his or her feelings” (Fogel, 2011, p. 280). [Read more...]
Avoiding Adversarial Parenting
April 2, 2012 Leave a Comment
Molly explains Adversarial parenting and how to avoid it in What punitive is apart from spanking….
The Effects of Spanking Part 6 *Sensitive*
February 21, 2012 4 Comments
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)
In the last part of this series we saw how teaching children to equate love with pain can cause them to become sadomasochistic. We also saw how spanking children, even when done “lovingly” and the “right way,” causes many children to struggle with depression, guilt, and shame as having pain intentionally inflicted on them by their parents never makes them feel positive about themselves. In this concluding piece of this series, we will see how spanking keeps the vicious cycle of abuse and authoritarian parenting going for generations unless one fights against it. New research shows that children that are physically punished/abused can develop a form of Stockholm Syndrome as they deny and repress their pain. Also, I will be showing that intentionally inflicting pain on children causes brain damage as the brain gets rewired due to experiencing pain and trauma throughout childhood. Many parents do not realize how vulnerable the young, developing brain is. Finally, I will be explaining the Scientific Method of conducting research in order to disprove the claim of a great deal of pro-spankers that all the research proving spanking is harmful is somehow biased. I hope this series further proves that spanking did not come from God otherwise none of these harmful effects would ever occur.
The Cycle of Abuse and Authoritarian Parenting—“My parents spanked me and I survived and so will my children!”
[Read more...]
Responses to Pearl on Anderson
December 5, 2011 4 Comments
I have yet to watch Michael Pearl and Elizabeth Esther on Anderson other than a few clips. I hope to someday find it online in its entirely at which time I will certainly link. By the way, it will be airing in the Los Angeles Area on FOX 11 at 1pm. Meanwhile, here are some responses from the Blogosphere.
Hannah of Emotional Abuse And Your Faith asks, Do we understand insensitivity?
Cindy of Under Much Grace answers the question, What is Biblical Chastisement?
as well as, Why is the Pearl Method So Insidious and Dangerous?
MamaPsalmist reacts in No More Dead Kids and its followup, And Another Thing.
Gentle Parenting Is More Than Just Not Spanking
September 15, 2011 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche looks at the punitive mindset and how it affects our relationships with our children in It’s Not Just About Spanking.
Christians Who Don’t Spank and Why
September 8, 2011 1 Comment
I came across 2 Christian bloggers who very eloquently explain why they don’t spank.
Spanking…..The Post I Finally Had to Write and Spare the Rod: What Spanking Teaches Children by Amanda at Not Just Cute
To spank or not to spank? by Raqual at Connected Christian Mom
Fruits of Gentle Discipline
June 29, 2011 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche explains how she came to chose Gentle Discipline 7 years ago and examines the fruits of her decision in 7 Year Harvest.
Understanding The Nature of Children
April 16, 2011 1 Comment
Discipleship Parenting writes about Understanding the Nature of Children in which she looks at what the Bible says about the nature of infants and children and what our response to them should be.
Dulce de Leche also writes about the sin nature of babies in Sons of Adam Daughters of Eve.
Damaging Effects of Punishment on Children
April 14, 2011 1 Comment
GreeneGem explains the damage which was done to her by her mothers trampling on her Boundaries.
Speaking of damage, did you know that when babies are left to cry it out, their little bodies are being flooded with Cortisol? Discipleship Parenting looks at what effect that has on them.
Meanwhile Pearl, from An Apprenticeship in the Art of Gentle Discipline, looks at the Spiritual Discipline of Parenting to Sleep.
Analyzing the Schatz Tragedy
April 6, 2011 1 Comment
Cindy, from Under Much Grace, analyzes what causes people like Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz to harm their children in a new series:
Why Good People Make Dangerous Choices (Pondering Pearl and Lydia Schatz)
Part I: Virtue In Place of Unquestioned Obedience.
