Christian arguments against the Pearls' teachings.
Liz Boltz Ranfeld explains why she and her husband Don’t Spank Their Kid in a well thought out post. She has 5 main reasons which are fleshed out and explained.
1) Her child’s personality
2) Research
3) Occasional spanking so often turns into frequent spanking.
4) She’s not allowed to hit another adult; why should she be allowed to hit a child?
5) The scriptural support for corporal punishment is disturbing.
When Dara Stoltzfus made a blog post entitled, “20 Reasons Not To Spank,” she found that it kept growing. It got so large that she ended up creating a new site entirely for that post. She is now up to 119 reasons… so far. Without further ado, I bring you, “20″ Reasons Not To Spank, the website.
Sylvia shares her testimony and Her Thoughts On Spanking in this post, the link to which I found in the comments of Rachel Held Evan’s post, The Abusive Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl.
Rosemary shares “a collection of thoughts on why – especially the Biblical reasons why –” They’ve Chosen Not To Spank.
Sara Mae shares how spanking was affecting her 2 1/2 year old’s self esteem and why she and her husband decided to stop in How Gentleness Makes Our Children Great.
Dara Stoltzfus also has noticed the importance of a child’s self-worth and explains how we can encourage their inner beauty in Princes and Princesses on the Inside.
Flowermama looks at the question, “Would Jesus Spank?” As she looks at the Character of God as revealed in Scripture, her answer is, no. Of course, she does touch on the Rod of Proverbs.
Speaking of the Proverbial Rod, Tia Lynn looks at the question, Are The Rod Verses Literal or Figurative? Excellent post, I don’t know how it has taken me so long to find it.
Does the Bible teach that delayed obedience is disobedience? To answer that question, Carissa Robinson examines the Parable of The Two Sons in First Time, With a Happy Heart.
Dulce de Leche hosts a post by Samuel Martin on the topic of How Jesus Would Parent, in which we look at an example of Jesus using Gentle Parenting.
Dulce de Leche looks at what the Bible really says about parenting. Note that this post is part of the 2012 Carnival of Gentle Discipline which you can find at the bottom of the post.
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)
In the last part of this series we saw how teaching children to equate love with pain can cause them to become sadomasochistic. We also saw how spanking children, even when done “lovingly” and the “right way,” causes many children to struggle with depression, guilt, and shame as having pain intentionally inflicted on them by their parents never makes them feel positive about themselves. In this concluding piece of this series, we will see how spanking keeps the vicious cycle of abuse and authoritarian parenting going for generations unless one fights against it. New research shows that children that are physically punished/abused can develop a form of Stockholm Syndrome as they deny and repress their pain. Also, I will be showing that intentionally inflicting pain on children causes brain damage as the brain gets rewired due to experiencing pain and trauma throughout childhood. Many parents do not realize how vulnerable the young, developing brain is. Finally, I will be explaining the Scientific Method of conducting research in order to disprove the claim of a great deal of pro-spankers that all the research proving spanking is harmful is somehow biased. I hope this series further proves that spanking did not come from God otherwise none of these harmful effects would ever occur.
The Cycle of Abuse and Authoritarian Parenting—“My parents spanked me and I survived and so will my children!”
[Read more...]
How should we treat our children when they disobey us? Cultured Mama explores this question as she asks Does God Withdraw His Love from Sinners?
Dulce de Leche explains how some parents inadvertently set themselves up as idols in The 10 Commandments for Parents: No Other Gods.
Alison Strobel explains Golden Rule Parenting.
Little Hearts Gentle Parenting Resources posts about Jesus, The Gentle Parent and how we can learn from Him and His example.
Greenegem from Dare To Disciple explains what being a Gentle Christian Mamma looks like in It’s Really Quite Simple…
Meanwhile, on the same blog, Lucy explains that when it comes to parenting, One Size Does Not Fit All.
( Part 1 ) ( Part 2 ) ( Part 3)
In this paper of this series in which I am exploring the Christian history of spanking, I would like to begin by discussing some of John Calvin’s beliefs in regards to children as many of the people that we have discussed in this series have been highly influenced by Calvin’s beliefs. After I discuss John Calvin, we will look at Jonathan Edwards as he still influences some Christian advocates of spanking children. It is my hope that people are discovering for themselves that spanking is from man, not from God as we go through this historic journey together.
