The Fruit of Pearl’s Parenting

It makes me so happy to hear from those who have given up using Pearl’s teachings.  I got a very interesting email recently which I have been given permission to share with you all.


I just came across your website, and I really like it. I’m thankful for the time that you have put into it- I hope and pray it will help many a questioning parent who is or has used the Pearl’s discipline methods. I am one of them. Sort of. Heard about it, got the book, started to implement, and then something just didn’t settle right in my spirit. I continued reading and even got “Created to Be His Help Meet”. Again, I was really conflicted about accepting everything they were saying. I watched some of their videos on YouTube…and wanted to share one with you. This video is Shalom, one of the Pearl’s grown daughters, talking about an incident at her wedding that saddened and grieved me so much. I would be so sad if one of my own daughters were to grow up and found it normal to be a with a man who treated her this way. I always like to see the “end result” of different discipline methods- and this video really showed me clearly that to use the TTUAC method, aside from hurting my children, I could also very well be sending my child into an unhealthy marriage. The story Shalom tells starts at about 1:15.

The video is called  Starting a Bible Study – Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Conversations and is part of the promotion for Debi Pearl’s new book for unmarried women.  In case you do not want to watch the video, I will summarize the story which Shalom Pearl Brand shared.  She was sharing a funny story from a wedding.  She has a really good one.  😆 See, when they had been married for about 30 minutes, they were doing the thing where the bride and groom feed each other a bit of wedding cake.  After she put the bite in his mouth he blew it back all over her. It got all over her face, hair and dress.  The ladies all gasped and the men all roared with laughter.  The bride laughed it off and cleaned herself off.  The wedding dress got stained but that’s ok, after all, it was home-made and cost only about $100.  Isn’t that just the funniest story?  No?  Hmmm…  Maybe it would seem funnier if you watched her tell it herself…  Or maybe it would be even sadder.  😥


  1. christina on February 19, 2013 at 9:06 am

    While it’s certainly lame that Shalom’s husband did that to her, I imagine it was probably just a more creative version of when the bride or groom smears the cake all over their spouse’s face. I think that’s a super lame practice and one of the reasons we didn’t even have that cake thing at our wedding, but those are the little realities that we all deal with in marriage and it is our choice how we handle them… learning how to handle them with grace, and hopefully teaching our husbands that it’s not an advisable way to act with a woman is one of our goals. Most males do not come into marriage as men – I do believe that one of our major roles as women is to support them as they grow into men with us at their side/behind them.

  2. Christie on November 12, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Wow. That is just disgusting that somebody would do that to the one they supposedly love. 🙁 I was saddened that she felt she had to justify his behavior based upon the cost of her dress. What about HER? How much is SHE worth? Is there a reference that says they do not legally marry?

  3. Tracey on November 11, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Wow, it’s appalling for a groom to treat his new bride in that way. The fact that all the women were horrified and the men laughed, shows the wide ravine between the genders in this circle of people. How terribly unfortunate.

    I went to make a comment on the video and NGJ ministries BLOCKED me from all of the videos they own on Youtube because I have commented on one other video about Making Babies and questioned Shoshanna’s qualifications to make recommendations about pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing.

    Apparently, that’s NGJ Ministries methods of operation….silence those who would disagree.

  4. Kristin on November 11, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Wait, let me get this straight: Her husband spits in her face, ruins her weddingdress, her hair and any make-up she might have been wearing. He spits her in the face, and it\s supposed to be funny? But at least she’ll never have to wonder if he respects her…

    As for the dress, I’m sure it wasn’t crafted with love for the occassion or anything, so of course it didn’t matter /sarcasm

    • Hermana Linda on November 11, 2011 at 10:33 am

      I know, right? I found her rationalizing that the dress wasn’t worth much because it was homemade to be the pinnacle of the craziness.

  5. Charity on November 10, 2011 at 11:40 am

    WOW… that is just sad on so many levels. I can’t believe she actually laughed at that story. Makes me sick to my stomach. I think I would have been ripping up the marriage license immediately after.

    • Linda B. on November 10, 2011 at 12:23 pm

      They don’t believe in marriage licenses. He could walk out on her tomorrow and she would have no legal recourse whatsoever. (Unless their state has statutes on common law marriages.)

      • Zooey on November 12, 2011 at 1:08 am

        Yeah, I keep wondering when people who support the Pearls are going to wake up to the fact that the children that Michael & Debi brag on so much are, in point of fact, all living with someone they are NOT married to–and that this is at the insistence of their parents?
        Pretty weird, if you ask me……

    • Clara on November 10, 2011 at 12:45 pm

      Charity- his kids do not have marriage licenses- in his words, the sodomites (homosexuals) are going to all have marriage licenses someday, and his children won’t, and so because of that, their marriages will be more genuine. It gets crazier, trust me. 😉

      Sad. Just so sad. It makes me think of the response letter on Pearl’s website, responding to the Lydia Schatz death- where he talks about how super awesome the lives of the grown children of Pearl followers are/ will be- even though his own children don’t necessarily do anything that would strike me as outreaching, outstanding, or sometimes just kind of surviving. Saying something and hoping it magically becomes true seems to work for him for his followers, but only proves how glaringly insane the whole operation is to others.

  6. Anne -- on November 10, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Wow. That is horrible. I’m sure she really thought it was that funny. *sarcasm* In my house, my dad would tease us mercilessly and we had to pretend to like it, otherwise it would get worse. So while outwardly we laughed it off, inwardly we were fuming and felt helpless and angry.

    I hope she isn’t so brainwashed that she thinks that sort of behavior is normal.

    • Hermana Linda on November 10, 2011 at 11:39 am

      I don’t know. Scary thought, isn’t it?

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