Sarah, of Under the Olive Branch, explains why she does not believe in spanking in a well researched and chatty post entitled, A person’s a person no matter how small. She also answers some common arguments for spanking with counter arguments, which many will find helpful.
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June 27, 2012 Leave a Comment
The Hippie Housewife explains the Basics of Gentle Discipline, focusing on Teaching Skills which makes a great follow up to yesterday’s post on Teaching Babies. She offers skills to prepare babies and children for the future. As she explains:
These future-oriented solutions provide the child with skills that will be used throughout and beyond childhood. The focus is on developing the child’s own internal control rather than on managing behaviour through external control, thereby assisting the child in navigating life in a way that keeps their dignity intact.
She also links to some very helpful posts to provide background which I also recommend and have linked to in the past.
Note that this post is part of the 2012 Carnival of Gentle Discipline which you can find at the bottom of the post.
Abuse Without Hitting
May 18, 2012 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche features an anonymous testimony about the damage of emotional and mental abuse in But He Never Hit Her.
Is Your Parenting Based on Fear or Faith?
April 5, 2012 Leave a Comment
Carissa Robinson compares Fear-Based and Faith-Based Parenting. Which one one do you think glorifies God? Which one do you use?
For more help, check out this post by Pearl in Oyster (PIO) about how we can use our God-given hormones to help us parent better in Oxytocin and “Time In.”
Contemplating Gentle Discipline
March 28, 2012 Leave a Comment
Molly contemplates what Gentle Discipline means to her in Beyond The Ideas.
A Psychology Professor Critiques the Pearls’ Teachings
March 12, 2012 Leave a Comment
Southern Methodist University (SMU) in Dallas has uploaded a video from FOX News in which “SMU Psychology Professor George Holden, who specializes in child-parent relationships and positive child rearing, talks critically about Michael and Debi Pearl’s book “To Train Up A Child,” which advocates spanking.” More information about Professor Holden here.
The Effects of Spanking Part 6 *Sensitive*
February 21, 2012 4 Comments
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)
In the last part of this series we saw how teaching children to equate love with pain can cause them to become sadomasochistic. We also saw how spanking children, even when done “lovingly” and the “right way,” causes many children to struggle with depression, guilt, and shame as having pain intentionally inflicted on them by their parents never makes them feel positive about themselves. In this concluding piece of this series, we will see how spanking keeps the vicious cycle of abuse and authoritarian parenting going for generations unless one fights against it. New research shows that children that are physically punished/abused can develop a form of Stockholm Syndrome as they deny and repress their pain. Also, I will be showing that intentionally inflicting pain on children causes brain damage as the brain gets rewired due to experiencing pain and trauma throughout childhood. Many parents do not realize how vulnerable the young, developing brain is. Finally, I will be explaining the Scientific Method of conducting research in order to disprove the claim of a great deal of pro-spankers that all the research proving spanking is harmful is somehow biased. I hope this series further proves that spanking did not come from God otherwise none of these harmful effects would ever occur.
The Cycle of Abuse and Authoritarian Parenting—“My parents spanked me and I survived and so will my children!”
[Read more...]
The Effects Of Spanking Part 5 *Sensitive*
November 29, 2011 9 Comments
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)
In the previous piece we discovered that fear is the main effect of corporal punishment that all children experience despite the Bible clearly stating that fear is not from God. We also saw in the previous piece that “loving, godly” spankings are indeed harmful to children despite what many pro-spankers continue to claim. The research and numerous anecdotes (personal stories) show that hitting “in love,” and in the Name of God often has damaging effects on children even if they deny and repress these effects. In this piece we will be discussing an effect of “lovingly” spanking that has only recently come to my attention. Many people are unaware of the fact that “love” spankings causes sexual problems for children and adults as they seek to turn something painful and out of their control into something pleasant and somewhat controllable. This brief discussion may cause discomfort. We will also discuss how physical punishment often leads to depression, shame, and guilt as spanking never makes one feel good about oneself.
“Love” Spankings Continued—“Children are not sexual beings.”
Many people, in general, believe the above statement to be true. While children do not understand sexuality in the way that adults do, they have the ability at birth to become somewhat aroused and to feel pleasure. This is why young children very innocently explore their bodies during diaper changes and baths. This is a very normal and healthy part of the young child’s development. By the age of two, most young children are beginning to notice the differences between males and females and will ask questions out of pure curiosity. Simple, honest answers are all that young children want and need. While a child’s budding sexuality should be respected, their innocence and purity must be protected. [Read more...]
Gentle Parenting and Defiance
September 16, 2011 Leave a Comment
MamaPsalmist considers how hard it is to leave punitive spanking behind when a child is being defiant and if it is worth it in, Coming Out of Hiding.
Spiritual Roots
July 15, 2011 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche looks at the Spiritual Roots of discipline.
Does God Want Us To Break Their Wills?
May 3, 2011 2 Comments
Elizabeth Esther has done a post for Rachel Hold Evens which discusses the idea that Even God Does Not Break Our Will.
Along the same lines, The Wartburg Watch has reposted a letter from Bob Dixon explaining Why He Finally Left Sovereign Grace Ministries After 30 years.
