Letters to Dobson

Discipleship Parenting wrote a Letter to Dr. James Dobson. It is a lovely letter, you should take a look at it. In it she gives a testimony of how his teaching on spanking hurt her family and how they found something better.

She got a reply from Focus on The Family defending their stance.

She then wrote another letter where she explained further how his teachings are damaging and dangerous.

She received another reply from Focus on the Family which reiterated what was said in the first letter.

I highly recommend that you read these letters.

Edited to add that  she has posted 2 addendums to her first letter to Dobson:
Addendum to “Grace”
Handling Disputes Biblically

Is Punishment Biblical?

Rach at The Incorrigible Gingers discusses the question, “Is Punishment Biblical?“  Notice that she is not just referring to corporal punishment here but all punishment.   Now, that is a really radical thought.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 7

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( Part 6 )

The Rod

What about the “rod” in the 5 verses in Proverbs that pro-spankers take literally to mean spanking young children?  In Crystal Lutton’s book, Biblical Parenting, she includes an in-depth study of the rod as it is used throughout the Old Testament.  Interestingly, as I will show in a bit, there are only two verses in the Old Testament in which the rod is used to hit someone!  For now, let’s look at the Hebrew word for rod.

The Hebrew word for rod is shebet.   Shebet is defined in Strong’s Hebrew Lexicon #7626 as “rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, scepter, tribe:

a) Rod, staff

b) Shaft (of spear, dart)

c) Club (of shepherd’s implement)

d) Truncheon, scepter (mark of authority)

e) Clan, tribe”

(Lutton, 2001).

Here is Strong’s definition of rod: “From an unused root probably meaning to branch off; a scion, for example literally a stick (for punishing, writing, fighting, walking, ruling, etc.) or figuratively a clan.”  In the KJV of the Bible, rod is used for tribe 140 times; rod 34 times; scepter 10 times; staff 2 times; and miscellaneous 4 times (Lutton, 2001).   It is quite interesting that shebet or rod is used to symbolize tribes.  Also, while it is considered a tool (see Leviticus 27:32, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 2:9, Isaiah 28:27, and Exodus 21:20) in all 34 places in which the word “rod” is used, it is in conjunction with the full council of God.  It is clear that if we look at all the places in which shebet is used for rod in the Old Testament, it is used as a symbol of authority the majority of the time.  It symbolizes the authority of God, nations, and parents as in Proverbs.

In Exodus 20:21 a rod is used to hit someone.  Let’s take a look at the verse.

“Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result” (NIV).

Obviously, the rod is being used to hit an adult, not a young child.  And if the slave dies from being hit with the rod which is a heavy instrument, then the person who hit them is to be punished.  Obviously, people had slaves back then and God did not want masters beating their slaves to death.  The rod can easily cause death in a young child.  Even if you measure a stick in proportion to the child as some pro-spankers suggest doing, with the right force, it could still kill a child.  An adult hitting a young child with their hands could also, with the right force and with repetition, severely injure or kill a young child.  As many pro-spankers and Psychology point out, a child who is spanked regularly often must be hit harder and harder in order for the spanking to still be effective.  This can easily become physical abuse and outright dangerous if the adult hits hard enough to cause injury to the child.

In 2 Samuel 7:14, it appears that the rod is again being used to actually hit someone.

“I will be his father, and he will be my son. When he does wrong, I will punish him with a rod wielded by men, with floggings inflicted by human hands” (NIV).

Again, this is talking about an adult, not a child.   And it isn’t even talking about punishment in this sense.  God is talking to David about who will build His Holy Temple.  This verse, in the context of 2 Samuel 7:1-17, seems to be talking about Jesus!  Even though Jesus did no wrong in the eyes of God, He did do wrong in the eyes of men by not upholding the Law of Moses through claiming to be God.  Therefore, He was still beaten by the hands of men!  It is obvious that the rod in this verse is also being used to symbolize the authority of God.

Authority can be used to “beat” people with wisdom of God.  In order to drive home a point, God often makes it come up repeatedly in a person’s life through His Word, church teachings, the Holy Spirit convictions, and natural and logical consequences.  He never beats or spanks His people.  The rod verses in the book of Proverbs are not saying to spank children.  If it did then pro-spankers are doing it wrongly by not using a rod, which again, would be very dangerous to use on a small child!  As parents and caregivers, God has given us some authority over children in order to teach and guide them with firmness as well as love, gentleness, kindness, and humility.

