Dulce de Leche explains how some parents inadvertently set themselves up as idols in The 10 Commandments for Parents: No Other Gods.
Alison Strobel explains Golden Rule Parenting.
Christian arguments against the Pearls' teachings.
Dulce de Leche explains how some parents inadvertently set themselves up as idols in The 10 Commandments for Parents: No Other Gods.
Alison Strobel explains Golden Rule Parenting.
Former Pearl follower Becky, from Created To Be His, shares a letter she wrote explaining her concerns with the Pearls and their teachings. In this letter she also explains what these teachings have to do with the death of Lydia Schatz and includes quotes from the book.
Carissa Robinson shares What Really Matters in a beautiful story of how she responded to a screaming fit with grace.
Cindy of Under Much Grace explains more about Bill Gothard and his erroneous definition of grace in Merging Justification and Sanctification: More About Gothard’s Thanksgiving Letter and Concerns About Grace
Little Hearts Gentle Parenting Resources has a post explaining how we should interpret the 5 Rod verses in Proverbs in light of the New Testament: Spare The Rod: The Heart of the Matter.
Just A Sore Thumb was having similar thoughts when he wrote, Spared Rods.
Aubry Grace looks at the fallacy of trying to follow the advice in books like Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and An Excellent Wife by Martha Peace in her post, The Gospel Driven Marriage: How To Be A Good Wife. Excellent advice which I think every married person should read.
And in the interest of fairness, here is a good post for the unmarried to read. <3
Little Hearts Gentle Parenting Resources posts about Jesus, The Gentle Parent and how we can learn from Him and His example.
Carissa Robinson explains the concept of Disequilibrium and what it looks like for her 3 yr old who is Swiftly Approaching Disequilibrium. This concept is from a series of books by Louise Bates Ames & Frances L. Ilg about what age appropriate behavior you can expect from children at each age. Learning about this is very valuable as it allows her to make a game plan which she helpfully shares with us.
MamaPsalmist considers how hard it is to leave punitive spanking behind when a child is being defiant and if it is worth it in, Coming Out of Hiding.
I came across 2 Christian bloggers who very eloquently explain why they don’t spank.
Spanking…..The Post I Finally Had to Write and Spare the Rod: What Spanking Teaches Children by Amanda at Not Just Cute
To spank or not to spank? by Raqual at Connected Christian Mom
Carissa Robinson explains that “If you observe most recommended Christian parenting practices today, you might be surprised to discover a secular influence: behavioral psychology” in Awaken Their Hearts.
Meanwhile, Greenegem explains the error in thinking that we have to DO anything more than believe in order to be saved in No Assembly Required.
Heather, from My Life, posts an argument for using gentle parenting based on the pattern given for marriage in Ephesians. But I’m not doing this post justice, so here is a small excerpt:
If the Scriptures speak of a marriage relationship full of respect and love, why do we read and implement teachings of parenting that exclude respect, love, grace, understanding,….? Are those things only reserved for a husband and wife’s relationship and when it comes to parenting we can pull out all the stops and physically punish our child(ren) and treat them as a wild animal that needs training?
The Hippie Housewife discusses how we should reflect the character of God for our children. She looks at how attachment parenting looks a lot like how God cares for us and warns us about 3 heresies which are cropping up in many Christian teachings.
Along the same lines, Pearl In Oyster (PIO) explains that we should imitate how God disciplines His children. She uses her testimony of how God treated her when she was out of His will as an example.
I have been aware for some time of Debi Pearl’s novel, The Vision, but I had not mentioned it as I had yet to find a review of it which did not appear to be a press release. That is until now. Quiver Mamma has some issues with this book and shares them in Book Review: The Vision (The Last Publishers) by Debi Pearl.
Carissa Robinson explains that we can’t expect grace filled parenting to be neat and easy in Growing Up Should Be Messy.
Candace of His Mercy is New looks at The Ministry of Motherhood and His Grace in My Life in this lovely testimony.
John Cornish has posted a follow up to his post about his childhood in an ATI world.
pFamilyGal considers the question of whether it is right for Christians to condemn the Pearls’ teachings in Called to Judge.
Pearl In Oyster (PIO) responds to her critics in More Thoughts on Biblical Parenting where she discusses Divine Punishment vs. Grace, Spanking for Danger Situations and the Rod Verses.
Dulce de Leche has finally posted part 2 of her book review of Samuel Martin’s book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me where she discusses the content of the book chapter by chapter.
BarefootBetsy writes about how worrying about what others think affects our parenting on Dare to Disciple.
Elizabeth Esther has done a guest post for Rachel Hold Evens which discusses the idea that Even God Does Not Break Our Will.
Along the same lines, The Wartburg Watch has reposted a letter from Bob Dixon explaining Why He Finally Left Sovereign Grace Ministries After 30 years.
John Cornish shares about of his Childhood in the ATI/IFB World and how it affected his life. This is not really about abuse per se, more of how a mindset damaged him. This mindset is known to lead to abuse and this testimony shows how damaging the mindset is. More importantly, he explains how scriptural it is.
Discipleship Parenting writes about Understanding the Nature of Children in which she looks at what the Bible says about the nature of infants and children and what our response to them should be.
Dulce de Leche also writes about the sin nature of babies in Sons of Adam Daughters of Eve.
Jonathan Wesley (1703-1791) is known as the founder of Methodism, and for the effects he had (and still has) on the education of children and adults. In Part 2, I looked at the child-rearing practices of his mother, Susanna Wesley, whom many Christian advocates of spanking hold up as a model for Christian mothers. Susanna gave John special attention as he almost died in one of the house fires. John deeply loved his mother, and it has been said that he didn’t think he could ever find a woman like his mother to marry. Now, before we say that his mother’s child-rearing practices couldn’t have been that bad if he loved her that much, it is well documented that abused children that have been taken away from their abusive parents will cry and ask, “If I’m really good tomorrow, can I go home to my mommy and daddy?” As I point out in Part 5 of my series called, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” children have a very forgiving nature and love their parents no matter what. That’s how I was with my dad despite his physical abuse. He said he was sorry many times throughout my childhood, and I always forgave him. Now some pro-spankers may argue that there’s a line between abuse and spanking. My dad never left marks on my body, but it was indeed abuse as he’d hit and be rough with me for things out of my control. My mom only spanked me once, and though she never apologized, I forgave her within the week. Though both my parents were wrong for hitting me, I’ve long forgiven both of them and have a great relationship with my mom. So, for all those who claim spankings didn’t hurt them, I must ask that they truly think about how they felt right before, during, and afterwards because when children are hurt by the closest people in their lives, it does harm and hurt, otherwise there wouldn’t be so much denial and controversy over using physical punishment with our children! And if spanking (hitting) children was ordained by God, then there would be NO questions or controversy among Christians and the secular world regarding the amount of harm spanking a child does as Scripture clearly states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 Or that all things work together for good to those who love God, who; or that in all things God works together with those who love him to bring about what is good” (NIV, www.biblica.com). Therefore, it is no surprise that John Wesley loved his mother and chose to care for her during her final years of life.
