Pearl’s reaction to the problems the Duggars have faced fits his M.O. perfectly. He continues to give the same advice that the Duggars were already following and insists that it works, in spite of it not working for them. I don’t doubt that in his mind, the fact that it didn’t work is proof that they did not follow it correctly. It appears that he cannot or will not consider the possibility that his methods don’t work.
Do you have any parenting tips?
Who doesn’t? We all learn things along the way, that we end up sharing with people whether they like it or not. 😉 There are 3 books I consult along with long conversations with my sister-in-law, mom and few good friends. The books that guideline raising our children are the Bible, Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp and To Train Up a Child by Michael & Debi Pearl. My parenting tip of the day is … consistency; it’s key.
This article also discusses the Duggars and possible endorsement of the Pearls, which we have already discussed here.
There is SO much being written about the Duggars. In an effort to please everyone, I decided to stop posting everything I saw on this blog’s Facebook Page and start posting it on my Facebook Account’s wall. This way, those who want to see everything I share in real time can friend me and those who rather just see my blog posts can just follow my page.
So, here are the links I have shared since my last blog post.
Crystal Lutton explains What we, the Church, can learn from Josh Duggar.
Brent Detwiler takes an in depth look at the whole catastophe in The “Incredible” Duggar’s – “Happy, Healthy and Well Balanced.”
Susan Cottrell looks at The Dangers of Life in a Male-Dominated System on Pathos.
Allie Jones discovers what I noted when the story first broke: Police Report Reveals the Duggar Discipline Method: “They Have a Rod.”
Jonny Scaramanga reveals that Had Josh Duggar been prosecuted, Duggars would have lost the right to home school.
Joel J. Miller has an article in the Washington Post called, Jesus is quick to forgive, but Josh Duggar’s apology is still disturbing.
Travis Gettys writes about the Duggar mindset, as explained by Vyckie Garrison in Raw Story.
Victimhood is a very personal thing. Many survivors of abuse are finding their voices and are making a valient effort to speak for these victims.
Some are saying that it increases the pain of the victims and that we should stop.
Others are saying that we must speak out in order to give a voice to the victims.
Josh Duggar and Words as Magic by Rebecca Diamond
What Does The Josh Duggar Dialogue Say To Assault Victims? by Stephanie Tait
It’s Not Just The Duggars by Dana of Lemon Lime Adventures
Nice girls don’t talk about stuff like this by Rebecca Diamond *Trigger Warning*
I don’t want to add to the girls’ pain but nor do I want this swept under the rug. Since there are 5 victims, some might feel one way and some might feel the other. Also, since the information is already out, that cannot be fixed. The only thing left to do it to work towards healing.
My main goal in posting is to expose the paradigm behind all of this in hopes of preventing situations like this in the future. My hope is that those who are considering getting into Gothard/ATI/Patriocentric teachings will see the danger and run away. I also hope that those who are friendly with such families will be much more observant.
Here is an in depth explanation of How Fundamentalism’s Teachings on Sexuality Create Predatory Behavior from Diary of an Autodidact.
Barefoot Betsy responds to my first link.
My last post was about the tragic news story of Josh Duggar and his abuse of young girls. How should the Church react to something like this? Here are some thoughts on that as well as reactions and analysis.
Barefoot Betsy shares her reactions and opinions. A short quote to whet your appetite:
I believe that the Christian community needs to soundly condemn the adult Duggars’ response as well as the molestations themselves. This kind of chicanery should not be tolerated in the name of Christ. Yes, forgive, but don’t forget. There is no excuse for the adults sweeping this kind of incident under the rug. For years and years.
Russell Moore, president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, explains what the church’s response to abuse should be. I encourage you to read the whole article. Here is a small quote:
We should also make clear to the whole congregation the steps we are taking to make sure that children and the vulnerable are safe in our churches from sexual abuse. Tell the congregation why you have background checks, why safeguards for parent pick-up in nursery or Sunday school are in place, and so forth. Moreover, tell the congregation what the leaders will do when there is an allegation of sexual abuse. Make it clear that sexual abusers will not be enabled in your church, and victims will not be blamed or shamed.
Also, Elizabeth Esther has a picture of an ATI counseling worksheet on her Facebook page. She says,
As many of you may know, the Duggars used teachings by Bill Gothard and ATI. Someone just sent me this ATI worksheet that was used for “counseling” victims of sexual abuse. Note the question “Why did God let it happen?” and the subsequent answers which blame the victim for “defrauding” the perpetrator (defrauding is fundy-speak for seducing/tempting a man) through “immodest dress, indecent exposure, being out of the protection of our parents and being with evil friends.” So, it’s the VICTIM’S fault for being sexually abused. Obviously this kind of “counseling” is egregiously WRONG (not to mention unprofessional) and, in fact, causes MORE damage by re-traumatizing the victim. Since the Duggar family used and promoted ATI materials, it’s conceivable that worksheets like these were used in the counseling (although, of course, I don’t know that for sure). Regardless, this kind of “counseling” material serves as an important insight into the kind of environment in which the abuse happened.
There is much more information about ATI style counseling in this article by Libby Anne.
It is with great sadness of heart that I discover that my concerns about the Duggar family were well founded. In fact, it’s worse than I ever even imagined. I always knew that they spanked their children, even though many gentle parents insisted that they did not. I knew that they were involved with ATI (Bill Gothard) which was enough to tell me that they are neither gentle nor healthy. Well, I finally found proof that they use the rod to punish their children on page 29 of the *Sensitive* police report regarding Josh Duggar.
I found the police report in this article on In Touch Weekly.
I’m sure I’ll be adding more articles to this post, as I also post them through my Facebook Page.
Here is an article which explains why many of us are uncomfortable with the Duggars.
Micah Murray explains more about Hobby Lobby’s Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs and how much Bill Gothard has influenced them. He also looks at the Duggars in this piece.
Valerie Tarico looks at the problem of Christian discipline leading to abuse in “Bible-based” discipline has led to child abuse in Salon Magazine. I am seeing non-believers getting more and more concerned with this issue and rightly so. It breaks my heart that abusive Christians are giving Christianity a bad name. Of course, it is only natural that they are trying to find a way to stop the abuse. My only concern with that is that their definition of abuse often includes teaching children that they are sinners in need of salvation, which is the heart of the Gospel.
Because of that article, Pastor Doug Bursch (who was raised in a grace-filled, loving home) discussed the problem with M. Dolon Hickmon on his Christian Talk Radio show, Live from Seattle 820AM. This conversation is extremely interesting as well as important. Dolon explains how important it is for Christians to recognize abuse. Not only do churches fail to notice abuse, they often inadvertently encourage it. He explains how each person listening to a sermon about spanking has a different definition for the words being used. Both abused children and their parents assume that the word, “spanking” means exactly what they are currently doing and are being validated that they should continue, even if the pastor preaching means nothing of the sort. Raising awareness is very important and he has a lot of hope that the book he wrote will go a long way towards that. You can get information about his book here. ****Warning! Book very triggering for survivors of abuse****
The Christian Century has an article called, A Quiver Full of Controversy, about Meg Moseley’s recently published novel, “When Sparrows Fall.”
I found a blog entry in The Times of Malta by Tanja Cilia. I am linking to it because it contains a mention of the Pearls and their teaching in what appears to be a mainstream newspaper site. This means that now the good folks of Malta have been warned about the Pearls teachings. This blog entry starts out talking about other things and then segues into a discussion of the Duggars, the Quiverfull Movement, and on to Child Training, Proverbs and the like. She also mentions a little about child rearing in Malta.