“What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit?” 1 Corinthians 4:21. It seems even the Apostle Paul understood that it’s better to come in love and gentleness than with harshness.

Children as Representatives of Jesus Christ

The book, The Child in Christian Thought edited by Marcia J. Bunge, gives us an even better glimpse into what life was like for children during New Testament times, and how Jesus’ teachings affected them.  While not much information is available on childhood in Christian traditions is available to us, we can gain much insight by looking deeply at the different perspectives offered by historical and contemporary Christian theologians.  One major concept that seems to play a major role in the view and treatment of children throughout Christianity is original sin.  Interestingly, original sin can either lead to the harsh treatment of children, or to a gentler treatment.  Bunge (2001) states, “More specifically, it shows that notions of original sin and ‘breaking the will’ are complex and do not automatically lead to the harsh punishment of children, and that the idea of original sin, set within a particular larger theological framework, has in some cases fostered the more humane treatment of children” (p. 9).  It is clear from the Scriptures that we are born with a tendency toward sin, but there is not a precise age at which we become accountable to that sin.  “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out” Romans 7:14. As we shall soon see, while children are indeed born with a sinful nature, they are also given immense spiritual knowledge of God by God for His Glory!

While some theologians have viewed children as gifts from God, others have viewed children as ignorant and in need of strict discipline and religious education. Many Christians have really emphasized the fact that children are to obey their parents in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20), but seem to ignore Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 which states, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” As I mentioned before, “Fathers” can also be translated into “Parents.”  “It is important to note that grounds for this obedience vary, and in most cases obedience is not absolute” (Bunge, 2001, p. 23).  It is dangerous and inappropriate for children to be taught absolute obedience to humans as humans are sinful.  The child could be going against God by always obeying a human.  Children should be taught to think for themselves in order to “test the spirits to see whether they are from God” 1 John 4:1a. Bunge (2001) states, “For example, although Barth believes that parents are ‘God’s natural and primary representatives’ for children, he claims that raising children ‘in the discipline of the Lord’ excludes provoking them to the anger, resistance and rebellion that emerges through the ‘assertion of Law, or the execution of judgment.’  Instead, parents are ‘joyfully’ to invite children to ‘rejoice’ with them in God” (p. 23).  Of all the social institutions with which children come in contact, the family has the highest potential for teaching children about God (Bunge, 2001).

So, how were children viewed and treated in the New Testament?  There were two primary social groups that held somewhat conflicting beliefs about children and childhood.  The first group was first century Greco-Romans.  While the Romans loved and valued their children as heirs of the family and keeping the family’s economical status, they also viewed children as non-humans.  “The Roman philosopher Cicero wrote concerning childhood, ‘the thing itself cannot be praised, only its potential,’ and categorically denied the desirability of reverting in any sense to the state of childhood” (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 32).  The Roman law gave fathers full authority and power over their children.  Fathers decided whether a newborn lived or was left to die unless another person found the infant and decided to care for him/her (Gundry-Volf, 2001).  Because children were viewed so negatively by the Romans, they were sometimes beaten to death; imprisoned; put in chains; or forced to work in the fields by their fathers.  It appears that the Roman society was a violent one with a great deal of power.

The other primary social group in the New Testament period was the Jews.  For the most part, Jewish children were viewed positively by their parents.  They were seen as blessings from God.  To be childless was to be cursed in the Jewish religion.  “You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor will any of your livestock be without young” Deuteronomy 7:14. However, children were also seen as ignorant and in need of strict religious education.  Gundry-Volf (2001) explains that they had “a view of children falling short of the ideal represented by the adult male law-observant Israelite.  The fundamentally positive significance of children, however, is not thereby negated” (p. 35).  The Jewish people rejected the harsh practices of the Romans who were their contemporaries.  Jewish fathers had complete power and authority over their children as well, but the “Jews distinguished themselves from many of their contemporaries by rejecting brutal practices toward children, including abortion and exposure of newborns, which can be traced to less positive views of children, and by placing limits on the Jewish father’s power over his children” (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 35-36).