I want to remind us that my purpose in digging into the history of spanking is not to point fingers or make anyone look bad. My purpose is to show where some of the topics I brought up in Part 1 of this series come from—particularly that they are not from God! Spanking is from man.
John Wesley did much good in his lifetime. It has been said that he would go out into the country and proclaim Christ to the people who lived in those rural places, winning many souls to Christ. He also started Methodism. And many credit him for the creation of Sunday school. He created schools for children in which they studied many of the traditional subjects as well as the Bible. He made sure poor children were able to be educated in his schools as well as girls. Sadly, John followed in his mother’s footsteps when it came to his beliefs regarding child rearing and the education of children. Though John didn’t have any children of his own, we will see these practices in how he ran the schools and in his sermons about children.
First, I want to briefly take a look at common Puritan belief and Calvinism because Susanna and John Wesley’s beliefs seem to fit into this belief system. The use of catechisms was the primary way that the Puritans as well as some other Christian sects taught doctrine during the 18th and 19th centuries. They put a high importance on Scripture as authority, which is absolutely correct, as the Bible is an absolute authority given by God. This made literacy training a must for all children. However, “The Puritans accepted the Calvinistic interpretation of total depravity. This belief carried over to their view of children. Out of concern for the souls of little ones, Puritan ministers sometimes preached sermons particularly for and to children. The aim of these children’s sermons was to replace childhood vanity with ‘early piety’” (Reed & Prevost, 1993, p. 275). Now, I’ve pointed out throughout my series that, yes, children are born with a sinful nature as “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23. However, children do not completely understand sin, nor do they purposely sin until they reach a certain age—that age is different for every child. Plus, in the 18th century children were expected to act like adults as soon as possible. People didn’t have the knowledge and research of typical child development that we do today. Therefore, developmentally appropriate behaviors of young children were seen as sinful. This usually led to the harsh treatment of children despite Jesus never calling for such treatment. People thought young children went to Hell. (See Part 3 and Part 7 of “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” and Part 1 of this series for more information). While children should indeed be introduced to piety at an early age, to expect that developmentally appropriate behaviors be replaced by piety is completely unrealistic and will lead to unnecessary frustration in the child and parent.
Also, during this time period using physical punishment with wives and slaves as well as children was completely acceptable and legal by society. White males were dominant, and anyone weaker or different from them were under their rule and authority. In essence, wives, slaves, children, and servants were considered property of the white male. “We no longer permit the hitting of servants, apprentices, wives, prisoners, and members of the armed forces. All of these were legal until the late nineteenth or early twentieth century… Research on corporal punishment of children can result in information that may speed up the process of bringing children to the same protection members of the military, employees, servants, wives, and prisoners now have” (Straus, 2006, p. 10). Even up until the 1960s, it was totally legal for husbands to hit their wives as long as they didn’t leave a mark or injure her. “Before the late 1960′s, a husband’s slap of his wife was not regarded as an act of abuse. Today, that same act is unquestionably viewed as abusive (society still has a long way to go before wives are equally regarded as batterers for assaulting their husbands). The “spanking” of children is viewed in the same light today as wife hitting was viewed before the 1960′s: NOT abusive by legal standards. Additionally, if an employer “spanked” the buttocks of an employee, it would be grounds for sexual assault” (Couture, 2007, http://stophitting.blogspot.com/2006/01/back-in-good-ol-days-and-other.html). Thus, it appears that children are still considered as property of their parents since parents still have the right to spank them as long as they don’t leave marks on the children. I find it sad that so many Christians seem to have completely missed the message Jesus Christ brought to us. “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” Matthew 7:12. It is interesting that throughout history we Christians have failed miserably in applying the Golden Rule; especially when it comes to how children are treated!
I do not believe that the Wesleys took the Golden Rule into account with their child rearing beliefs and practices. This seemed to have delayed John’s salvation as he did not consider himself a born again Christian until the date of May 24th, 1738. “Upon arriving back in England, John became involved in a Pietist society organized by Peter Boehler, a Moravian. In 1738, during a meeting on Aldersgate Street in London, John became convinced that salvation came only through faith in Jesus Christ. He called this his conversion, and it profoundly changed his life” (Reed & Prevost, 1993, p. 275). Since so many Christian advocates of spanking hold Susanna Wesley’s child rearing philosophy as a model for Christian mothers, I must wonder why John didn’t actually receive Christ until he was 35 years old. If such a harsh way of parenting our children is supposed to lead them to Christ, or at least make it more likely for them to come to Christ, why did John not feel Christ’s Love until the age of 35? Yes, every child is different, and no matter what we do the child may not come to Christ. But so many Christian pro-spankers seem totally convinced that by spanking children that it will teach them to respect authority and to be fearfully reverent to God and their parents. That if they learn to submit to authority then they will find it easier to submit to Christ. However, submitting to Christ and authority out of fear is much different than submitting out of love, respect, and reverence! While some children who grow up and were “lovingly spanked” by their Christian parents do receive Christ completely, I know of others who seemed to accept Christ at an early age but the minute they left home, they rebelled and fell away from their faith. For example, I once knew a great Christian family who did their best to raise their three children in the Lord. They were quite strict with them. As teenagers they were not allowed to go to movies, dances, or wear two-piece swimsuits. As children they were “lovingly” spanked. They went to church every Sunday, and the children were involved in youth church activities. They prayed and studied God’s Word as a family regularly. These parents did everything in their power to raise their children in the way of the Lord. And while all three of the children accepted Christ as children and were baptized as believers, all three absolutely rebelled against God the minute they left home. Two of them became pregnant the first year after leaving home. One became an alcoholic after leaving home. And what’s worse is that they totally abandoned their faith. Today they’re all married with children, and have semi-returned to their faith as they go to church and occasionally ask for prayer, but Christ is not the center of their lives. I mean we all are sinners and rebel, but to completely abandon our faith as they did the second we leave home sounds like we weren’t spiritually healthy. We are supposed to be free in Christ. Why then do so many children raised in strict Christian homes feel the need to exercise their new founded freedom through rebellion? Could it be that their parents didn’t accurately teach their children what Jesus meant when He proclaimed, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” John 8:31b-32?
