Do Children Distinguish Between Spanking and Hitting?

Molly reflects on how children view spanking, drawing on her own memories of Fighting Spanking.

A Warning About Extreme Submission

Mrs. Jacks shares her testimony of How Submission Books Nearly Ruined her Marriage.

Leaving The Patriarchy Movement

Becky at Created To Be His shares her testimony of how she fell into the false teachings of the patriarchy movement and the Pearls’ and the lessons she has learned since then.

10 Commandments for Parents and 52 Tool Cards

Dulce de Leche continues her 10 Commandments For Parents series with The 10 Commandments for Parents: Taking His Name in Vain.

Pearl in Oyster (PIO) continues her 52 Tool Cards series with 52 Tool Cards Double Feature: Focus on Solutions and Problem Solving.

While we’re on the subject of gentle parenting, here is a Post from Momma on a Mission: Journey to Gentle Discipline.

Showing Compassion To The Deceived

This blog has always tried to argue against false teachings without making those using those teachings feel condemned. That is a delicate balance and not always possible to achieve. It is not at all pleasant to find out that the choices one has prayerfully made are considered to be abuse by many people. And upon discovering that one has in fact made a terrible mistake and has fallen into an abusive lifestyle is gut wrenching. Not only does one have to come to grips with the fact that one has been deceived and spiritually abused, but one must face the fact that one has been abusing his or her own children. Often, by the time this discovery is made serious or even irreparable damage has been done to the parent/child relationship. Someone posted to my Facebook wall the following:

I just wanted to share my status update with you. Since learning the dangers of TTUAC a year ago, I have had the hardest year of my life. Right now things are getting a lot worse. I have had a response from another mother who is in the midst of the same pain right now.

TTUAC is not just abusing children. It is also abusing [Read more…]

Elizabeth Esther on Anderson

Elizabeth Esther will be appearing on Anderson Cooper’s new daytime talk show (on FOX) with Michael Pearl this Friday (Dec 2, 2011) and she writes about it here, My appearance on Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show airs this Friday, Dec. 2nd #NoMoreDeadKids.  She includes a link to find out where and when you can watch it in your area. And here is a promo for the show.

Here is another recent post where she explains why many people follow Pearls’ teachings: Seductive promise of perfectly happy, obedient children feeds abuse.

The Fruit of Sheltered, Controlled Homeschoolers

Reb Bradley has a long and very informative article about mistakes he and other sheltering and controlling Christian homeschooling parents have made in Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers.

For more information about Reb Bradley’s teachings, please see the comments below as well as this post.

 

 

Testimony: Why Pearl’s Methods Are Dangerous

An anonymous writer explains how she used to follow Pearls teachings to the letter and exactly how and why they are dangerous in  Corpses Don’t Rebel: A former follower of Michael Pearl’s “To Train Up A Child” reacts to the death of Hana Williams.

Deb of The Wartburg Watch posts about exposing Pearl’s teachings as well as the Judge who was recently exposed for his child abuse 7 years ago in “Judge” Not Lest Ye Be Judged.

Note: I do not have much to say about the Hillary Adams case, as abuse is beyond the scope of this blog unless it is being justified as Biblical, (in other words, unless God is dragged into it.)  So far I have yet to see that in this case.

Original Sin

Lisa Bennet (Broken Daughters), who was raised by Pearl followers, looks at the concept of Original Sin and how it corresponds to the Pearls’ Teachings. In this post, she links to a very upsetting post by Libby Anne which contains an 1831 quote from Francis Wayland which sounds very much like Michael Pearl.

You might also be interested in this post in which Lisa looks at the concept of Purity.

More Unexpected Effects of Spanking

The Scientific Universalist reacts to CNN’s Ungodly Discipline series and shares her testimony of how “Biblical chastisement” affected her view of God.

Meanwhile, Lisa, of Broken Daughters, shares how “Biblical chastisement” led to her self-destructive behavior in a heart breaking and difficult to read post.

Responses to the CNN Story

Elizabeth Esther follows up on the CNN coverage of the Pearls’ teachings by explaining how these teachings lead to the sickness of  Cognitive Dissonance which is what “happens when a teacher, pastor or person in authority advocates abusive methods while simultaneously recusing themselves from the actual, direct results of that abuse.”

She also reminds us that Even God Does Not Break Our Wills.

