Discipline without Harm Part 3

(Part 1) (Part 2)

Throughout this series we are discussing ways of disciplining children that are more in line with what God had in mind.  All of the discipline strategies in this series are very effective when used consistently and in conjunction with each other.  They are all biblically supported and sound.  And none of these methods, when used properly and respectfully, will ever cause any harm to children.  In this piece, we will look at how to set appropriate limits and boundaries for our children by which they can abide.  We will see that allowing children simple choices and giving appropriate alternatives for inappropriate behaviors also help children comply with our limits and boundaries.  Next, we will see why using encouragement with our children is better than using rewards and praise.  Finally, we will discuss using natural and logical consequences with children.  Consequences are not the same as punishment.  And discipline should not be equated with punishment.

Setting Limits and Boundaries—“Three Basic Rules for Life.”

We all need limits and boundaries in our lives for without them life would be very chaotic.  This is especially true for children as this world is too overwhelming for them to handle on their own.  Children feel most secure when they know what the limits and boundaries are.  In fact, young children will test limits and boundaries to make sure that the adults in their lives will enforce them.  “Children need secure, loving boundaries in order to feel safe, just as adults need a house with strong walls and a roof to feel protected from the weather.  [Read more...]

The Christian History of Spanking Part 6

( Part 1 ) ( Part 2 ) ( Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

This will be the conclusion of this series in which we have explored and discovered some of the origins of spanking children within Christianity.  It was my goal to show that spanking is from man and not God, as so many well-meaning Christians have believed throughout the ages.  In this paper, I will show how the idea of controlling children dates back to the early church in the ancient world, look at how Catholicism has advocated and used physical punishment with children, show the likely origin of the “Christian rules of how to spank children,” and will conclude with explaining Behaviorism and how physical punishment falls under that very old and outdated branch of Psychology.

The Origins of the Christian Need to Control Children

Many Christian advocates of spanking as well as the parents who follow these advocates are often quite concerned with controlling their children’s behavior, and really, one could say controlling their children.  Advocates such as James Dobson, the Ezzos, the Pearls, and others teach parents that they must be in control of their children from birth.  They claim that newborn infants must be taught that their parents are the bosses, not them.  If this sounds familiar, it is because control and breaking children’s wills go hand and hand.  We’ve seen how breaking the child’s will has been advocated for and done by Christians throughout history despite there being no biblical grounds for doing such a thing (See Parts 1, 2, & 3 for more info on breaking children’s wills).  This need for adults to control their children dates back to New Testament times.  In fact, certain verses of the New Testament are used to try and justify controlling one’s children. [Read more...]

Gentle Parenting Tools

Dulce de Leche is coached in gentle parenting by her 7 yr old in Wise as Serpents, Harmless as Doves.

Gentle Parenting of Teens

Lucy tells us how she gently parents her teenager at Dare to Disciple.

Along similar lines, Virginia Is For Mothers has written a post about using Calm Words with our children rather than yelling and/or scolding.  This is a good reminder for all of us.

Meanwhile, Under Much Grace continues with her series analyzing the Schatz Tragedy.  It occurs to me that this series should probably be read by the Schatzes defense attorneys.