This seemed to be the case with John Wesley as well even though he did not rebel against his faith or his parents. Nevertheless, it is clear from his letters that he wrote to his family while at college and graduate school before his conversion that he did not have an accurate understanding of the freedom Christ offers. In a letter to his mother concerning a conversation he had had regarding Christian Liberty, John Wesley (1734 [1915]) states,
“2. For Liberty as to Rites and Points of Discipline. So Mr. Whiston says: ‘Though the Stations were constituted by the Apostles, yet the Liberty of the Christian Law dispenses with them on extraordinary Occasions.’
3. For Liberty from denying ourselves in little things; for trifles ‘tis commonly thought we may indulge in safely, because Christ hath made us free. This notion I a little doubt, is not sound…
5. Christian Liberty is taken by some for a Freedom from Restraint as to Sleep or Food. So they would say, Your drinking not one glass of Wine, or my rising at fixed hours was contrary to Christian Liberty.
Lastly, it is taken for Freedom from Rules. If by this he meant making our Rules yield to extraordinary occasions, well: If, the having no Prudential Rules, this Liberty is as yet too high for me, I cannot attain to it” (p. 54).
It seems John believed that in order to be a good Christian, one had to have strict “Prudential Rules.” This undoubtedly came from how his mother raised and taught him. This is, as I pointed out in Part 2 of this series, legalism and Jesus warned the Pharisees and Teachers of Law about legalism time and time again during his ministry. As I point out throughout my “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, we are free from the Law of Moses. We are now under the Law of Grace thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice for all of our sins. “For Christ did not enter a sanctuary made with human hands that was only a copy of the true one; he entered heaven itself, now to appear for us in God’s presence. 25 Nor did he enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. 26 Otherwise Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But he has appeared once for all at the culmination of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself. 27 Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, 28 so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him” Hebrews 9:24-28. We are free in Christ!
Just four years after John wrote the above to his mother, he came to know Christ. Just a few months before his conversion, John wrote about struggling with darkness and bitterness. “He contrasts it with an earlier day, January 8. Then he was ‘in the midst of the great deep’ and ‘bitterness of soul.’” (Eayers, 1915, p. 60). In a letter to his brother and sister where he describes his conversion experience to them, John Wesley (1738 [1915]) states, “But that is all past, and serves only as a dark background for the brightness and beauty of the evening of May 24, when a light shone from heaven upon him” (p. 61). I speculated in Part 2 of this series that all of the Wesley children may have suffered from emotional problems as adults due to how they were treated. I think what John Wesley described in his letter is proof that he was struggling with emotional problems. Yes, we all battle our own demons, but being raised in such an abusive, controlling, and harsh environment has been proven to put people at a higher risk for emotional problems. “For a child who can barely walk or talk (the age at which most children are most likely to be hit), it can truly be traumatic if the most loved and trusted figure in the child’s life suddenly carries out a painful attack. The consequence can be a post-traumatic stress syndrome that creates deep, lifelong psychological problems such as depression and suicidal thinking” (Straus, 2006, p. 10). Now, many parents say that their child is perfectly happy after they’ve been spanked. Children are usually resilient. They don’t dwell on things too long. Therefore, it can be quite difficult to tell exactly how a young child is truly feeling. And children usually act out in order to try to show us how they are feeling which is misinterpreted as bad (sinful) behavior by parents leading to more punishment for the child. I once had a good Christian friend who had two young children. One day while I was visiting, her 18 month old happened to touch something that was dangerous. She told him no, but being a typical toddler, he smiled and did it again. She calmly took his hand and swatted it and said, “Dangerous!” He looked at her then at his hand and then smiled and did it again. So she calmly took his hand again, swatted it a little harder than before, and said, “Dangerous!” I could tell that this swat hurt more than the first, but he didn’t cry. He looked confused at his mom, got up, walked a little ways, sat down on the floor and looked as if he was trying to process what had just happened. It broke my heart, and it was all I could do not to say anything. I wonder what his mom was actually thinking watching this. Did she see his confusion, or did she see that hitting got the job done as he didn’t touch the dangerous item again? Since she was very pro-spanking, I wonder if she was in denial about the harm she was doing to her children. Also, the toddler only sat looking confused for about a minute or less before he was up happily playing again. While I knew them, the children seemed happy. The older child was a bit aggressive at times which concerned me as he was spanked and research shows that children who are spanked have higher rates of aggressive behavior (Straus, 2006; Brazelton, 2006). I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up having some emotional problems now that they are older just as John Wesley seemed to have before his conversion. The children’s parents may never know as teenage and adult children don’t always feel comfortable talking to their parents about the emotional problems that they are having. “Many people who have experienced suffering as children are able to live productive lives. However, these people may harbor self-destructive tendencies, and interpersonal difficulties in that aren‘t apparent to onlookers. Adults who were mistreated in childhood are often insecure, mistrusting, defensive, authoritarian, passive, withdrawn, apathetic, in denial or quick to sarcasm. Those who transcend childhood suffering are often highly resilient people who have sought to process and understand how their childhood history currently impacts their lives” (Couture, 2007, http://stophitting.blogspot.com/2006/01/back-in-good-ol-days-and-other.html).
After his conversion, John Wesley seemed to really grasp the concept of grace. The night of his conversion, he went quite unwillingly to Aldersgate Street to hear William Holland read a preface written by Luther to the book of Romans. In a letter describing his whole experience that night to his brother and sister John Wesley (1738 [1915]) writes,
“With regard to my own character, and my doctrine like-wise, I shall answer you plainly. By a Christian I mean one who so believes in Christ as that sin hath no more dominion over him: and in this obvious sense of the word I was not a Christian until May the 24th last past. For till then sin had dominion over me, although I fought with it continually; but surely, then, from that time to this it hath not—such is the free grace of God in Christ. What sins they were which till then reigned over me, and from which, by the grace of God, I am now free, I am ready to declare on the house-top, if it may be for the glory of God…
My desire of this faith I knew long before, though not so clearly till Sunday, January the 8th last, when, being in the midst of the great deep, I wrote a few lines, in the bitterness of my soul, some of which I have transcribed; and may the good of God sanctify them both to you and me” (p. 62).
The rest of John’s letter regarding his conversion is absolutely beautiful and heartwarming. For the first time in his life, he truly felt and fully grasped God’s love and grace for him!