Jesus changed everything for children.  In Matthew 18:1-4, Jesus held children up as models for adults.  Matthew 18:1-4 states, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

This was quite radical as children were never held up in such high esteem in the various cultures of the New Testament.  “Now children shared the social status of the poor, the hungry, and the suffering, whom Jesus calls ‘blessed.’  For this reason, apparently, he insists on receiving children into the reign of God.  John Dominic Crossan may be overstating his case when he asserts that Jesus taught a ‘kingdom of children’ in the sense of a ‘kingdom of nobodies,’ for ‘to be a child was to be a nobody’ (italics added)- an overstatement because children were emphatically not ‘nobodies’ in the Old Testament-Jewish tradition.  Nevertheless, it is still probably correct to say that children’s vulnerability and powerlessness seem to lie at the heart of Jesus’ extension of the reign of God to them” (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 38).  Another interesting thing regarding Jesus holding small children up as models is that children were not required to obey the Law of Moses, and, of course, they did not fulfill it.  As usual, Jesus has taken what the Jews believed was required for entering the Kingdom of Heaven (obedience of the Law), and has completely turned it upside down.  “Jesus can be taken to challenge the perception that adults who are under obligation to the Law, and do fulfill it, are thereby qualified to enter the reign of God.  Egger thus concludes that the phrase ‘as a child’ means ‘as one who has neither obedience nor obligation to the Law’” (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 39).   It is clear that God wants adults to have humility, love, forgiveness, and openness like children do.  We are to treat children, as well as others who are low on the social ladder, with kindness, love, and respect in keeping with God’s equal love for all.  To mistreat children by spanking and harshly punishing them is to go against God’s precepts.

“For God does not show favoritism” Romans 2:11.

“If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it” James 2:8-10.

Caring for children was, and sadly still is, considered a low status job that was primarily for women during the New Testament time period.  However, in Mark 9:36-37, it says, “He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37 “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.” Being kind to children in Jesus’ Name isn’t what Jesus is implying here.  We are to serve children.  “’Receive’ or ‘welcome’ (dechomai) in the New Testament is used especially for hospitality to guests, which implies serving them (see, e.g. Luke 10:8; 16:4).  Jesus’ taking the child into his arms demonstrates such service.  This action is more than a display of affection” (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 43).  So, how are we to serve our children in order to be great in the Kingdom of God?  By sacrificing for them; by patiently teaching them when it would be easier to punish them through spanking or an isolating time-out; by guiding with tender firmness as God does us, especially after redirecting a toddler for the twentieth time in an hour.  God implores that the humblest work is what makes us truly great in His eyes for both men and women.  We need to treat one another with patience and humility.  This includes children! “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” Colossians 3:12.

“Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction” 2 Timothy 4:2.

Children were, and still are, representatives of Jesus Christ even though they were never sent to speak and heal as the disciples were.  Rejecting a child could be related to rejecting Jesus.  Why?  Because, as I pointed out earlier, children were treated with much brutality in the New Testament period, especially by the Romans.  If we look at Mark 9:30-32, which states, ”They left that place and passed through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were, 31 because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise.” 32 But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.” It is clear that Jesus is speaking of His own suffering and death.  Jesus goes on in Mark 33-37 to teach about welcoming children in His Name in order to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven.  This is NOT mere coincidence!  God’s Word is placed where it is throughout the Bible for a specific purpose.   The child is weak and needy.  “The child thus represents Jesus as a humble, suffering figure (Author’s italics) (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 45).  This absolutely brings tears to my eyes.  Jesus can relate to the harsh punishment of humble, precious children because He went through it as a humble, suffering servant so that we wouldn’t have to.  “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:5-8.

As Gundry-Volf (2001), so beautifully states, “To welcome a little child in Jesus’ name, I therefore propose, is to welcome Jesus himself in the sense that he humbled himself like a little child and endured the worst lot of the little child in carrying out his God-given mission” (p. 45).  I believe that it is safe to say that Mark, inspired by God, purposely links Jesus’ suffering with the child because of that society’s awareness of child brutality.  It is not surprising that Mark’s audience would clearly see this link.  When read closely and with open hearts, we too can begin to see this link.  This shows that spanking or otherwise harshly punishing children is frowned upon by Christ.  “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward” Matthew 10:42. Whatever we do to each other, including children, we also do to God Himself!

