Grace | Why Not Train A Child?

Biblical Perspectives on Spanking

April 7, 2011 By Hermana Linda 1 Comment

Ordained Minister( and Parenting and Relationship expert) Thomas Haller has written an article with Chick Moorman called, Biblical Perspectives on Spanking in which they take a closer look at the typical verses which are considered to command parents to spank.

Samuel Martin’s book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me, also studies those verses, as well as Jewish attitudes towards children in Biblical times. Brenda King of Positively Feminine has a book review of his book and is also offering a chance to win a free copy of it.

In other news, I have updated yesterday’s post with part III of the series.

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Adversary or Advocate?

April 2, 2011 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

This article by Sally Clarkson asks us to consider whether we want our children see us as Adversaries or Advocates.

Along similar lines, Dulce de Leche writes about different ways of seeing God in Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.

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Deb’s Review of TTUAC – Part 3

March 25, 2011 By Hermana Linda 2 Comments

Deb has posted the 3rd and final part of her review of Michael Pearl’s book, To Train Up A Child. In this post she looks at how Pearl prevented “sissies” and trained his children to always be happy. She also looks at what he teaches about the rod. She says that what Pearl teaches about persistence bothered her the most. I totally understand that. It is exactly this emphasis on persistence which I suspect killed Lydia Schatz.

For your convenience, here are Part 1 and Part 2 and here is the Intro.

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A Study of “Spanking” Scriptures

March 14, 2011 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Discipleship Parenting has started a series of Biblical evidence against spanking in, Rightly Dividing the Word: A Study of “Spanking” Scriptures.

She has also posted 2 addendums to her Letters to Dobson:
Addendum to “Grace”
Handling Disputes Biblically

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The Christian History of Spanking Part 1

February 28, 2011 By Steph 12 Comments

In my quest for further understanding as to why so many Christians (and non-Christians, though I am mainly looking at Christians for this study) are adamant pro-spankers, I have begun a journey into some of the darker history of Christianity and the harsh treatment of children starting as young as infancy. My purpose in doing this study is to uncover some of the main Christian advocates of harsh treatment of children in order to show that spanking came from man and not from God as so many truly believe.

Sadly, as I pointed out in Part 7 of my “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, brutality of children can be traced back to Biblical times which is why Jesus radicalized the way He wanted society to view and treat children. Despite Jesus placing such a high value on children and never once advising the people to harshly punish young children when He had ample opportunity to do so, Christians have, for centuries, used the Holy Bible to advocate and justify spanking and abusing young children. For some unknown reason, at least to me as of now, physical punishment runs deep within the roots of Christianity, especially within the sects of the Protestants, Fundamentalists, and Evangelicals. It is important for me to note here that I proudly consider myself an Evangelical Christian and have always taken the Bible quite literally. It appears to me as I continue my study of God’s Word and the history of this subject that pro-spankers seem to focus more of their attention on the God of the Old Testament. Yes, God is the same today, tomorrow, and forever (See James 1:17 & Malachi 3:6a). However, the God of the Old Testament was quite harsh at times in His righteous anger allowing men, women, and children to be killed because of their sins against Him. But, as I point out in Part 8 of my series, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” we also see God’s grace and love for His people. The minute His people cried out to Him in the Old Testament, God forgave them and had mercy on them. “So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty” Malachi 3:6b-7. With the coming of Jesus Christ, God allowed His grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness to be much more accessible and evident to mankind. Through Jesus, we can now have a very personal relationship with the God of the Old Testament.

As I have been pointing out throughout the “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, Christians, as well as the secular culture, use primarily the Old Testament to justify the use of physical punishment with children—especially the book of Proverbs. In fact, the main saying that Christians and non-Christians use to justify and advocate spanking is “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” While this saying sounds very much like a Proverb out of the Bible as many people believe, it is not from the Bible whatsoever! So, where does this saying come from? According to scholar, Philip Greven (1992), “The aphorism is from Samuel Butler’s poem ‘Hudibras’ (1664). See Ian Gibson, The English Vice: Beating, Sex and Shame in Victorian England and After (London: Dukworth, 1978), p. 49” (p. 227). The saying has absolutely nothing to do with God’s Word; it only sounds as if it does.

It is concerning that when Christians choose to focus primarily on one aspect of God—His harshness—some Christians have even questioned whether He applied harsh punishment to His own Son. This would basically be saying that God killed Jesus which is only partial truth and leaves out crucial information regarding Christ’s sufferings and death. This feels dangerous to me! It must be pointed out that while Jesus was God’s only begotten Son (John 3:16), Jesus was also God Himself (Philippians 2:6a; John 8:58; Revelation 22:13), and chose to suffer and die on the cross for us (Philippians 2:8; John 10:11; Matthew 26:38-39)! Yet, many Christians continue to only look at the harshness of God instead of looking at all His aspects which reveal His True Identity as I have just pointed out. Jonathan Edwards, an eighteenth century American theologian, chose to focus much of his attention on the harshness of God depicted in the Old Testament. Because of this viewpoint, he “believed that the Crucifixion ‘was willed and ordered by God,’ a condition that made ‘one of the most heinous things that ever was done’ by men, ‘one of the most horrid acts,’ into ‘the most admirable and glorious of all events.’ For Edwards, at least, ‘the crucifixion of Christ was not evil, but good.’ This argument, however, implies that God the Father was directly responsible for the death of his only earthly son” (Greven, 1992, p. 50). That is simply preposturous as while God allowed the crucifixion and death to happen, He did not bring it on Himself. It was brought on by the hands of men. This is sad because people who focus on the harshness of Gods seem to lose sight of who God is! After all, the Bible couldn’t have made it any more clearer exactly who God is. “God is love” 1^st John 4:16. It is clear from the following Bible passage that God didn’t harshly punish His Son. There was no reason to. God loved us so much that He chose to do something so major in order to make it easy for us to be reconciled to Him and have an intimate relationship with Him. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” 1^st John 4:9-10. To use the harshness of God to justify and advocate the use of physical punishment is completely illogical after seeing all the aspects of God in the same lens.

Along the same lines as focusing heavily on the harshness of God, many Christian pro-spankers have been quite influence by the threat of eternal punishment—Hell—throughout the centuries. They have also been influenced by the feeling of an imminent apocalyptic end (Greven, 1992). Hell has always been a part of Christian theology and teaching. The threat of eternal damnation has terrified many people throughout time. While it is true that eternal punishment does await those that purposely reject Christ’s gift of forgiveness and salvation by not asking Him for the forgiveness of sins and accepting Him as Savior (Romans 6:23; Matthew 25:46; Luke 16:19-31), some parents and pastors seem to use this to justify spanking children. A seventeenth century pastor, “Michael Wigglesworth, whose parents were among the first generation of settlers in New England, wrote an extraordinarily popular poem about the approaching ‘Day of Doom.’ Punishment and affliction were the central themes shaping the obsessions of this anxious and tormented Puritan preacher, whose poem vividly portrays the final days on earth before the Last Judgment and the ultimate separation of the saved from the damned” (Greven, 1992, p. 55). Jonathan Edwards was also quite focused on the terrors of eternal punishment during the eighteenth century (Greven, 1992). They seem to truly believe that “beating the devil out of them” will somehow save them from Hell. This is often based on Proverbs 23:13-14 which states, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (KJV). Pro-spankers throughout history have taken these verses quite literally. Please see Part 3 of my series entitled “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” for the correct interpretation of these verses.