Sadly, I must question why this knowledge of God’s grace, love, and mercy that John Wesley gained the night of May 24, 1738 was not applied to his beliefs about child rearing or to the schools he created? He did not have children of his own, but he touched the lives of many children through his Methodist schools and his sermons regarding children. In his sermons, which date all the way to 1783, long after his conversion, he discussed the need for children’s wills to be broken beginning in infancy just as his mother did. Because he was a preacher, I expected to see more references to Scripture in order to at least try to back some of his beliefs up with the Word of God, but he used the same verse as his mom, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6 (2011 NIV). Most of us know this verse as “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Obviously, Bible scholars believe that “start” is more accurate to what God is saying than “train” is. John Wesley does not use any other verses to back up what he says in his sermon titled “On the Education of Children” (1783) in which Wesley states, “To humour children is, as far as in us lies, to make their disease incurable. A wise parent, on the other hand, should begin to break their will the first moment it appears. In the whole art of Christian education there is nothing more important than this. The will of the parent is to a little child in the place of the will of God. Therefore studiously teach them to submit to this while they are children, that they may be ready to submit to his will when they are men. But in order to carry this point, you will need incredible firmness and resolution; for after you have once begun, you must never more give way. You must hold on still in an even course; you must never intermit your attention for one hour; otherwise you lose your labour” (http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umhistory/wesley/sermons/95/). Yes, we must teach our children to submit to our authority, but to break a child’s will is not biblical. (See Part 1 of this series for more information about breaking children’s wills). John Wesley goes on in this same sermon to explain how his mother broke their wills as infants. Wesley (1783) states, “My own mother had ten children, each of whom had spirit enough; yet not one of them was ever heard to cry aloud after it was a year old. A gentlewoman of Sheffield (several of whose children I suppose are alive still) assured me she had the same success with regard to her eight children. When some were objecting to the possibility of this, Mr. Parson Greenwood (well-known in the north of England) replied, “This cannot be impossible: I have had the proof of it in my own family. Nay, of more than this. I had six children by my former wife; and she suffered none of them to cry aloud after they were ten months old. And yet none of their spirits were so broken, as to unfit them for any of the offices of life.” This, therefore, may be done by any woman of sense, who may thereby save herself abundance of trouble, and prevent that disagreeable noise, the squalling of young children, from being heard under her roof” (http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umhistory/wesley/sermons/95/). Again, nowhere in Scripture does it say to break a child’s will. Children are already humble when it comes to believing in Christ or Jesus would not have held them up as models for adults in Matthew 18:1-4. As I continue to point out in all of my series, Ephesians 5:21 says that we are to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Wives are to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22, 24), and yet, this does not give husbands the right to treat their wives harshly. Just as Ephesians 6:1-2 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” does not give parents the right to treat children harshly. God must have known that humans would have a tendency to treat the weaker (or perceived weaker) one harshly as in both cases He warns that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25), and for parents not to exasperate their children (Ephesians 6:3). Why didn’t John Wesley understand this? Maybe because he couldn’t stand to go against what his beloved mother’s teachings. He wasn’t strong enough to break the cycle of abuse despite having the power of Christ within him.
John Wesley ran the schools that he created much like his mother ran her home when he was a child. The children at his schools were on an extremely strict schedule, and were never allowed to play. “What others noticed, however, and what is most often remembered, is the strong element of religion, and the rigor of the schedule and discipline. The rules for the children at Kingswood meant rising at four A.M. and retiring at eight P.M.; starting the day with two hours of private and public devotion and an hour of public evening prayers; having no time during the day for play; and spending from seven to eleven A.M. and one to five P.M. ‘in school.’ Students at all times be in the presence of a teacher and never be allowed to roam free or have contact with the colliers’ children in the neighborhood” (Heitzenrater, 2001, p. 288). This sounds more like a military base than a school for children. And if a child broke a rule or misbehaved, he or she was physically punished. As I pointed out in Part 2 of this series, research shows that young children learn best through play and concrete (real) experiences. How did Jesus teach? He used stories and parables that people who were open to Him could understand and relate to for the most part. He also taught through concrete experiences and miracles. One example that comes to mind of Jesus using a miracle to teach His disciples faith is when Jesus fed five thousand people with a five loaves of bread and a couple of fish (John 6:1-15). His disciples said that no one had enough money to buy enough food for all the people, and yet when a boy brought up a basket of food, Jesus blessed the food and all five thousand people had more than enough to eat. This taught exactly what faith in the Lord can do. Jesus also taught by asking open-ended questions to make people think. He was a gentle Teacher. He also enjoyed boat rides and hanging out with people. Jesus even went to weddings and turned water into wine (John 2:1-12). Heaven will be one big wedding and party! I can imagine Jesus smiled at children running around playing, otherwise why would He have gotten so angry at His disciples for trying to prevent parents from bringing their children to Him? Also, why did God create children with such a playful nature if He did not intend for children to play? And the Bible continually talks about the joy we are to have in the Lord. Therefore, I do not believe that it was biblically accurate for the Wesleys to require children to follow a very strict schedule. Yes, routines are very important for children as they need to know what will happen next in their days. Children thrive on routines because routines are flexible in order to meet the children’s needs. Schedules are not designed to meet children’s needs. They are more for adult’s convenience, and to keep children under control. While there are stories of revivals and salvation that occurred in John Wesley’s schools, I can’t help but question whether the good out weighed the potential harm that was done to the children.
John Wesley didn’t see children as human beings, but instead, saw them as “a unit for salvation. Gross views Wesley’s concept of salvation: “He never considered a child as a child, but rather as a unit for salvation, bred in sin, apt to evil, and altogether as a ‘brand to be plucked out of the burning’” (Towns, 1970, p. 323). However, John seemed to contradict himself at times as to whether children were inheritably evil or innocent. Heitzenrater (2001) states the answer John Wesley gave regarding infants suffering, “Why do infants suffer? What sin have they to be cured thereby? If you say, ‘It is to heal the sin of their parents, who sympathize and suffer with them’; in a thousand instances this has no place; the parents are not the better, nor any-way likely to be the better, for all the sufferings of their children. Their sufferings, therefore, yea, and those of all mankind, which are entailed upon them by the sin of Adam, are not the result of mere mercy, but of justice also. In other words, they have in them the nature of punishments, even on us and on our children. Therefore, children themselves are not innocent before God. They suffer; therefore, they deserve to suffer” (p. 294). While it is true that infants are born with a sinful nature, they are in no way capable of purposely sinning. To say that infants, or anyone for that matter, deserve to suffer is very un-Christ-like in my opinion. God made infants and provided crying as their way of communicating with us. This is not sinful! John Wesley was also heard saying that children are also innocent. “Take, for example, his observation at the home of an English gentleman and his family in Holland: ‘Here were four such children (I suppose seven, six, five, and three years old) as I never saw before in one family: Such inexpressible beauty and innocence shone together’” (Heitzenrater, 2001, p. 294). I wonder if John based this observation either on their outward appearances and/or their behaviors. If the children would have been behaving as typical children, would he have commented on their beauty and innocence?