Children have a miraculous knowledge of who Christ is.  This is funny considering that adults in the New Testament thought children were ignorant.  Let’s look at Matthew 21:14: “The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them. 15 But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple courts, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they were indignant. 16 “Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked him.  “Yes,” replied Jesus, “have you never read, “‘From the lips of children and infants you, Lord, have called forth your praise’?” Instead of the chief priests and scribes, who were well educated in the religion, proclaiming Christ as the Son of God and Messiah, it was the supposedly “ignorant” children doing so.  We see this throughout the entire Bible.  In fact, Jesus even thanks His Heavenly Father for hiding Godly things from the wise and revealing them to children.  “At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do” Luke 10:21. “In the gospel tradition, children are not mere ignoramuses in terms of spiritual insight.  They know Jesus’ true identity.  They praise him as the Son of David.  They have this knowledge from God and not from themselves, and because they do, they are living manifestations that God is the source of all true knowledge about Christ.  Jesus’ affirmation of the children’s praise of him in this periscope is thus an affirmation that children who ‘know nothing’ can also ‘know divine secrets’ and believe in him” (Gundry-Volf, 2001, p. 47-48).  This why young children never question if God truly exists.  Young children know God is real.  Yes, they need to be taught about God through reading developmentally appropriate Bibles, but they are already, in a sense, believers.  It isn’t until, through exposure to the world and satan’s influence, that older children may begin to question God’s existence as they struggle with their sinful nature that has now become much more defined in them.  This is why spanking them in Jesus’ Name is so dangerous.  Instead of being sinful yet innocent for as long as possible, they are taught and made aware of their sinful natural before they have the power to choose Christ in order to be able to truly fight the constant battle.  Children are weak.  They may know Christ, but they are not strong enough to fight this battle.  Then we inflict pain on them for not winning the battle.  Over time, this creates even more sin within them, and a very distorted view of God, whether they acknowledge it or not.  If adults struggle with sin all the time, is it really fair to punish children for their struggle before they can truly understand it?  Look at what Paul says about his own struggle with sin:

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:21-25.

We are to use God’s Word to lovingly admonish each other. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God” Colossians 3:16.

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” Romans 14:19.

Lastly, yes, children are to obey their parents in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1 & Colossians 3:20).  However, as with Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 regarding parents not provoking their children to anger, we also leave out Ephesians 5:21 that prefaces the entire section of Christian household behaviors.   Ephesians 5:21 states, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is exactly what Christ was talking about in Mark 36-37.  Children are to submit to parents in the Lord.  But, parents are also to submit to and serve their children in the Lord by treating them with love, kindness, and respect!

May we be blessed for obeying God’s Truth in Christ!

( Continued )

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Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Myth Busting

Claire has been doing some Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple.   Today  I would like to feature  Myth Busting 3: Backtalk, Consistency and the United Front.

For your convenience, here are her previous posts:

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 4

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 )

In Samuel Martin’s book, he explains how many pro-spankers quote the following Proverb to support their argument that the spanking should cause crying in children.  And cause not just crying, but a broken will.

“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” Proverbs 19:18 (KJV).

One of the most prominent and most followed Christain advocates of spanking children; especially young children, is Dr. James Dobson.  In his book, Dare to Discipline, Dobson (1970) states, “Real crying usually lasts two minutes or less, but may continue for five.  After that point, the child is merely complaining, and the change can be recognized in the tone and intensity of his voice.  I would require him to stop the protest crying, usually by offering him a little more of what caused the original tears” (p. 13).  Does this sound like a loving way to “discipline” our children?  A parent purposely inflicts pain on a child to break his or her will, and then tells the child to quit crying or he or she will purposely inflict more pain on the child.  When I’m in pain, I complain lots.  I remember how awful it felt when my dad hit me and told me to quit crying.  It was all I could do to stifle both the emotional and physical pain that I felt.  God commands us to live in peace with one another to the best of our ability.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Romans 12:18.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you” 2 Corinthians 13:11.

There are over 20 Hebrew words that relate to weeping or actual crying with tears in the Bible, but none of them are found in the book of Proverbs.  These are used when someone important or a family member dies throughout Scripture or to an infant as seen in Exodus 2:6. Let’s take a look at the five Hebrew words that are used in Proverbs and their English translations.