John Calvin
John Calvin (1509-1564) was one of the primary figures in the Protestant Reformation. He became a born again Christian in 1533. He then became a Protestant pastor in Geneva, Switzerland, and created the Geneva Academy after returning from exile in 1542. “Calvin’s major institutional contribution to education was his Geneva Academy, which he established upon his return from exile. The academy was divided into two schools. The private school taught children until about age sixteen, and the public school served as the university” (Reed & Provost, 1993, p. 197). Calvin believed in the strict religious education of children, and the Geneva church controlled the academy. The teachers employed by the church were well versed in Calvin’s strict disciplinarian approach that often included physical punishment. The following poem shows exactly how John Calvin felt regarding the use of physical punishment with children:
Who spares the rod with spirit mild,
He surely hates and harms his child.
Stripes and fear are right;
But who disowns their might,
And trains his son in tender way,
Unfits him for life’s earnest fray” (Reed & Provost, 1993, p. 198).
It is clear from this poem that Calvin had no understanding of lovingly admonishing children as well as adults as Colossians 3:16 tells us to do. Nor did he seem to understand Christ’s teaching of forgiveness (Luke 3:3; Luke 24:47). And I must wonder if he knew that gentleness and patience are some of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
Before I get too deeply into Calvin’s beliefs about children, I would like to take a look into how society in general viewed children and childhood during the 16th century. [Read more...]
Discipleship Parenting writes about Understanding the Nature of Children in which she looks at what the Bible says about the nature of infants and children and what our response to them should be.
Dulce de Leche also writes about the sin nature of babies in Sons of Adam Daughters of Eve.
Jonathan Wesley (1703-1791) is known as the founder of Methodism, and for the effects he had (and still has) on the education of children and adults. In Part 2, I looked at the child-rearing practices of his mother, Susanna Wesley, whom many Christian advocates of spanking hold up as a model for Christian mothers. Susanna gave John special attention as he almost died in one of the house fires. John deeply loved his mother, and it has been said that he didn’t think he could ever find a woman like his mother to marry. Now, before we say that his mother’s child-rearing practices couldn’t have been that bad if he loved her that much, it is well documented that abused children that have been taken away from their abusive parents will cry and ask, “If I’m really good tomorrow, can I go home to my mommy and daddy?” As I point out in Part 5 of my series called, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” children have a very forgiving nature and love their parents no matter what. That’s how I was with my dad despite his physical abuse. He said he was sorry many times throughout my childhood, and I always forgave him. Now some pro-spankers may argue that there’s a line between abuse and spanking. My dad never left marks on my body, but it was indeed abuse as he’d hit and be rough with me for things out of my control. My mom only spanked me once, and though she never apologized, I forgave her within the week. Though both my parents were wrong for hitting me, I’ve long forgiven both of them and have a great relationship with my mom. So, for all those who claim spankings didn’t hurt them, I must ask that they truly think about how they felt right before, during, and afterwards because when children are hurt by the closest people in their lives, it does harm and hurt, otherwise there wouldn’t be so much denial and controversy over using physical punishment with our children! And if spanking (hitting) children was ordained by God, then there would be NO questions or controversy among Christians and the secular world regarding the amount of harm spanking a child does as Scripture clearly states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. [Read more...]
Ordained Minister( and Parenting and Relationship expert) Thomas Haller has written an article with Chick Moorman called, Biblical Perspectives on Spanking in which they take a closer look at the typical verses which are considered to command parents to spank.
Samuel Martin’s book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me, also studies those verses, as well as Jewish attitudes towards children in Biblical times. Brenda King of Positively Feminine has a book review of his book and is also offering a chance to win a free copy of it.
In other news, I have updated yesterday’s post with part III of the series.
Cindy, from Under Much Grace, analyzes what causes people like Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz to harm their children in a new series:
Why Good People Make Dangerous Choices (Pondering Pearl and Lydia Schatz)
Part I: Virtue In Place of Unquestioned Obedience.
