You Always Hurt The One You Love?

Molly remembers the messages she got as a child that parents must hurt their children because they love them.    What kind of damage does that do to a child?

And speaking of damage.  What kind of damage is done to a child who is given a Roy Lessin spanking for every infraction? Especially when not being happy enough (even after a spanking) is a punishable offense.   Read Beth Fenimore’s testimony (on Peaceful Parenting) in her open letter to Roy Lessin but first brace yourself as it really is a heart wrenching story.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 6

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 )

The following is based on a comment from a pro-spanker to Part 5 of my series. Spanking does not automatically mean you will have a bad relationship with your children. If you have not read my entire series, I highly recommend you do so. Remember, children are very forgiving and want to be in their parents’ good graces.

 

It is clear from the Hebrew translations that God does NOT want children to be spanked (hit).  Proverbs is Wisdom Literature.  It is not meant to be taken out of context.   The verse cited Hebrews 12:5-6 is not talking about physical punishment nor young children.  Yes, God disciplines us as His children.  Discipline means to TEACH.  God does not punish us.  Jesus rebuked His disciples, but He NEVER punished them.  Even after Peter denied Jesus, Jesus FORGAVE him!

31Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written:
“‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’
32 But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”

33 Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”
34 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

35 But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same”

-Matthew 26:31-35.

69 “Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said.

70 But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

71 Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”

72 He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”

73 After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”

74 Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately a rooster crowed.

75 Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly”

- Matthew 26:69-75.

15 “When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
John 21:15-19.

Jesus could have easily condemned Peter, but He did not!

 

Punishment does NOT teach young children proper behavior.  It teaches them to fear us.  The Bible makes it very clear that there is NO FEAR in LOVE.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”

1 John 4:18.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us”

1 John 4:7-12.

 

Young children do not understand being hit.  All it does is teaches that love hurts when I’m wrong.  As an early childhood professional, I have observed that modeling, redirection, natural and logical consequences, simple choices, and firm guidance work better to teach proper behavior than punishment.  Also, brain research shows that young children cannot control their impulses. Pro-spankers may  think it’s the spanking that is working, but aside from fear, brain development is one reason that older children need less spankings.  That is why I find it so interesting that Jewish rabbis absolutely FORBID the use of physical punishment for children 6 and under!!!

 

Interestingly, in the book of Matthew we see that Moses and Jesus’ lives parallel each other.  Moses and Jesus faced death as infants.  Both were tempted.  Both taught God’s Law to the people.  Both were taken up to Heaven after they finished God’s Will for their lives.  However, there’s one HUGE difference between Moses and Jesus!  Jesus is God and was (still is) on the move with His people.  Speaking of Jesus, “He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms” Luke 24:44.  While Moses could only write down the Law as God told Him to, Jesus fulfilled the Law of Moses for us!  Now the only thing we have to do to fulfill the Law of Christ is to Love the Lord, our God with all our soul, all our mind, all our strength, and all of our heart…And “Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” Matthew 22:39-40.  All Jesus truly requires of us after we repent of our sins and acknowledge Him as Savior is that we love God and others as He did.  That we follow after Him, dying to ourselves, picking up our crosses, and loving and serving each other just as He did!   To fulfill Law, we are to LOVE!

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law

Romans 13:8.

“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” [Lev. 19:18]”

Galatians 5:14.

 

Also, Matthew 5-7 and Matthew 23-25 parallel Deuteronomy 27-30 as they both have blessings and woes to the people.   Moses then offers a promise in Deut. 30 that even if a curse comes upon them due to their sins, that God will still rescue them out of exile.  Jesus was the rescue!  He freed His people from exile.

 

Throughout the New Testament, we see Jesus rebuke the teachers of the Law for being hypocrites.  The teachers of the Law would rather observe the Law than help people as Jesus often did on the Sabbath.  ““Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to” Matthew 23:13.  People who spank children seem to be more concerned with the Law than with the love of Christ that fulfills the Law.  We need to love our children the way Christ commands us in order to fulfill the Law!

 

Another beautiful illustration of a parent actually doing as Jesus commanded is the story of the prodigal son.  Back in those days, it was very shameful for children to ask their parents for their inheritance before the death of the parents.  Yet, his father gave his younger son his share of the inheritance and allowed him to leave home.  After the son squandered his money, he decided to go back home even though he knew that he could never be treated as a son again because of what he had done to his father.  In the Jewish tradition, families would publically shame relatives for shaming them by breaking a pot to show that they had broken ties with the family.  So, the son prepared a speech for his father in the hopes of convincing his father to allow him to work as a servant on the family’s farm.  How did his father respond to his son’s returning?  Let’s look:

20 “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Luke 15:20-32.

