Consequences and Examples

Dara Stoltzfus discusses the influence we have on our children in What Do Your Kids See You Doing?

While you’re at Dara’s blog, you will also want to read, her very thought provoking post, Kids need consequences to learn right from wrong, don’t they?! in which she considers two possible responses to a child stealing and considers which would teach the child more.

Thou Shalt Not Kill The Spirit of Thy Children

Dulce de Leche continues her 10 Commandments for Parents series with Thou Shalt Not Kill. In this post she discusses how parents often kill pieces of their children’s individuality.

Also, take note of this post by Sara Mae which looks at The Nature of A Child and why we should respond to their tantrums with grace.

Contemplating Gentle Discipline

Molly contemplates what Gentle Discipline means to her in Beyond The Ideas.

Understanding Brainwashing and How Children Are Primed for Victimization

Cindy of Under Much Grace takes informative and very technical looks at abusive behavior, analyzing both the victims and the abusers.

She has a new series about brainwashing.  I want to make special note of part 7  in which she ties the information to the Pearls’ teachings. Here is a short summary which she wrote for me:

I think of it in terms of developmental milestones and such, and most all learning is experiential for a child for the first 36 months and is primarily all on the right side of the brain, entirely self-centered and oriented toward felt sense.

Children under the age of two only make Delta waves on EEG, the same brainwave that an adult makes while they sleep. From two to six, they make only theta waves which is what an adult generates just before falling asleep, basically. The plotting that Pearl talks about is a fast brainwave that doesn’t manifest in a child until they approach age twelve.

I would also like to draw your attention to the posts after part X which are about how the mindset of many families prime children for victimization.

Now, on the the entire series:

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast: Understanding Doctrine Over Person Part I

A Sychophant for a Sociopath Does Damage Control: Understanding Doctrine Over Person Part II

Another Example of Transformed Memory in Response to Psychological Stress and Interpersonal Pressure in a POW Camp: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part III

Lifton on Reaffirming the Myth and How Adults and Children Respond: Understanding Doctrine Over Person Part IV

Steven Martin on the Heresy of Mind Control in Christian Churches: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part V

Steven Martin on the Role of Denial in the Altering of Memory: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part VI

Altered States of Consciousness Resulting from Trauma and Environmental Factors and Brainwave States Associated with Childhood Growth and Development: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part VII

Post Traumatic Stress as a Physical Process and the Inadequacies of Some Types of Biblical Counseling: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part VIII

Additional Factors Contributing to Doctrine Over Person Pressures at Hephzibah House: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part IX of X (Summary and Review)

The Effects of Trauma and Abuse at Hephzibah House: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part X of X

She follows up this series with a related series about Understanding the Role of Childhood Emotional Development in Spiritual Abuse.

 

Commandments for Parents

Dulce de Leche explains how some parents inadvertently set themselves up as idols in The 10 Commandments for Parents: No Other Gods.

Alison Strobel explains Golden Rule Parenting.

A Look at Shaming and More

Emily of Peace On Dark Nights has a post at Our2crazyboys Where She Talks About Shaming.  I highly recommend that everyone read this and consider her words carefully.

While we’re discussing gentle parenting, take a look at Pearl In Oyster’s (PIO’s) post about Silent Signals, you might find it very useful.  This post is part of her series on 52 Tool  Cards.

 

 

Natural Consequences

Carissa Robinson discusses Natural Consequences and gives 2 examples to help us along in our journey to gentle parenting.

And don’t miss this very important explanation of how being upset causes us to access the flight or fight part of our brains in 52 Tool Cards: Understand the Brain on Pearl in Oyster (PIO)

 

 

Behaviorism at the Root of Child Training

Carissa Robinson explains that “If you observe most recommended Christian parenting practices today, you might be surprised to discover a secular influence: behavioral psychology” in Awaken Their Hearts.

Meanwhile, Greenegem explains the error in thinking that we have to DO anything more than believe in order to be saved in No Assembly Required.

