Hi Steph, thank you for your kind reply. I totally see your point. I didn’t mention the details on how my child responds when separated. She ofcourse resists a bit but goes back to normal play within a minute or two. Getting back together is a happy time for both of us but she doesn’t need extra attention but she is loving as always. I can only speak from my own experience and I am trying to find the truth without any bias. When you say brain damage, I can’t understand that because my daughter met all her developmental milestones 6 months ahead of her peers and she is nearly 4 now and has even started reading. I often see how totally she trusts me to keep my word and to take care of her if she is in any kind of danger.
I understand God doesn’t want us to cry as it makes him sad as well. But I do see in so many peoples lives that God allows some painful experiences so that they will shine even more brightly for His glory. When we did sleep training, we did make sure that she is completely safe, fed, changed and comfortable and we watched her through the video monitor to make sure her safety. Sure it was hard for us and hard for her. And I wouldn’t do it for a minute if it was not beneficial for her. That training has just done her so much good that she became more fresh and attentive during her wake times and happier.
Note from Hermana Linda: We appreciate getting comments and read every one. This comment from Jo about Attachment Theory elicited such an insightful response from Steph that I have decided to highlight it here.
From my personal experience with my own child, if you provide consistent care and love in meeting the needs of the child throughout the day, a little sleep training at night develops an even healthier attachment. My child is the most securely attached child I have seen because she is able to stay away from me without much distress as long as I tell her beforehand and also comes back to me with even more love when i get back to her. Crying it out works perfectly but should only be done if the parents are able to provide love and care for the child and securely attach in every way. We did sleep training for her when she was 9 months old and within 3 nights, she started sleeping through the night and sleeps in her own room. She is a very happy child then and now.
William Sears, M.D. looks at Christian Parenting and Baby Training in a parable called, The Journey of Michael and Susan.
The Web Magazine, Positively Feminine, is running a new series called, What Is Grace-Based Discipline? by PhenomoMom. I am quite impressed with this magazine and its contributors and suggest you check it out.
God designed babies to be very needy and He gave mothers the instincts to attend to their baby’s needs. This is why a baby’s cry affects mothers so negatively. And yet mothers often try to squelch those instincts because a man has told them that their God given instincts were wrong. For instance, Ezzo’s teachings have ruined many nursing relationships. Check out this article from the Washington Post back in Feb 1999 about him which listed concerns pediatricians had about his teachings.
Even mothers who don’t buy into Ezzo’s teachings will often get convinced to allow their baby to “cry it out.” Yet, back in 2005 a study was released that links prolonged crying in babies with lowered IQ points. Crying has also been shown to cause undue stress in babies, risking their emotional health. So, don’t ignore your instincts, pick your baby up and comfort him or her. You cannot spoil a baby by holding him too much.