It seems that this focus on the harshness of God and on punishment traces back to Europe. Yes, while we can be sure that the harsh treatment of children was occurring during Old Testament times, it is unclear if it was done commonly or by those that were naturally prone to violence. What is quite interesting is that advocates of spanking use the Old Testament to justify their claims and yet there is not one single passage in the Old Testament, or in the entire Bible for that matter, of a parent spanking a child. As I pointed out in Part 7 of my series “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” the Romans were very cruel to children during the first century. It seems that physical punishment was brought to America by the European settlers. We read throughout our history books that these Puritans convinced the Native Americans to allow their children to go to English boarding schools where they would supposedly get a great education. In reality, the Native American children were treated very harshly and physically punished by these Christians who thought they could beat the evil out of them (Cushner, McClelland, & Safford, 2006). They were not allowed to speak their native language or go back to their parents. See, the Native Americans did not typically use physical punishment with their young children. Therefore, in the eyes of the Christian English settlers who had been taught by their leaders that spanking was an absolute must for obedience to God, the Native Americans were disobeying God and the children needed to be “saved” from their impending doom. “Anglo-American Protestants have always been among the most vocal public defenders of physical punishments for infants, children, and adolescents. They have provided many generations of listeners and readers with a series of theological and moral justifications for painful blows inflicted by adults upon the bodies, spirits, and wills of children. These defenses remain crucial to any understanding of the earliest sources of suffering and violence in our culture” (Greven, 1992, p. 60-61). It makes me wonder why they went wrong in following “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” Matthew 5:16. I can’t imagine spanking children would be truly glorifying God.

Another theme occuring throughout the centuries among advocates of spanking is the absolute need to break children’s wills. It has (still is) been suggested that the breaking of a child’s will happen during the first two years of life! That way the child supposedly will not remember that they had a will. This idea is sad because infants and toddlers do not understand the concept of wills. They are mainly conncentrating on discovering their abilities. It is important for them to be separate beings from their parents, otherwise they will grow up having a sense of shame and self-doubt (Erikson, 1963). Yet, this breaking of wills seems to dominate many Christian sects. Greven (1992) states, “Breaking the child’s will has been the central task given to parents by successive generations of preachers, whose bibically based rationales for discipline have reflected the belief that self-will is evil and sinful. From the seventeenth century to present, evangelical and fundamentalist Protestants have persistently advocated the crushing of the will even before a child can remember the painful encounters with punishment that are always necessary to accomplish such goals” (p. 65). Is breaking a child’s will even biblical? Jesus does say to “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” Luke 9:23. We are to die to our flesh (Romans 8:13). God obviously wants us to surrender ourselves to Him. However, He gently brings us into submission through grace, mercy, forgiveness, and natural consequences. Ephesians 5:21 also tells us to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we must hit each other in order to submit to each other. God doesn’t strike us to make us submit to Him. So where exactly does this breaking of a child’s will by their parents come from if there’s no actual biblical support for this concept?

Susanna Wesley, Jonathan Wesley’s mother, was an early proponent of breaking children’s wills beginning in infancy through corporal punishment. For example, if her infant son cried too loud, she spanked him (Greven, 1992). Accounts also say that she would not allow her children to eat or drink anything between meals except in the case of illness. If she found that they had asked the slaves for something between meals, she beat the children and harshly reprimanded the slaves. She wrote a letter to her sons regarding her beliefs on child rearing. Sadly, this letter is often quoted by many pro-spankers today. “Susanna Wesley was certain in 1732 that ‘religion is nothing else than doing the will of God and not our own: that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being self-will, no indulgence of it can be trivial, no denial unprofitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone; so that the parent who studies to subdue it in the child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the Devil’s work; makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child body and soul forever’” (Greven, 1992, p. 62). This seems to be saying that salvation lies in how a parent raises his/her child. This couldn’t be more wrong. Salvation lies in receiving God’s gift of Jesus Christ who paid for all of our sins! No human or other god can save us. “For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people” 1 Timothy 2:5-6. (See also Hebrews 8:6; 1 Thessalonians 5:9; 2 Timothy 3:15).

The thing about breaking children’s wills through spanking is what happens if their wills never break sufficiently? The pro-spankers say that we must repeat the spanking. Children have been spanked to death with one of the most recent cases occurring in 2010 with 7-year-old Lydia Schatz who was repeatedly spanked with a whip type instrument during a biblical chastisement. In 1982, a 2-year-old boy was also spanked to death by his parents. “On October 3, 1982, two year old Joseph Green died from a spanking by his parents, Stuart and Leslie Green. Leslie Green began spanking her son Joseph when he refused to apologize to another two year old after striking him. After a period of spanking, Stuart Green, Joseph’s father, entered the room and continued to spank him with a paddle while both parents unsuccessfully tried to force Joseph to apologize to the other boy. After approximately two hours of intermittent spankings, petitioner, who had been out of the sight and sound of the room where the spanking was occurring throughout the two hour period, was summoned to the room by another. As soon as petitioner Dorothy McClellan arrived, she told Stuart Green to stop the paddling. Petitioner and others rendered first aid to Joseph, and he was later taken to a local hospital. Shortly thereafter Joseph Green died from shock and hemorrhaging” (Greven, 1992, p. 38-39). These parents were trying to do what they thought was biblical and right in God’s eyes.

What is interesting to me is that many of the proverbs that are quoted by pro-spankers that seem to advocate spanking say the child will not die from spanking (“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die” Proverbs 23:13 KJV), and yet, children have died from repetitive and/or the force of the spanking. Every time a child is hit, slight injury can occur as pain is a signal that injury is occurring or is about to. Redness after a spanking shows that the skin has been irritated. Slapping several times can cause the tissue to break down. Over time, this can lead to organ damage and hemorrhaging. Surely, God, who formed us in our mother’s wombs (Isaiah 44:24; Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13-16), knew how hitting affects our bodies; especially a small child’s body that is much more vulnerable to force, did NOT mean hitting in the rod verses. God does not lie to His people. So, to say that a child shall not die from being hit with a big, heavy walking stick (the rod), He must have meant authority and not physical punishment! The Holy Bible is Truth—PERIOD! “For the word of God is alive and active” Hebrews 4:12a. Yet, Satan loves to skew God’s Word whenever possible. He is the father of lies (John 8:44b).