Part II: How Dehumanization (and Declaring War Against Family Members) Causes Moral Disengagement
Part III: Defining Aggression as Normal, Acceptable, and Desired Behavior
Part IV: The Milgram Experiment and the Pressure to Commit Evil for the Common Good
Bad Apples or Bad Barrels? The Short and Long Versions of Zimbardo on the Lucifer Effect
Part VI: The Calm Before the Storm Following the Schatzes’ “Guilty” Pleas
Part VII: The Breaking the “Diabolical Will” of Infants in the IFB – Even at Hephzibah House
Part VIII: There But For Grace
Part IX: Using the Milgram Study to Understand How Pearl Becomes Appealing
This article by Sally Clarkson asks us to consider whether we want our children see us as Adversaries or Advocates.
Along similar lines, Dulce de Leche writes about different ways of seeing God in Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.
Edited to add: Sally Clarkson has more to say on this topic in Mentoring Monday: Advocate or Adversary: Your view of God Determines your Parenting Philosophy.
Rachel had an in depth look at what John Piper says about Spanking but she has since closed her blog to the public. Please check out my John Piper tag.
Also, check out what Barefoot Betsy says here.
Susanna Wesley (1669-1742) is held up as the “Mother of Methodism.” She married Samuel Wesley who was a pastor. The Wesley’s had a total of 19 children, but only 10 of the children survived past infancy. Susanna, as most Puritans, valued education. However, she even taught her daughters as well as her sons how to read and write which was not common during the 18th century (Heitzenrater, 2001). She also allowed each child to do what he/she could for their selves starting from birth. Susanna was a very devoted mother.
Before we get too deeply into Susanna’s child rearing beliefs and practices, we must take a brief look at how children were viewed by most during the 18th century. During this time period, children were seen as miniature adults. They were dressed like adults and were expected to behave like adults at very young ages. The quicker they behaved like adults, the better. Otherwise, children were not to be seen or heard. They were kept out of the room where adults were. Throughout the 18th century, this view of children slowly evolved as a sort of discovery of childhood occurred. This change was not necessarily a positive one for children. Instead of the high expectation for children to be adult-like as soon as possible (which, of course, was negative in and of itself since we now know how important childhood truly is), children were seen as inferior to adults. [Read more...]
Claire has been doing some more Myth Busting at Dare to Disciple in Myth Busting 4: My Story. Here are the myths she busts in this installment:
Discipleship Parenting has started a series of Biblical evidence against spanking in, Rightly Dividing the Word: A Study of “Spanking” Scriptures.
She has also posted 2 addendums to her Letters to Dobson:
Addendum to “Grace”
Handling Disputes Biblically
Carissa Robinson has a lovely blog post about how Thankfull she is that they are using gentle discipline, complete with an example of how it works. She also links to Sally Clarkson’s blog post about First Time Obedience. Sally Clarkson writes as the mother of adult children and reflects back on how her children were raised and how dangerous it is to try to use a formula for child raising, especially one which involves training.
In my quest for further understanding as to why so many Christians (and non-Christians, though I am mainly looking at Christians for this study) are adamant pro-spankers, I have begun a journey into some of the darker history of Christianity and the harsh treatment of children starting as young as infancy. My purpose in doing this study is to uncover some of the main Christian advocates of harsh treatment of children in order to show that spanking came from man and not from God as so many truly believe.
Sadly, as I pointed out in Part 7 of my “Spanking is NOT God’s Will” series, brutality of children can be traced back to Biblical times which is why Jesus radicalized the way He wanted society to view and treat children. Despite Jesus placing such a high value on children and never once advising the people to harshly punish young children when He had ample opportunity to do so, Christians have, for centuries, used the Holy Bible to advocate and justify spanking and abusing young children. For some unknown reason, at least to me as of now, physical punishment runs deep within the roots of Christianity, especially within the sects of the Protestants, Fundamentalists, and Evangelicals. It is important for me to note here that I proudly consider myself an Evangelical Christian and have always taken the Bible quite literally. It appears to me as I continue my study of God’s Word and the history of this subject that pro-spankers seem to focus more of their attention on the God of the Old Testament. Yes, God is the same today, tomorrow, and forever (See James 1:17 & Malachi 3:6a). However, the God of the Old Testament was quite harsh at times in His righteous anger allowing men, women, and children to be killed because of their sins against Him. But, as I point out in Part 8 of my series, “Spanking is NOT God’s Will,” we also see God’s grace and love for His people. The minute His people cried out to Him in the Old Testament, God forgave them and had mercy on them. “So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty” Malachi 3:6b-7. With the coming of Jesus Christ, God allowed His grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness to be much more accessible and evident to mankind. Through Jesus, we can now have a very personal relationship with the God of the Old Testament. [Read more...]
