There’s More To This Than Meets The Eye

Perhaps you have heard of Rachel Dolezal, she has been in the media a lot lately. She recently resigned from her posistion as NAACP leader after her parents informed the media that she was white. I had a feeling that there was something behind this all that we didn’t know, so I was not very surprised to find out that her parents trained her using the book, To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. Here is the article from Homeschoolers Anonymous:

THE MEDIA IS DOING EXACTLY WHAT RACHEL DOLEZAL’S ABUSIVE HOMESCHOOLING PARENTS WANT

Speaking of “more than meets the eye,” I have not been posting much and I missed sharing a blog post which discusses a study about the damange corporal punishment does to a child’s brain.

And while I’m sharing things which went out through my Facebook Feed, but not here, some of you might be interested in these Tips for getting toddlers to cooperate while shopping from Purple Puzzle Place.

Teaching Children How To Appolgize

JoEllen from CuppaCocoa explains how to teach children A Better Way To Say Sorry.  This method is phenomenal as are the results of teaching it.  As Dara Stoltzfus said on the Facebook page for this site.

I’ve used this approach with my kids and it’s really the best way to go. Just forcing the “I’m sorry” thing doesn’t help anyone or teach kids “why” they should be sorry. I find too that when you talk to them about what they did wrong, once they’re used to this way of apologizing, they do it on their own. They will spontaneously offer an apology and ask forgiveness without being prompted to do so once they understand “why” what they did was wrong.

And, the funny thing is…once my oldest…did something and then she came to me and asked me to forgive her and I realized at that moment that here…I’d been wanting to wallow in my anger. I wanted to stay mad at her. I wanted to somehow “make her suffer” for what she’d done (the effects of having been spanked showing thru in me) and when she asked me that I had to deal with that IN ME.

Thoughtful parenting really changes US in such amazing ways.

This post is part of a larger series on How To Shape Children’s Behavior.

She also has some good marriage advice.

Preparing Young Children for Eating Out

Gentle Mother, Megbar, took her preschoolers out to dinner for the first time the other night.  Wanting to make it a pleasant experience, she prepared them by explaining to them what they should expect and what she expected of them.  The dinner went so well that she shared about it on Gentle Christian Mothers. I encourage you to go read about it as it is very encouraging.

While we’re on the subject, here is more from The Gentle Christian Mothers Forum.

 

Consequences and Examples

Dara Stoltzfus discusses the influence we have on our children in What Do Your Kids See You Doing?

While you’re at Dara’s blog, you will also want to read, her very thought provoking post, Kids need consequences to learn right from wrong, don’t they?! in which she considers two possible responses to a child stealing and considers which would teach the child more.

Benefits of Gentle Parenting

Jesse Hoover writes about how being gentle allowed him to correct without losing his son’s heart in When An Iron Fist Turns Soft.

Dara Stoltzfus shares about how gentle parenting saved her life as she discusses blind obedience.

The Fruit of Gentle Discipline

Molly shares a beautiful story about the fruit her gently parented 3 yr old is already displaying in A Soft Answer…

Choices in Discipline

JaniceM explains her Choices in disciplining her toddler on our2crazyboys.

Teach Your Babies Well

The following was originally posted in thread on Gentle Christian Mothers called, “…And I’m the Strict One!“and is a follow up to my previous post, Teach Your Children Well.

At 4 months, what you want to be doing is starting the phase of ‘discipline’ that I call “show and tell” — it’s not a phase where you expect the baby to *do* anything at all. I mean that! And I know it doesn’t make sense to say “start discipline” and “the baby doesn’t do anything” when you are coming from a punitive mindset.

What “show and tell” means is that you are building the vocabulary for whatever you want him/her to be able to do without thinking twice once s/he is a toddler. You build vocabulary by saying a word and simultaneously doing that thing to the baby.

For example, when you say “Up” as you pick a baby up, that’s ‘show and tell’ — but of course, “Up” is not an instruction you want your toddler to follow later, so it’s not a good example of how ‘show and tell’ is a good start to good discipline. It’s just an example of the way that people naturally know that ‘show and tell’ is how you teach stuff to babies. It’s how they learn. That’s why it’s the method you choose when you teach everything, including when you teach the vocabulary you want them to grasp for following instructions. It’s a game. It’s no big deal.