Throughout history many Christian advocates of spanking claim that if parents don’t spank their children then they are disobeying God. They use Proverbs 13:24 to coerce parents into believing that if they don’t use physical punishment then they hate their children. Of course, based on the correct interpretation of these rod verses (see Part 3 of “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” & “The Rod Study”), this couldn’t be farther from the truth! And yet, sadly, pro-spanking advocates continue to teach that spanking is an absolute requirement from God in order to raise obedient, godly children. “Parents are often advised to tell their children that they are acting as God’s surrogates when they inflict pain. As Jack Hyles notes: ‘So God is like a father and He chooses fathers and mothers to represent Him in the punishing of little children.’ He advises parents: ‘Explain to him that you are a child of God and if you refuse to obey God in His judgment upon your children, God will pour out His wrath upon you. For you to be a good child of God requires that you be a good parent to the child. Let him understand this. He will get the idea that God is a holy and just God, One Who loves and yet One Who wants us to become our best. For this to be so He must punish us when we are deserving” (Greven, 1992, p. 63). I must ask where do grace, mercy, and forgiveness come in here? If we are forgiven, then we are saved from God’s Wrath. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” John 1:14.

“And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” Romans 3:23. (See also 1 Timothy 1:14).

It also appears that throughout history advocates of spanking have treated the parent-child relationship as a battleground in which the parent must always win over the child. Susanna Wesley and other early seventeenth and eighteenth century evangelical Christians were adamant in regards to using physical punishment to conquer children. The most prominent advocate of spanking in today’s Christian society, James Dobson (1970), states, “The child may be more strong-willed than the parent, and they both know it. If he can outlast a temporary onslaught, he has won a major battle, eliminating punishment in the parent[‘]s repertoire. Even though Mom spanks him, he wins the battle by defying her again. The solution to this situation is obvious: outlast him; win, even if it takes a repeated measure” (p. 45). Or the child is beaten to death.

It is very sad that somehow all of these seemingly unbiblical themes and misinterpretations have continued so prevalently throughout history. Countless children and families have been harmed, some more visibly than others, by these great misinterpretations of God’s Holy Word. I do not know where all these beliefs about child-rearing came about. My purpose in this quest to uncover the historic roots of violence against our children, who Jesus so dearly loves, is not to point fingers at anyone. My hope is to show where some of this comes from. It seems obvious to me from studying Scripture with an open heart and listening to the Holy Spirit convict me that spanking, hitting, beating, coercing, belittling, and punishing young children did not come from God. Jesus renounced all violence when he came to Earth. It is my hope that as we continue this journey that we “See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. As has just been said:

‘Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion’” Hebrews 3:12-15.

(Continued)

The Christian History of Spanking by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

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Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 8

February 7, 2011 By Steph 6 Comments

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( Part 6 ) ( Part 7 )

What is grace? This is the question running through my head as I wrestle with a bit of discouragement as children continue to be harmed by well-meaning people who want so badly to obey God in their parenting. As I continue to hear the same comments from pro-spankers who seem almost desperate to defend themselves for fear of being wrong. As I hear on the morning news that two teenagers were shot and killed by their own mother because they were being “mouthy.” As a book that advocates spanking infants may be being used by people that I know. What is grace? Who deserves grace? Is the Bible Truth or something that can be used however we want in order to support our own beliefs? What does it mean to be Spirit led and to take up our crosses and follow Jesus? Why do some Christians proclaim, “God hates fags?” Why is there so much division in the Body of Christ when God commands us to be “like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” Philippians 2:2?

Another thing that keeps popping up in my mind and during my Bible study is the following verse:

“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty” Zechariah 4:6.

This verse is in context with an angel showing Zechariah a vision seemingly related to the coming of a future Messiah to rescue the people. Yesterday in church, the pastor discussed the uneventful way that Jesus quietly came on the scene amidst the crowds that were waiting by the Jordan River in order to be baptized by a relative, John The Baptist (Matthew 3:13-17). Everyone thought that the Messiah would come and mightily restore Israel with a mighty sword. But instead, Jesus came as an infant and lived in humble settings. He didn’t even look like a powerful king that everyone expected Him to be. Look how Isaiah the prophet described Jesus:

“He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem” Isaiah 53:1-3.

Is this what God meant in Zechariah 4:6b? “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit.” Possibly. Especially since Christ didn’t come on Earth by might nor power. But what about grace? We actually can see the first act of grace given to man by God in Genesis 3 after Adam and Eve were tempted by the devil and ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. In the midst of telling Adam and Eve about the consequences that are to come to them and all of mankind because of their sin, God allows them to live until their natural lives ran out, and God allowed them to multiply—having children! In all reality, Adam and Eve did not deserve to go on living after sinning against God—NONE OF US DO! But God let them live and allowed them to multiply. God is huge. He is bigger than any of us can imagine. He is the most powerful Being of the entire universe. He could have easily wiped Adam and Eve off the face of the Earth and started over, creating new people who would constantly obey and worship Him like robots, but He didn’t! Then in Genesis 4 we see Cain murder Abel. Again, grace shows up when God puts a seal of protection on Cain before allowing him to wander out from His Presence and marry and have his own children (Genesis 4:13-18). This continues throughout the entire Bible with its climax being Jesus healing, forgiving, loving, extending grace and mercy to people who did not deserve it. He bared our punishment for us that we might live! “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them” John 3:36.

“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand” John 10:28.

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” John 14:6.

But again, what is grace and who deserves it? I think about the Samaritan women at the well. Jews did not associate with Samaritans. Yet in John 4:1-42, we see Jesus, a Jew, ask a Samaritan woman for a drink of water. Then we see Jesus engage the woman in conversation. Again, this was unheard of for that time period. When Jesus’ disciples come back and find Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman, they quite surprised (John 4:27). In the midst of Jesus’ conversation with the Samaritan woman, her sinful life gets revealed. Yet, how does Jesus handle her? Let’s look:

“Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

¹¹ “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹² Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

¹⁵ The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

¹⁶ He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

¹⁷ “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸ The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

¹⁹ “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. ²⁰ Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

²¹ “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. ²² You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. ²³ Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

²⁵ The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

²⁶ Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he” John 4:10-26.

Jesus reveals Himself as the Messiah to her! He did not condemn her because she was a Samaritan or because of the sinful life that she was living. He gracefully offered Himself to her and she not only believed, but went and told other Samaritans about Him. They came to see Jesus as well and they too believed (John 4:39-42). He offered forgiveness to all of them despite Him being a Jew and God Himself! Is this grace? I believe so.

But, again, I must ask what is grace? Who deserves grace?

I think of the woman who wiped Jesus’ feet with her tears and hair, and then anointed Him with sweet perfume in Luke 7:36-38. The woman was a sinner, and the Pharisee who had invited Jesus to dine with him was appalled that Christ didn’t seem to know who this sinful woman was that was touching Him. “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner” Luke 7:39. Religious teachers of the Law did not associate with “sinners” like this particular woman who may have been a prostitute. And yet, we see that Jesus didn’t shrink away or become angry with her for wiping His feet with her hair. How does He respond knowing exactly who she was, and knowing the Pharisee’s thoughts about what was happening? Let’s look: “Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

⁴⁹ The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 7:40-50.