Wanna Walk Along says that  There are No Pearls of Wisdom in the Pearls’ Book on Child Rearing.

Libby Anne explains exactly why she blames the Pearls’ teachings and illustrates it with her own testimony of how these teachings almost killed her brother in Michael Pearl on CNN.  Check out the quotes from TTUAC from in the comments.

Created To Be His shared similar thoughts in CNN Investigates Pearls.

Abigail, from Reflections from Beit-Shalom, posts her warning For all the Living Lydias and Seans & Their Parents…

More Investigation from CNN

CNN continues its investigative report of abuse among fundamental Christians and how it relates to the Pearls’ teachings.  Jocelyn Zichterman, who was raised in this culture and started Freedomfromabuse.net, explains the concept of Breaking The Will and how spankings must continue until the child submits even if it takes several hours. This video seems to cut suddenly, I’m wondering if this series will continue.

Two More New Blogs

Here are 2 blogs which I think might be of interest:

Rethinking Vision Forum looks like the place to send anyone who has questions about Vision Forum.  It is all about “Examining the Fallacies of Vision Forum’s ‘Godly’ Family Living.”   Since this blog links to the series to which I used to link in my sidebar, I have replaced that link with this one.

I also just found another blog about escaping from a controlling Christian family, The Eighth And Final Square by QuicksilverQueen. I am seeing a great many of these blogs.  I read these stories with great sadness.  So many parents so sure that they have found the secret of raising perfect children for God.  And then the “perfect” children grow up and leave.  They often consider their childhood a nightmare from which to escape.  They sometimes reject God and Christianity all together, but thankfully, not always.  Many of them (such as this link) are not sure what they believe and are still processing.  It breaks my heart to see that some of them have  become atheists.  I have linked to many such blogs in hopes  that their testimonies may convince parents to avoid the pitfalls into which their parents have fallen.

There is No Fear in Love: Why Spanking Doesn’t Work

When I was ten until I was twelve years old, I attended a small non-denominational Christian school in which spanking was permitted. Although such practice is almost unheard of now, even among private schools, it was fairly common a few decades ago. Of course, like most Christians who spank, the rationale for using a paddle as a disciplinary tool was because “the Bible said so.” As has been noted here several times, the “rod” verses are time and again misinterpreted, as is so much in the Bible these days.

My personal experiences with spanking were absolutely terrifying. Every teacher had the power to spank, and the offenses that called for spanking were at the discretion of the teacher. Since none of my peers knew what could provoke a spanking, we went to school in constant fear. The one instance that stands out most for me was being spanked for a dubious reason.

It was gym class, and one rule that was established at the beginning of the year was that students could not wear jewelry for the duration of the class. One day, I was wearing a new digital watch that my mother had given me for my birthday. After we lined up Coach Baker yelled at me, “I thought I told you no jewelry.” I responded, very sincerely, that I didn’t know watches were jewelry. Immediately, my gym teacher, in a fit of rage, his voice raised several decibels higher, screamed, “Don’t you dare talk back to me.” And that was my first experience with spanking. I remember being confused, hurt, and humiliated, and I can say without hesitation that I have never felt like that before or since. But I didn’t learn anything, except that, apparently watches count as jewelry.

Having had a first-hand experience with spanking, I can say with a measure of authority that spanking does not produce results, neither short nor long-term. After leaving that school, I personally left the church, and refused to attend throughout my school years. Why? I felt that if a school like that could condone and embrace abuse, then I did not want to have any part of the religion or God associated with it. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that God is not about punishment, abuse, and humiliation. God is, in short, love.

But there are many children from Christian households who get spanked, and I don’t doubt for a second that a majority of these children will grow up to either forsake religion, or they will become adults who are angry, scared, or both. After all, as the joke goes, the quickest way for a Catholic to leave the religion is to send him to a Catholic school. I can’t tell you  how many of my friends, having equated Christianity with hate and intolerance, stopped believing merely because their instructors in religious practice were angry people concerned only with physically and psychologically subduing those younger and weaker than them.

In the final analysis, then, spanking isn’t just bad for the child. We know that already. But it is bad for the future of our religion. Our Christian inheritance is distinguished from other religions in that it was the first belief system with its radical message of unconditional love. So for those who constantly cite the Old Testament rod verses, consider this, from the book of John:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” –I John 4:18-21.