The first Hebrew word in Proverbs that we come across for crying is rahnan.    Proverbs 1:20 states, “Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets” (KJV). And Proverbs 8:3 says, “She crieth at the gates, at the entry of the city, at the coming in at the doors”  (KJV). These two verses are speaking about “Lady Wisdom,” and rahnan is being translated as singing, cry out, rejoice, and shouting or shout aloud for joy.  It is clear from these verses that “Lady Wisdom” is shouting and shouting aloud for joy.   Rahnan is used throughout Proverbs in this way.  See Proverbs 29:6 as well.

Another Hebrew translation used in Proverbs for crying is hah-mah.  It means loud, clamorous, or raging.  Let’s look at a few Proverbs in which hah-mah is translated in crying.

“She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words” Proverbs 1:21 (KJV).

“She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house” Proverbs 7:11 (KJV).

“A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing” Proverbs 9:13 (KJV).

“Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise” Proverbs 20:1 (KJV).

It is clear from the context of these verses that crying is being used as in someone being loud and obnoxious; not as in actual crying with tears.  The next Hebrew translation for crying does mean crying with tears and is used even when speaking of children.  Yet, it is not used in Proverbs 19:18. This Hebrew word is z-gah-kah.  It, as mentioned before, is used in Exodus 2:6. Even Jesus Himself wept when He came to His friend, Lazarus’ tomb before He raised him from death.

“Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

35 Jesus wept” John 11:30-35.

Z-gah-kah is also used in Proverbs 21:13 which says, “Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard” (KJV). It is interesting that this has nothing to do with children.  So, what is the Hebrew translation for crying that we see in Proverbs 19:18?  It is mooth and is used over 500 times in the Hebrew Bible.  It has 40 different means that refer to death.   The NIV version of Proverbs 19:18 says it like this:

“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;

do not be a willing party to their death.”

This means not allowing your child to go down the wrong road that could lead to a premature death.  This has absolutely nothing to do with actual crying as Dobson and many other Christian advocates of spanking believe!  Children need limits.  We wouldn’t let a toddler run out in the street to be run over by a car.  But instead of spanking the toddler, we should firmly tell the toddler that the street is dangerous, and then show the toddler the safe way to cross the street holding onto Mommy or Daddy hands.  Does hitting a toddler really teach him or her why the street is dangerous and how to be safe?  No!  It teaches them that danger makes Mommy and Daddy hurt me.   That Jesus wants me to be hurt when I’m in danger.  Remember, young children cannot make abstract connections like adults can.

Christian advocates of spanking are totally misinterpreting Scripture and/or are purposely teaching false doctrine.  The Apostle Paul warns about this.  “20 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence” Colossians 2:20-23. We are not to obey these regulations anymore.  We are to obey Jesus Christ!

Older infants and toddlers require boundaries and limits.  These help young children to feel safe and secure.  For example, securely attached infants and toddlers will often look at their parent or caregiver when they encounter something that they are unsure about.  If the adult smiles approvingly, the child will usually continue exploring.  If the adult frowns, the child will usually stop exploring.  Infants and toddlers need discipline and guidance because they lack self-control.  Unfortunately, many people think of discipline and punishment as one and the same.  This should not be the case whatsoever.  “Webster’s Dictionary describes discipline as ‘training that corrects, molds, or perfects.’  I believe the best and most long-lasting training comes from within.  Discipline is first learned externally, based on parental, and then societal expectations” (Gerber & Johnson, 1998, p. 204).  Positive guidance strategies such as modeling, redirection, and natural consequences work better to truly teach children more appropriate ways of behaving. For example, if a toddler gets up from the table, then the natural consequence is that he will be finished eating.  This is not punishment; it is cause and effect that directly relates to the toddler’s behavior.

Christian pediatrician Dr. William Sears implores the importance of understanding the child’s perspective in order to appropriate respond and guide the child.  “Authority is vital to discipline, and authority must be based on trust.  If an infant can trust his mother to feed him when he’s hungry, he will be more likely as a toddler to listen to her for what to do when, for example, he encounters breakable objects on Grandma’s coffee table” (Sears & Sears, 2001, p. 20).