Overall, from what I have read from and about John Wesley, the impression I get is that he mostly believed that children were evil from birth. As I’ve pointed out throughout this paper, he believed that children were capable of having a religious life, but that it required that they be strictly educated and harshly punished. “As it has introduced a new state of things, and so fully informed us of the nature of man, and the end of his creation; as it has fixed all our goods and evils, taught us the means of purifying our souls, of pleasing God, and being happy eternally; one might naturally suppose that every Christian country abounded with schools, not only for teaching a few questions and answers of a catechism, but for the forming, training, and practicing children in such a course of life as the sublimest doctrines of Christianity require” (Wesley, 1783, http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umhistory/wesley/sermons/95/). I wonder what he meant by “sublimest doctrines of Christianity require” because while we are required to teach our children God’s Word from a very young age (Deuteronomy 6:6-8), we are not required to be harsh with them. In fact, we are required to teach in a loving, kind manner (Colossians 3:16.)
Since John Wesley believed that infants were sinful from birth, he felt that infant baptism was an absolute must in order to wash their sins away and save their souls from Hell if they should die. “Infants are in a state of original sin and they cannot be saved ordinarily unless this is washed away by baptism. They are included in the covenant with God and capable of solemn consecration to him. This consecration can only be made by baptism. They have the right to come to Christ, to be ingrafted into him and ought to be brought to him for that purpose. Baptism regenerates, justifies and gives the infant all the privileges of the Christian religion” (Towns, 1970, p. 322). While many Christians do believe in infant baptism, the Bible seems very clear that baptism is for people who have accepted Christ into their hearts; receiving the gift of salvation offed by Christ. Baptism symbolizes the person’s death to sin and his/her rising with Christ as a new person in Christ. “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life” Romans 6:4. (See also Colossians 2:12 and 1 Peter 3:21). Infant baptism does absolutely nothing as far as salvation is concerned. And I have repeatedly said in this series and my “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, infants and young children go to Heaven if they die since they are not capable of purposely rejecting Christ. They know Him and easily believe in Him! Just as infant baptism does nothing to save children, neither does spanking and controlling them do anything to save them. From all of the research I’ve pointed out in this paper, and from what we know about John Wesley’s life, I think it is safe to say that spanking children puts them at higher risk for rejecting Christ as they are not receiving an accurate portrayal of Christ’s love and grace for them.
Jonathan Wesley did much good for the Kingdom of God. Many poor children were able to be educated because of him. He also helped a great deal of people come to know Christ as their Savior. However, among all of the truly good things that he did throughout his life, I think it is wise to ask how much harm did he also do? After all, he did not seem to rely on God’s Word for his beliefs on how children should be treated and educated. For this reason, John Wesley should not be used as a role model for Christians and Christian education. While none of us is perfect, we must remember that the pedestal in which he is often placed among Christians is cracked. Children should be taught through love, gentle firmness, concrete experiences, and much grace! “What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit?” 1 Corinthians 4:21.
“Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” 1 Peter 3:4.
Not a complete list of references:
Eayrs, G. (ed.) (1915). Letters of John Wesley. London, England: Hodder and Stoughton.
Towns, E. (1970). John Wesley and religious education. Articles. http://digitalcommons.liberty.edu/towns_articles/16.
Wesley, J. (1783). Sermon 95. On the education of children. http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umhistory/wesley/sermons/95/.
*** A full reference section on all my work will follow.

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Ordained Minister( and Parenting and Relationship expert) Thomas Haller has written an article with Chick Moorman called, Biblical Perspectives on Spanking in which they take a closer look at the typical verses which are considered to command parents to spank.
Samuel Martin’s book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me, also studies those verses, as well as Jewish attitudes towards children in Biblical times. Brenda King of Positively Feminine has a book review of his book and is also offering a chance to win a free copy of it.
In other news, I have updated yesterday’s post with part III of the series.
This article by Sally Clarkson asks us to consider whether we want our children see us as Adversaries or Advocates.
Along similar lines, Dulce de Leche writes about different ways of seeing God in Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.
Deb has posted the 3rd and final part of her review of Michael Pearl’s book, To Train Up A Child. In this post she looks at how Pearl prevented “sissies” and trained his children to always be happy. She also looks at what he teaches about the rod. She says that what Pearl teaches about persistence bothered her the most. I totally understand that. It is exactly this emphasis on persistence which I suspect killed Lydia Schatz.
For your convenience, here are Part 1 and Part 2 and here is the Intro.
Discipleship Parenting has started a series of Biblical evidence against spanking in, Rightly Dividing the Word: A Study of “Spanking” Scriptures.
She has also posted 2 addendums to her Letters to Dobson:
Addendum to “Grace”
Handling Disputes Biblically
In my quest for further understanding as to why so many Christians (and non-Christians, though I am mainly looking at Christians for this study) are adamant pro-spankers, I have begun a journey into some of the darker history of Christianity and the harsh treatment of children starting as young as infancy. My purpose in doing this study is to uncover some of the main Christian advocates of harsh treatment of children in order to show that spanking came from man and not from God as so many truly believe.
Sadly, as I pointed out in Part 7 of my “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, brutality of children can be traced back to Biblical times which is why Jesus radicalized the way He wanted society to view and treat children. Despite Jesus placing such a high value on children and never once advising the people to harshly punish young children when He had ample opportunity to do so, Christians have, for centuries, used the Holy Bible to advocate and justify spanking and abusing young children. For some unknown reason, at least to me as of now, physical punishment runs deep within the roots of Christianity, especially within the sects of the Protestants, Fundamentalists, and Evangelicals. It is important for me to note here that I proudly consider myself an Evangelical Christian and have always taken the Bible quite literally. It appears to me as I continue my study of God’s Word and the history of this subject that pro-spankers seem to focus more of their attention on the God of the Old Testament. Yes, God is the same today, tomorrow, and forever (See James 1:17 & Malachi 3:6a). However, the God of the Old Testament was quite harsh at times in His righteous anger allowing men, women, and children to be killed because of their sins against Him. But, as I point out in Part 8 of my series, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” we also see God’s grace and love for His people. The minute His people cried out to Him in the Old Testament, God forgave them and had mercy on them. “So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty” Malachi 3:6b-7. With the coming of Jesus Christ, God allowed His grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness to be much more accessible and evident to mankind. Through Jesus, we can now have a very personal relationship with the God of the Old Testament.
As I have been pointing out throughout the “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, Christians, as well as the secular culture, use primarily the Old Testament to justify the use of physical punishment with children—especially the book of Proverbs. In fact, the main saying that Christians and non-Christians use to justify and advocate spanking is “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” While this saying sounds very much like a Proverb out of the Bible as many people believe, it is not from the Bible whatsoever! So, where does this saying come from? According to scholar, Philip Greven (1992), “The aphorism is from Samuel Butler’s poem ‘Hudibras’ (1664). See Ian Gibson, The English Vice: Beating, Sex and Shame in Victorian England and After (London: Dukworth, 1978), p. 49” (p. 227). The saying has absolutely nothing to do with God’s Word; it only sounds as if it does.