Author Bio:

By Nadia Jones who blogs at online college about education, college, student, teacher, money saving, movie related topics. You can reach her at nadia.jones5 @ gmail.com.

 

 

 

 

Another Anonymous Spanking Story

Dulce de Leche has posted Another Anonymous Post on Spanking in which the anonymous poster shares about how the spankings her younger brother received affected her.

Reflecting the Character of God

The Hippie Housewife discusses how we should reflect the character of God for our children.  She looks at how attachment parenting looks a lot like how God cares for us and warns us about 3 heresies which are cropping up in many Christian teachings.

Along the same lines, Pearl In Oyster (PIO) explains that we should imitate how God disciplines His children.  She uses her testimony of how God treated her when she was out of His will as an example.

 

 

What Do Children Think About Being Spanked?

What message do children really take away from corporeal punishment?  Carissa Robinson has asked some mothers what they remembered about being spanked and posts their thoughts and stories in What Do They Really Think?

Broken Daughters

I just found another blogger, Lisa Bennet, who is sharing her life story/testimony of being raised in a fundamentalist christian home.  In Part 5 her parents start following the Pearls’ teachings.

Looking Back on Being Spanked

Samuel Martin’s newest post reaches out to the Spanked and seeks ideas on how to help them convey their viewpoints to their parents.

Meanwhile, Libby Anne has shared 2 posts sharing her testimony of how her parents’ adherence to the Pearls’ teachings affected her:

Giving the Child the Rod, in which she shares about how she ruined her relationship with her siblings by wielding the rod on them and,

Casting the Pearls back to the Swine, in which she shares about how she decided not to follow those teachings with her own daughter.

Letter to a family considering ATI

Robin shares her experiences with ATI (Bill Gothard’s teachings) in this Letter She Wrote to a Family Considering ATI.

Fruits of Gentle Discipline

Dulce de Leche explains how she came to chose Gentle Discipline 7 years ago and examines the fruits of her decision in  7 Year Harvest.

The Right Way to Spank?

Dulce de Leche questions the common idea that spanking is not harmful when done without anger in Spanking In Anger — What Does It Matter?

Another Letter To A Pastor About Spanking

Dulce de Leche shares a letter someone wrote to her pastor about her experiences with spanking and why she does not believe it should be preached from the pulpit.  She shares her testimony of what it was like to be spanked and how it effected her.  She also looks at the blurred distinction between spanking and abuse.  This letter may be triggering so it is not for the faint of heart.

On a similar note is this post on The Journey about The Sexual Effects of Spanking.

Motherhood as Ministry

Candace of His Mercy is New looks at The Ministry of Motherhood and His Grace in My Life in this lovely testimony.

Renouncing Patriocentric Teachings

pFamilyGal renounces her belief in patriocentric teachings and explains why in Freeeeedoooom.

Betrothal

Eric M. Pazdziora writes about the Bondage of Betrothal at Quivering Daughters. This is a very good explanation of why the Courtship and Betrothal Movement is not Biblical.

In response, Sister Lisa, at Soul Liberty Faith, writes about Betrothal and the Works of The Flesh in which she discusses how her family approached the concept after leaving legalism behind.

Does God Want Us To Break Their Wills?

Elizabeth  Esther has  a post which discusses the idea that Even God Does Not Break Our Will.

Along the same lines, The Wartburg Watch has reposted a letter from Bob Dixon explaining Why He Finally Left Sovereign Grace Ministries After 30 years.

National Spank Out Day

In honor of National Spank Out Day, Dulce de Leche asks what kind of Fruit does spanking produce in our lives.  Her answer is Rotten Fruit.

Also, check out Jen from A Path Less Taken’s post about Not Crying Over Spilled Milk .  You will also want to check out her follow up post, Gentle Discipline, So What Do You Do?

 

Childhood in the ATI World

John Cornish shares about of his Childhood in the ATI/IFB World and how it affected his life.  This is not really about abuse per se, more of how a mindset damaged him.  This mindset is known to lead to abuse and this testimony shows how damaging the mindset is.   More importantly, he explains how scriptural it is.

Michael Pearl: Heretic?

Becky, from Created To Be His,  shares how she changed her mind about Michael Pearl’s teachings after 10 years of following them in Michael Pearl: Heretic?


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