The best sale for the book, “Gentle Firmness” through Monday, Dec 12.

Stephanie Cox is selling signed copies for her book “Gentle Firmness” at the lowest price ever, only $20 with FREE shipping! You still have 2 days to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to buy this book for yourself and as Christmas presents. In order to take advantage of this sale you need to contact Stephanie directly. You can message her through Facebook or email her at GentleFirmness2014 (at) hotmail (dot) com.

For more from Stephanie Cox, please see her articles here.

gentlefirmnesssale

Understanding Toddler Meltdowns

What is the right response to a toddler’s meltdown? Would understanding them help? You bet it would! For that reason, I am sharing this very helpful and insightful post from Stephanie Cox, The Brain Overload During Meltdowns Is Real!

Edited to add, here is the follow up to this post.

Letter to A Pro-Spanker

The Melting Mom has written a letter to her pro-spanking friend to explain what she has learned about gentle parenting. This is a fantastic letter and I know that you will find it helpful.

I would also like to remind everyone that Gentle Christian Mothers is a very good place for mothers who are seeking to be gentle to find support.

Let God be True, but Every Man a Liar

“Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
You shall strike him with the rod
And rescue his soul from Sheol” (Proverbs 23:13-14, NASB).

So many Christians believe this verse and the other “Rod” verses are to be taken literally. Some very watered down versions of the Bible even say to spank. But, if we were to take this literally, wouldn’t that make God a liar? Let’s think about this. [Read more…]

Donia’s Testimony

Another testimony from someone who was “lovingly” spanked/hit by her well meaning Christian parents, and yet, was harmed. Pro-spankers, please do not dismiss these real stories. After all, if spanking is so “godly,” why do you call people harmed by spankings “spoiled brats? Here is Donia’s story:

“This was how I was raised. Spanked ‘biblically’ by loving parents and I turned out fine…..except I didn’t. I lied, I cheated (in our Christian school, no less), I stole, I had sex, even trying [Read more…]

Sinful Children?

I was recently asked why gentle Christian parents and advocates don’t talk about sin when it comes to children much. The answer is because what most Christians believe is sin in children usually isn’t. A toddler saying, “no!” when asked to do something isn’t sin, it’s the child exploring independence and boundaries. A preschooler crying over not having something they really wanted is the child just having a hard time. Even biting, hitting, kicking, and cussing in young children is NOT sin. Young children needing food, love, comfort, room to play is not sin. Sin is when we truly understand something is wrong and goes against God and we have total control over ourselves and can tap into God’s strength to resist, yet choose wholeheartedly to go against God, THAT is sin!! Every child is different. Every child will sin like us. But, before 12-years-old, I don’t believe children truly sin. We slowly teach children about sin by discipline without punishment. By providing them with appropriate behaviors. And, by teaching them about God.

Also, when we look for sin in children, it makes us hypersensitive to all “inappropriate behavior.” It makes us want to punish for perceived sinfulness. We look at children as “little sinners” rather than blessings as the Bible says they are. Jesus loves children and told us to be like them. When sin is the focus, we become proud. We become judges. We think more highly of ourselves than we should so we can “beat that sin right out of that child.”

In reality, we are WORSE sinners than older children. Jesus said to get the plank out of our own eyes before removing the speck out of our brother’s eye. This applies to children too! Sin is sooooooooo much more than a child having a meltdown. Childish behavior is NOT sin. Rejecting God is! Hurting children is! Let’s focus on teaching and guiding children instead of worrying what childish behavior is sin. Give children the tools to choose good over bad so when real sin comes their way, they can tap into God and make more righteous decisions over sinful ones.

Steph Got your help! Thank you!

UPDATE:  Because of  cash donations not included in the total, the goal has been met!  Thank you to everyone who participated in this labor of love.  <3

Steph is the author of Gentle Firmness. She needs a new wheelchair, this link explains why.  Please share the link, every little bit helps. Thank you so much!

