(Part 1)

Susanna Wesley (1669-1742) is held up as the “Mother of Methodism.”  She married Samuel Wesley who was a pastor.  The Wesley’s had a total of 19 children, but only 10 of the children survived past infancy.  Susanna, as most Puritans, valued education.  However, she even taught her daughters as well as her sons how to read and write which was not common during the 18^th century (Heitzenrater, 2001).  She also allowed each child to do what he/she could for their selves starting from birth.  Susanna was a very devoted mother.

Before we get too deeply into Susanna’s child rearing beliefs and practices, we must take a brief look at how children were viewed by most during the 18^th century.  During this time period, children were seen as miniature adults.  They were dressed like adults and were expected to behave like adults at very young ages.  The quicker they behaved like adults, the better.  Otherwise, children were not to be seen or heard.  They were kept out of the room where adults were.  Throughout the 18^th century, this view of children slowly evolved as a sort of discovery of childhood occurred.  This change was not necessarily a positive one for children.  Instead of the high expectation for children to be adult-like as soon as possible (which, of course, was negative in and of itself since we now know how important childhood truly is), children were seen as inferior to adults.   As Heitzenrater (2001) states, “If the previous view put unnecessarily great expectations on young children, the new view gave them very little credit for any good possibilities.  Children, now seen as inferior to adults and needing to be governed strictly by them, fell prey to a repressive and tyrannical concept of the family, typified by the harsh Puritan view.  Lloyd De Mause characterizes this eighteenth century stage in the evolving treatment of children in Western civilization as ‘the intrusive mode’” (p. 280).  As I point out in Part 7 of “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” and in Part 1 of this series, the viewpoint of children born with original sin seemed to either lead to the harsh treatment of children or compassionate treatment.  While the Puritans advocated some of Jesus’ views and commands for adults to become like children in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:1-4), they were quite harsh with their children at times and believed in strict religious education for children (Heitzenrater, 2001; Greven, 1992, Miller, 1990).

Susanna Wesley’s child rearing beliefs and practices were in-tune with the time period.  Much of John Locke’s philosophy can be seen in how Susanna raised her children.  John Locke held the belief that children are born “blank slates” and that the environment could completely shape them into the people they would become.  He warned that motherly affection toward children was dangerous, and that children should be treated as young adults.  He also advocated for the use of physical punishment with young children.   Susanna taught her infants to cry softly by spanking them.  In her letter to her son John, Wesley (1732) states, “When they turned a year old (and some before) they were taught to fear the rod, and to cry softly. By this means they escaped abundance of correction they might otherwise have had. That most odious noise of the crying of children, was rarely heard in the house. The family usually lived in as much quietness, as if there had not been a child among them” (p. 1).  I find this quite disturbing as even for older infants and young toddlers crying is the main way of communicating their needs to us.  We have much research showing the devastating effects of not responding sensitively to their cries.  (See “Attachment Theory- Why NOT to Baby Train ” for more info).  I must wonder why she felt it was necessary to stifle her infants’ cries through hitting them?  I also wonder how long this process took since hurting young children almost always makes them cry louder and harder?!  What’s more is that not crying is not biblical.  “God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there” Genesis 21:17.  See also Exodus 3:7; 1 Samuel 7:8; Psalm 55:17; Psalm 145:17-19; and Revelation 21:4.  Even Jesus wept in John 11:35 when He saw that Lazarus had died even though He knew that He was about to bring him back to life.  Sadly, I believe hitting her infants to teach them to cry softly had nothing to do with Susanna wanting to be biblical in her parenting, and everything to do with her own preferences in parenting.  “That most odious noise of the crying of children, was rarely heard in the house.  The family usually lived in as much quietness, as if there had not been a child among them” (Wesley, 1732, p. 1).  Susanna obviously had an aversion to crying even among her own children.  It is important to remind ourselves again that during the 18^th century children were to be seen and not heard, and that a great deal of Susanna’s child-rearing practices were in line with what was common during this particular time period.  I am trying to show that these practices were not always biblical since many Christians still hold her up as a model for Christian mothers.