The father immediately forgave him and welcomed him back into his family!  He celebrated his son return.  He didn’t punish him or shame him.  He had compassion on him.  This is how God wants us to treat our children!

Finally, some pro-spankers say that we need to be God to our young children, I would be very hesitant to say that.  As humans, we cannot be God to anyone!  God is Holy!  He is the ONLY One who can be God to His children-including young children.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others”

Philippians 2:1-4.

May we be blessed as we seek God’s Truth!

( Continued )

 

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Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 5

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 )

Forgiveness.  It’s the main theme of Christianity.  As Christians, we are forgiven because God sent Jesus to Earth  to be the Atonement for all our sins, past, present, and future.  Through the precious blood of Christ, we are made clean.  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16. We no longer have to pay for our sins as the people of the Old Testament did through sacrificial offerings of usually animals.  Blood is a big deal throughout the Holy Bible.

“Moses then took the blood, sprinkled it on the people and said, “This is the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words” Exodus 24:8.

“This is what you are to do to consecrate them, so they may serve me as priests: Take a young bull and two rams without defect. 2 And from the finest wheat flour make round loaves without yeast, thick loaves without yeast and with olive oil mixed in, and thin loaves without yeast and brushed with olive oil. 3 Put them in a basket and present them along with the bull and the two rams. 4 Then bring Aaron and his sons to the entrance to the tent of meeting and wash them with water. 5 Take the garments and dress Aaron with the tunic, the robe of the ephod, the ephod itself and the breastpiece. Fasten the ephod on him by its skillfully woven waistband. 6 Put the turban on his head and attach the sacred emblem to the turban. 7 Take the anointing oil and anoint him by pouring it on his head. 8 Bring his sons and dress them in tunics 9 and fasten caps on them. Then tie sashes on Aaron and his sons.[a] The priesthood is theirs by a lasting ordinance.

“Then you shall ordain Aaron and his sons.

10 “Bring the bull to the front of the tent of meeting, and Aaron and his sons shall lay their hands on its head. 11 Slaughter it in the LORD’s presence at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 12 Take some of the bull’s blood and put it on the horns of the altar with your finger, and pour out the rest of it at the base of the altar. 13 Then take all the fat on the internal organs, the long lobe of the liver, and both kidneys with the fat on them, and burn them on the altar. 14 But burn the bull’s flesh and its hide and its intestines outside the camp. It is a sin offering” Exodus 29:1-14.

“Once a year Aaron shall make atonement on its horns. This annual atonement must be made with the blood of the atoning sin offering [Or purification offering] for the generations to come. It is most holy to the LORD” Exodus 30:10.


“God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, [The Greek for sacrifice of atonement refers to the atonement cover on the ark of the covenant (see Lev. 16:15,16).] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished” Romans 3:25.


God knew that we humans could not keep the Law of Moses no matter how hard we tried.  He knew that He had set such a high standard of living that there was no way we could ever live up to it.  So He provided a way for the Israelites to atone for their sins.  Lambs were used regularly for blood sacrifices.  Throughout the Hebrew Bible, we also see God’s people rebel against Him, God allowing His Wrath to come on the people, the people crying out to Him in repentance, and God having compassion on His people, only to have His people rebel against Him again.  This cycle repeated itself for thousands and thousands of years.  Yet, God had a plan to save His people once and for all because He loves us all so much!  God sent His Son, who is actually God Himself, to suffer and die in order to pay for all of humanity’s sins.  Jesus commands us to forgive just as we have been forgiven.  “ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” Matthew 6:14-15. When we ask Jesus to forgive us when we sin against Him and break His heart every day, He immediately forgives us even though we don’t deserve it.  He no longer makes us pay for our sins through a sacrifice.  He constantly freely forgives us no matter how sinful we are being or have been.


John 8:3-11 is a perfect example of how Jesus freely forgives.  Let’s look at it.

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” John 8:3-11.


The penalty for a woman caught in the act of adultery in biblical times under the Law was stoning.  The people were ready to stone this woman to death without even knowing all the details of the situation.  But how did Jesus respond?  By telling them to let the one without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.  None of the people there, except for Jesus, were without sin as Romans 3:23 points out “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Therefore, the only person who had the right to condemn the woman and make her pay for her sin was Jesus.  But instead He forgave her and let her go free!