Jennifer McGrail Reviews Gentle Firmness

Jennifer McGrail has posted a very favorable book review of Gentle Firmness by Stephanie Cox.  Here is an excerpt from her review:

Gentle Firmness, by Stephanie Cox, is one of the most important new books to join the gentle parenting movement, particularly for Christians.  Thorough and well-researched, it takes an unflinching look at the history of spanking within the Christian faith;  why the Bible doesn’t actually say what so many well-intentioned pro-spankers think it says; the harmful and often long-term effects of spanking;  and finally, practical suggestions on what peaceful parents can do instead.

It is an excellent review, so I’m sure you’re going to want to read the rest.

I Was Wrong to Tell You to Stop Spanking Your Kid: An Open Letter of Apology…

I was wrong. You heard it here first.

That time. At the mall. You hit your kid and I told you it wouldn’t help anything and asked you to stop.

That was really dumb.

Not because I’ve changed my mind and decided we should hit kids, but because I know better. That approach I took almost never works. After all, you were quite young when we had that conversation. I remember when I was young, whenever someone told me to stop doing something, it motivated me all the more to keep doing it. And I could spout off 37 reasons why I was right and they were wrong. I’m sure you did that in your head that day.

What do I wish I had done? [Read more…]

“Life with Cerebral Palsy” with Stephanie Cox

Dara Stoltzfus has started a new series about our very own Steph called, “Life with Cerebral Palsy” with Stephanie Cox.

Here is what she has so far:

Introduction

The Chair!

Back to School!

The Holidays

New Things!

Love

$hopping

Ronan the horse

About Typing With My Nose

What’s on my mind? You know, CP is a very small part of who I am. I am extremely blessed to be alive let alone living an as “normal” as possible life…Something I dreamed about since I was little. I could be profoundly mentally disabled due to no oxygen for 40 minutes at birth. I am blessed typing with my nose allows me to communicate when I otherwise would not be able to. So, the news is going to make somewhat of a big deal of me typing with my nose. Nobody but me knows how much work that is. No, I do not focus on my CP and I felt that is evident in my news segment. They talked about for a few seconds then moved on because I was focused more on my book. There are many children like me who are being told they’ll never accomplish their dreams and goals as I was told EVERY DAY throughout my life, especially in high school. I was strong-willed and took Psychology my first semester of college instead of the computer class I was suppose to take because I can type with my nose. Thankfully, my mom, and hubby supported me. It was so obvious my heart was with young children as it had always been since I was a young child myself. This is where God wants me; helping people treat children as human beings. But a part of that is bringing awareness about disability. If one child isn’t left to cry-it-out or spanked/hit or sent to an isolating time-out because someone read or saw an author who types with her nose, then God has accomplished His Will through me. If a child or adult with a disability sees or hears about an author who typed a book with her nose and has a Master’s Degree and gets some much needed hope, something I and my family could have used sooooo many times throughout my childhood, then God has accomplished His Will through me. Getting this book out is one of the hardest things ever. We get weary, tired, scared, but it’s worth it. This is NOT about ME! It’s about God and children.

News Article About Stephanie Cox

The Southern Illinoisan has an article about Stephanie Cox and and how she came to write a gentle Parenting book with her nose.

Here is more information about Stephanie Cox.

Gentle Firmness by Stephanie Cox Needs Reviews

Stephanie Cox’s book, Gentle Firmness is now available  everywhere books are sold.  You can find it at Amazon.com as well as Barns And Noble.

If you have read the book (or the rough draft of it when it was here on this site,) please go and leave your review.

If you have not had a chance to read it, you can still read some large excerpts here.

The Prince of Peace vs. The Prince of This World

A while back, a Christian pro-spanker said that I was doing the work of the devil after engaging in a discussion about why spanking/hitting children is neither Biblical nor from God.  When this person learned about my book, Gentle Firmness: Conveying the True Love of Jesus to Your Children Through His Example, he got even angrier and said I was from the evil one.  Others have accused me of twisting God’s Word in order to fit my own beliefs about not inflicting pain on children in order to “discipline” them.  They quote the same verses from Proverbs at me about using the rod to “discipline” children.  They’re so certain that these verses must be taken literally despite the original Hebrew meanings showing that all of the rod verses that seem to advocate spanking/hitting children were never meant to be taken literally (see my series entitled “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” or my book for more info on how to accurately interpret the “rod” verses), that they quickly become accusatory and insulting.  One must ask, “Who is really driving these people?”