We now know from years of research that not providing young children with sensitive, responsive care can lead to failure to thrive, attachment disorders, and even death (Fogel, 2011; Mooney, 2011; Karen, 1994; & Spitz, 1965).  Research also shows that pain, especially in the case of a parent hitting a young child, negatively affects brain development in children (Strauss; 2006).  Stress hormones are released whenever a child or adult is upset.  In adults, these hormones over time can cause heart disease, insomnia, and diabetes. In infants and young children, stress hormones change the way that neurons and synapses are created and formed (Strauss, 2006; Sears & Sears, 2001; Greven, 1992).  Infants and toddlers learn through sensorimotor experiences.  Hitting them makes them less likely to explore their environments and more likely to withdraw.  This withdrawal may seem to make them into good, quiet babies, but this could have dire effects on their health.  If a child is afraid to cry because no one will answer him/her or he/she gets hit for crying, the child will stop communicating his/her needs, which could lead to death if no one realizes the child is sick.  Plus, stress hormones make infants even more prone to illness.  Not to mention the emotional distress children go through when physically punished.

As the children grew older, Suzanna Wesley kept them on a very strict schedule.  The children were not allowed to play or speak loudly; especially during the 6 hours of schooling.  Susanna homeschooled her children.  Even their eating and drinking schedules were extremely strict.  In her letter to John Wesley, Susanna (1732) states, “Drinking or eating between meals was never allowed, unless in case of sickness, which seldom happened. Nor were they allowed to go into the kitchen to ask anything of the servants when they were eating. If it was known they did, they were certainly punished with the rod and the servants severely reprimanded” (p. 1).   Why would anyone not allow children to drink between meals?  I wonder what happened when it was really hot outside.  Didn’t they get dehydrated?  Even for myself, I need drinks between meals.  And sometimes I need a snack between meals otherwise I feel sick to my stomach.  We all know that children’s stomachs are smaller, so they need small snacks between meals.  We also know that children become dehydrated quicker than adults so they need drinks throughout the day.  I just don’t understand why Susanna felt it was necessary to keep her children on such a strict schedule and to spank them if she found out they had asked the servants for something to eat or drink between meals.  Is this biblical?  In Matthew 10:42, Jesus says, “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”  In this verse, Jesus is talking about anyone with a low status in society.  As Part 7 of “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” shows children have a very low status in society.  Therefore, it seems quite clear that Jesus is including children in this statement.  So, denying a child food and drink in a very controlling way is not biblical.  Just think, everyone who has ever fed a child, a poor person, or even a friend has fed our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!  Now, I’m not saying that we should allow children, for example, to have a cookie right before supper.  What I am saying is to not allow drink or a small, healthy snack at appropriately spaced intervals between meals is unbiblical and potentially DANGEROUS to children!   And to spank a child for asking for a drink or a snack is outright ABUSE!!!  Children’s bodies are constantly growing and developing, therefore, nutritious meals, snacks, and drinks should be offered to them throughout the day.

Going back to the fact that children were not allowed to play or talk loudly makes me question how much learning was lost for them.  Yes, she taught them well and it appears that Samuel Jr. was quite advanced for his age, but research shows that young children learn best through play and concrete (real) experiences.  “Armed with an inborn motivation to learn and explore, they are on a constant quest for knowledge, learning from what they see, hear, feel, taste, and touch. And they do this without the need for prompting” (Lally, 2009, p. 47).  Through play and casual interactions, children learn so much including Math, Science, English, and History.  Of course, children should be taught God’s Word in similar ways.  But it seems Susanna (and others of her day) thought children should be taught in an extremely strict, rigorous manner.  As we will see in Part 3, her child-rearing practices had a strong effect on her son, Jonathan Wesley.

The Wesley family suffered 2 fires that burnt their house down.  During the rebuilding of the house, the family was split up, and the children lived with other families.  It seems that during this time, the children had a bit more freedom than what Susanna would ever allow.  Interestingly, here is what Susanna Wesley writes about this time period in the family’s life:

“For some years we went on very well. Never were children in better disposed to piety, or in more subjection to their parents until that scattering of them after the fire into several families. In those families, they were left at full liberty to converse with the servants, which before they had always been restrained from, and to run abroad and play with any children, good or bad. They soon learned to neglect a strict observation of the sabbath, and got knowledge of several songs and bad things which before they had no notion of. That civil behaviour which made them admired when at home, by all which saw them, was in great measure lost, and a clownish accent and many rude ways were learned, which were not reformed without some difficulty.

