Turning Loving Parents Into Monsters Since 1994

Forgedimagination explains exactly how the Pearls’ teachings turn  loving parents into monsters in Raised To Be A Monster.

There Is More Than One Way To Train A Child

Rebecca Diamond considered one kind of Child Training but ended up embracing Child Training of quite a different sort.

And When They Become Teenagers? Then What?

Cindy Foster of The Baptist Taliban blog explains why she no longer believes in spanking in, I’m Coming Out!

Along similar lines, Dara Stoltzfus has some interesting things to say about parenting teenagers in Spanking puts the parent in a bad autopilot mode…

And speaking of Dara, she also takes a very good look at the question, Does more spanking = less crime and delinquency?

Advice Line: Can You Help These Readers?

I have had 2 solicitations for advice so I’m opening up the advice line.  Can anyone help these readers?

Marissa Stone asks:

Can you give me some advice on teaching honesty to kids?
Right now it it feels like I am trying to push a car uphill. Not totally impossible but hard. How can you teach honesty to kids when the lies of our elected officals steroid use of his favourite soccer player or the fraud of a local CEO are all glorified in the media? What if dishonesty has worked in the past? I have used the example of a doctor who cheated in med school as an example. That dosn’t work. I don’t what else to try. If anyone can give me pracical advice that would help.

Anonymous asks:

Hi, just an anonymous question to post…has anyone heard of “crying in arms” approach to help children deal with emotions, frustrations, growth spurts and such. I have a 5 month old and came across this, but I don’t like the idea of “sleep training” but do believe that their sleep patterns are different to ours and we have to guide them how to sleep successfully. Has anyone tried this/heard of it/views against it. Thanks.

Benefits of Gentle Parenting

Jesse Hoover writes about how being gentle allowed him to correct without losing his son’s heart in When An Iron Fist Turns Soft.

Dara Stoltzfus shares about how gentle parenting saved her life as she discusses blind obedience.

Gentle Parenting Older Children

Jeri, of Gentle Christian Mothers, shares about how Gentle Parenting is working now that her children are older.

Another Facebook Meme Debunked

Dara Stoltzfus is on a roll.  Today’s post confronts another Facebook Meme, My Promise To My Children.

More On Raising Christian Teenagers

C.L. Dyck of Scita Scita Scienda shares her reaction to Sharon Lathan’s recent post (which I shared yesterday) in Parenting Teens in the Christian Culture.

Is It Discipline Or Sexual Assault?

Molly explains the evil of allowing adult men to spank teenaged girls in Texas schools.  If you are very sensitive, you might want to just skip this one.

Learning Forgiveness

Many Christians teach that children must be punished for their misbehavior in order to learn. But what do they learn?  Do they need to be punished in order to forgive themselves? Dara Stoltzfus looks at what the Bible teaches about forgiveness and punishment in How to Teach Forgiveness.

Parenting Teenagers is Hard

Jen of The Path Less Taken explains why a man who shoots his daughter’s laptop is Not Her Idea Of a Hero.

Hephzibah House on CNN

Under Much Grace reports all about CNN’s coverage of Hephzibah House complete with video and links to the transcript.  She highlights outtakes from the transcripts on her blog.

Hildebrant’s Word Study of Proverbs 22:6a “To Train Up A Child.”

Here is a link to Ted Hildebrant’s article in the Grace Theological Journal 9.1 (1988) 3-19,  Proverbs 22:6a; To Train Up A Child? which analyses what “To Train Up A Child” really means.

Here is a short quote from the intro:

Careful consideration of lexical and contextual factors suggests that “train up a child in the way he should go” needs to be reexamined. The verb “to train” really refers to a bestowal of status and responsibility.  The noun translated “child” denotes the status of a late adolescent rather than a child.  “In the way he should go” is best understood as “according to what is expected.”   The original intent then of this verse addresses a late adolescent’s entrance into his place in adult society.

As he did not study the word for Rod, this article does not change his ideas about spanking. He does, however, come to the conclusion that the verse does not advocate early childhood training.   He also reminds us that it is a Proverb, not a promise, which is something to keep in mind.

His final conclusion is this:

The parent must not violate the adolescent’s personhood by authoritarian domination, permissive allowance of immaturity, or overprotection from the consequences of his actions.

I must make note of the fact that his Hebrew words were transliterated Right to Left so that they read, “backwards” for us. If you want to read a better version of this article, you may read it here, but you will have to subscribe to the site first.

Gentle Parenting of Teens

Lucy tells us how she gently parents her teenager at Dare to Disciple.

Along similar lines, Virginia Is For Mothers has written a post about using Calm Words with our children rather than yelling and/or scolding.  This is a good reminder for all of us.

Meanwhile, Under Much Grace continues with her series analyzing the Schatz Tragedy.  It occurs to me that this series should probably be read by the Schatzes defense attorneys.

Close Encounters of the Pearl Kind

Someone finally noticed that I have a discussion board on my Facebook Page.  So far, there is only one discussion there, so far and I found it so interesting, I thought I’d share for those who have not joined Facebook.

