Remembering Sean

Tulipgirl reminds us that it has been ten years since we lost Sean.

World Mag Looks At the Pearls

Kiley Crossland of World Magazine takes a look at the Pearl’s teachings in To Train Up A Pharisee.

International Business Times Looks At The Pearls

Today the International Business Times featured an article about the pressure being put upon Amazon to stop selling the Pearls’ book, To Train Up A Child.  This is a very good article except for a small confusion about the children who have been killed.  Sean “Paddock” was killed in 2006, Lydia “Schatz” in 2010 and Hana “Williams” in 2011.  For more information about what the Pearls’ teachings had to do with the death of Lydia, please see my post, Why Blame The Pearls At All and for more information about what the Pearls’ teachings had to do with the deaths of Sean and Hana, please see Why Blame The Pearls At All Part 2.

Did Batman Follow Pearl’s Teachings?

Chris Gavaler compares Michael Pearl to Batman as he reviews his Comic Book Bible in The Good And Evil Guide To Parenting.

The BBC Looks At The Pearls’ Training Book

Aiden Lewis of The BBC has a well researched article about the book, To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl as well as the controversy which surrounds it.

Reflections on the Williams Trial

As I reflect with sorrow and horror at the tragedy which was the Williams Trial, I find myself trying to make sense of what happened and why.

What I see as the root problem is pride. The Bible says that God hates pride.  We know that “pride goeth before a fall and a haughty spirit before destruction” (Proverbs 16:18).  I believe that very few people would argue with me when I say that Carri Williams had a problem with pride.  I heard her described as a person who had to be always right.  She was said to have perfect children.  People described her as intimidating because her children were so perfect.  I was told that when someone disagreed with her, they had a hard time confronting her because she had a reputation for a very cutting tongue.  So, when people had concerns about how she was raising her children, they just withdrew away from her and left her alone. What else could they do? She would not listen,  and she certainly would not accept help.

I’m not sure how and when she found To Train Up A Child by Michael Pearl. [Read more…]

Christian child abuse: more works-based carnality

Churchmouse has posted an extensively researched look at Spiritual and Physical Abuse in Christian child abuse: more works-based carnality.  This is a long piece and well worth the time it will take to read it.

6th Anniversary of Sean Paddock’s Death

We mustn’t forget Sean Paddock. </3

Hana and The Pearls in The Seattle Times

Jeff Hodson of the Seattle Times provides extensive coverage of the death of Hana Alemu “Williams” as well as the Pearls’ teachings in Did Hana’s parents ‘train’ her to death?  I am grateful to see  this blog mentioned and linked to  in this article.  Letters to the editor regarding that article are here.

The National Post Article on The Pearls

Samuel Martin has sent out the following request asking us to check out and respond to this article in the National Post.  He gives a different link to the same story, but my link has photos and lives links.

Dear friends,

Best wishes from Jerusalem.

I would like to ask all of my friends, especially those in Canada, to visit the link in the following article:

http://www.nationalpost.com/todays-paper/pastor+striking+advice/5700731/story.html

– read it and then write to the article author –

sboesveld@nationalpost.com

– if you agree that we need to give additional attention and information about the Biblical arguements against corporal punishment.

Her excellent article gives a great deal of attention to Mr. Pearl and his views. I think it appropriate that the same attention be given to alternate views based upon high levels of scholarship held by Christians like Prof. William Webb, Prof. Dawn Devries, Emeritus Prof. I. Howard Marshall, Dr. Randall Heskett and myself as well as Jewish scholars like Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe (of blessed memory)), Rabbi Moses Feinstein (of blessed memory) or others in addition to what was mentioned in the article.

If you agree with that, I would appreciate it if you’d drop the author a message.

Thanks so much.

Samuel Martin

P O Box 21543

Jerusalem 91214 Israel

Website: www.biblechild.com

Email: info@biblechild.com

Blog: www.samuelmartin.blogspot.com

The Pearls Remain In The News

Lisa Belkin of The Huffington Post asks, Can Adoption Lead to Child Abuse?

Elizabeth Esther explains why we should hold the Pearls accountable for their teachings in Are the Pearls to blame for child spanking deaths?