When the house was rebuilt and the children all brought home, we entered upon a strict reform” (Wesley, 1732, p. 3).  I’m sure that Susanna was grateful that those who survived the fire were safe.  I’m also sure (even though she doesn’t say so in this particular letter) that she was grateful to the families who took in their children during this very difficult time in the family’s life, I’m a bit surprised and saddened that Susanna seemed more concerned about getting her children under her reign once again.  Why did she see their freedom as such a negative thing.  And if such strict child-rearing is supposed to produce good, obedient Christian children, then why did they disobey their mother when out from under her authority?  It seems that Susanna was focused on the Law and legalism more than on true obedience from the heart.  Jesus, on many occasions, warned the Pharisees about their legalism tendencies.  “For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven” Matthew 5:20.  (See also Matthew 23:5-7; Matthew 23:13-15; Matthew 23:27-39; and Mark 7:1-23).  It is obvious from these verses that God values true worship from the heart!  I wonder how long it took Susanna’s children to truly worship God from their hearts after being raised in such a controlling environment?  Especially since she taught her children that if they repented to her then she would not spank them for their offense.   I would guess that when the children repented that they did so out of fear rather than out of true remorse!  “On the other hand, some of Susanna’s ideas seem very modern, such as not punishing a child more than once for the same infraction…” (Heitzenrater, 2001, p. 284).  Jesus does not punish us for our sins, but rather, offers forgiveness, grace, and mercy when we sin.  He allows consequences in our lives.  But He never punishes us—unless we reject Him forever!

As I mentioned previously, the family appeared to live a nice quiet life from the outside.  But a few sources mentioned that while all her children grew up and continued to love and respect their mother, it seems that they may have all suffered from emotional problems (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/archive/index.php/t-206124.html).  While we cannot know this for sure, I would not be surprised if her children did indeed suffer some emotional problems as this type of parenting puts children at higher risk for all sorts of problems.  Also, it seems she struggled with the assurance of her own salvation for many years.  From reading some of Susanna’s letters, it appears to me that, while she clearly acknowledged human salvation as a result of Christ’s sacrifice, she remained in Old Testament philosophical beliefs—that obedience to the Law of Moses was required to maintain salvation.  In a letter to her daughter, Susanna Wesley (1709-10 [1997]) states, “The soul is immortal and must survive all time, even to eternity, and consequently it must have been miserable to the utmost extent of its duration, had we not had that sacred treasure of knowledge which is contained in the books of the Old and New Testament.  A treasure infinitely more valuable than the whole world, because therein we [find] all things(added emphasis by Steph) necessary for our salvation” (p. 381).  I am wondering if Susanna ever truly understood that Jesus Christ paid it all for us when He bore our sins on that cross.  That the one ”Thing” that we need for salvation is Jesus Christ!  “For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ” 1 Thessalonians 5:9.   I cannot say what was going through Susanna’s Wesley’s head when she wrote her letters.  I am trying my best to try to understand her with extremely limited information in order to show where she may have misunderstood Scripture—something that all (including myself) are capable of doing.

Finally, Susanna Wesley seems to contradict herself as she believed a child’s will must be conquered in order to submit to his/her parents and ultimately God.  However, in her letter to her daughter, Susanna Wesley (1709-10 [1997]) states, “For any one which makes a profession of religion only because ‘tis the custom of the country in which they live or because their parents do so or their worldly interest is thereby secured or advanced will never be able to stand in the day of temptation, nor shall they ever enter into the kingdom of heaven” (p. 380).  So, why did she treat them so harshly to seemingly raise them in the Lord if she believed that one should never profess faith because their parents do?  Of course, reading and teaching God’s Word to them was extremely important and good.  I feel that by controlling them so strongly could have set them up to proclaim faith in Christ so as not to disappoint their mother.  I truly admire Susanna Wesley for being so devoted to her children.  She obviously loved her children very much and wanted the best for them.  And as I’ve pointed out, some of her child-rearing practices were common for the 18^th century.  However, I must question holding her up as a model for Christian mothers.  Not all of her practices are biblical.  It sounded like she ran a boot camp; not a home.  Children require gentle firmness, something Susanna Wesley wasn’t able to give her children.  As we shall see, this affected her son, Jonathan Wesley profoundly—both positively and quite negatively.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other” Galatians 5:22-26.

All of Susanna Wesley’s letters can be found in Wallace Jr, C. (Ed.).  (1997). The complete writings of Susanna Wesley.  New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

(Continued)

The Christian History of Spanking by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.  Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.