Molly reflects on how children view spanking, drawing on her own memories of Fighting Spanking.
Mrs. Jacks shares her testimony of How Submission Books Nearly Ruined her Marriage.
Dulce de Leche continues her 10 Commandments For Parents series with The 10 Commandments for Parents: Taking His Name in Vain.
Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with 52 Tool Cards Double Feature: Focus on Solutions and Problem Solving.
While we’re on the subject of gentle parenting, here is a Post from Momma on a Mission: Journey to Gentle Discipline.
This blog has always tried to argue against false teachings without making those using those teachings feel condemned. That is a delicate balance and not always possible to achieve. It is not at all pleasant to find out that the choices one has prayerfully made are considered to be abuse by many people. And upon discovering that one has in fact made a terrible mistake and has fallen into an abusive lifestyle is gut wrenching. Not only does one have to come to grips with the fact that one has been deceived and spiritually abused, but one must face the fact that one has been abusing his or her own children. Often, by the time this discovery is made serious or even irreparable damage has been done to the parent/child relationship. Someone posted to my Facebook wall the following:
I just wanted to share my status update with you. Since learning the dangers of TTUAC a year ago, I have had the hardest year of my life. Right now things are getting a lot worse. I have had a response from another mother who is in the midst of the same pain right now.
TTUAC is not just abusing children. It is also abusing [Read more…]
Reb Bradley has a long and very informative article about mistakes he and other sheltering and controlling Christian homeschooling parents have made in Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers.
For more information about Reb Bradley’s teachings, please see the comments below as well as this post.
An anonymous writer explains how she used to follow Pearls teachings to the letter and exactly how and why they are dangerous in Corpses Don’t Rebel: A former follower of Michael Pearl’s “To Train Up A Child” reacts to the death of Hana Williams.
Deb of The Wartburg Watch posts about exposing Pearl’s teachings as well as the Judge who was recently exposed for his child abuse 7 years ago in “Judge” Not Lest Ye Be Judged.
Note: I do not have much to say about the Hillary Adams case, as abuse is beyond the scope of this blog unless it is being justified as Biblical, (in other words, unless God is dragged into it.) So far I have yet to see that in this case.
CNN continues its investigative report of abuse among fundamental Christians and how it relates to the Pearls’ teachings. Jocelyn Zichterman, who was raised in this culture and started Freedomfromabuse.net, explains the concept of Breaking The Will and how spankings must continue until the child submits even if it takes several hours. This video seems to cut suddenly, I’m wondering if this series will continue.
Here are 2 blogs which I think might be of interest:
Rethinking Vision Forum looks like the place to send anyone who has questions about Vision Forum. It is all about “Examining the Fallacies of Vision Forum’s ‘Godly’ Family Living.” Since this blog links to the series to which I used to link in my sidebar, I have replaced that link with this one.
I also just found another blog about escaping from a controlling Christian family, The Eighth And Final Square by QuicksilverQueen. I am seeing a great many of these blogs. I read these stories with great sadness. So many parents so sure that they have found the secret of raising perfect children for God. And then the “perfect” children grow up and leave. They often consider their childhood a nightmare from which to escape. They sometimes reject God and Christianity all together, but thankfully, not always. Many of them (such as this link) are not sure what they believe and are still processing. It breaks my heart to see that some of them have become atheists. I have linked to many such blogs in hopes that their testimonies may convince parents to avoid the pitfalls into which their parents have fallen.
When I was ten until I was twelve years old, I attended a small non-denominational Christian school in which spanking was permitted. Although such practice is almost unheard of now, even among private schools, it was fairly common a few decades ago. Of course, like most Christians who spank, the rationale for using a paddle as a disciplinary tool was because “the Bible said so.” As has been noted here several times, the “rod” verses are time and again misinterpreted, as is so much in the Bible these days.
My personal experiences with spanking were absolutely terrifying. Every teacher had the power to spank, and the offenses that called for spanking were at the discretion of the teacher. Since none of my peers knew what could provoke a spanking, we went to school in constant fear. The one instance that stands out most for me was being spanked for a dubious reason.
It was gym class, and one rule that was established at the beginning of the year was that students could not wear jewelry for the duration of the class. One day, I was wearing a new digital watch that my mother had given me for my birthday. After we lined up Coach Baker yelled at me, “I thought I told you no jewelry.” I responded, very sincerely, that I didn’t know watches were jewelry. Immediately, my gym teacher, in a fit of rage, his voice raised several decibels higher, screamed, “Don’t you dare talk back to me.” And that was my first experience with spanking. I remember being confused, hurt, and humiliated, and I can say without hesitation that I have never felt like that before or since. But I didn’t learn anything, except that, apparently watches count as jewelry.
Having had a first-hand experience with spanking, I can say with a measure of authority that spanking does not produce results, neither short nor long-term. After leaving that school, I personally left the church, and refused to attend throughout my school years. Why? I felt that if a school like that could condone and embrace abuse, then I did not want to have any part of the religion or God associated with it. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that God is not about punishment, abuse, and humiliation. God is, in short, love.
But there are many children from Christian households who get spanked, and I don’t doubt for a second that a majority of these children will grow up to either forsake religion, or they will become adults who are angry, scared, or both. After all, as the joke goes, the quickest way for a Catholic to leave the religion is to send him to a Catholic school. I can’t tell you how many of my friends, having equated Christianity with hate and intolerance, stopped believing merely because their instructors in religious practice were angry people concerned only with physically and psychologically subduing those younger and weaker than them.
In the final analysis, then, spanking isn’t just bad for the child. We know that already. But it is bad for the future of our religion. Our Christian inheritance is distinguished from other religions in that it was the first belief system with its radical message of unconditional love. So for those who constantly cite the Old Testament rod verses, consider this, from the book of John:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” –I John 4:18-21.
By Nadia Jones who blogs at online college about education, college, student, teacher, money saving, movie related topics. You can reach her at nadia.jones5 @ gmail.com.
Dulce de Leche explains how she came to chose Gentle Discipline 7 years ago and examines the fruits of her decision in 7 Year Harvest.
pFamilyGal renounces her belief in patriocentric teachings and explains why in Freeeeedoooom.
Elizabeth Esther has a post which discusses the idea that Even God Does Not Break Our Will.
Along the same lines, The Wartburg Watch has reposted a letter from Bob Dixon explaining Why He Finally Left Sovereign Grace Ministries After 30 years.
John Cornish shares about of his Childhood in the ATI/IFB World and how it affected his life. This is not really about abuse per se, more of how a mindset damaged him. This mindset is known to lead to abuse and this testimony shows how damaging the mindset is. More importantly, he explains how scriptural it is.