Allow me to point out that people’s feet during New Testament times were quite dirty from walking barefoot with sandals on dirt roads. So the fact that this woman was washing Jesus’ feet with her hair and tears shows that she more than likely knew that Jesus was more than just a “teacher.” But, Jesus, being God, knew exactly who this woman was and what she had done. Again, instead of condemning her as the Pharisee did, He FORGAVE her and rebuked the Pharisee for his lack of hospitality. He also used this moment to try and teach the Pharisee about forgiveness instead of punishing either the Pharisee or woman. Grace!

I think of the 3-year-old who doesn’t pick up when Mommy says to. Mommy asks, “Are you going to obey or do you want a spank?” For whatever reason, the child does not obey even though the child knows what’s about to happen. Mommy says, “Ok, let’s go to your room.” The child begins to cry and plead, “Please don’t spank me, Mommy!” The child’s heart is racing as he cries, struggles to get away. Mommy calmly holds him and says, “You didn’t obey me when I asked you to pick up your toys. Jesus wants me to discipline you.” Then she calmly slaps the child’s bare bottom a few times as the child cries out in pain. Then she holds him and tells him how much she and Jesus love him, but that he must obey Mommy. As the child tries to calm down, his bottom still stinging, he mutters, “I’m sorry.” Though the child doesn’t truly feel sorry. He has learned that this makes Mommy happy. As they pray and hug again, he’s relieved it’s over even though deep down pain is gnawing at him. He happily runs out and plays—until the next time he misbehaves or doesn’t obey…

Grace?

I think of a 2-year-old in a similar situation. Mommy says, ”It’s time to pick your toys. Please put them in the bucket.” “No!”says the child. Mommy says, “I know you were having fun playing with your toys, but it’s time to clean up. Please help me.” Mommy puts a toy in the bucket as the child watches with somewhat of a defiant look on his face. Mommy asks, “Are you going to pick up your toys or do you need me to help you?” The child says, “No!” and starts to run off. Mommy stops him and says, “I see you need help.” She picks him up as he struggles and cries. She holds him firmly and says, “I’m sorry this makes you angry. I will hold you for a minute while you calm down, then we will pick up your toys.” The child cries then begins to melt into Mommy’s body knowing that he’s safe and that she isn’t allowing him to spin out of control. She gently puts a toy in his hand while slowly scooting to the bucket. He looks at the toy and then at the bucket, still feeling Mommy’s gentle but firm hold on him as he sits in her lap. He slowly drops the toy into the bucket and looks up at Mommy. Mommy smiles and says, “Thank you!” This continues until all his toys are picked up, only laughter becomes louder and louder as they take turns putting toys in the bucket! Then the child proudly gets off Mommy’s lap, picks up the bucket and puts it on the shelf. Then he runs back to Mommy where once again he’s embraced in her firm, loving arms. She says, “Thank you for picking up your toys! I love you sooo much and so does Jesus!” Then she begins singing “Jesus Loves Me” with him as he snuggles deeper into her arms.

Grace?

“³² Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. ³³ When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. ³⁴ Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots” Luke 23:32-34.

“But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many” Romans 5:15.

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace” Ephesians 1:7.

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” Hebrews 4:16.

We are free from sin and the death and pain that comes through sin because of God’s amazing grace. Grace that we don’t deserve one bit. Shouldn’t we pass that on to our children as they learn to obey us?

“I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” Galatians 2:21.

Grace is for everyone!

“Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound,
That save a wretch like me,
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see!”

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

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Prodigal Son

February 3, 2011 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Carissa Robinson reflects at how spanking is hitting no matter how it is done and then looks at what we can learn about God in the story of The Prodigal Son.

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Is Punishment Biblical?

January 29, 2011 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Rach at The Incorrigible Gingers discusses the question, “Is Punishment Biblical?“ Notice that she is not just referring to corporal punishment here but all punishment. Now, that is a really radical thought.

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Spanking is Wrong

January 24, 2011 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Molly explains why spanking is wrong according to the Bible.

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Who is God?

January 22, 2011 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Molly asks, “Who is God?“ as she shares her testimony of how she learned to see God as a Gentle Parent, rather than a Vengeful Judge.

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Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 5

January 13, 2011 By Steph 4 Comments

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 )

Forgiveness. It’s the main theme of Christianity. As Christians, we are forgiven because God sent Jesus to Earth to be the Atonement for all our sins, past, present, and future. Through the precious blood of Christ, we are made clean. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16. We no longer have to pay for our sins as the people of the Old Testament did through sacrificial offerings of usually animals. Blood is a big deal throughout the Holy Bible.

“Moses then took the blood, sprinkled it on the people and said, “This is the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words” Exodus 24:8.

“This is what you are to do to consecrate them, so they may serve me as priests: Take a young bull and two rams without defect. 2 And from the finest wheat flour make round loaves without yeast, thick loaves without yeast and with olive oil mixed in, and thin loaves without yeast and brushed with olive oil. 3 Put them in a basket and present them along with the bull and the two rams. 4 Then bring Aaron and his sons to the entrance to the tent of meeting and wash them with water. 5 Take the garments and dress Aaron with the tunic, the robe of the ephod, the ephod itself and the breastpiece. Fasten the ephod on him by its skillfully woven waistband. 6 Put the turban on his head and attach the sacred emblem to the turban. 7 Take the anointing oil and anoint him by pouring it on his head. 8 Bring his sons and dress them in tunics 9 and fasten caps on them. Then tie sashes on Aaron and his sons.[a] The priesthood is theirs by a lasting ordinance.

“Then you shall ordain Aaron and his sons.

10 “Bring the bull to the front of the tent of meeting, and Aaron and his sons shall lay their hands on its head. 11 Slaughter it in the LORD’s presence at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 12 Take some of the bull’s blood and put it on the horns of the altar with your finger, and pour out the rest of it at the base of the altar. 13 Then take all the fat on the internal organs, the long lobe of the liver, and both kidneys with the fat on them, and burn them on the altar. 14 But burn the bull’s flesh and its hide and its intestines outside the camp. It is a sin offering” Exodus 29:1-14.

“Once a year Aaron shall make atonement on its horns. This annual atonement must be made with the blood of the atoning sin offering [Or purification offering] for the generations to come. It is most holy to the LORD” Exodus 30:10.

“God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, [The Greek for sacrifice of atonement refers to the atonement cover on the ark of the covenant (see Lev. 16:15,16).] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished” Romans 3:25.

God knew that we humans could not keep the Law of Moses no matter how hard we tried. He knew that He had set such a high standard of living that there was no way we could ever live up to it. So He provided a way for the Israelites to atone for their sins. Lambs were used regularly for blood sacrifices. Throughout the Hebrew Bible, we also see God’s people rebel against Him, God allowing His Wrath to come on the people, the people crying out to Him in repentance, and God having compassion on His people, only to have His people rebel against Him again. This cycle repeated itself for thousands and thousands of years. Yet, God had a plan to save His people once and for all because He loves us all so much! God sent His Son, who is actually God Himself, to suffer and die in order to pay for all of humanity’s sins. Jesus commands us to forgive just as we have been forgiven. “ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” Matthew 6:14-15. When we ask Jesus to forgive us when we sin against Him and break His heart every day, He immediately forgives us even though we don’t deserve it. He no longer makes us pay for our sins through a sacrifice. He constantly freely forgives us no matter how sinful we are being or have been.