Again, discipline means to teach and to guide children in appropriate behaviors.  Spanking does not do this; it controls.  “Physical punishment such as hitting or spanking will mean two things to her: one, that you are bigger than she and you can get away with it, and two, that you believe in aggression” (Brazelton & Sparrow, 2006, p. 146).  Spanking children causes them to slowly lose their trust in their parents and caregivers.  This makes them less likely to listen to parents without the threat of punishment.  Discipline, however, has the opposite effect on children.  “Discipline is the second most important thing you do for a child.  Love comes first, and discipline second.  Discipline means teaching, not punishment.  The goal is for the child to incorporate her own limits.  Each opportunity for discipline becomes a chance for teaching.  Hence, after a brief disciplinary maneuver, sit down to comfort and hold her, saying, ‘You can’t do that.  I’ll have to stop you until you can learn to stop yourself’” (Brazelton & Sparrow, 2006, p. 147).   Brazelton recommends using time-outs not as punishments but to help the child calm down.

Do we really want children growing up believing that Jesus wants them to be hurt every time they make a mistake or misbehave?  Do we really want children to equate hitting and causing pain to love?  Numerous studies suggest that children from violent homes are at an increased risk of becoming violent themselves.  Yes, someday Jesus will come back to unleash His final Wrath on the Earth, but He’s giving everyone a chance before He does.  He does not want anyone to perish.  Should children be taught about His love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness by modeling it to them?  Or would we rather model “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God Galatians 5:19-21.

Do not let satan deceive you.  Famous Christian theologian Dwight Moody did not let satan deceive him.  Despite being spanked as a child, he chose to live by the Law of Christ and did not spank his own children.

As in the Words of Christ, “He who has ears, let him hear!”

( Continued )


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Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 2

(Part 1)

After reading and studying more today in this wonderful book by Samuel Martin and doing my own Bible study, here are some things that God has revealed to me.

First, the book of Proverbs is the oldest book in the Holy Bible.  While King Solomon and King Hezekiah wrote most of Proverbs, according to Martin’s book, some of it was also written by authors of ancient Egypt hundreds of years prior to King Solomon and King Hezekiah.  In the Hebrew Bible, The Wisdom Literature which are Job, Psalms, and Proverbs are arranged in a different order than they appear in our modern day Bibles.  Instead of Job,  Psalms, Proverbs; it’s Psalms, Proverbs, Job.  These Holy books were inspired by God to be written primarily for young men.

The Hebrew language breaks up each stage of childhood in the Bible into specific names from birth to adulthood.   I will not list them here at the moment, but what is key to point out here is the Book of Proverbs was written for young men (Hebrew: Na’ar).  Na’ar is the teenage years, 12 years to roughly 19.  During this stage of life during biblical times, young men were considered ready to learn the Law, looking to marry, and able to understand abstract concepts.  This makes sense as reknown psychologist Jean Piaget recognized that people 12 and up were in the Formal Operational stage of cognitive development.  Young children cannot think abstractly.  That is why a young child will run to the window if you say it’s raining cats and dogs.  The young child truly expects to see cats and dogs falling from the sky.  The young takes everything at it’s literal meaning.  For infants and toddlers, everything they learn is through senses.  Therefore, if you slap their hands, despite what pro-spanking Christian advocates may say, they do not, can not understand exactly why they’re being hit.  Life is all trial and error for young children.  As I mentioned before in Part one, Jewish scholars and leaders recognize this fact and absolutely forbid the use of harshness and physical punishment for young children, especially those UNDER 6 years of age.

Secondly, the writers of the New Testament were well versed in the Book of Proverbs.  And yet, Proverbs is quoted only in a few books of the New Testament.  None of the quotes deal with the harsh punishment of children!  Jesus doesn’t even mention the punishment of children in His Sermon on the Mount where He changed and added to the Law (Matthew 5 & 6).  Instead, He held children up in high esteem for that day.  Look at this passage:

“13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them”  Mark 10:13-16.

Notice that Jesus was indignant when His disciples rebuked parents for bringing their children to Him.  Nowhere does it say Jesus hit children or taught people to spank children.  Other New Testament writers didn’t either.  Paul and Timothy gave many instructions regarding families and children, and yet, they do not quote any of the Proverbs that seem to advocate spanking.  Instead, Paul writes:

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” Colossians 3:21. The word “fathers” is also translated into parents.  The one passages in the New Testament that Christian pro-spankers often point to in order to claim that we are to spank is Hebrews 12:5-6 which states:

“And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Notice that the author quotes Proverbs 3:11-12 in this verse.  Proverbs 3:11-12 states:

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,

and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in.”