The website, Suffer The Little Children, belongs to Joan Vasquez, the writer of the Rod Study. She has many interesting articles as well as an interview of the author of Biblical Parenting, Crystal Lutton. This website is an invaluable resource and I recommend that you read it thoroughly.
( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( Part 6 ) ( Part 7 )
What is grace? This is the question running through my head as I wrestle with a bit of discouragement as children continue to be harmed by well-meaning people who want so badly to obey God in their parenting. As I continue to hear the same comments from pro-spankers who seem almost desperate to defend themselves for fear of being wrong. As I hear on the morning news that two teenagers were shot and killed by their own mother because they were being “mouthy.” As a book that advocates spanking infants may be being used by people that I know. What is grace? Who deserves grace? Is the Bible Truth or something that can be used however we want in order to support our own beliefs? What does it mean to be Spirit led and to take up our crosses and follow Jesus? Why do some Christians proclaim, “God hates fags?” Why is there so much division in the Body of Christ when God commands us to be “like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” Philippians 2:2?
Another thing that keeps popping up in my mind and during my Bible study is the following verse:
“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty” Zechariah 4:6.
This verse is in context with an angel showing Zechariah a vision seemingly related to the coming of a future Messiah to rescue the people. Yesterday in church, the pastor discussed the uneventful way that Jesus quietly came on the scene amidst the crowds that were waiting by the Jordan River in order to be baptized by a relative, John The Baptist (Matthew 3:13-17). Everyone thought that the Messiah would come and mightily restore Israel with a mighty sword. But instead, Jesus came as an infant and lived in humble settings. He didn’t even look like a powerful king that everyone expected Him to be. Look how Isaiah the prophet described Jesus: [Read more...]
( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( Part 6 )
The Rod
What about the “rod” in the 5 verses in Proverbs that pro-spankers take literally to mean spanking young children? In Crystal Lutton’s book, Biblical Parenting, she includes an in-depth study of the rod as it is used throughout the Old Testament. Interestingly, as I will show in a bit, there are only two verses in the Old Testament in which the rod is used to hit someone! For now, let’s look at the Hebrew word for rod.
The Hebrew word for rod is shebet. Shebet is defined in Strong’s Hebrew Lexicon #7626 as “rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, scepter, tribe:
a) Rod, staff
b) Shaft (of spear, dart)
c) Club (of shepherd’s implement)
d) Truncheon, scepter (mark of authority)
e) Clan, tribe”
(Lutton, 2001).
Here is Strong’s definition of rod: “From an unused root probably meaning to branch off; a scion, for example literally a stick (for punishing, writing, fighting, walking, ruling, etc.) or figuratively a clan.” In the KJV of the Bible, rod is used for tribe 140 times; rod 34 times; scepter 10 times; staff 2 times; and miscellaneous 4 times (Lutton, 2001). It is quite interesting that shebet or rod is used to symbolize tribes. Also, while it is considered a tool (see Leviticus 27:32, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 2:9, Isaiah 28:27, and Exodus 21:20) in all 34 places in which the word “rod” is used, it is in conjunction with the full council of God. It is clear that if we look at all the places in which shebet is used for rod in the Old Testament, it is used as a symbol of authority the majority of the time. It symbolizes the authority of God, nations, and parents as in Proverbs.
In Exodus 20:21 a rod is used to hit someone. Let’s take a look at the verse.
( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 )
The following is based on a comment from a pro-spanker to Part 5 of my series. Spanking does not automatically mean you will have a bad relationship with your children. If you have not read my entire series, I highly recommend you do so. Remember, children are very forgiving and want to be in their parents’ good graces.
It is clear from the Hebrew translations that God does NOT want children to be spanked (hit). Proverbs is Wisdom Literature. It is not meant to be taken out of context. The verse cited Hebrews 12:5-6 is not talking about physical punishment nor young children. Yes, God disciplines us as His children. Discipline means to TEACH. God does not punish us. Jesus rebuked His disciples, but He NEVER punished them. Even after Peter denied Jesus, Jesus FORGAVE him! [Read more...]
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