So why is it that parents who believe in spanking make our children pay for their sins through a spanking before or in spite of offering their forgiveness?  We adults sin much more than young children do and yet, the children are the ones who are made to pay.  We are called to be patient with one another.  “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” Ephesians 4:2-3. Spanking a child for a sin that he/she committed against you is not being humble, gentle, or patient as the Apostle Paul charged us to be.  It is the adult telling the  child that the adult is bigger, wiser, and in control.  This does not teach or make the child want to repent.  It does not make the child want to obey or freely communicate with either the parent or God.   It makes children hide their sins in their hearts over repeatedly being punished.  People led astray due to spanking and harshness are described as “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed” Ephesians 4:18-19. They cannot see the Truth because their parents gave them an inaccurate view of who God really is.


Young children are quite forgiving in nature.  If you’ve ever watched a group of young children playing, one minute they are fighting with each other, and the next minute all is well and they are best friends again.  Young children do not hold grudges.  Even abused children will often forgive their abusive parents and will ask to go back home with them despite the horrible abuse.  Perhaps this is one reason Jesus calls us to be like them in Matthew 18:3. When we spank or treat children in other harsh ways, we are not building them up.   Even if we “lovingly” spank them, we still are not building them up in the way God commands us to do so with each other.  “ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:29-32.


Fear and anger are emotions that children who are spanked feel regularly.  They will often plead with the parent not to spank them.  Toddlers will try to shrink away if they think their hands are about to be spanked.  I have felt this way, and have observed this in young children.  Many people will say, “But he’s perfectly happy after I spank him.”  Yes, he/she may appear happy, but young children are not going to tell their parents, “You hurt me and I’m angry, sad, and fearful of you.”  They either don’t have the words and/or are afraid of how their parents will react if they say something.  As I mentioned above, children are quick to forgive.  They are also eager to be back in their parents’ good graces, even briefly.  Is being fearful biblical?  No!  Throughout the Bible, we are commanded to fear the Lord.  Some pro-spankers even quote this as a reason why they spank their children.  But “fear the Lord” does not mean to be afraid of God.  It means to be reverent towards Him.  In fact, throughout Scripture we see God and angels of God telling people not to be afraid in their Presences.

“After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, [Or sovereign] your very great reward. [Or shield; / your reward will be very great] ” Genesis 15:1.

“That night the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham” Genesis 26:24.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9.


“Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me” Matthew 28:10.


The Apostle John made it very clear that there should be no fear in love, and that GOD IS LOVE!  Love also covers a multitude of sins.

“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” 1 John 2:16-18.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:8.


Again, I’m not saying that there should never be consequences to children’s behavior as there always are whether positive or negative. What I am saying and what God is saying is that children should be forgiven without having to pay for their sins through punishment.  That children should be taught respect and reverence instead of fear.  They should be taught love and that God loves them no matter what, and is always ready to forgive them when they come to Him and repent.  When raising children we should always “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” Hebrews 10:24. Do spankings really stimulate children onto love and good deeds?  From all my research and experiences, the answer is NO!  Grace, love, mercy, understanding, respect, forgiveness and discipline DO!


In conclusion, I leave you with the following words from the Apostle Paul:


“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ” Colossians 2:8.

“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross” Colossians 2:13-15.


Let Christ reign in our lives and our children’s lives!  Glory to God!

( Continued )


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Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will Part 2

(Part 1)

After reading and studying more today in this wonderful book by Samuel Martin and doing my own Bible study, here are some things that God has revealed to me.

First, the book of Proverbs is the oldest book in the Holy Bible.  While King Solomon and King Hezekiah wrote most of Proverbs, according to Martin’s book, some of it was also written by authors of ancient Egypt hundreds of years prior to King Solomon and King Hezekiah.  In the Hebrew Bible, The Wisdom Literature which are Job, Psalms, and Proverbs are arranged in a different order than they appear in our modern day Bibles.  Instead of Job,  Psalms, Proverbs; it’s Psalms, Proverbs, Job.  These Holy books were inspired by God to be written primarily for young men.

