Elrena Evans looks at Crying It Out from a Christian Point of View in Christianity Today. This is not a new article, but I just found it. It is a response to an article in Psychology Today called, Dangers of Crying It Out by Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D.
Sarah Mae looks at gentle nighttime parenting in Maybe Your Two Year Old Just Needs You.
While we’re on the topic of nighttime parenting, here is something Steph from Grace For My Sheep wrote about sleep training.
I have had 2 solicitations for advice so I’m opening up the advice line. Can anyone help these readers?
Marissa Stone asks:
Can you give me some advice on teaching honesty to kids?
Right now it it feels like I am trying to push a car uphill. Not totally impossible but hard. How can you teach honesty to kids when the lies of our elected officals steroid use of his favourite soccer player or the fraud of a local CEO are all glorified in the media? What if dishonesty has worked in the past? I have used the example of a doctor who cheated in med school as an example. That dosn’t work. I don’t what else to try. If anyone can give me pracical advice that would help.
Hi, just an anonymous question to post…has anyone heard of “crying in arms” approach to help children deal with emotions, frustrations, growth spurts and such. I have a 5 month old and came across this, but I don’t like the idea of “sleep training” but do believe that their sleep patterns are different to ours and we have to guide them how to sleep successfully. Has anyone tried this/heard of it/views against it. Thanks.
I have been thinking a lot about defiance lately. Is it real when it comes to young children? Most parents would emphatically answer, “Yes” to this question. I am not so sure though. According to dictionary.com, defiance is defined as “A daring or bold resistance to authority or to any opposing force.” To me, this means being able to stand up for what we believe is right. This is usually a good thing. Yet, when people discuss children as being “defiant,” it is always viewed as a very negative thing. In fact, most Christian pro-spankers tell parents to spank/hit children mainly for “defiance.”
Are young children truly being “defiant” when they refuse to do something we want or say, “No!” to us? I tend not to think so. Why? Because defiance is very subjective. What one person views as “defiance,” another person views as developmentally appropriate behavior or an indicator that something much deeper is going on within the child. See, to judge whether or not children are being “defiant,” we must look into their hearts. Only God can do this. [Read more…]
The Hippie Housewife reminds us of the important place we hold in our children’s lives in this beautiful and thought provoking poem. <3
And in a similar vein, Dulce de Leche discusses helping our children feel safe to express their sadness.
Vita Mutari looks back at 17 years of being a mother and shares her reflections and advice for new moms in, Left to cry…alone.
The Hippie Housewife discusses how we should reflect the character of God for our children. She looks at how attachment parenting looks a lot like how God cares for us and warns us about 3 heresies which are cropping up in many Christian teachings.
Along the same lines, Pearl In Oyster (PIO) explains that we should imitate how God disciplines His children. She uses her testimony of how God treated her when she was out of His will as an example.
Bob Bixby shares an update from Tina Anderson’s husband. Tina, as you may remember, was featured on the 20/20 story about abuse in some IFB churches.
And here are 2 more responses to the 20/20 show:
20/20 And The IFB Culture by Baptist Thinker
IFB by David Schmidt from Thoughts of an Unlearned.
And if I may make my own comment on the show and the responses, I must say that I am rather disappointed that I am not seeing more discussion of the part about the harsh teachings of using corporeal punishment of babies in some of these churches. I have seen only a few references to harsh punishment and that is it. Elizabeth Vargas was properly shocked at the idea of spanking infants for crying in church and then the topic was pretty much dropped. I found one blog post about it. In each of the other pages about it to which I have linked lately, I have seen much discussion in the comments about sexual abuse and coverups as well as how linked the IFB churches are or are not. I have seen mentions of spiritual abuse and legalism. I have seen no outrage for the idea of spanking infants nor even a discussion of what age would be ok to start. I must be missing something. If someone has seen such discussion, I would be interested.
edited to add:
I see that Bob Bixby posted something On Whipping Your Children today. Also, I see from my comments that people are, indeed, discussing it. Apparently, I am just not reading in the right places.
Rebecca Diamond exposes the teachings or Lori Wick and her church in Preach Jesus and Carry A Big Stick. In case you hadn’t heard, this best selling Christian Novelist has been funding a church which teaches that babies should be switched as young as 6 weeks old. Her son is among 8 people who are facing child abuse charges in Dane County, Wisconsin. Also see the article in the Daily Mail.
Nighttime parenting is very challenging. We have a very physical need for sleep. It is important to remember that our children have a very real need for comfort and that parenting is a 24 hour a day job. Denying children Comfort in the night can have lasting repercussions as these memories from Discipleship Mothering demonstrate.
The Web Magazine, Positively Feminine, is running a new series called, What Is Grace-Based Discipline? by PhenomoMom. I am quite impressed with this magazine and its contributors and suggest you check it out.
God designed babies to be very needy and He gave mothers the instincts to attend to their baby’s needs. This is why a baby’s cry affects mothers so negatively. And yet mothers often try to squelch those instincts because a man has told them that their God given instincts were wrong. For instance, Ezzo’s teachings have ruined many nursing relationships. Check out this article from the Washington Post back in Feb 1999 about him which listed concerns pediatricians had about his teachings.
Even mothers who don’t buy into Ezzo’s teachings will often get convinced to allow their baby to “cry it out.” Yet, back in 2005 a study was released that links prolonged crying in babies with lowered IQ points. Crying has also been shown to cause undue stress in babies, risking their emotional health. So, don’t ignore your instincts, pick your baby up and comfort him or her. You cannot spoil a baby by holding him too much.