How Many Churches Allow and Even Encourage Abuse

Valerie Tarico looks at the problem of  Christian discipline leading to abuse in “Bible-based” discipline has led to child abuse in Salon Magazine.  I am seeing non-believers getting more and more concerned with this issue and rightly so.  It breaks my heart that abusive Christians are giving Christianity a bad name.  Of course, it is only natural that they are trying to find a way to stop the abuse.  My only concern with that is that their definition of abuse often includes teaching children that they are sinners in need of salvation, which is the heart of the Gospel.

Because of that article, Pastor Doug Bursch (who was raised in a grace-filled, loving home) discussed the problem with M. Dolon Hickmon on his Christian Talk Radio show, Live from Seattle 820AM.  This conversation is extremely interesting as well as important.  Dolon explains how important it is for Christians to recognize abuse.  Not only do churches fail to notice abuse, they often inadvertently encourage it.  He explains how each person listening to a sermon about spanking has a different definition for the words being used.  Both abused children and their parents assume that the word, “spanking” means exactly what they are currently doing and are being validated that they should continue, even if the pastor preaching means nothing of the sort.  Raising awareness is very important and he has a lot of hope that the book he wrote will go a long way towards that.  You can get information about his book here.  ****Warning!  Book very triggering for survivors of abuse****

 

Debate with Pearl in The Christian Post

Back in March of 2012, Jan Heimlich debated Michael Pearl in a video which was featured in The Christian Post.  Although, I did mention the debate at the time as well as Samuel Martin’s Rebuttal to one of his statements, I never gave my own rebuttal.

I would like to respond to some of Mr. Pearl’s statements.  Rather than transcribe his comments myself, I will use the quotes given in the Christian Post article.

… In our book, To Train up a Child, we clearly point out that parents should not spank when it doesn’t work; they should not spank when they’re angry. We point out that they should spank five or ten licks, no more. And we point out that the spanking should be in accordance to the size of the child. We point out they should never leave marks.

I really don’t know where he says not to spank when it doesn’t work. I would appreciate some help with that.  All I can find is him saying that if you are consistent, it will work.  Here is an example from To Train Up A Child (TTUAC)

 Those who are MOSTLY consistent must use the switch too often. Those who are ALWAYS consistent come to almost never need the switch.

[Read more…]

It is Not Abuse If It Doesn’t Leave a Mark?

Dara Stoltzfus considers the common assertion that Spanking Isn’t Abuse If It Doesn’t Leave A Mark.

Raising Children to Not Accept Abuse

Dara Stoltzfus shows us how we can raise children to not see abusive behavior as normal in Wives With Knives.

Dara Stolzfus has many other excellent posts. I have already linked to many of them. I must now link to this post about Consequences and how we react when we mess up.

While I’m at it, I will also link to another interesting post called Looking Up.

When Does Spanking Become Abuse?

Spanking is very much in the news today, as is the question of when spanking becomes abuse.

Bene Diction Blogs On considers that question as he discusses the Viral Video of Hillary Adams and Its Unexpected Fallout.
After you read that post, check out the next one where he reminds us of the book, Parenting in the Name of God: No Greater Joy Ministries and the Bible

Blogger Morgan Guyton considers the same question in Spankings and Judge William Adams

And along the same lines, Jen of The Path Less Taken explains The Black and White of Spanking.