The Hebrew language breaks up each stage of childhood in the Bible into specific names from birth to adulthood.   I will not list them here at the moment, but what is key to point out here is the Book of Proverbs was written for young men (Hebrew: Na’ar).  Na’ar is the teenage years, 12 years to roughly 19.  During this stage of life during biblical times, young men were considered ready to learn the Law, looking to marry, and able to understand abstract concepts.  This makes sense as reknown psychologist Jean Piaget recognized that people 12 and up were in the Formal Operational stage of cognitive development.  Young children cannot think abstractly.  That is why a young child will run to the window if you say it’s raining cats and dogs.  The young child truly expects to see cats and dogs falling from the sky.  The young takes everything at it’s literal meaning.  For infants and toddlers, everything they learn is through senses.  Therefore, if you slap their hands, despite what pro-spanking Christian advocates may say, they do not, can not understand exactly why they’re being hit.  Life is all trial and error for young children.  As I mentioned before in Part one, Jewish scholars and leaders recognize this fact and absolutely forbid the use of harshness and physical punishment for young children, especially those UNDER 6 years of age.

Secondly, the writers of the New Testament were well versed in the Book of Proverbs.  And yet, Proverbs is quoted only in a few books of the New Testament.  None of the quotes deal with the harsh punishment of children!  Jesus doesn’t even mention the punishment of children in His Sermon on the Mount where He changed and added to the Law (Matthew 5 & 6).  Instead, He held children up in high esteem for that day.  Look at this passage:

“13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them”  Mark 10:13-16.

Notice that Jesus was indignant when His disciples rebuked parents for bringing their children to Him.  Nowhere does it say Jesus hit children or taught people to spank children.  Other New Testament writers didn’t either.  Paul and Timothy gave many instructions regarding families and children, and yet, they do not quote any of the Proverbs that seem to advocate spanking.  Instead, Paul writes:

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” Colossians 3:21. The word “fathers” is also translated into parents.  The one passages in the New Testament that Christian pro-spankers often point to in order to claim that we are to spank is Hebrews 12:5-6 which states:

“And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Notice that the author quotes Proverbs 3:11-12 in this verse.  Proverbs 3:11-12 states:

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,

and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in.”

If this verse was really talking about the use of physical punishment, why didn’t the author quote one of the many verses dealing with the rod?  And if we look at the whole chapter of Hebrews 12, it doesn’t seem to be even discussing actual children, but adults who are God’s children.  Now let’s look at the definition of the word chastise.  Does it automatically mean physical punishment?  No!  Here’s what Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary says:

“1: to inflict punishment on (as by whipping)

2: to censure severely : castigate

3archaic : chasten 2″


Now before we go and say, see, it does mean physical punishment, look at how it’s used in these two sentences from this dictionary:


“The waiter was chastised for forgetting the customer’s order. The coach is always chastising the players for minor mistakes.”  Obviously, chastise is being use as a verbal correction in these sentences!  Now look at some of the synonyms of chastise: Rebuke, Lecture, Scold, Reprimand, Bawl Out, Dress Down, and Lecture.  Yes, it can mean physical punishment, but it also means many  other things!  Given the Biblical context in which chastise is being used here in Hebrews, we are walking very shaking ground if we choose to interpret it as a command to spank our children.  God rebukes us all the time.  No, it’s not pleseant, but it’s not in a harsh tone and He immediately forgives us when we repent.  And yes, if we choose to do our own thing against His Will, He will ALLOW, NOT INFLICT, pain into our lives.  But even when we do His Will, He still allows pain into our lives.  Look at these verses:


“The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.” Acts 5:41.


“Not only so, but we [Or let us] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance” Romans 5:3.


“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” Romans 8:17.


“All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering” 2 Thessalonians 1:5.


“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4.


To conclude this part of my series, let me reiterate that the Holy Bible is all divinely inspired by God.  The Law of Moses is still Holy.  But to accurately interpret Scripture, we must look at it in context of the whole; Old and New Testaments.   Jesus fulfilled, and thus freed us from, the Law!  As the apostle Paul states:


“For when we were in the realm of the flesh, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law” Romans 7:5-7a.


Open the eyes of our hearts that we may see Your Truth, Lord!  Thank You, Jesus!

(Continued)


Creative Commons License
Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

Spanking is NOT God’s Will

I am reading a wonderful book by theologian, Samuel Martin, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me. It’s clear from historic, contextual, Hebrew info on the book of Proverbs that we are NOT to spank (hit) children. The book of Proverbs was not meant for verses to be taken out of context. Even Jewish scholars believe that spankings are for boys 12 years & up and only as an absolute LAST resort. Proverbs was written under the Law of Moses. Christians are under the Law of Christ.  What is the Law of Christ?  Grace, peace, mercy and love.  “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law”  Galatians 5:22-23.