John 8:3-11 is a perfect example of how Jesus freely forgives. Let’s look at it.

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” John 8:3-11.

The penalty for a woman caught in the act of adultery in biblical times under the Law was stoning. The people were ready to stone this woman to death without even knowing all the details of the situation. But how did Jesus respond? By telling them to let the one without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. None of the people there, except for Jesus, were without sin as Romans 3:23 points out “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Therefore, the only person who had the right to condemn the woman and make her pay for her sin was Jesus. But instead He forgave her and let her go free!

So why is it that parents who believe in spanking make our children pay for their sins through a spanking before or in spite of offering their forgiveness? We adults sin much more than young children do and yet, the children are the ones who are made to pay. We are called to be patient with one another. “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” Ephesians 4:2-3. Spanking a child for a sin that he/she committed against you is not being humble, gentle, or patient as the Apostle Paul charged us to be. It is the adult telling the child that the adult is bigger, wiser, and in control. This does not teach or make the child want to repent. It does not make the child want to obey or freely communicate with either the parent or God. It makes children hide their sins in their hearts over repeatedly being punished. People led astray due to spanking and harshness are described as “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed” Ephesians 4:18-19. They cannot see the Truth because their parents gave them an inaccurate view of who God really is.

Young children are quite forgiving in nature. If you’ve ever watched a group of young children playing, one minute they are fighting with each other, and the next minute all is well and they are best friends again. Young children do not hold grudges. Even abused children will often forgive their abusive parents and will ask to go back home with them despite the horrible abuse. Perhaps this is one reason Jesus calls us to be like them in Matthew 18:3. When we spank or treat children in other harsh ways, we are not building them up. Even if we “lovingly” spank them, we still are not building them up in the way God commands us to do so with each other. “ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:29-32.

Fear and anger are emotions that children who are spanked feel regularly. They will often plead with the parent not to spank them. Toddlers will try to shrink away if they think their hands are about to be spanked. I have felt this way, and have observed this in young children. Many people will say, “But he’s perfectly happy after I spank him.” Yes, he/she may appear happy, but young children are not going to tell their parents, “You hurt me and I’m angry, sad, and fearful of you.” They either don’t have the words and/or are afraid of how their parents will react if they say something. As I mentioned above, children are quick to forgive. They are also eager to be back in their parents’ good graces, even briefly. Is being fearful biblical? No! Throughout the Bible, we are commanded to fear the Lord. Some pro-spankers even quote this as a reason why they spank their children. But “fear the Lord” does not mean to be afraid of God. It means to be reverent towards Him. In fact, throughout Scripture we see God and angels of God telling people not to be afraid in their Presences.

“After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, [Or sovereign] your very great reward. [Or shield; / your reward will be very great] ” Genesis 15:1.

“That night the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham” Genesis 26:24.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9.

“Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me” Matthew 28:10.

The Apostle John made it very clear that there should be no fear in love, and that GOD IS LOVE! Love also covers a multitude of sins.

“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” 1 John 2:16-18.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:8.

Again, I’m not saying that there should never be consequences to children’s behavior as there always are whether positive or negative. What I am saying and what God is saying is that children should be forgiven without having to pay for their sins through punishment. That children should be taught respect and reverence instead of fear. They should be taught love and that God loves them no matter what, and is always ready to forgive them when they come to Him and repent. When raising children we should always “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” Hebrews 10:24. Do spankings really stimulate children onto love and good deeds? From all my research and experiences, the answer is NO! Grace, love, mercy, understanding, respect, forgiveness and discipline DO!

In conclusion, I leave you with the following words from the Apostle Paul:

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ” Colossians 2:8.

“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross” Colossians 2:13-15.

Let Christ reign in our lives and our children’s lives! Glory to God!

( Continued )

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

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Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 3

January 7, 2011 By Steph 2 Comments

( Part 1 ) ( Part 2 )

I finished Samuel Martin’s book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me today. Here’s more of what I have learned about God’s Word.

Many Christian advocates of spanking children quote the following Proverb in order to support their philosophy that spanking children will save their souls from Hell. It says: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” Proverbs 23:13-14 (KJV). Now, the Hebrew word for Hell is Sh’ol. However, throughout the Hebrew Bible sh’ol doesn’t always mean the eternal, fiery Hell that we immediately conjure up in our minds. Look at Jonah 2:1-2 where Jonah is talking about being stuck in the whale’s belly:

“From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry” (NIV).

Obviously, Jonah wasn’t in eternal Hell or permanently dead. In Job 17:13-16, Job speaks of his only hope in following his family to the grave, sh’ol is translated as grave and corruption. Sh’ol is also translated as pit as in falling into a pit. It is clear that the Hebrew word sh’ol does not always mean the eternal Hell and it’s not used in this way any place in the book of Proverbs. The new NIV translation shows a bit more accurate translation of Proverbs 23:13-14:

“Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
14 Punish them with the rod
and save them from death.”

It is clear given the historical and context in which the book Proverbs was written that we have discussed that the more accurate meaning of the word sh’ol in this verse is death as in dying a premature death from getting involved in a life of crime as an adult. Young children are not capable of purposely committing sin like young adults and adults can. They do not know what sin is. Even though it may feel to a parent or teacher that they purposely disobey, they in fact are not. Young children cannot control their impulses. A 5 year old does have better impulse control than a 2 year old, but they still are developing it and can’t be expected to always be in control. Therefore, young children who believe in Jesus wholeheartedly do not go to Hell if they die.

“The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them.
7 The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
8 The infant will play near the cobra’s den,
the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest.
9 They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the LORD
as the waters cover the sea” Isaiah 11:6-9.

And Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” Matthew 18:3. Only after a child is able to truly understand sin and purposely reject Jesus Christ as Savior will they go to Hell if they die.

Some prospankers point to the fact that Paul and other apostles receive beatings for crimes they committed. “Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, “My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day.” 2 At this the high priest Ananias ordered those standing near Paul to strike him on the mouth. 3 Then Paul said to him, “God will strike you, you whitewashed wall! You sit there to judge me according to the law, yet you yourself violate the law by commanding that I be struck!” 4 Those who were standing near Paul said, “How dare you insult God’s high priest!” 5 Paul replied, “Brothers, I did not realize that he was the high priest; for it is written: ‘Do not speak evil about the ruler of your people.’” 6 Then Paul, knowing that some of them were Sadducees and the others Pharisees, called out in the Sanhedrin, “My brothers, I am a Pharisee, descended from Pharisees. I stand on trial because of the hope of the resurrection of the dead.” 7 When he said this, a dispute broke out between the Pharisees and the Sadducees, and the assembly was divided. 8 (The Sadducees say that there is no resurrection, and that there are neither angels nor spirits, but the Pharisees believe all these things.)

9 There was a great uproar, and some of the teachers of the law who were Pharisees stood up and argued vigorously. “We find nothing wrong with this man,” they said. “What if a spirit or an angel has spoken to him?” 10 The dispute became so violent that the commander was afraid Paul would be torn to pieces by them. He ordered the troops to go down and take him away from them by force and bring him into the barracks.