If this verse was really talking about the use of physical punishment, why didn’t the author quote one of the many verses dealing with the rod?  And if we look at the whole chapter of Hebrews 12, it doesn’t seem to be even discussing actual children, but adults who are God’s children.  Now let’s look at the definition of the word chastise.  Does it automatically mean physical punishment?  No!  Here’s what Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary says:

“1: to inflict punishment on (as by whipping)

2: to censure severely : castigate

3archaic : chasten 2″


Now before we go and say, see, it does mean physical punishment, look at how it’s used in these two sentences from this dictionary:


“The waiter was chastised for forgetting the customer’s order. The coach is always chastising the players for minor mistakes.”  Obviously, chastise is being use as a verbal correction in these sentences!  Now look at some of the synonyms of chastise: Rebuke, Lecture, Scold, Reprimand, Bawl Out, Dress Down, and Lecture.  Yes, it can mean physical punishment, but it also means many  other things!  Given the Biblical context in which chastise is being used here in Hebrews, we are walking very shaking ground if we choose to interpret it as a command to spank our children.  God rebukes us all the time.  No, it’s not pleseant, but it’s not in a harsh tone and He immediately forgives us when we repent.  And yes, if we choose to do our own thing against His Will, He will ALLOW, NOT INFLICT, pain into our lives.  But even when we do His Will, He still allows pain into our lives.  Look at these verses:


“The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.” Acts 5:41.


“Not only so, but we [Or let us] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance” Romans 5:3.


“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” Romans 8:17.


“All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering” 2 Thessalonians 1:5.


“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4.


To conclude this part of my series, let me reiterate that the Holy Bible is all divinely inspired by God.  The Law of Moses is still Holy.  But to accurately interpret Scripture, we must look at it in context of the whole; Old and New Testaments.   Jesus fulfilled, and thus freed us from, the Law!  As the apostle Paul states:


“For when we were in the realm of the flesh, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law” Romans 7:5-7a.


Open the eyes of our hearts that we may see Your Truth, Lord!  Thank You, Jesus!

(Continued)


Creative Commons License
Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Spanking and Proverbs – Part 3: Believer’s Behavior

Barefoot Betsy looks at “what the rest of the Bibles says about spanking in the light of what the Bible – in particular, the New Testament – says about how we, as Christians, are to behave” in Spanking and Proverbs- Part 3: Believer’s Behavior.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will

I am reading a wonderful book by theologian, Samuel Martin, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me. It’s clear from historic, contextual, Hebrew info on the book of Proverbs that we are NOT to spank (hit) children. The book of Proverbs was not meant for verses to be taken out of context. Even Jewish scholars believe that spankings are for boys 12 years & up and only as an absolute LAST resort. Proverbs was written under the Law of Moses. Christians are under the Law of Christ.  What is the Law of Christ?  Grace, peace, mercy and love.  “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law”  Galatians 5:22-23.

Jesus freed us from the Law.  “But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law”  Galatians 5:18. When we spank, we are parenting under the Law.   We are not accepting the grace, mercy and forgiveness of Jesus.  Jesus died for us.  He was beaten to a bloody pulp for us.  Why do we feel we must beat, spank, and hit our young children who do not understand sin nor physical punishment.  “In regard to evil be infants” 1 Corinthians 14:20b.

Even Jewish scholars forbid the use of physical punishment for children under 6.  The very age Christian advocates of spanking say it’s best for.  Every time you hit a child, even “lovingly,” you create confusion, anger, fear, and resentment which breed sin later on.

Jesus says, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.    6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come” Matthew 18:1-6.

May our hearts and eyes be open to your Truth Lord Jesus!

(Continued)



Creative Commons License
Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.    Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Psychology and the Christian Mindset

JeriWho has written a very interesting blog about Psychology and The Fundamentalist Christian at Blog On The Way.  Her premise is that while rejecting Psychology for being “atheistic, Darwinistic, and utterly secular,” they tend to embrace behaviorism which is also atheistic and unbliblical.  She makes some very good points here and gives much food for thought.

Binding Their Hearts To Christ

Keren explains why You Cannot Bind Their Hearts To Christ in her blog, Beauty In Every Place.

Spanking and Proverbs – Part 2: Interpretations

Barefoot Betsy continues her look at Proverbs with, Spanking and Proverbs Part 2: Interpretations.  This is long but very well worth reading as she has done a very good job of helping us understand what the proverbs about the rod are really saying.