Series on First Time Obedience

Cindy of Under Much Grace has posted part 5 of her series about First Time Obedience: Revisiting First Time Obedience: Finding New Alternatives

For your convenience I will paste here the links to the rest of the series along with her descriptions:

  • A review of the submission required under multigenerational faithfulness as Vision Forum’s carryover from Bill Gothard’s submission teachings with various examples of this demand for unquestioned obedience without credulity. First post specifically examining “First Time Obedience” in young children.
  • A review of the principle of sacerdotalism and parental convenience (as a control issue in dysfunctional families) as rationales for requiring “First Time Obedience” and “leaps of faith” required under multigenerational faithfulness.
  • Review of the tendency to make every banal daily activity one of great eternal spiritual significance as a consequence of works-based salvation. Includes a discussion of viewing personality traits that do not fit the belief system’s paradigm as sinful as well as the building up of all gender related activities as sacramental for the impartation of inward sanctification.
  • Blog host’s personal experience with inherent personality traits treated by parents as sin, the idolatry of seeking parental approval, and the consequences of requiring unquestioned submission with the use of guilt and shame that predisposes one to easy brainwashing and compliance with thought reform. Includes a section from Biderman’s Chart of Coercion addressing the powerful effects of devaluing individuals in religious settings.
  • Discussion of the development of how perfectionism, works-based salvation and First Time Obedience squelch problem-solving skill and prevent the development of critical thinking under the guise of multigenerational faithfulness.

A specific review of the theological problems in Voddie Baucham’s defense of First Time Obedience as well as the refutation of the practice from Scripture. Echos concerns noted in this previous blog post concerning Baucham’s “Family Driven Faith” book.

Uncovering More Horrors

As we probe the underbelly of the damage done by the Patriarchy Movement and even Corporeal Punishment in general, eventually we will uncover even more horrors.  I have avoided “going there” for quite some time, preferring to skirt the issue,  as it seemed unnecessary to bring up in polite society.  However, this blog post from Under Much Grace, explains the necessity of broaching the topic and is written with a technical tone rather than a sensational one.

Gentle Discipline 102

So, if we should not spank our children, how then should we discipline them?  We have started looking at gentle discipline.

Purple Kangaroo has a long post explaining her methods of Handling Hitting and Hurtful Words.

So, what about time outs?  Are they a good tool?  The Peaceful Housewife looks at that in To The Time Out Corner .

The Peaceful Housewife recommends that you take a look at this post from Adventures in Mommyhood called What Is Gentle Discipline Anyways? It is part testimony and part What Gentle Discipline is NOT.  We will be watching for a follow up post of What Gentle Discipline IS in the near future.

I would also like to mention Dulce de Leche’s post about showing grace instead of punishments called, Wha’cha Gonna Do About It? in which she looks at the question of whether we should “let them get away with it.”  She shares a very touching example in this post.

Spiritual Abuse

Molly reviews and processes chapters 3 and 4 of The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse; Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority within the Church By Jeff VanVonderan, and David Johnson.

Speaking of spiritual abuse here are the signs of a Toxic Movement again.

How Punitive Parenting Shames Parents

Dulce de Leche has written a post explaining how Punitive Parenting Shames the Parents in This  Hurts Me As Much As It Hurts You.

Bethany Breaks Free

Bethany Basset, of Coffee Stained Clarity, reflects on the sadness she feels at finding out that her high school friends are following the Pearls’ teachings.

I see that Bethany was raised in the VF/Patriarchy mindset.  She posts her story in 5 parts:

The Preface: The Stuff of Brains
Part 1: The Net
Part 2: The Reality
Part 3: The Hope
Part 4: The Outcome

And she has an epilogue about parenting with grace here.  I love a happy ending.  <3

Processing Spanking

Molly shares a gripping account of how being spanked as a child has affected her in Processing Spanking at Living As Who I Am.

Regarding Punishments

Barefoot Betsy shares a letter explaining why she does not believe in spanking in Regarding Punishments over at Dare To Disciple.

Also, I have not yet mentioned Greenegem’s post about Shame, The Legacy Of Punishment on the same blog.