11 The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, “Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome” Acts 23:1-11. “The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten with rods. 23 After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully” Act 16:22-23.

And of course, Jesus Himself was beaten. What we need to remember is at that time in history society was still under the Law of Moses, and beatings and prison time were the punishments called for when adults broke one of the laws. Notice that Paul was an adult at the time of his beating for bringing a non-Jew into the Temple. Children were never spanked for breaking the Law; only adults.

Therefore, when a parent spanks a child, he/she is parenting under the Law and acts as a judge. The child commits an offense, the parent tries the child and decides a spanking is necessary, the parent doles out the punishment, then the child is free to go on since he/she paid the price. Only, as Christians, the Law is no longer binding. If we want children to learn the grace, peace, love, and mercy of the Law of Christ, why do we parent under the Law of Moses?

In conclusion, I leave you with the words of John:

“ For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” John 1:17.

The Truth will set us free!

(Continued)

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 2

January 6, 2011 By Steph 6 Comments

(Part 1)

After reading and studying more today in this wonderful book by Samuel Martin and doing my own Bible study, here are some things that God has revealed to me.

First, the book of Proverbs is the oldest book in the Holy Bible. While King Solomon and King Hezekiah wrote most of Proverbs, according to Martin’s book, some of it was also written by authors of ancient Egypt hundreds of years prior to King Solomon and King Hezekiah. In the Hebrew Bible, The Wisdom Literature which are Job, Psalms, and Proverbs are arranged in a different order than they appear in our modern day Bibles. Instead of Job, Psalms, Proverbs; it’s Psalms, Proverbs, Job. These Holy books were inspired by God to be written primarily for young men.

The Hebrew language breaks up each stage of childhood in the Bible into specific names from birth to adulthood. I will not list them here at the moment, but what is key to point out here is the Book of Proverbs was written for young men (Hebrew: Na’ar). Na’ar is the teenage years, 12 years to roughly 19. During this stage of life during biblical times, young men were considered ready to learn the Law, looking to marry, and able to understand abstract concepts. This makes sense as reknown psychologist Jean Piaget recognized that people 12 and up were in the Formal Operational stage of cognitive development. Young children cannot think abstractly. That is why a young child will run to the window if you say it’s raining cats and dogs. The young child truly expects to see cats and dogs falling from the sky. The young takes everything at it’s literal meaning. For infants and toddlers, everything they learn is through senses. Therefore, if you slap their hands, despite what pro-spanking Christian advocates may say, they do not, can not understand exactly why they’re being hit. Life is all trial and error for young children. As I mentioned before in Part one, Jewish scholars and leaders recognize this fact and absolutely forbid the use of harshness and physical punishment for young children, especially those UNDER 6 years of age.

Secondly, the writers of the New Testament were well versed in the Book of Proverbs. And yet, Proverbs is quoted only in a few books of the New Testament. None of the quotes deal with the harsh punishment of children! Jesus doesn’t even mention the punishment of children in His Sermon on the Mount where He changed and added to the Law (Matthew 5 & 6). Instead, He held children up in high esteem for that day. Look at this passage:

“13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them” Mark 10:13-16.

Notice that Jesus was indignant when His disciples rebuked parents for bringing their children to Him. Nowhere does it say Jesus hit children or taught people to spank children. Other New Testament writers didn’t either. Paul and Timothy gave many instructions regarding families and children, and yet, they do not quote any of the Proverbs that seem to advocate spanking. Instead, Paul writes:

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” Colossians 3:21. The word “fathers” is also translated into parents. The one passages in the New Testament that Christian pro-spankers often point to in order to claim that we are to spank is Hebrews 12:5-6 which states:

“And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Notice that the author quotes Proverbs 3:11-12 in this verse. Proverbs 3:11-12 states:

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,

and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in.”

If this verse was really talking about the use of physical punishment, why didn’t the author quote one of the many verses dealing with the rod? And if we look at the whole chapter of Hebrews 12, it doesn’t seem to be even discussing actual children, but adults who are God’s children. Now let’s look at the definition of the word chastise. Does it automatically mean physical punishment? No! Here’s what Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary says:

“1: to inflict punishment on (as by whipping)

2: to censure severely : castigate

3archaic : chasten 2″

Now before we go and say, see, it does mean physical punishment, look at how it’s used in these two sentences from this dictionary:

“The waiter was chastised for forgetting the customer’s order. The coach is always chastising the players for minor mistakes.” Obviously, chastise is being use as a verbal correction in these sentences! Now look at some of the synonyms of chastise: Rebuke, Lecture, Scold, Reprimand, Bawl Out, Dress Down, and Lecture. Yes, it can mean physical punishment, but it also means many other things! Given the Biblical context in which chastise is being used here in Hebrews, we are walking very shaking ground if we choose to interpret it as a command to spank our children. God rebukes us all the time. No, it’s not pleseant, but it’s not in a harsh tone and He immediately forgives us when we repent. And yes, if we choose to do our own thing against His Will, He will ALLOW, NOT INFLICT, pain into our lives. But even when we do His Will, He still allows pain into our lives. Look at these verses:

“The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.” Acts 5:41.

“Not only so, but we [Or let us] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance” Romans 5:3.

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” Romans 8:17.

“All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering” 2 Thessalonians 1:5.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4.

To conclude this part of my series, let me reiterate that the Holy Bible is all divinely inspired by God. The Law of Moses is still Holy. But to accurately interpret Scripture, we must look at it in context of the whole; Old and New Testaments. Jesus fulfilled, and thus freed us from, the Law! As the apostle Paul states:

“For when we were in the realm of the flesh, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law” Romans 7:5-7a.

Open the eyes of our hearts that we may see Your Truth, Lord! Thank You, Jesus!

(Continued)

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

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Filed Under Anti Spanking Arguments Tagged With Anti Spanking Links, doctrine, grace, Hebrew, Hebrews 12, infants, Jean Piaget, Jewish scholars, parenting, Proverbs, punishment, Samuel Martin, The Pearls' Teachings, toddlers, Would Jesus Spank?

Spanking is NOT God’s Will

January 4, 2011 By Steph 3 Comments

I am reading a wonderful book by theologian, Samuel Martin, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me. It’s clear from historic, contextual, Hebrew info on the book of Proverbs that we are NOT to spank (hit) children. The book of Proverbs was not meant for verses to be taken out of context. Even Jewish scholars believe that spankings are for boys 12 years & up and only as an absolute LAST resort. Proverbs was written under the Law of Moses. Christians are under the Law of Christ. What is the Law of Christ? Grace, peace, mercy and love. “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” Galatians 5:22-23.

Jesus freed us from the Law. “But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law” Galatians 5:18. When we spank, we are parenting under the Law. We are not accepting the grace, mercy and forgiveness of Jesus. Jesus died for us. He was beaten to a bloody pulp for us. Why do we feel we must beat, spank, and hit our young children who do not understand sin nor physical punishment. “In regard to evil be infants” 1 Corinthians 14:20b.