Part II: How Dehumanization (and Declaring War Against Family Members) Causes Moral Disengagement
Part III: Defining Aggression as Normal, Acceptable, and Desired Behavior
Part IV: The Milgram Experiment and the Pressure to Commit Evil for the Common Good
Bad Apples or Bad Barrels? The Short and Long Versions of Zimbardo on the Lucifer Effect
Part VI: The Calm Before the Storm Following the Schatzes’ “Guilty” Pleas
Part VII: The Breaking the “Diabolical Will” of Infants in the IFB – Even at Hephzibah House
Part VIII: There But For Grace
Part IX: Using the Milgram Study to Understand How Pearl Becomes Appealing
Adversary or Advocate?
April 2, 2011 Leave a Comment
This article by Sally Clarkson asks us to consider whether we want our children see us as Adversaries or Advocates.
Along similar lines, Dulce de Leche writes about different ways of seeing God in Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.
Edited to add: Sally Clarkson has more to say on this topic in Mentoring Monday: Advocate or Adversary: Your view of God Determines your Parenting Philosophy.
Kidney Damage and The Pearl Method
April 1, 2011 Leave a Comment
Cindy, of Under Much Grace, explains exactly what Rhabdomyolosis is in, How Do We Track Kidney Failure and Kidney Damage in Children Who Are Trained Using the Pearl Method? She explains that kidney damage is permanent and wonders how many children are living with a chronic yet undiagnosed condition in this important and informative post.
Also, don’t miss this internet radio show about the same topic.
Meanwhile, the Schatz trial has been scheduled and both the Chico Enterprise Record and the Paradise Post are running the following story which I will paste here for permanence.
By RYAN OLSON – Staff Writer
Posted: 03/31/2011 12:00:00 AM PDTOROVILLE — After a couple of postponements, a trial is ready to proceed in the case of a Paradise couple charged with allegedly whipping their adopted daughter to death and torturing another.
Attorneys representing Elizabeth and Kevin Schatz told Butte County Superior Court Judge Kristen Lucena they were ready to begin the trial on April 11.
The trial was initially set to begin in November, but was delayed so attorneys could review thousands of pages of evidence.
A second date for February was set aside in favor the April 11 date.
During Wednesday’s trial readiness conference, Lucena determined the trial would take place in her courtroom.
The prosecution alleges Elizabeth and Kevin Schatz used a length of quarter-inch plumber’s supply line to beat adopted daughters Lydia Schatz, 7, and Zariah Schatz, then 11, during separate “Biblical chastisements” on Feb. 4 and 5, 2010.
Lydia Schatz was taken to Feather River Hospital after the mother reported to 9-1-1 that she had stopped breathing. Zariah Schatz arrived at a Sacramento hospital in critical condition with whip-like marks before recovering.
The Schatzes have pleaded not guilty to charges of murder, torture involving great bodily injury and misdemeanor child abuse. If convicted, each could face a maximum sentence of two life terms in prison.
Before the trial date, there will be an April 8 hearing for motions that should be considered before a jury is selected.
At that time, the defense will
have an opportunity to respond to Butte County District Attorney Mike Ramsey’s recent request to include hearsay evidence based on out-of-court statements from Zariah Schatz.While Zariah Schatz will be called to testify, Ramsey said outside of court that she had also spoken to police and medical personnel after her sister’s death.
Staff writer Ryan Olson can be reached at 896-7763 or rolson@chicoer.com.
THE CASE: On Feb. 4 and 5, 2010, Elizabeth and Kevin Schatz of Paradise allegedly used a whip-like instrument to discipline two adopted daughters in separate incidents. The 7-year-old daughter stopped breathing and subsequently died from her injuries. The 11-year-old daughter suffered serious injuries but recovered.
THE CHARGES: Both parents face counts of murder, torture involving great bodily injury and misdemeanor child abuse.
The Christian History of Spanking Part 1
February 28, 2011 18 Comments
In my quest for further understanding as to why so many Christians (and non-Christians, though I am mainly looking at Christians for this study) are adamant pro-spankers, I have begun a journey into some of the darker history of Christianity and the harsh treatment of children starting as young as infancy. My purpose in doing this study is to uncover some of the main Christian advocates of harsh treatment of children in order to show that spanking came from man and not from God as so many truly believe.