It turns out that I am in awesome company when it comes to being accused of being from satan when it comes to teaching and promoting peace, love, mercy, forgiveness, and healing.  [Read more…]

Gentle Firmness, now available!

Maybe you saw Steph’s series which previewed here in 2011. It started with, Spanking is NOT God’s Will, followed by The Christian History of Spanking, The Effects Of Spanking and ended with Discipline Without Harm.   Well, she has turned it into a Gentle Parenting book which is now available!  You can either order the print version or download e-book here.  If you would like an idea of what the book is like, there are still a few chapters of her rough draft here.  Congratulations Steph! May God be glorified.

Steph Needs Input From Parents

Steph is a graduate student working on her Master’s thesis on the topic of corporal punishment. If you are a parent, please consider helping her by taking this survey.

By taking this survey, I hereby give my consent to participate in the following research study conducted by Steph. I understand that my participation in this project will involve questions about my experiences, attitudes and feelings regarding the use of corporal punishment and other discipline techniques. I understand that completing the questionnaire will take me no longer than 20-30 minutes.

Participation is completely voluntary and I am free to not respond to any item and to withdraw my consent from the study at any time. I understand that there is no penalty for refusal to participate or withdraw from the study.

I understand my answers will be completely anonymous. My name will not be identified with any data collected in the study and responses will be considered for confidential research use only.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/3C98FNH

Note: The survey has been completed, thank you for your participation.

Attachment Only By Day? – Part 2

Note from Hermana Linda:   This is the continuation of a conversation in the comments of Steph’s article on Attachment Theory.  Read Part 1 here.   This exchange starts here.

Hi Steph, thank you for your kind reply. I totally see your point. I didn’t mention the details on how my child responds when separated. She ofcourse resists a bit but goes back to normal play within a minute or two. Getting back together is a happy time for both of us but she doesn’t need extra attention but she is loving as always. I can only speak from my own experience and I am trying to find the truth without any bias. When you say brain damage, I can’t understand that because my daughter met all her developmental milestones 6 months ahead of her peers and she is nearly 4 now and has even started reading. I often see how totally she trusts me to keep my word and to take care of her if she is in any kind of danger.
I understand God doesn’t want us to cry as it makes him sad as well. But I do see in so many peoples lives that God allows some painful experiences so that they will shine even more brightly for His glory. When we did sleep training, we did make sure that she is completely safe, fed, changed and comfortable and we watched her through the video monitor to make sure her safety. Sure it was hard for us and hard for her. And I wouldn’t do it for a minute if it was not beneficial for her. That training has just done her so much good that she became more fresh and attentive during her wake times and happier.

[Read more…]

Don’t Make Children Lie

Last night, my husband and I watched, “The Andy Griffith Show,” and it was the one where Opie was having fun pretending to have a black horse named Blackie.  Andy, Opie’s dad, and Barney and Aunt Bea all had fun with this.  Well, Opie goes off into the woods and meets a lineman named, Mr. McBeevee.  Because Andy had played the Blackie game earlier, and well, since Mr. McBeevee is a rather strange name, Andy doesn’t believe Opie when Opie tells him that this is a real man who really gave Opie a hatchet and then a quarter.  When Andy takes Opie out to the woods to meet this Mr. McBeevee guy, Mr. McBeevee just happens to get called away, making Opie look like a big liar.

When Opie and Andy get home, Opie knows he’s in trouble and Andy is prepared to spank Opie.  [Read more…]

Attachment Only By Day? – Part 1

Note from Hermana Linda: We appreciate getting comments and read every one.   This comment from Jo about Attachment Theory elicited such an insightful response from Steph that I have decided to highlight it here.

From my personal experience with my own child, if you provide consistent care and love in meeting the needs of the child throughout the day, a little sleep training at night develops an even healthier attachment. My child is the most securely attached child I have seen because she is able to stay away from me without much distress as long as I tell her beforehand and also comes back to me with even more love when i get back to her. Crying it out works perfectly but should only be done if the parents are able to provide love and care for the child and securely attach in every way. We did sleep training for her when she was 9 months old and within 3 nights, she started sleeping through the night and sleeps in her own room. She is a very happy child then and now.