At this stage you have TONS of time. Start by thinking and trying out what words you plan to use as your primary ‘words of instruction’. Once you’ve got them figured out, you need to *stop* using them as ordinary parts of chit-chat and *only* use them when you are going to be ‘show and tell’-ing. Your instruction words should be short and sweet. When possible, they should say what ‘is happening / what to do’ instead of ‘what not to do’. Try not to start with more than 6 to 10 instruction words. Select them carefully and always use them identically. (Many of these instruction words are going to sound like [Read more…]

Teach Your Children Well

The following was originally posted in thread on Gentle Christian Mothers called, “…And I’m the Strict One!“.

Well, ladies, do you know what’s a show-stopper in a nicely chatting group of Christian Mommies?

It’s when the strictest parent there casually mentions that she doesn’t spank. Here’s the circle of my friends and acquaintances when I mentioned it:  😮  😯   😕

Friend 1:  😮  “You don’t???”
Me: “Yeah, I used to, but I haven’t in a long time.”
Friend 2:   😯 “Really?”
Me: “I try not to do anything harsh at all, really.”
Friend 1: “Well… but… your kids are angels.”
Friend 2: “Some kids just don’t need it.”
Friend 1: “Yeah, I had one that spanking didn’t work for.”
Friend 2 to 1: “It’s not the right tool for every child.”
Friend 1 to me: “You can leave if you want to, if you think it’s cruel.”
Me: “No, I just think it’s unnecessary.”
Friend 2: “Well… you’ve got angels.”

Conversation continues on which kids “need” it, with lots of “funny” stories. Apparently, their various children’s persistent poor habits means the Mom should do more of what they are already doing (spanking), but the consistent excellence of my children has nothing to do with my methods: they were born that way.

Do these people really believe random selection gave me two angels, that I never had to really parent ‘the hard way’ — while they received an assortment of challenges my methods could never meet? I should extra-respect them for raising more difficult children, beyond my scope of experience? Even if they “have to” hit these challenging children, and even if hitting them isn’t showing any benefits!

(someone asks me to clarify what I mean by “strict.”)

Ok, here’s another tidbit of reality then: my husband is often unwell, and, with rare exceptions, that makes me the only “responsible adult” in my family. That means that, since I can’t handle (much) chaos, I can’t allow it.

I have lines of painters tape on my floor outlining “kitchen” in my open-plan home. Children don’t cross those lines when I am cooking. They haven’t for years. If my daughter woke up this morning to find painters tape barring them from exiting their own bedrooms, they would, I am dead sure, stand there and call me, “Mama? Why us this here? Mama, can I cross the tape? Mama, I need to go potty!” [Read more…]

Making Sure They Learn Their Lesson

I really believe that most parents get no pleasure out of spanking their children and do so only so that they will “learn their lesson.”  But what does spanking children really teach them?  I have seen many testimonies of adults who were spanked as children who did not learn what their parents meant to teach them.  Some of those testimonies can be found in this discussion at Gentle Christian Mothers.  But wait.  Can a child really learn without corporal punishment?  Here is a memory from David H.  Roper who learned a very important lesson without being spanked or even yelled at.  After reading both the discussion and the devotional, take a while to reflect on this question:  would he have learned the same lesson if the person who heard him say that word had spanked him, yelled at him and/or washed his mouth out with soap?

Dara Stoltzfus has a post about this same topic regarding The Lion King.

Trusting Enough To Let Go

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with Letting Go.

A Typical Gentle Day

The Hippie Housewife shares A day in the life of a gentle mother.

A Closer Look at Obedience

Molly, from Adventures in Discipline, takes a closer look at Obedience.

Is Your Parenting Based on Fear or Faith?

Carissa Robinson compares Fear-Based and Faith-Based Parenting.  Which one one do you think glorifies God?  Which one do you use?

For more help, check out this post by Pearl in Oyster (PIO) about how we can use our God-given hormones to help us parent better in Oxytocin and “Time In.”

Testing The Waters of Gentle Parenting

Aubry Grace posts an update of how her change to Gentle Parenting is going in Grace Parenting: 6 Months Later.

More Gentle Parenting Tools

Dulce de Leche continues her Opening Up The Gentle Discipline Toolbox Series with Opening Up the GD Toolbox: Redirection and Mutual Solutions and Connection.

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) discusses why we should watch out for Pampering.

Simplify Your Life By Deciding What You Will Do

Pearl In Oyster (PIO) shows us what Deciding What You Will Do looks like as she continues her 52 Tool Cards Series.