Even Jewish scholars forbid the use of physical punishment for children under 6. The very age Christian advocates of spanking say it’s best for. Every time you hit a child, even “lovingly,” you create confusion, anger, fear, and resentment which breed sin later on.

Jesus says, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. 6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come” Matthew 18:1-6.

May our hearts and eyes be open to your Truth Lord Jesus!

(Continued)

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

For your sharing convenience:

Filed Under Anti Spanking Arguments Tagged With Anti Spanking Links, doctrine, fruit of the Spirit, grace, Hebrew, infants, Jewish scholars, Law, parenting, Proverbs, punishment, Samuel Martin, The Pearls' Teachings, toddlers

Lucy’s Story

December 29, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Lucy tells her story at Dare To Disciple. She shares how her views of spanking have changed during her lifetime and why she feels that spanking and Christianity are incompatible.

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Filed Under Anti Spanking Links, Testimonies Tagged With abuse, Anti Spanking Links, Dare to Disciple, examples of gentle parenting, grace, La Leche League, Lucy, lying, Tedd Tripp, testimony

No Spanking Zone

December 9, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Rilla G. shares how she came to raise her child in a No Spanking Zone.

Rilla has generously given me permission to reprint this post below:

—————————————————————————————————–

I generally keep this blog “on topic” with regards to organic gardening, an eco-friendly lifestyle, recipes, etc, and don’t make a habit of talking about my faith much because it’s a very personal and often touchy topic. That said, lately I’ve felt very disturbed by how so many Christian parents are still parenting in the dark ages in regards to discipline. This is a topic that I’m feeling more and more passionate about all the time. I posted the following essay on my password protected private blog, but I feel it’s time to “go public” because it’s something that really needs to be said, especially within Christian communities, where spanking is still the norm. Anyways, without further ado, here’s what I need to say about gentle Christian discipline, otherwise known as the “no spanking zone”.

I was raised in a highly punitive home. Me and my siblings were spanked excessively as children and into our early teens. I knew I hated that feeling of constant dread when interacting with my parents, and I hated being unable to gain my mother’s approval most of my childhood.

Yet I never considered not spanking my own kids because I believed it was Biblical.

When my son was born I found a website forum called Gentle Christian Mothers and was shocked to discover there was a whole community of Christian parents who were taking a stand against spanking. It was a bit overwhelming at first, and I wanted to keep spanking as an option in case my child was just totally rebellious and needed a “good spanking” (talk about the worst oxymoron ever!). I quickly left the online community at that time because I felt offended by their firm stand against ALL physical punishment and felt they were not following the Biblical stance I was raised believing was true.

Of course I wasn’t spanking him when he was a baby, but once he hit 2, I just knew I wasn’t going to be able to spank him. It felt so wrong to consider hitting a small defenseless child who didn’t even speak English yet! In addition, it seemed so counter productive to hit my child when I didn’t like his behaviour, yet I was trying to teach him that hitting is wrong. Talk about crazy making.

I rejoined the GCM forum, and felt extremely validated the second time around.

Grace-Based Discipline is a model of discipline which, though it rejects the popular view that the rod references spankings, affirms the authority of parents as outlined in the Bible. Extending grace to our children is not permissiveness. We believe that parents are to set a high standard for behavior and children are to uphold that standard. Many gentle parents are prudent and selective about the type and number of rules they enforce. Many grace based parents enforce those rules using low coercion, cooperation, negotiation and compromise. However, GCM does not embrace the philosophy behind TCS (“Taking Children Seriously”) or non-coercive parenting. True, quality discipline combines knowledge of age appropriate behaviors, reasonable standards, clear expectations, proactive discipline and consistency. Grace is extended in a parent’s willingness to help their children meet that standard when needed and to forgive when the standard is missed. (GCM)

I learned about redirection, and the concept that kids who feel bad act bad. I was quite amazed when I realized, and saw in practice, that generally when a child is “misbehaving” there’s a root to the issue like hunger, fatigue, strange surroundings, illness, or other circumstances. When I addressed the root issue instead of the behaviour, the bad behaviour naturally disappeared in almost every case!

It’s such a simple concept, but I went from being completely frustrated with what I perceived to be out of control behaviour, to intuitively recognizing when my child was getting tired, sick, or hungry, and responding to that need instead of trying to treat the behavioural symptoms of these needs with discipline. This one lesson alone resolved most of our issues.

I also learned about age appropriate behaviour and normal child development. Behaviour that I had always believed was “bad” was actually part of normal child development, and with a little guidance and teaching, those behaviours could be transformed into an opportunity to guide and teach! Wow!

I found that parenting gently was a LOT more work than just punishing bad behaviour because it required I get off my butt and participate in parenting. Parenting is just another word for teaching in our home, and includes modeling the behaviour I want (no screaming, no hitting, speaking with respect, showing kindness, helping, loving, and affection). It required us acting the way we want our son to act! Novel idea…

I had to learn and practice speaking in a gentle but firm manner. If my child didn’t want to do something, it meant getting up and assisting him, showing him how it was done, and enforcing the behaviour I needed him to show. At first I thought it would nurture laziness in him, but I found the opposite was true. Using a firm kind tone of voice, combined with my willingness to help when a task was too overwhelming for him, actually served to make him more independent and nurtured a desire in my son to gain my approval by doing what he was told and it doing it well.

The more I practiced gentle parenting, the better I understood the grace that God extends to me as HIS child. God doesn’t berate me, he doesn’t yell at me when I fail, he doesn’t beat me when I make mistakes, he doesn’t punish me when I do something wrong. He works in a gentle loving manner that softens my heart and causes me to WANT to model HIS behaviour. When I’m unable to cope with a task, he steps in and helps me.

If God doesn’t use punitive methods to discipline me, an adult with free will, why would I use punitive methods on a developing growing child who is learning how to exercise their God-given free will in an appropriate manner?

God provides a model of grace-based discipline that we can reflect in the way we parent. His character is love. When we raise our children with grace and love, they respond in kind. My son is a typical 5 year old. He gets carried away sometimes, and pushes his boundaries. When I speak to him with respect and teach him how to be respectful and honor boundaries he responds positively and with a desire to please.

Think about this. If a family came to visit, and was staying in your home, and the wife hit the husband, or the husband hit the wife, every time the other did something wrong, wouldn’t you classify that as classic abuse? Wouldn’t you feel obligated to step in and intervene? Possibly even call the authorities? If that is so… How is it any less abuse to hit a small child when they do something wrong in the name of discipline? Why aren’t we intervening more when adult parents are hitting their child?

Canada’s Laws on Spanking

http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/library/PRBpubs/prb0510-e.htm

http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2004/01/30/spanking040130.html

In its decision Friday, the court ruled that reasonable corrective force can be used against children between the ages of two and 12 years old.

The court said it was unacceptable to hit a child with an object, like a belt or paddle. Blows and slaps to the child’s head would also be unacceptable.