Jesus freed us from the Law.  “But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law”  Galatians 5:18. When we spank, we are parenting under the Law.   We are not accepting the grace, mercy and forgiveness of Jesus.  Jesus died for us.  He was beaten to a bloody pulp for us.  Why do we feel we must beat, spank, and hit our young children who do not understand sin nor physical punishment.  “In regard to evil be infants” 1 Corinthians 14:20b.

Even Jewish scholars forbid the use of physical punishment for children under 6.  The very age Christian advocates of spanking say it’s best for.  Every time you hit a child, even “lovingly,” you create confusion, anger, fear, and resentment which breed sin later on.

Jesus says, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.    6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come” Matthew 18:1-6.

May our hearts and eyes be open to your Truth Lord Jesus!

(Continued)



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Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.    Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.

How Punitive Parenting Shames Parents

Dulce de Leche has written a post explaining how Punitive Parenting Shames the Parents in This  Hurts Me As Much As It Hurts You.

Processing Spanking

Molly shares a gripping account of how being spanked as a child has affected her in Processing Spanking at Living As Who I Am.

So Much More Than a Maiden Of Virtue

Wondering One is telling her story, I Am So Much More Than A Maiden Of Virtue, over at No Longer Quivering. In Chapter 3 she shares how her parents discovered Michael and Debi Pearl’s book To Train up a Child. If you start at chapter 1 and then read chapter 2 and chapter 3 you will find that it is a very gripping, albeit disturbing, story about punitive parenting from the child’s point of view.

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Psychology and the Christian Mindset

JeriWho has written a very interesting blog about Psychology and The Fundamentalist Christian at Blog On The Way.  Her premise is that while rejecting Psychology for being “atheistic, Darwinistic, and utterly secular,” they tend to embrace behaviorism which is also atheistic and unbliblical.  She makes some very good points here and gives much food for thought.

My Experiences With Spanking

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” -Prov 22:15

This Bible verse and the idea that it refers to a literal rod encompassed most of my mother’s parenting philosophy. How to Be the Parents of Happy and Obedient Children by Roy Lessin strongly influenced her interpretation and application of this verse. One of the messages of Lessin’s book is that a child’s salvation depends on frequent and hearty spankings. My mother was passionate about obeying what she believed God wanted.  She didn’t raise her voice at me or spank me  “in anger.” However, I was spanked on the legs with a dowel rod for every infraction, including refusing to hug her after a spanking.  No “disrespect” was tolerated. This meant I had very little avenue for the expression of negative emotions except stuffing them down. This suppression of emotion back-fired when I became violent towards other children as a preteen. Later when as a teenager I learned to refrain from violence toward others I began to turn the violence towards myself. I had hysterical episodes where I would violently hit myself and destroy any possession I cared about that was breakable. As an adult I still struggle with feelings of self-hatred.

Throughout my childhood there was an emphasis on perfection. The burden of proving the effectiveness of my mother’s parenting fell directly on my shoulders. When people would comment on how well behaved I was she would often respond, “That’s what spanking will do!” Sometimes she would add an anecdote to show how stubborn I had once been and how spanking worked even for children as strong-willed as I. She often said she spanked me because she loved me and that it was really sad some children’s parents didn’t love them enough to spank them so they could be better people. Because of comments like this I believed I had an idyllic childhood and a mother worthy of sainthood. I thought the depression which haunted me was all my own fault for not being cheerful and content enough. When I had children not only did my depression become worse but now my children shared the results of my miserable negativity. I didn’t want to spank them but I had been trained that if I didn’t I was disobeying God and I didn’t love them. I did not spank as early or as often as I had been spanked but I felt horrible inside when I did spank. I found myself becoming unreasonably angry with my children when they disobeyed because I dreaded “having” to give them a spanking. Finally one day I faced God with an open heart and I told Him I found it hard to believe that a loving God would require a mother to deliberately cause pain to her small child. I asked Him to show me His true plan for parenting, whatever it might be. That very day I saw my daughter giving one of her baby dolls a spanking. She whacked it indiscriminately all over. Suddenly I saw my parenting through a child’s eyes and I was shocked and horrified. I began researching the so-called spanking scriptures and I was led to Gentle Christian Mothers where I finally found help for a different way of parenting. When I realized the rod was one of guidance, discipleship and example, I began to cry. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted from me. I haven’t spanked my children since that day. We still have a ways to go in healing our relationship but we have already come so far. It has amazed me how much I learn about them and how much more I can help them when I take the time to look for the why of their behavior instead of masking the problem with a spanking.