The Christian History of Spanking Part 3
April 12, 2011 Leave a Comment
Jonathan Wesley (1703-1791) is known as the founder of Methodism, and for the effects he had (and still has) on the education of children and adults. In Part 2, I looked at the child-rearing practices of his mother, Susanna Wesley, whom many Christian advocates of spanking hold up as a model for Christian mothers. Susanna gave John special attention as he almost died in one of the house fires. John deeply loved his mother, and it has been said that he didn’t think he could ever find a woman like his mother to marry. Now, before we say that his mother’s child-rearing practices couldn’t have been that bad if he loved her that much, it is well documented that abused children that have been taken away from their abusive parents will cry and ask, “If I’m really good tomorrow, can I go home to my mommy and daddy?” As I point out in Part 5 of my series called, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” children have a very forgiving nature and love their parents no matter what. That’s how I was with my dad despite his physical abuse. He said he was sorry many times throughout my childhood, and I always forgave him. Now some pro-spankers may argue that there’s a line between abuse and spanking. My dad never left marks on my body, but it was indeed abuse as he’d hit and be rough with me for things out of my control. My mom only spanked me once, and though she never apologized, I forgave her within the week. Though both my parents were wrong for hitting me, I’ve long forgiven both of them and have a great relationship with my mom. So, for all those who claim spankings didn’t hurt them, I must ask that they truly think about how they felt right before, during, and afterwards because when children are hurt by the closest people in their lives, it does harm and hurt, otherwise there wouldn’t be so much denial and controversy over using physical punishment with our children! And if spanking (hitting) children was ordained by God, then there would be NO questions or controversy among Christians and the secular world regarding the amount of harm spanking a child does as Scripture clearly states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. [Read more...]
Looking at Bill Gothard
March 7, 2011 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche has shared some memories of Bill Gothard’s seminars and how his teachings affected her during her formative years in, Peering Underneath the Umbrella: Musings on Gothardism. This is an exposé as well as a testimony as she gives us an inside look at Gothard’s teachings.
Speaking of Bill Gothard, E. Stephen Burnett has an interesting post at Quivering Daughters called, Bill Gothard and Patriarchy: Re-routed Feminism? which analyzes a quote from Bill Gothard about submission and looks at why so many of Patriarchy’s promoters are women.
Testing the Spirit of Quiverfull
March 2, 2011 Leave a Comment
Kristen Rosser has started a series over at NLQ called, Testing the Spirit of Quiverfull. I think this checklist of sorts actually pertains to all Patriarchy teachings. This is good reading for someone who is dabbling with Quiverfull/Patriarchy and thinking that they can separate the “meat from the bones.” These posts are written specifically for those “who have chosen to accept the Bible as authoritative for faith and practice. ”
Here are the posts so far:
Testing the Spirit of Quiverfull: Isolation
Testing the Spirit of Quiverfull: Hierarchy & Control
Testing the Spirit of Quiverfull: Perfectionism & Elitism
Control
February 25, 2011 Leave a Comment
The Peaceful Housewife doesn’t like to be controlled. Do you? Most people don’t. 
It shouldn’t come as any surprise that our children don’t like it much either.
Meanwhile, Dulce de Leche explains a bit of what not controlling your budding chef looks like.
The Root Problem
January 1, 2011 Leave a Comment
Dulce de Leche uncovers the root problem with the punitive mindset in her post, Authority, Submission, Control and Discipline.
Yes, the root problem is control. Now that you have seen why we should not try to control our children, Lucy explains why she cannot control her children and what that looks like in her house.
Bethany Breaks Free
December 18, 2010 Leave a Comment
Bethany Basset, of Coffee Stained Clarity, reflects on the sadness she feels at finding out that her high school friends are following the Pearls’ teachings.
I see that Bethany was raised in the VF/Patriarchy mindset. She posts her story in 5 parts:
The Preface: The Stuff of Brains
Part 1: The Net
Part 2: The Reality
Part 3: The Hope
Part 4: The Outcome
And she has an epilogue about parenting with grace here. I love a happy ending. <3
Sharing Life With Your Children
December 2, 2010 Leave a Comment
GreenGem has an interesting post about her Wonderful Life. In this post she explains why she allows her young sons to jump on the couch and run around the house. She also explains how she does housework with her sons, including cooking and cleaning. Children learn a lot from such activities. I wish I had had the patience to allow my young sons to help me with the housework more often when they were young. This post also contains a very important message about control. Just in case someone should read my words without reading hers, I want to share this Gem:
Controlled kids become easily controlled adults, not self controlled adults.
Gluesticks
October 30, 2010 2 Comments
Christie Minich explains what glue sticks are really for and why. (For more about using gluesticks for spanking, please see Gangbangers and Gluesticks.)
She also has some very good advice about raising a strong willed child using Gentle Discipline (although she does not use that term.)
She also has a post where she studies the rod verses of Proverbs called, Thy Rod And Thy Staff, They Comfort Me.
To Control a Child
October 25, 2010 Leave a Comment
Cultured Mama has written some very good arguments against the manipulative and dangerous teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl in To Control a Child. She also warns against Ezzo and Babywise and gives a lot of links for further research.
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