For corporal punishment to be legally acceptable, it must involve only “minor corrective force of a transitory and trifling nature,” the court ruled.

http://www.canadiancrc.com/Child_Abuse/Supreme_Court_Case_Spanking.aspx

I won’t be addressing the Biblical Questions because it has already all been said so much better at Arms of Love by Crystal Lutton. If you want a really great parenting resource, her book Biblical Parenting is one I would highly recommend.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With Gentle Christian Mothers, gentle discipline, grace, Grace Based Discipline, Organique Gal, Rilla G., spank, testimony

John Law and John Grace

December 6, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Carissa Robinson (at To Parent As One Who Has Been Richly Forgiven) has posted The Story of John Law and John Grace which is an allegory which explains the difference between living under the law and living under grace. She then goes on to explain why Christians, who are living under grace, should also raise their children under Grace.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With Carissa Robinson, cleaning, examples of gentle parenting, gentle discipline, grace, Grace Based Parenting, Law, never good enough

What is Grace Based Discipline?

December 3, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

The Web Magazine, Positively Feminine, is running a new series called, What Is Grace-Based Discipline? by PhenomoMom. I am quite impressed with this magazine and its contributors and suggest you check it out.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With adoption, attachment parenting, babies, CIO, crying, crying it out, Crystal Lutton, Dr. Sears, grace, Grace Based Discipline, Positively Feminine, rod

What Gentle Discipline Is Not – Part 3

November 9, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Carissa Robinson continues her explanation of what Gentle Discipline is not with what Gentle Discipline is not in What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued Again . This post looks at “Gentle discipline is not something that occurs only when unacceptable behavior manifests itself” aka “Gentle Discipline is not sporadic.”

Here is the rest of her series, for your convenience:
What Gentle Discipline Is Not
What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued. “Gentle Discipline is not adversarial”

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With adversarial relationship, Anti Spanking Links, Carissa Robinson, gentle discipline, grace, Grace Based Parenting, punishment, teaching

The POV of a Non-Spanked Child

November 3, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

I found this conversation to be very touching and profound. It shows the thinking of one 6 yr old child who has been raised with gentle discipline.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With examples of gentle parenting, gentle discipline, grace, passover, Rebecca Diamond

To Wreck a Train and Ruin a Child

November 2, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Here is another warning from someone who tried using the teachings in To Train Up A Child found the results to be disastrous. She also has insight into the raising of sheep, which is helpful.

For your sharing convenience:

Filed Under Links about the Pearls Tagged With grace, Sheep, testimony, ttuac

What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued

October 27, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Carissa Robinson continues her explanation of what Gentle Discipline is not in What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued. This post looks at “Gentle Discipline is not adversarial!”

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With adversarial relationship, Anti Spanking Links, Carissa Robinson, gentle discipline, grace, punishment

To Control a Child

October 25, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Cultured Mama has written some very good arguments against the manipulative and dangerous teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl in To Control a Child. She also warns against Ezzo and Babywise and gives a lot of links for further research.

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Filed Under Links about the Pearls Tagged With Babywise, control, CTBHH, Deaths, Elimination control, Ezzo, Gentle Christian Mothers, gentle discipline, grace, Pearls

Grace Based Discipline and the Oppositional Child

October 20, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Recently I posted a link to what Gentle Discipline is not, today we will look at Gentle Discipline is. GreeneGem has written a very useful post about Grace Based Discipline and the Oppositional Child. You will certainly want to read this post because she gives very clear and detailed examples as well as explaining what Grace Based Discipline is and why she uses it.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With Anti Spanking Links, Dare to Disciple, examples of gentle parenting, gentle discipline, grace, Grace Based Discipline, Greenegem, oppositional child, parenting, strong willed child

What a Train Wreck

October 13, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

LivingForEternity has posted an confession / testimony at No Longer Quivering called, Family Man, Family Leader ~ To Train a Child – What a Train Wreck where she shares how the book To Train Up A Child almost destroyed her family.

For your sharing convenience:

Filed Under Links about the Pearls, Testimonies Tagged With grace, punishment, testimony, ttuac

Tools for the empty toolbox

October 9, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

GreenGem has posted part 3 of her journey towards grace wherein she shares where she found the tools to replace spanking.

For your sharing convenience:

Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With Anti Spanking Links, Dare to Disciple, gentle discipline, grace, Grace Based Parenting, Greenegem, parenting, parenting skills, punishment, testimony, toolbox

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 3: Spanking Relieves Guilt?

September 3, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Carissa continues her series with Is Spanking Biblical? Part 3: Spanking Relieves Guilt? Here is a quote:

Now, doesn’t it seem pretty hypocritical of Christian parents to spank their children for their children’s sins, but then themselves be able to turn to a perfect Lamb when they sin? Why can’t we point our children to Christ when they sin?? They need to learn that Jesus took care of all their guilt and shame, and before God they are forgiven.

Amen

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Filed Under Anti Spanking Links Tagged With Anti Spanking Links, Atonement, grace, guilt, Martin Luther

Entrapment

July 30, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Do you ever entrap your children? Read this blog entry from Dare to Disciple to learn more about entrapment. Failure to heed this warning may lead to developing an adversarial relationship with your children.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With adversarial relationship, bare feet, Dare to Disciple, entrapment, grace, Greenegem, lie, parenting, punishment, shoes, soap

Behaviour Modification

July 29, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

This blog post is exactly one year old today. I am linking to it because I just found it and have always found this topic interesting. Behaviour Modification: Punishment by Hippie Housewife. Here is a quote:

…Every day I hear the same parenting advice – punishment and rewards, threats and praise, negative and positive attention. In other words, the very definition of behaviour modification.

Does it work? That depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to get your child to mind you, then yes, it quite often does. However, for our own family’s goals, we have chosen not to use this system of behaviour modification. I’d like to share our reasons for this choice, today focusing in particular on the punishment side, saving the rewards/praise aspect for another day…

Here is her follow up post Behaviour Modification: Praise to which she alluded in that quote.

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Filed Under Anti Spanking Links Tagged With Anti Spanking Links, behavior modification, discipline, grace, hippie housewife, Natural/Logical Consequences, praise, punishment, rod

Grace-ful Parenting of Toddlers

July 26, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Here is some advice on how Grace-ful Parenting of Toddlers by a mother who has already been through this and is now the mother of adults.

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Filed Under Gentle Parenting Tagged With car seat, grace, parenting, Ross Campbell, toddlers

Biblical Perspectives on Spanking

Adversary or Advocate?

Deb’s Review of TTUAC – Part 3

A Study of “Spanking” Scriptures

The Christian History of Spanking Part 1

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 8

Prodigal Son

Is Punishment Biblical?

Spanking is Wrong

Who is God?

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 5

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 3

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 2

Spanking is NOT God’s Will

Lucy’s Story

No Spanking Zone

John Law and John Grace

What is Grace Based Discipline?

What Gentle Discipline Is Not – Part 3

The POV of a Non-Spanked Child

To Wreck a Train and Ruin a Child

What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued

To Control a Child

Grace Based Discipline and the Oppositional Child

What a Train Wreck

Tools for the empty toolbox

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 3: Spanking Relieves Guilt?

Entrapment

Behaviour Modification

Grace-ful Parenting of Toddlers

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