Clay Duda of the Juvenile Justice Information Exchange takes a look at the history of corporeal punishment in Spanking at Home and in the Classroom, What’s Right and Wrong?

The story has gone international as this post in the Belfast Telegraph demonstrates.

In fact, the story is so big that even Psychology Today is writing about it.

Oh, and by the way, the NY Times Article and its spawns showed us the happy congregation and their happy children.  Read Dulce De Leche’s explanation of why they look so happy.

 

Discussing Pearl on “The View” and NY Times Story Spawns

ABC News has a story called Child’s Death Raises Questions About Biblical Disciplinary Teachings which includes testimony of someone who was raised under Pearls’ teachings and how it affected her under  a video of the discussion of Pearls’ teachings on the View.

The NY Times story has spawned many blog posts and articles. Most of them are just brief summaries so I will not bother to link, but a number of them are worth a look.

Amy Graff of the San Francisco Chronicle posts Godly spanking turned deadly: Is a Tennessee pastor to blame?

Lorraine Dusky posts on the First Mother forum, Adopted children killed by their parents as they “train” them .

Gwen Dewar, Ph.D. of Baby Center posts Deadly abuse inspired by preacher’s “training” manual?

Koa Beck of Mommyish posts Parents Demand Abusive Childrearing Book Be Pulled From Amazon.

Allison Summers of The Christian Post posts Texas Judge ‘Beating Video,’ Child Rearing Book Spur Debate on Discipline Versus Child Abuse
and to balance it out they also published Evangelical Preacher Defends Child Training Methods Reportedly Linked to Deaths by Luiza Oleszczuk.

Margaret Hartman of Jezebel posts Pastor Still Advocates Using ‘The Rod’ After Third Child Dies

C.L. Dyck of Scita Scienda gives her Thoughts on the New York Times and Mike Pearl.

David Usborne of the New Zealand Herald posts Focus on preacher after children die.

There is an interesting discussion on the NY Times article in the Snopes.com forum.  (If linking to this thread in anyway violates any forum rules, please message me at hermanalinda@whynottrainachild.com)

Tony W. Cartledge of Baptist Today News Journal posts Spare the hose?

The Week.com summarizes the debate using many of the previous links in To Train Up A Child: The book that’s leading parents to kill?

Yep, the news is really going mainstream and people are talking about it, which makes for some Intense Conversations as Leslie in Costa Rica discovered and posted about on her blog, Real Child Development.

 

New York Times on The Pearls

Erik Eckholm of The New York Times has written a well researched and carefully balanced article about the Pearls called Preaching Virtue of Spanking, Even as Deaths Fuel Debate.  Unfortunately, in his effort to be balanced, he really didn’t warn against the Pearls’ teachings at all. The comments are many and one of them links to my site, for which I am grateful.

Christianity Today Looks at TTUAC

Rachel Stone of Christianity Today takes a close look at To Train Up A Child  in When Child Discipline Becomes Abuse.  I notice that she linked to my blog which I much appreciate.  She obviously read TTUAC with a critical eye and really “gets it.”

A Closer Look At TTUAC and How It Relates To The Deaths of 3 Children

More bloggers are analyzing the connections between the Pearls’ book, To Train Up A Child and the deaths of 3 children who were being raised by the methods therein.

Free By His Grace tells the story of Hana “Williams” in heart wrenching detail and warns against the teachings of  TTUAC in Hana Williams: “Rebellion” or Reaction to Abuse?

QuicksilverQueen  has started a detailed Book Review of To Train Up A Child and how it relates to the deaths.  In this review she freely shares how being raised by these teachings affected her and what she was really feeling when her parents thought that she was joyously submissive.

Sadie Stein, writing for Jezebel, reports briefly on the Pearls and the deaths linked to their teachings in Another Child “Chastised” To Death.

Kathy Cassel of Cassel Crew explains her concerns with To Train Up A Child in (How Not) To Train Up a Child.  Note that she does believe in spanking but more as a last resort than as a first and/or only tool.

The Disturbing World of The Pearls in which she looks at Doublespeak and Definitions as well as some examples of his abusive teachings.
and The Disturbing World of The Pearls Part 2 in which she takes a look at their heretical Theology.