Should Obedience Be The Goal of Parenting?

The Hippie Housewife asks if our goal for our children should be Obedience or something else.

On a similar note, Created To Be His muses on the idea that Sons of Hell Can Be Rather Impressive.

Meanwhile, Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with 52 Tool Cards Double Feature: Act Without Words and One Word.

10 Commandments for Parents and 52 Tool Cards

Dulce de Leche continues her 10 Commandments For Parents series with The 10 Commandments for Parents: Taking His Name in Vain.

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with 52 Tool Cards Double Feature: Focus on Solutions and Problem Solving.

While we’re on the subject of gentle parenting, here is a Post from Momma on a Mission: Journey to Gentle Discipline.

How Does God Respond To His Children When They Sin?

Carissa Robinson looks at how God Responds To His Children When They Sin.   Do we respond to our children the same way?

And to help us with that, Pearl in Oyster (PIO) explains how to use Natural Consequences in a gentle way as she continues her 52 Tool Card Series. This is a very important post as it is very easy to ruin the lesson with the wrong attitude.

Getting Children to Cooperate

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with a very helpful post about eliciting cooperation by observing aloud and playful parenting.

Meanwhile, Dulce de Leche explains how we should Use Our Words carefully in order to make sure that our young children understand what we want from them.

More 52 Tool Cards Posts

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) adds to her 52 Tool Card series with

52 Tool Cards: Winning Cooperation and

52 Tool Cards Double Feature: Connection Before Correction and Closet Listening.

Gentle Parenting

I have had so much to share lately that my Gentle Parenting posts have been building up.  Here are some great posts to help you fill your Gentle Discipline Toolbox as well as encourage you in your Gentle Parenting.

Claire continues her Myth Busting at Dare To Disciple with Myth Busting 8: Breaking a lamb’s leg.

Dulce de Leche  explains about Opening Up the GD Toolbox: Stories.

Carissa Robinson shares about Parenting Through Changes.

Pearl in Oyster continues her series 52 Tool Cards Double Feature: Empower your Kids and Encouragement.

Cultured Mama explains How to Raise a Human, Radically.

Sally Clarkson shares Her philosophy of parenting: Pondering Christ.

Disciplining the Adopted Child

Dulce de Leche has some more tools for your Gentle Discipline Toolbox:

Opening Up the GD Toolbox: Physical Needs
Opening Up the GD Toolbox: Play

Gentle Discipline

I have had so much to share lately that my Gentle Parenting links have been piling up.

Carissa Robinson describes Genuine Obedience.

Dulce De Leche explains about Gentle Parenting, that It’s a Lifestyle, Not an Event.

Claire continues her Myth Busting series with Myth Busting 6: “I could see it in her eyes”.

Greengem reminds us to keep Playful Parenting in our toolbox in My other car is a pterodactyl…

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues with her 52 Tool Cards series with  52 Tool Cards: Motivation and 52 Tool Cards: Follow Through.

52 Tool Cards: Hugs

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) shares another great tool for your toolbox:  hugs.  She shares an example of how well MamaPsamist’s lovely story of Gertie Giraffe works.  <3

Positive Discipline

Kirk Martin of Calm Christian Parenting asks Is this really defiance? What do YOU think?  (Note:  the comments show that Kirk Martin does not condemn spanking which makes this post a good one to share with pro-spankers)

Along similar lines but for younger children, Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards with Teach Children What to Do.

Understanding Our Little Ones

MamaPsalmist discusses a post from Positive Parenting which explains why Nonpunitive Discipline ≠ Lazy Parenting in Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond: Nonpunitive Discipline ≠ Lazy Parenting.

On a similar note, Elizabeth (from Virginia Is For Mothers) shares some very helpful insight about giving grace and understanding to Child Size Problems.

And Pearl In Oyster (PIO) shares about validating and working through a three year old’s nighttime fears in Dealing with Tears & Fears at Bedtime.

Dealing With Big Feelings

MorningGloryGirl has a post at Dare To Disciple about Dealing With Children’s Big Feelings.

Natural Consequences

Carissa Robinson discusses Natural Consequences and gives 2 examples to help us along in our journey to gentle parenting.

And don’t miss this very important explanation of how being upset causes us to access the flight or fight part of our brains in 52 Tool Cards: Understand the Brain on Pearl in Oyster (PIO)