This is Stephanie’s story of her close encounter with Pearl’s followers:

With my second pregnancy (1st baby) I got dropped by my midwife. I searched the internet for another and there are not many where I live, I was 35 weeks I think. I met with one and I hired her because ” none of the other midwives like because she is so hands off”. Well, that what she said and that what I wanted. She hosted Centering Pregnancy and Parenting and was a La Leche League leader and also a Bradley childbirth instructor. Anyways after my Daughter was born I went the Centering Parenting group every 2 weeks or so and LLL. She also hosted a bunch of different classes and such and I became friends with some of the people who attended. I noticed that she was ultra conservative, but I don’t like to judge one’s character on political or religious bases. I like to think of myself as open minded and make friends with people from all walks of life and different interests. She said some peculiar things that I just brushed off. Example: when talking to a mother with a newborn that was having trouble nursing “just tell him no and not to do that. I think babies understand right and wrong, whats expected of them.” She asked which church we went to and she said ” I have my own church at my house”

I was becoming friends with a lady that lived down the street from me, we met at the LLL meeting. We had a lot in common, I think, and hit it off. The second time I visited her she showed me this book called Help Meet. She raved about how wonderful this book was and showed me her favorite chapter called “Mommy why am I so dumb?” Really, that’s what it’s called. She said she was starting up a club for this book and would have all her friends over and I was invited. I went. There were a lot of kids at the Help Meet club.

At this club they discussed the book and had extras to pass out. It was defiantly disturbing the things some of the women said. About how the wife is supposed to never, ever turn down sex from her husband. That if a woman is beaten by her husband then it’s her fault and quote “Too bad for her” with a very smug attitude. That it is a sin to wear pants and to ask your husband’s permission to buy anything, including toothpaste or any necessities. I left early and asked to borrow the book out of curiosity and because I didn’t want them to think I was being rude for leaving early. Just because I didn’t agree with it or like some of the women there didn’t mean I didn’t want to be friends with her.

Anyways the woman I was becoming friends with, lets call her Sarah, invited me to her baby shower. I didn’t think I would make it because it was being held at someones house about 30 miles away. But I did. I met lots of other moms and kids. You know I thought that since the women I was hanging out with were Attachment Parenters or similar, because they exclusively breastfed, used slings and the like and bedshared. Anyways halfway through the party a women handed her baby off and grabbed her son by the arm and dragged him off to the stairwell. Three rooms away I could hear WHACK, WHACK WHACK! and then the crying. He was crying so hard. and after he stopped again WHACK, WHACK WHACK! and then the crying. Three times this happened while I was there. I wanted to stop it, I wanted to do something. But everybody around me was acting like nothing was happening. Like this happened all the time. I left. And I felt horrible for leaving that little boy there to be beaten. Something inside me just snapped. I don’t know I just had to get my daughter out of there. I cried on the way home and told my daughter that I would never, ever hurt her. For about three days I dwelled on this, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t stopped it. Finally I emailed one of the ladies that was at the party about it and asked if anybody stopped it and such. The lady I emailed was one of the midwives at my birth. That day I got and call from my midwife, the head midwife the one that owned the business. She told me she was to explain what happened at the baby shower, because the other midwife didn’t know what to say. She talked down to me like How dare I even think about stopping the beating. She said it was the mothers right to her her child and that she knows how hard and how long to hit for that child. And quote she said “I have to practically beat my kid with a bat to get him to listen”. Then she tried to get me to buy her book “To train up a child” I just sat there and listened in stunned silence and finally I said I’m going now and she kept saying I love you and I hung up. I was thinking you don’t know what love is. That night I researched the book, I was horrified. I just don’t get why anyone would ever want to hurt their baby. I kept thinking this goes against very thing the Bible teaches. The phone call was on Wednesday I called CPS on friday just to talk to someone about what happened, but they didn’t want to talk they just wanted info. Apparently CPS and Metro showed up on Saturday at the midwife’s house. I don’t know what happened, nor do I want to know. I do feel horrible about CPS showing up.

As for the kids that I met. The two that struck me the hardest were two of the teenagers I met. One was the 1st born she always had this nervous anxious smile on her face and if she wasn’t doing something she was very antsy. Depressed eyes and a nervous smile. I only saw the boy once, he was sitting at the table doing school work I asked him if there were any trashbags around. Without saying a word he sighed got up and got me one. No eye contact. He definitely seemed depressed to me. Run down, broken spirit. That was my impression of those two way before I even knew what their moms did to them. The kids that I met never really seemed like they were playing like it was a fake play because their moms told them too.

I think the people the buy into these kind of teachings have a serious lack of faith. They lack the faith to believe Jesus can and has touched many lives since his time here. They don’t have enough faith to believe that God is all powerful, more powerful than the devil, so powerful that many, many people believe in him, so powerful that the devil does not rule the earth, so powerful that even I and my brother whom were both raised in the most unGodly home now and have always believed and are both saved. They lack the faith that God is forgiving and compassionate and loves ever single person unconditionally. The most powerfull phrase in the Bible in my opinion, is when Jesus was on the cross, he said “forgive them, for they know not what they do”. He forgave the Jews, the people that beat him and then murdered him. He forgave them with compassion, love and understanding. He didn’t punish them but forgave. These people teach punishment over forgiveness and understanding. God gave us free will, the pearls take it away.

If you have a story to share, please join in the discussion. If you prefer to share anonymously, you may email your story to me or register here under a pseudonym and submit it.

Grace-Based Discipline and the Older Child

Here is an excellent article from Crystal Lutton, of Arms of Love, on how to use Grace-Based Discipline on the older child.