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In Samuel Martin’s book, he explains how many pro-spankers quote the following Proverb to support their argument that the spanking should cause crying in children.  And cause not just crying, but a broken will.

“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” Proverbs 19:18 (KJV).

One of the most prominent and most followed Christain advocates of spanking children; especially young children, is Dr. James Dobson.  In his book, Dare to Discipline, Dobson (1970) states, “Real crying usually lasts two minutes or less, but may continue for five.  After that point, the child is merely complaining, and the change can be recognized in the tone and intensity of his voice.  I would require him to stop the protest crying, usually by offering him a little more of what caused the original tears” (p. 13).  Does this sound like a loving way to “discipline” our children?  A parent purposely inflicts pain on a child to break his or her will, and then tells the child to quit crying or he or she will purposely inflict more pain on the child.  When I’m in pain, I complain lots.  I remember how awful it felt when my dad hit me and told me to quit crying.  It was all I could do to stifle both the emotional and physical pain that I felt.  God commands us to live in peace with one another to the best of our ability.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” Romans 12:18.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you” 2 Corinthians 13:11.

There are over 20 Hebrew words that relate to weeping or actual crying with tears in the Bible, but none of them are found in the book of Proverbs.  These are used when someone important or a family member dies throughout Scripture or to an infant as seen in Exodus 2:6. Let’s take a look at the five Hebrew words that are used in Proverbs and their English translations.

The first Hebrew word in Proverbs that we come across for crying is rahnan.    Proverbs 1:20 states, “Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets” (KJV). And Proverbs 8:3 says, “She crieth at the gates, at the entry of the city, at the coming in at the doors”  (KJV). These two verses are speaking about “Lady Wisdom,” and rahnan is being translated as singing, cry out, rejoice, and shouting or shout aloud for joy.  It is clear from these verses that “Lady Wisdom” is shouting and shouting aloud for joy.   Rahnan is used throughout Proverbs in this way.  See Proverbs 29:6 as well.

Another Hebrew translation used in Proverbs for crying is hah-mah.  It means loud, clamorous, or raging.  Let’s look at a few Proverbs in which hah-mah is translated in crying.

“She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words” Proverbs 1:21 (KJV).

“She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house” Proverbs 7:11 (KJV).

“A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing” Proverbs 9:13 (KJV).

“Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise” Proverbs 20:1 (KJV).

It is clear from the context of these verses that crying is being used as in someone being loud and obnoxious; not as in actual crying with tears.  The next Hebrew translation for crying does mean crying with tears and is used even when speaking of children.  Yet, it is not used in Proverbs 19:18. This Hebrew word is z-gah-kah.  It, as mentioned before, is used in Exodus 2:6. Even Jesus Himself wept when He came to His friend, Lazarus’ tomb before He raised him from death.

“Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

35 Jesus wept” John 11:30-35.

Z-gah-kah is also used in Proverbs 21:13 which says, “Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard” (KJV). It is interesting that this has nothing to do with children.  So, what is the Hebrew translation for crying that we see in Proverbs 19:18?  It is mooth and is used over 500 times in the Hebrew Bible.  It has 40 different means that refer to death.   The NIV version of Proverbs 19:18 says it like this:

“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;

do not be a willing party to their death.”

This means not allowing your child to go down the wrong road that could lead to a premature death.  This has absolutely nothing to do with actual crying as Dobson and many other Christian advocates of spanking believe!  Children need limits.  We wouldn’t let a toddler run out in the street to be run over by a car.  But instead of spanking the toddler, we should firmly tell the toddler that the street is dangerous, and then show the toddler the safe way to cross the street holding onto Mommy or Daddy hands.  Does hitting a toddler really teach him or her why the street is dangerous and how to be safe?  No!  It teaches them that danger makes Mommy and Daddy hurt me.   That Jesus wants me to be hurt when I’m in danger.  Remember, young children cannot make abstract connections like adults can.

Christian advocates of spanking are totally misinterpreting Scripture and/or are purposely teaching false doctrine.  The Apostle Paul warns about this.  “20 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence” Colossians 2:20-23. We are not to obey these regulations anymore.  We are to obey Jesus Christ!

Older infants and toddlers require boundaries and limits.  These help young children to feel safe and secure.  For example, securely attached infants and toddlers will often look at their parent or caregiver when they encounter something that they are unsure about.  If the adult smiles approvingly, the child will usually continue exploring.  If the adult frowns, the child will usually stop exploring.  Infants and toddlers need discipline and guidance because they lack self-control.  Unfortunately, many people think of discipline and punishment as one and the same.  This should not be the case whatsoever.  “Webster’s Dictionary describes discipline as ‘training that corrects, molds, or perfects.’  I believe the best and most long-lasting training comes from within.  Discipline is first learned externally, based on parental, and then societal expectations” (Gerber & Johnson, 1998, p. 204).  Positive guidance strategies such as modeling, redirection, and natural consequences work better to truly teach children more appropriate ways of behaving. For example, if a toddler gets up from the table, then the natural consequence is that he will be finished eating.  This is not punishment; it is cause and effect that directly relates to the toddler’s behavior.

Christian pediatrician Dr. William Sears implores the importance of understanding the child’s perspective in order to appropriate respond and guide the child.  “Authority is vital to discipline, and authority must be based on trust.  If an infant can trust his mother to feed him when he’s hungry, he will be more likely as a toddler to listen to her for what to do when, for example, he encounters breakable objects on Grandma’s coffee table” (Sears & Sears, 2001, p. 20).

Again, discipline means to teach and to guide children in appropriate behaviors.  Spanking does not do this; it controls.  “Physical punishment such as hitting or spanking will mean two things to her: one, that you are bigger than she and you can get away with it, and two, that you believe in aggression” (Brazelton & Sparrow, 2006, p. 146).  Spanking children causes them to slowly lose their trust in their parents and caregivers.  This makes them less likely to listen to parents without the threat of punishment.  Discipline, however, has the opposite effect on children.  “Discipline is the second most important thing you do for a child.  Love comes first, and discipline second.  Discipline means teaching, not punishment.  The goal is for the child to incorporate her own limits.  Each opportunity for discipline becomes a chance for teaching.  Hence, after a brief disciplinary maneuver, sit down to comfort and hold her, saying, ‘You can’t do that.  I’ll have to stop you until you can learn to stop yourself’” (Brazelton & Sparrow, 2006, p. 147).   Brazelton recommends using time-outs not as punishments but to help the child calm down.

Do we really want children growing up believing that Jesus wants them to be hurt every time they make a mistake or misbehave?  Do we really want children to equate hitting and causing pain to love?  Numerous studies suggest that children from violent homes are at an increased risk of becoming violent themselves.  Yes, someday Jesus will come back to unleash His final Wrath on the Earth, but He’s giving everyone a chance before He does.  He does not want anyone to perish.  Should children be taught about His love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness by modeling it to them?  Or would we rather model “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God Galatians 5:19-21.

Do not let satan deceive you.  Famous Christian theologian Dwight Moody did not let satan deceive him.  Despite being spanked as a child, he chose to live by the Law of Christ and did not spank his own children.

As in the Words of Christ, “He who has ears, let him hear!”

( Continued )

Spanking is NOT God’s Will by Steph is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.whynottrainachild.com.