The transition from punitive to gentle parenting has been difficult. When I stopped spanking my children their repressed emotion began to come out. For a time it seemed as if they were always angry and I had to remind myself they had a lot to be angry about. I have had to learn new ways to help them deal with emotion and new ways of setting boundaries in a kind but firm manner. In short, I’ve had to re-parent myself and my children all at once. Things have gradually gotten better as I’ve learned from gentle mothers who are wiser and more experienced than I. It has taken a lot of prayer and a lot of hard work. Recently I saw something that made it all worth while. My daughter was playing with her baby doll and she pretended it was trying to hit her. Instead of hitting it as she once would have done she sweetly said, “No, no, be kind,” and gently restrained it with a hug. I could finally look into the mirror of her innocence and not shudder.

People often use the argument that spanking doesn’t work. I haven’t found that to be true. Consistent spanking does work in the short term if your goal is a smiling little copy of yourself who does everything you say and who doesn’t know how to say no to anyone who plays the authority card. Long term, it leads to depression, anger, fear, lack of personal boundaries, and if healing is not sought, violence.

Some of these things have been painful to share but I want to help people see the dark side of the spanking fairy tale. There is no magic formula for parenting. It’s about love, persistence, empathy, boundaries and admitting mistakes.

If you are considering raising your children with spankings and punitive parenting please look into their little eyes and commit to breaking the cycle of violence. If you were raised this way, please get help and healing so that you don’t pass on the violence to others. Thank God, in His love there is a more excellent way.

What Gentle Discipline Is Not – Part 3

Carissa Robinson continues her explanation of what Gentle Discipline is not with what Gentle Discipline is not in What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued Again :-) . This post looks at “Gentle discipline is not something that occurs only when unacceptable behavior manifests itself” aka “Gentle Discipline is not sporadic.”

Here is the rest of her series, for your convenience:
What Gentle Discipline Is Not
What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued. “Gentle Discipline is not adversarial”

What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued

Carissa Robinson continues her explanation of what Gentle Discipline is not in What Gentle Discipline is Not, Continued. This post looks at “Gentle Discipline is not adversarial!”

Teaching Myself My Own Lessons

Continuing in my theme of Gentle Discipline,  The Hippie Housewife has posted another great example in Teaching Myself My Own Lessons.

Regarding Punishments

Barefoot Betsy shares a letter explaining why she does not believe in spanking in Regarding Punishments over at Dare To Disciple.

Also, I have not yet mentioned Greenegem’s post about Shame, The Legacy Of Punishment on the same blog.

What a Train Wreck

LivingForEternity has posted an confession / testimony at No Longer Quivering called, Family Man, Family Leader ~ To Train a Child – What a Train Wreck where she shares how the book To Train Up A Child almost destroyed her family.

Tools for the empty toolbox

GreenGem has posted part 3 of her journey towards grace wherein she shares where she found the tools to replace spanking.

Boundries

Don’t miss GreenGem’s latest post where she explains boundaries. While you’re there, also check out her previous post, Nice to meet you…Einstein! where she explains how children learn to do things themselves.

Really, you should subscribe to this blog’s RSS feed, because each post is a invaluable explanation of how spanking and punitive parenting damage our children and contribute to an adversarial relationship with them. Understanding how children think and reason is the first step to cultivating a positive relationship with them. We want to raise children who will eventually think for themselves. Anger and resentment will only lead to rebellion later in life. I cannot recommend this blog highly enough.

Entrapment

Do you ever entrap your children?  Read this blog entry from Dare to Disciple to learn more about entrapment.  Failure to heed this warning may lead to developing an adversarial relationship with your children.

Behaviour Modification

This blog post is exactly one year old today. I am linking to it because I just found it and have always found this topic interesting.  Behaviour Modification: Punishment by Hippie Housewife.  Here is a quote:

…Every day I hear the same parenting advice – punishment and rewards, threats and praise, negative and positive attention. In other words, the very definition of behaviour modification.

Does it work? That depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to get your child to mind you, then yes, it quite often does. However, for our own family’s goals, we have chosen not to use this system of behaviour modification. I’d like to share our reasons for this choice, today focusing in particular on the punishment side, saving the rewards/praise aspect for another day…

Here is her follow up post Behaviour Modification: Praise to which she alluded in that quote.

Is Spanking Biblical? Part 2: Hebrews 12

Carissa continues her series with Is Spanking Biblical? Part 2: Hebrews 12 where she looks at the book of Hebrews.

link to Problem With Cheerfully Punitive Parenting

I just added The problem with Cheerfully Punitive Parenting from Simple Gifts to Arguments against The Pearls’ Teachings