It is concerning that when Christians choose to focus primarily on one aspect of God—His harshness—some Christians have even questioned whether He applied harsh punishment to His own Son. This would basically be saying that God killed Jesus which is only partial truth and leaves out crucial information regarding Christ’s sufferings and death. This feels dangerous to me! It must be pointed out that while Jesus was God’s only begotten Son (John 3:16), Jesus was also God Himself (Philippians 2:6a; John 8:58; Revelation 22:13), and chose to suffer and die on the cross for us (Philippians 2:8; John 10:11; Matthew 26:38-39)! Yet, many Christians continue to only look at the harshness of God instead of looking at all His aspects which reveal His True Identity as I have just pointed out. Jonathan Edwards, an eighteenth century American theologian, chose to focus much of his attention on the harshness of God depicted in the Old Testament. Because of this viewpoint, he “believed that the Crucifixion ‘was willed and ordered by God,’ a condition that made ‘one of the most heinous things that ever was done’ by men, ‘one of the most horrid acts,’ into ‘the most admirable and glorious of all events.’ For Edwards, at least, ‘the crucifixion of Christ was not evil, but good.’ This argument, however, implies that God the Father was directly responsible for the death of his only earthly son” (Greven, 1992, p. 50). That is simply preposturous as while God allowed the crucifixion and death to happen, He did not bring it on Himself. It was brought on by the hands of men. This is sad because people who focus on the harshness of Gods seem to lose sight of who God is! After all, the Bible couldn’t have made it any more clearer exactly who God is. “God is love” 1st John 4:16. It is clear from the following Bible passage that God didn’t harshly punish His Son. There was no reason to. God loved us so much that He chose to do something so major in order to make it easy for us to be reconciled to Him and have an intimate relationship with Him. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” 1st John 4:9-10. To use the harshness of God to justify and advocate the use of physical punishment is completely illogical after seeing all the aspects of God in the same lens.
Along the same lines as focusing heavily on the harshness of God, many Christian pro-spankers have been quite influence by the threat of eternal punishment—Hell—throughout the centuries. They have also been influenced by the feeling of an imminent apocalyptic end (Greven, 1992). Hell has always been a part of Christian theology and teaching. The threat of eternal damnation has terrified many people throughout time. While it is true that eternal punishment does await those that purposely reject Christ’s gift of forgiveness and salvation by not asking Him for the forgiveness of sins and accepting Him as Savior (Romans 6:23; Matthew 25:46; Luke 16:19-31), some parents and pastors seem to use this to justify spanking children. A seventeenth century pastor, “Michael Wigglesworth, whose parents were among the first generation of settlers in New England, wrote an extraordinarily popular poem about the approaching ‘Day of Doom.’ Punishment and affliction were the central themes shaping the obsessions of this anxious and tormented Puritan preacher, whose poem vividly portrays the final days on earth before the Last Judgment and the ultimate separation of the saved from the damned” (Greven, 1992, p. 55). Jonathan Edwards was also quite focused on the terrors of eternal punishment during the eighteenth century (Greven, 1992). They seem to truly believe that “beating the devil out of them” will somehow save them from Hell. This is often based on Proverbs 23:13-14 which states, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (KJV). Pro-spankers throughout history have taken these verses quite literally. Please see Part 3 of my series entitled “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” for the correct interpretation of these verses.
It seems that this focus on the harshness of God and on punishment traces back to Europe. Yes, while we can be sure that the harsh treatment of children was occurring during Old Testament times, it is unclear if it was done commonly or by those that were naturally prone to violence. What is quite interesting is that advocates of spanking use the Old Testament to justify their claims and yet there is not one single passage in the Old Testament, or in the entire Bible for that matter, of a parent spanking a child. As I pointed out in Part 7 of my series “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” the Romans were very cruel to children during the first century. It seems that physical punishment was brought to America by the European settlers. We read throughout our history books that these Puritans convinced the Native Americans to allow their children to go to English boarding schools where they would supposedly get a great education. In reality, the Native American children were treated very harshly and physically punished by these Christians who thought they could beat the evil out of them (Cushner, McClelland, & Safford, 2006). They were not allowed to speak their native language or go back to their parents. See, the Native Americans did not typically use physical punishment with their young children. Therefore, in the eyes of the Christian English settlers who had been taught by their leaders that spanking was an absolute must for obedience to God, the Native Americans were disobeying God and the children needed to be “saved” from their impending doom. “Anglo-American Protestants have always been among the most vocal public defenders of physical punishments for infants, children, and adolescents. They have provided many generations of listeners and readers with a series of theological and moral justifications for painful blows inflicted by adults upon the bodies, spirits, and wills of children. These defenses remain crucial to any understanding of the earliest sources of suffering and violence in our culture” (Greven, 1992, p. 60-61). It makes me wonder why they went wrong in following “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” Matthew 5:16. I can’t imagine spanking children would be truly glorifying God.
Another theme occuring throughout the centuries among advocates of spanking is the absolute need to break children’s wills. It has (still is) been suggested that the breaking of a child’s will happen during the first two years of life! That way the child supposedly will not remember that they had a will. This idea is sad because infants and toddlers do not understand the concept of wills. They are mainly conncentrating on discovering their abilities. It is important for them to be separate beings from their parents, otherwise they will grow up having a sense of shame and self-doubt (Erikson, 1963). Yet, this breaking of wills seems to dominate many Christian sects. Greven (1992) states, “Breaking the child’s will has been the central task given to parents by successive generations of preachers, whose bibically based rationales for discipline have reflected the belief that self-will is evil and sinful. From the seventeenth century to present, evangelical and fundamentalist Protestants have persistently advocated the crushing of the will even before a child can remember the painful encounters with punishment that are always necessary to accomplish such goals” (p. 65). Is breaking a child’s will even biblical? Jesus does say to “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” Luke 9:23. We are to die to our flesh (Romans 8:13). God obviously wants us to surrender ourselves to Him. However, He gently brings us into submission through grace, mercy, forgiveness, and natural consequences. Ephesians 5:21 also tells us to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we must hit each other in order to submit to each other. God doesn’t strike us to make us submit to Him. So where exactly does this breaking of a child’s will by their parents come from if there’s no actual biblical support for this concept?
