More Reactions to the Duggar Situation

There is SO much being written about the Duggars. In an effort to please everyone, I decided to stop posting everything I saw on this blog’s Facebook Page and start posting it on my Facebook Account’s wall.  This way, those who want to see everything I share in real time can friend me and those who rather just see my blog posts can just follow my page.

So, here are the links I have shared since my last blog post.

Crystal Lutton explains What we, the Church, can learn from Josh Duggar.

Brent Detwiler takes an in depth look at the whole catastophe in The “Incredible” Duggar’s – “Happy, Healthy and Well Balanced.”

Susan Cottrell looks at The Dangers of Life in a Male-Dominated System on Pathos.

Allie Jones discovers what I noted when the story first broke: Police Report Reveals the Duggar Discipline Method: “They Have a Rod.”

Jonny Scaramanga reveals that Had Josh Duggar been prosecuted, Duggars would have lost the right to home school.

Joel J. Miller has an article in the Washington Post called, Jesus is quick to forgive, but Josh Duggar’s apology is still disturbing.

Travis Gettys writes about the Duggar mindset, as explained by Vyckie Garrison in Raw Story.

A person’s a person no matter how small.

Sarah has graciously allowed me to host this most excellent post.

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Aha. Welcome to my long winded “Why I don’t believe in spanking” post.

You will soon find that spanking isn’t the whole issue with me. I don’t believe in punishment at all (GASP!).

‘Course permissiveness can be unhealthy as well, so I am setting out on this parenting journey to tread not somewhere in between those two evils, but outside the whole paradigm altogether. Onward, fellow travelers! To the land of gentle discipline! (I’m cheesy and I know it… beeeooouuup beeouup beoup beoup beoup beoup beoup. Girl, look at that baby. He drinks milk! Okay, yes. Too much coffee. I’m out of control.)

Now that you know what you’re getting yourself into (should you choose to read on), allow me to indulge in a disclaimer. [Read more…]

I Was Wrong to Tell You to Stop Spanking Your Kid: An Open Letter of Apology…

I was wrong. You heard it here first.

That time. At the mall. You hit your kid and I told you it wouldn’t help anything and asked you to stop.

That was really dumb.

Not because I’ve changed my mind and decided we should hit kids, but because I know better. That approach I took almost never works. After all, you were quite young when we had that conversation. I remember when I was young, whenever someone told me to stop doing something, it motivated me all the more to keep doing it. And I could spout off 37 reasons why I was right and they were wrong. I’m sure you did that in your head that day.

What do I wish I had done? [Read more…]

About Adrian Peterson

Crystal Lutton discusses responses to the Adrian Peterson case.

Speaking of Crystal Lutton, she also explains what the Bible says about spanking.

When considering Adrian Peterson, Rebecca Diamond says that she was spanked and she turned out… well, you’ll have to read her post to find out.

Jennifer McGrail compares Adrian Peterson with Ray Rice in Hitting is Hitting is Hitting.

Well known NBA player, Kareem Abdul Jabbar condems spanking in Time Magazine.

Last Resort?

Claire reconsiders her plan to use spanking as a Last Resort.

Grace-Based Discipline and the Older Child

Here is an excellent article from Crystal Lutton, of Arms of Love, on how to use Grace-Based Discipline on the older child.

Suffer The Little Children

The website, Suffer The Little Children, belongs to Joan Vasquez, the writer of the Rod Study.  She has many interesting articles as well as an interview of the author of Biblical Parenting, Crystal Lutton. This website is an invaluable resource and I recommend that you read it thoroughly.

What is Grace Based Discipline?

The Web Magazine, Positively Feminine, is running a new series called, What Is Grace-Based Discipline? by PhenomoMom. I am quite impressed with this magazine and its contributors and suggest you check it out.

Good Parenting Resources

Dulce de Leche shares how she rejected the teachings of Ezzo and Pearl and what she replaced them with in Christian Parenting Books: How Our Bookshelf Grew.

She then shares her Christian Parenting Books Recommendations which is a very good resource.

And here are her Discipline Books Recommendations.

Back in April she shared another very good resource, what is in her Gentle Discipline Tool Box.  This is a must read for anyone who has an interest in gentle discipline.

Also, here is Pearl In Oyster’s list of Recommended Parenting Books.

My Thoughts on Submission

Ever since my good friend, GreenGem, posted her Thoughts On Leadership I have been pondering my own thoughts on submission. When someone actually emailed me to ask me whether I believed in Wife Only Submission (WOS) or Mutual Submission (MS) I pondered even harder.  Now I am feeling led to solidify my thoughts.

MS starts with Eph 5:21 which says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”  WOS starts with Eph 5:22-24 which says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.” (Note that the words in brackets are not in the original Greek but were added by the translators.) Crystal Lutton has very good explanations of what the word, “submit” means, and what the word, “head” means.  You might also  want to read this explanation for more information.  I’m very thankful for theses explanations because I knew that I did not agree with the patriarchy explanation which leads to so much abuse. I have seen many healthy marriages which claim to believe in WOS yet they are really following MS. This is not to say that a WOS marriage cannot be healthy, I just have not met any.

Now, I’d like to note that both those verses are followed by Eph 5:25 which says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  It occurs to me that I have never seen anyone teaching Husband Only Love (HOL.)  It seems obvious to everyone that the wife is still supposed to love her husband.  The fact that this passage tells the man to love  his wife and does not tell the woman to love her husband seems to suggest  if the man is loving his wife, she will naturally love him in return.  So, maybe if the wife is submitting to her husband’s will while he is loving her, his natural reaction is to want to please her and so will naturally submit his will to what she wants.  So, as they love each other and submit to each other, they work together to try to meet each other’s needs.  Which is exactly how I understand MS.

Note, someone commented below that the Bible says that women should love their husbands in Titus 2:4.  I would like to point out that while Eph 5:25 uses the word agape (perfect and sacrificial love), Titus 2:4 uses a variation of phileo (brotherly/family love).  Also, the Bible teaches in many places that we should love everyone.

Grace Is For Mamas, too

Dulce has done a post at Authentic Parenting Blog called, Gently Disciplining Ourselves – Part I.  In this post she explains how to be the kind of parent you were planing to be when you were a child.

Here is Part 2.

Here is Part 3.

MN from Michigan’s Testimony

The first time I met someone who trained their child like Michael and Debi Pearl recommend my first child was around 6 to 9 months old. This older mother invited me to her house for a “Moms’ group”. We would sit for a couple of hours in her living room and, while we talked or listened to a tape on discipline, the children were to sit perfectly still and not talk unless they had quietly tapped Mama & gotten her attention. The first time I wasn’t sure I liked what was going on. Smacking babies’ thighs seemed harsh and it made me cry the first time I trained him to sit still. At home, though, my mobile baby had been, well, acting his age, and it was very frustrating at times, and these moms seemed to have such happy quiet kids. I went back. The Pearls hadn’t actually written their book yet at this point, but when they did, this friend gave me a copy.

[Read more…]