Sadly, as I pointed out in Part 7 of my “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, brutality of children can be traced back to Biblical times which is why Jesus radicalized the way He wanted society to view and treat children. Despite Jesus placing such a high value on children and never once advising the people to harshly punish young children when He had ample opportunity to do so, Christians have, for centuries, used the Holy Bible to advocate and justify spanking and abusing young children. For some unknown reason, at least to me as of now, physical punishment runs deep within the roots of Christianity, especially within the sects of the Protestants, Fundamentalists, and Evangelicals. It is important for me to note here that I proudly consider myself an Evangelical Christian and have always taken the Bible quite literally. It appears to me as I continue my study of God’s Word and the history of this subject that pro-spankers seem to focus more of their attention on the God of the Old Testament. Yes, God is the same today, tomorrow, and forever (See James 1:17 & Malachi 3:6a). However, the God of the Old Testament was quite harsh at times in His righteous anger allowing men, women, and children to be killed because of their sins against Him. But, as I point out in Part 8 of my series, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” we also see God’s grace and love for His people. The minute His people cried out to Him in the Old Testament, God forgave them and had mercy on them. “So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty” Malachi 3:6b-7. With the coming of Jesus Christ, God allowed His grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness to be much more accessible and evident to mankind. Through Jesus, we can now have a very personal relationship with the God of the Old Testament. [Read more...]
Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 8
February 7, 2011 5 Comments
( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( Part 6 ) ( Part 7 )
What is grace? This is the question running through my head as I wrestle with a bit of discouragement as children continue to be harmed by well-meaning people who want so badly to obey God in their parenting. As I continue to hear the same comments from pro-spankers who seem almost desperate to defend themselves for fear of being wrong. As I hear on the morning news that two teenagers were shot and killed by their own mother because they were being “mouthy.” As a book that advocates spanking infants may be being used by people that I know. What is grace? Who deserves grace? Is the Bible Truth or something that can be used however we want in order to support our own beliefs? What does it mean to be Spirit led and to take up our crosses and follow Jesus? Why do some Christians proclaim, “God hates fags?” Why is there so much division in the Body of Christ when God commands us to be “like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” Philippians 2:2?
Another thing that keeps popping up in my mind and during my Bible study is the following verse:
“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty” Zechariah 4:6.
This verse is in context with an angel showing Zechariah a vision seemingly related to the coming of a future Messiah to rescue the people. Yesterday in church, the pastor discussed the uneventful way that Jesus quietly came on the scene amidst the crowds that were waiting by the Jordan River in order to be baptized by a relative, John The Baptist (Matthew 3:13-17). Everyone thought that the Messiah would come and mightily restore Israel with a mighty sword. But instead, Jesus came as an infant and lived in humble settings. He didn’t even look like a powerful king that everyone expected Him to be. Look how Isaiah the prophet described Jesus: [Read more...]
Myth Busting
January 25, 2011 Leave a Comment
Claire has been doing some Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple. Today I would like to feature Myth Busting 3: Backtalk, Consistency and the United Front.
For your convenience, here are her previous posts:
Spanking and Proverbs – Part 3: Believer’s Behavior
January 5, 2011 Leave a Comment
Barefoot Betsy looks at “what the rest of the Bibles says about spanking in the light of what the Bible – in particular, the New Testament – says about how we, as Christians, are to behave” in Spanking and Proverbs- Part 3: Believer’s Behavior.
How Punitive Parenting Shames Parents
December 23, 2010 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche has written a post explaining how Punitive Parenting Shames the Parents in This Hurts Me As Much As It Hurts You.
What Gentle Discipline Is Not – Part 3
November 9, 2010 Leave a Comment
Carissa Robinson continues her explanation of what Gentle Discipline is not with what Gentle Discipline is not in What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued Again 
. This post looks at “Gentle discipline is not something that occurs only when unacceptable behavior manifests itself” aka “Gentle Discipline is not sporadic.”
Here is the rest of her series, for your convenience:
What Gentle Discipline Is Not
What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued. “Gentle Discipline is not adversarial”
What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued
October 27, 2010 Leave a Comment
Carissa Robinson continues her explanation of what Gentle Discipline is not in What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued. This post looks at “Gentle Discipline is not adversarial!”
Entrapment
July 30, 2010 Leave a Comment
Do you ever entrap your children? Read this blog entry from Dare to Disciple to learn more about entrapment. Failure to heed this warning may lead to developing an adversarial relationship with your children.
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