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Discipline without Harm Part 4

August 17, 2012 By Steph 2 Comments

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

In the last piece we saw how to set flexible yet solid boundaries and limits by which young children can abide.  We also learned why using affirmations and encouragement with children is better than praises and rewards.  And finally we saw that using natural and logical consequences with children helps them to be able to take responsibility for their actions.  Again, it is important for us to remember that all the discipline strategies in this series are biblically supported, and are effective when used consistently and in conjunction with each other.  In this piece we are going to discuss how to figure out the need behind unwanted behavior in order to help our children fulfill that need.  We will also discuss regression in children and how to deal with it in a positive manner.

Fulfilling Needs—“Why is my child behaving this way?”

Many Christians, as we have seen throughout all of my series, believe that most of children’s unwanted behaviors are due to their sinful natures. They place so much emphasis on keeping children’s sinful nature in check that they forget, ignore, or deny the fact that God created children to develop the ways that they do, and that young children do not set out to sin.  They are learning about their worlds.  The more we understand child development and how God designed children, the easier it will be for us to guide and discipline (teach) our children.

From infancy, children have needs that must be met in order for children to thrive.  Since young children have zero to limited vocabulary in the first few years of life, they cry and find other ways of trying to communicate their needs to us.  As I’ve discussed in many of my series, an infant’s crying is not manipulative.  Infants’ brains do not allow them to be able to manipulate us.  A toddler will test limits, but will also try to communicate their needs by acting out as they still lack vocabulary and are just beginning to learn how to appropriately express themselves.  [Read more...]

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Discipline without Harm Part 2

May 22, 2012 By Steph Leave a Comment

(Part 1)

In the last piece we looked at how Proverbs 22:6 means to discipline children in a way that works with them instead of against them.  God is not an adversarial Parent to us, therefore, we should not be adversarial parents with our children as we are also sinners and actually sin more than our children do.  The purpose of this series is to learn how to discipline our children in a manner that will lead them to God instead of away from Him.  We must provide gentle yet firm discipline to our children.  In this piece we will look at how to validate feelings, deal with temper tantrums, and why we shouldn’t use time-out as punishment but instead use something known as “time-IN” to help children calm down in a helpful way.

Validating Feelings—“It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to!”

Many people fail to realize just how much of an emotional life infants have right from birth.  The young infant feels happy, sad, angry, and scared.  But because crying is the only way of communicating their feelings, many infants do not get the validation that they require.  Tragically, some infants are ignored and/or punished for crying.  It is very important to understand that infants’ emotions are also their needs, and those needs must always be responded to in a sensitive and respectful manner.  “It seems wise for caregivers to make the assumption that infants of all ages have feelings, since it helps us to understand their needs.  The interventions we make that are consonant with our interpretations of infant emotions often seem to have the intended effect.  We pick up a crying baby to soothe what we believe to be the child’s pain or discomfort as much as to stop the crying, and the subsequent relaxation of the infant confirms our belief about his or her feelings” (Fogel, 2011, p. 280).  [Read more...]

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The Effects of Spanking Part 6 *Sensitive*

February 21, 2012 By Steph 4 Comments

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

In the last part of this series we saw how teaching children to equate love with pain can cause them to become sadomasochistic.  We also saw how spanking children, even when done “lovingly” and the “right way,” causes many children to struggle with depression, guilt, and shame as having pain intentionally inflicted on them by their parents never makes them feel positive about themselves.  In this concluding piece of this series, we will see how spanking keeps the vicious cycle of abuse and authoritarian parenting going for generations unless one fights against it.  New research shows that children that are physically punished/abused can develop a form of Stockholm Syndrome as they deny and repress their pain.  Also, I will be showing that intentionally inflicting pain on children causes brain damage as the brain gets rewired due to experiencing pain and trauma throughout childhood.  Many parents do not realize how vulnerable the young, developing brain is.  Finally, I will be explaining the Scientific Method of conducting research in order to disprove the claim of a great deal of pro-spankers that all the research proving spanking is harmful is somehow biased.  I hope this series further proves that spanking did not come from God otherwise none of these harmful effects would ever occur.

The Cycle of Abuse and Authoritarian Parenting—“My parents spanked me and I survived and so will my children!”
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The Heart of the Matter

November 15, 2011 By Hermana Linda 2 Comments

Rachel Miller, who blogs at A Daughter of The Reformation, discusses her concerns about the Pearls which go far being spanking or use of the rod and to The Heart Of The Matter.

Since the NY Times article about the Pearls, the story has gone all the way Down Under, as this story in The Sydney Morning Herald demonstrates.

Speaking of the NY Times article, here are the Letters To The Editor  about it.

Also, QuicksilverQueen  is still writing her detailed Book Review of To Train Up A Child and how it relates to the deaths.  In this review she freely shares how being raised by these teachings affected her and what she was really feeling when her parents thought that she was joyously submissive. She has reviewed the first 3 chapters.

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Christians Who Don’t Spank and Why

September 8, 2011 By Hermana Linda 1 Comment

I came across 2 Christian bloggers who very eloquently explain why they don’t spank.

Spanking…..The Post I Finally Had to Write and Spare the Rod: What Spanking Teaches Children by Amanda at Not Just Cute

To spank or not to spank? by Raqual at Connected Christian Mom

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Series on First Time Obedience

March 29, 2011 By Hermana Linda 2 Comments

Cindy of Under Much Grace has posted part 5 of her series about First Time Obedience: Revisiting First Time Obedience: Finding New Alternatives

For your convenience I will paste here the links to the rest of the series along with her descriptions:

  • A review of the submission required under multigenerational faithfulness as Vision Forum’s carryover from Bill Gothard’s submission teachings with various examples of this demand for unquestioned obedience without credulity. First post specifically examining “First Time Obedience” in young children.
  • A review of the principle of sacerdotalism and parental convenience (as a control issue in dysfunctional families) as rationales for requiring “First Time Obedience” and “leaps of faith” required under multigenerational faithfulness.
  • Review of the tendency to make every banal daily activity one of great eternal spiritual significance as a consequence of works-based salvation. Includes a discussion of viewing personality traits that do not fit the belief system’s paradigm as sinful as well as the building up of all gender related activities as sacramental for the impartation of inward sanctification.
  • Blog host’s personal experience with inherent personality traits treated by parents as sin, the idolatry of seeking parental approval, and the consequences of requiring unquestioned submission with the use of guilt and shame that predisposes one to easy brainwashing and compliance with thought reform. Includes a section from Biderman’s Chart of Coercion addressing the powerful effects of devaluing individuals in religious settings.
  • Discussion of the development of how perfectionism, works-based salvation and First Time Obedience squelch problem-solving skill and prevent the development of critical thinking under the guise of multigenerational faithfulness.

A specific review of the theological problems in Voddie Baucham’s defense of First Time Obedience as well as the refutation of the practice from Scripture. Echos concerns noted in this previous blog post concerning Baucham’s “Family Driven Faith” book.

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Why churches are failing

October 12, 2010 By Hermana Linda Leave a Comment

Thriller Author has written a blog post at HubPages called Why Churches Are Failing.

This is a rather harsh wake up call for all Christians to consider and I believe that it is warranted. The Pearls’ teachings are mentioned in passing along with Ezzo’s.

I don’t know exactly what these HubPages are but I notice that they also have a positive review of To Train Up A Child. Needless to say, I do not agree with her conclusions of this book. It looks like members of this Hub can vote for the pages and affect their ratings. Hmmmm . . .

For more realistic reviews of To Train Up A Child, please see my list of reviews.

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