Susanna Wesley, Jonathan Wesley’s mother, was an early proponent of breaking children’s wills beginning in infancy through corporal punishment. For example, if her infant son cried too loud, she spanked him (Greven, 1992). Accounts also say that she would not allow her children to eat or drink anything between meals except in the case of illness. If she found that they had asked the slaves for something between meals, she beat the children and harshly reprimanded the slaves. She wrote a letter to her sons regarding her beliefs on child rearing. Sadly, this letter is often quoted by many pro-spankers today. “Susanna Wesley was certain in 1732 that ‘religion is nothing else than doing the will of God and not our own: that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being self-will, no indulgence of it can be trivial, no denial unprofitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone; so that the parent who studies to subdue it in the child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the Devil’s work; makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child body and soul forever’” (Greven, 1992, p. 62). This seems to be saying that salvation lies in how a parent raises his/her child. This couldn’t be more wrong. Salvation lies in receiving God’s gift of Jesus Christ who paid for all of our sins! No human or other god can save us. “For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people” 1 Timothy 2:5-6. (See also Hebrews 8:6; 1 Thessalonians 5:9; 2 Timothy 3:15).
The thing about breaking children’s wills through spanking is what happens if their wills never break sufficiently? The pro-spankers say that we must repeat the spanking. Children have been spanked to death with one of the most recent cases occurring in 2010 with 7-year-old Lydia Schatz who was repeatedly spanked with a whip type instrument during a biblical chastisement. In 1982, a 2-year-old boy was also spanked to death by his parents. “On October 3, 1982, two year old Joseph Green died from a spanking by his parents, Stuart and Leslie Green. Leslie Green began spanking her son Joseph when he refused to apologize to another two year old after striking him. After a period of spanking, Stuart Green, Joseph’s father, entered the room and continued to spank him with a paddle while both parents unsuccessfully tried to force Joseph to apologize to the other boy. After approximately two hours of intermittent spankings, petitioner, who had been out of the sight and sound of the room where the spanking was occurring throughout the two hour period, was summoned to the room by another. As soon as petitioner Dorothy McClellan arrived, she told Stuart Green to stop the paddling. Petitioner and others rendered first aid to Joseph, and he was later taken to a local hospital. Shortly thereafter Joseph Green died from shock and hemorrhaging” (Greven, 1992, p. 38-39). These parents were trying to do what they thought was biblical and right in God’s eyes.
What is interesting to me is that many of the proverbs that are quoted by pro-spankers that seem to advocate spanking say the child will not die from spanking (“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die” Proverbs 23:13 KJV), and yet, children have died from repetitive and/or the force of the spanking. Every time a child is hit, slight injury can occur as pain is a signal that injury is occurring or is about to. Redness after a spanking shows that the skin has been irritated. Slapping several times can cause the tissue to break down. Over time, this can lead to organ damage and hemorrhaging. Surely, God, who formed us in our mother’s wombs (Isaiah 44:24; Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13-16), knew how hitting affects our bodies; especially a small child’s body that is much more vulnerable to force, did NOT mean hitting in the rod verses. God does not lie to His people. So, to say that a child shall not die from being hit with a big, heavy walking stick (the rod), He must have meant authority and not physical punishment! The Holy Bible is Truth—PERIOD! “For the word of God is alive and active” Hebrews 4:12a. Yet, Satan loves to skew God’s Word whenever possible. He is the father of lies (John 8:44b).
Throughout history many Christian advocates of spanking claim that if parents don’t spank their children then they are disobeying God. They use Proverbs 13:24 to coerce parents into believing that if they don’t use physical punishment then they hate their children. Of course, based on the correct interpretation of these rod verses (see Part 3 of “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” & “The Rod Study”), this couldn’t be farther from the truth! And yet, sadly, pro-spanking advocates continue to teach that spanking is an absolute requirement from God in order to raise obedient, godly children. “Parents are often advised to tell their children that they are acting as God’s surrogates when they inflict pain. As Jack Hyles notes: ‘So God is like a father and He chooses fathers and mothers to represent Him in the punishing of little children.’ He advises parents: ‘Explain to him that you are a child of God and if you refuse to obey God in His judgment upon your children, God will pour out His wrath upon you. For you to be a good child of God requires that you be a good parent to the child. Let him understand this. He will get the idea that God is a holy and just God, One Who loves and yet One Who wants us to become our best. For this to be so He must punish us when we are deserving” (Greven, 1992, p. 63). I must ask where do grace, mercy, and forgiveness come in here? If we are forgiven, then we are saved from God’s Wrath. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” John 1:14.
“And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” Romans 3:23. (See also 1 Timothy 1:14).
It also appears that throughout history advocates of spanking have treated the parent-child relationship as a battleground in which the parent must always win over the child. Susanna Wesley and other early seventeenth and eighteenth century evangelical Christians were adamant in regards to using physical punishment to conquer children. The most prominent advocate of spanking in today’s Christian society, James Dobson (1970), states, “The child may be more strong-willed than the parent, and they both know it. If he can outlast a temporary onslaught, he has won a major battle, eliminating punishment in the parent[‘]s repertoire. Even though Mom spanks him, he wins the battle by defying her again. The solution to this situation is obvious: outlast him; win, even if it takes a repeated measure” (p. 45). Or the child is beaten to death.
It is very sad that somehow all of these seemingly unbiblical themes and misinterpretations have continued so prevalently throughout history. Countless children and families have been harmed, some more visibly than others, by these great misinterpretations of God’s Holy Word. I do not know where all these beliefs about child-rearing came about. My purpose in this quest to uncover the historic roots of violence against our children, who Jesus so dearly loves, is not to point fingers at anyone. My hope is to show where some of this comes from. It seems obvious to me from studying Scripture with an open heart and listening to the Holy Spirit convict me that spanking, hitting, beating, coercing, belittling, and punishing young children did not come from God. Jesus renounced all violence when he came to Earth. It is my hope that as we continue this journey that we “See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. As has just been said:
‘Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion’” Hebrews 3:12-15.

The Christian History of Spanking by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.
( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( Part 6 ) ( Part 7 )
What is grace? This is the question running through my head as I wrestle with a bit of discouragement as children continue to be harmed by well-meaning people who want so badly to obey God in their parenting. As I continue to hear the same comments from pro-spankers who seem almost desperate to defend themselves for fear of being wrong. As I hear on the morning news that two teenagers were shot and killed by their own mother because they were being “mouthy.” As a book that advocates spanking infants may be being used by people that I know. What is grace? Who deserves grace? Is the Bible Truth or something that can be used however we want in order to support our own beliefs? What does it mean to be Spirit led and to take up our crosses and follow Jesus? Why do some Christians proclaim, “God hates fags?” Why is there so much division in the Body of Christ when God commands us to be “like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” Philippians 2:2?
Another thing that keeps popping up in my mind and during my Bible study is the following verse:
“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty” Zechariah 4:6.