Gluesticks

Christie Minich explains what glue sticks are really for and why.  (For more about using gluesticks for spanking, please see Gangbangers and Gluesticks.)

She also has some very good advice about raising a strong willed child using Gentle Discipline (although she does not use that term.)

She also has a post where she studies the rod verses of Proverbs called, Thy Rod And Thy Staff, They Comfort Me.

Tanja Cilia from Times of Malta

I found a blog entry in The Times of Malta by Tanja Cilia.  I am linking to it because it contains a mention of the Pearls and their teaching in what appears to be a mainstream newspaper site.  This means that now the good folks of Malta have been warned about the Pearls teachings. This blog entry starts out talking about other things and then segues into a discussion of the Duggars, the Quiverfull Movement, and on to Child Training, Proverbs and the like. She also mentions a little about child rearing in Malta.

Spanking and Proverbs – Part 1: Context

BarefootBetsy is starting a series about what the Bible teaches about Spanking with Spanking and Proverbs – Part 1: Context

She explains the purpose for her series, saying:

Indeed, this very post is being written right now because of one of the comments I received! I encourage you to read the second comment and my response if you have not already. Debbie disagreed with my statement, “Nowhere in the Bible is anyone commanded to spank their children.” and I think it is very important to clarify why I believe my statement to be true regardless of how someone interprets the Proverbs “rod” verses. Whether you agree or disagree with me at the end, I hope this post helps you understand where at least one Christian who doesn’t spank (me!) is coming from.

Also, don’t miss part 2 which will be featured in its own post soon.

Is Spanking Biblical Part 1 Continued

Yesterday, Carissa posted Is Spanking Biblical? Part 1: Proverbs, and today she has posted an addendum: Is Spanking Biblical? Part 1: Proverbs, CONTINUED where she looks closer at the symbolism of the rod in scripture.

Is Spanking Biblical?

Carissa Robinson has started a new series, Is Spanking Biblical? Part 1: Proverbs.

Also, check out this discussion on the blog entry at Gentle Christian Mothers with Crystal Lutton of Arms of Love Family Fellowship.

Here is the rest of Carissa’s series:

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 1: Proverbs, CONTINUED

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 2: Hebrews 12

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 3: Spanking Relieves Guilt?

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 4: Why We Have Chosen Not To.

thoughts on training

Living With A Handful blog has some Thoughts About Training. These thoughts are a follow up to her post about the verse Proverbs 6:22, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” .

Rosh Pina Project

Spare the Rod from The Rosh Pina Project blog

excerpt:

What should Messianic Jews have to say about physical punishment of children by their parents. Does the spare the rod, spoil the child sentiment of Proverbs 13:24 oblige Messianic Jews to hit their kids when they are “naughty”?

Linda V’s Arguments

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6  KJV

Train [Or Start ] a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 NIV

It has come to my attention that many Christian parents have interpreted the above verse to mean that they must train infants and young children in the way one might train an animal.  I believe that this interpretation is not correct.  I base this conclusion on the following study:

The Hebrew word which is translated as “Train” in Proverbs 22:6 is kha-nokh. When I cut and paste the real Hebrew חנך into the Hebrew-English Dictionary, it shows these words “to guide, to tutor, to educate ; (biblical) to teach” as well as “to inaugurate, to dedicate, to consecrate” as the NIV translation mentions.  You can try it for yourself using the links I provided.

In the same verse, “Child” is Na-ar, נַּעַר which translates as “youth, youngster, adolescent ; (law) minor; (biblical) servant, armsbearer.”  This word can be used for infants, or very young children but is more often used for youth, adolescents and adults.  It is clear to me that everything in the Bible which refers to discipline is referring to youth, adolescents and adults.

For a more in depth look at these verses, please see this study as well as this one.

I am also deeply concerned about the concept that we have a right to control a child’s heart.  Insisting that they always obey with a “happy heart” only teaches them to hide their true feelings.  Michael Pearl says, “If a child shows the least displeasure in response to a command or duty, it should be addressed as disobedience.”  Since he teaches to correct all disobedience with the rod, it is obvious that he is saying to switch the child until they are showing nothing but happiness.  He promises that switching the child will produce a happy child and demonstrates it with countless anecdotes.  It seems obvious to many readers of these stories that the child has no choice but to act happy, as any other show of emotion only means more switching. For more about hearts see Jo’s arguments.

 

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Linda V.