This verse is in context with an angel showing Zechariah a vision seemingly related to the coming of a future Messiah to rescue the people. Yesterday in church, the pastor discussed the uneventful way that Jesus quietly came on the scene amidst the crowds that were waiting by the Jordan River in order to be baptized by a relative, John The Baptist (Matthew 3:13-17). Everyone thought that the Messiah would come and mightily restore Israel with a mighty sword. But instead, Jesus came as an infant and lived in humble settings. He didn’t even look like a powerful king that everyone expected Him to be. Look how Isaiah the prophet described Jesus:
“He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem” Isaiah 53:1-3.
Is this what God meant in Zechariah 4:6b? “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit.” Possibly. Especially since Christ didn’t come on Earth by might nor power. But what about grace? We actually can see the first act of grace given to man by God in Genesis 3 after Adam and Eve were tempted by the devil and ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. In the midst of telling Adam and Eve about the consequences that are to come to them and all of mankind because of their sin, God allows them to live until their natural lives ran out, and God allowed them to multiply—having children! In all reality, Adam and Eve did not deserve to go on living after sinning against God—NONE OF US DO! But God let them live and allowed them to multiply. God is huge. He is bigger than any of us can imagine. He is the most powerful Being of the entire universe. He could have easily wiped Adam and Eve off the face of the Earth and started over, creating new people who would constantly obey and worship Him like robots, but He didn’t! Then in Genesis 4 we see Cain murder Abel. Again, grace shows up when God puts a seal of protection on Cain before allowing him to wander out from His Presence and marry and have his own children (Genesis 4:13-18). This continues throughout the entire Bible with its climax being Jesus healing, forgiving, loving, extending grace and mercy to people who did not deserve it. He bared our punishment for us that we might live! “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them” John 3:36.
“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand” John 10:28.
“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” John 14:6.
But again, what is grace and who deserves it? I think about the Samaritan women at the well. Jews did not associate with Samaritans. Yet in John 4:1-42, we see Jesus, a Jew, ask a Samaritan woman for a drink of water. Then we see Jesus engage the woman in conversation. Again, this was unheard of for that time period. When Jesus’ disciples come back and find Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman, they quite surprised (John 4:27). In the midst of Jesus’ conversation with the Samaritan woman, her sinful life gets revealed. Yet, how does Jesus handle her? Let’s look:
“Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
17 “I have no husband,” she replied.
Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
19 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”
21 “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”
25 The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”
26 Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he” John 4:10-26.
Jesus reveals Himself as the Messiah to her! He did not condemn her because she was a Samaritan or because of the sinful life that she was living. He gracefully offered Himself to her and she not only believed, but went and told other Samaritans about Him. They came to see Jesus as well and they too believed (John 4:39-42). He offered forgiveness to all of them despite Him being a Jew and God Himself! Is this grace? I believe so.
But, again, I must ask what is grace? Who deserves grace?
I think of the woman who wiped Jesus’ feet with her tears and hair, and then anointed Him with sweet perfume in Luke 7:36-38. The woman was a sinner, and the Pharisee who had invited Jesus to dine with him was appalled that Christ didn’t seem to know who this sinful woman was that was touching Him. “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner” Luke 7:39. Religious teachers of the Law did not associate with “sinners” like this particular woman who may have been a prostitute. And yet, we see that Jesus didn’t shrink away or become angry with her for wiping His feet with her hair. How does He respond knowing exactly who she was, and knowing the Pharisee’s thoughts about what was happening? Let’s look: “Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 7:40-50.
Allow me to point out that people’s feet during New Testament times were quite dirty from walking barefoot with sandals on dirt roads. So the fact that this woman was washing Jesus’ feet with her hair and tears shows that she more than likely knew that Jesus was more than just a “teacher.” But, Jesus, being God, knew exactly who this woman was and what she had done. Again, instead of condemning her as the Pharisee did, He FORGAVE her and rebuked the Pharisee for his lack of hospitality. He also used this moment to try and teach the Pharisee about forgiveness instead of punishing either the Pharisee or woman. Grace!
I think of the 3-year-old who doesn’t pick up when Mommy says to. Mommy asks, “Are you going to obey or do you want a spank?” For whatever reason, the child does not obey even though the child knows what’s about to happen. Mommy says, “Ok, let’s go to your room.” The child begins to cry and plead, “Please don’t spank me, Mommy!” The child’s heart is racing as he cries, struggles to get away. Mommy calmly holds him and says, “You didn’t obey me when I asked you to pick up your toys. Jesus wants me to discipline you.” Then she calmly slaps the child’s bare bottom a few times as the child cries out in pain. Then she holds him and tells him how much she and Jesus love him, but that he must obey Mommy. As the child tries to calm down, his bottom still stinging, he mutters, “I’m sorry.” Though the child doesn’t truly feel sorry. He has learned that this makes Mommy happy. As they pray and hug again, he’s relieved it’s over even though deep down pain is gnawing at him. He happily runs out and plays—until the next time he misbehaves or doesn’t obey…
Grace?
I think of a 2-year-old in a similar situation. Mommy says, ”It’s time to pick your toys. Please put them in the bucket.” “No!”says the child. Mommy says, “I know you were having fun playing with your toys, but it’s time to clean up. Please help me.” Mommy puts a toy in the bucket as the child watches with somewhat of a defiant look on his face. Mommy asks, “Are you going to pick up your toys or do you need me to help you?” The child says, “No!” and starts to run off. Mommy stops him and says, “I see you need help.” She picks him up as he struggles and cries. She holds him firmly and says, “I’m sorry this makes you angry. I will hold you for a minute while you calm down, then we will pick up your toys.” The child cries then begins to melt into Mommy’s body knowing that he’s safe and that she isn’t allowing him to spin out of control. She gently puts a toy in his hand while slowly scooting to the bucket. He looks at the toy and then at the bucket, still feeling Mommy’s gentle but firm hold on him as he sits in her lap. He slowly drops the toy into the bucket and looks up at Mommy. Mommy smiles and says, “Thank you!” This continues until all his toys are picked up, only laughter becomes louder and louder as they take turns putting toys in the bucket! Then the child proudly gets off Mommy’s lap, picks up the bucket and puts it on the shelf. Then he runs back to Mommy where once again he’s embraced in her firm, loving arms. She says, “Thank you for picking up your toys! I love you sooo much and so does Jesus!” Then she begins singing “Jesus Loves Me” with him as he snuggles deeper into her arms.
Grace?
“32 Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots” Luke 23:32-34.
“But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many” Romans 5:15.
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace” Ephesians 1:7.
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” Hebrews 4:16.
We are free from sin and the death and pain that comes through sin because of God’s amazing grace. Grace that we don’t deserve one bit. Shouldn’t we pass that on to our children as they learn to obey us?
“I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” Galatians 2:21.
Grace is for everyone!
“Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound,
That save a wretch like me,
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see!”

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.
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