 

TTUAC linked to Hana Williams’ Death

Fox News has connected the dots and has implicated the book, To Train Up A Child in it’s coverage of Hana Grace’s Death in its article, Book advocating extreme discipline may be connected to deaths of adopted children. (eta: this link has been removed from the Fox News website so I am linking to the Internet Archives.  To see the article, please scroll down past the video which is attempting to load.)

I would like to correct one mistake in the article, Michael Pearl is not Amish.

Now to take on this quote:

In the book, Pearl explains how to use a plumbing tool to switch children starting at age one. Pearl advocates giving cold water baths when potty training, putting children outside in cold weather and having them miss meals, all examples of abuse investigators said Hana endured.

They don’t mention that parents are instructed to use a smaller and lighter switch on children under the age of one.(see question 9)

Now, someone is bound to insist that the rest of this quote is a lie.  Here are quotes from the book, To Train Up A Child which you can read online at http://www.quicksilverqueen.com/ttuacbook.html.

So, my suggestion was that the father explain to the boy that, now that he was a man, he would no longer be washed in the house. He was too big and too stinky to be cleaned by the babywipes. From now on, he would be washed outside with a garden hose. The child was not to be blamed. This was to be understood as just a progressive change in methods. The next dump, the father took him out and merrily, and might I say, carelessly, washed him off. What with the autumn chill and the cold well water, I don’t remember if it took a second washing or not, but, a week later, the father told me his son was now taking himself to the pot. The child weighed the alternatives and opted to change his lifestyle. Since then, several others have been the recipients of my meddling, and it usually takes no more than three cheerful washings.

Now, there are some flavors or textures that we just have an aversion for. Allow each child one or two dislikes, just don’t let their preferences be too limited. If a child doesn’t like what is on the table, let him do without until the next meal. A little fasting is good training. If you get a child who is particularly finicky and only eats a limited diet, then feed him mainly what he doesn’t like until he likes it.

I have said before that the Williams took these teachings way further than Pearl ever intended with their adopted children. Notice that Pearl said that washing the child outside 3 times should be enough. The Williams made it into a lifestyle. Also, I have never seen Pearl mention making the child stand outside without proper clothing as a punishment. However, they did follow the teachings correctly with their biological children. If the investigations mentioned in this article should show that the biological children were being abused, this will have serious implications for the Pearls’ teachings.

The Williams are due back in court on Oct 6.

Why Blame The Pearls At All? – Part 2

Yesterday I looked at the question of what the Pearls’ teachings had to do with the death of Lydia Schatz. Today I will look at the deaths of Sean Paddock and Hana Williams.  Lydia died as a direct result of her parents  following the Pearls’ teachings, but that was not the case with Sean and Hana.

So, how does the death of Hana Williams relate to the Pearls’ teachings? It has been confirmed that her parents were following the Pearls’ teachings by someone who has emailed me anonymously. I have also seen a quote from an email list which then got posted (without permission as far as I can tell) on a message board. I then saw it in the comments here and here.  This person confirmed that the family were following the Pearls’ teachings as well.  S/he also gave some clues that I find interesting.

The Pearls do not teach that parents should leave their children outside all night.  The only real problem is that they teach that parents must always win, as I explained yesterday.  Of course, the Williams were way out of line in making Hana sleep outside without so much as a sleeping bag.  Why would they do that?  I can only speculate.  It is commonly reported that Hana had suffered a significant weight loss (I read 30 pounds somewhere).  The comments mention that she was refusing to eat and then stealing food.  That is a very odd accusation.  If you want your child to eat, why would they have to steal food from you?  How could they steal food from their own parents?  Isn’t all the food everyone’s?

Here is a quote from Michael Pearl’s Article, The Angry Child:

If he doesn’t like what is on the table and he is rude, send him away from the table and do not let him eat until the next meal. Do not feed him snacks between meals, and let him get good and hungry. He will then eat baby food spinach and love it.

Now, I can only speculate, I have no proof that is what they were doing. She could have had Anorexia or some other eating issue due to RAD which caused her to refuse to eat. (Edited to clarify: when I wrote this it was speculations before the trial. Now that the trial is over, I can clearly state that there is absolutely NO reason to suspect any kind of eating disorder or RAD whatsoever.)

But, IF they were withholding food to make her eat what they wanted her to and she was stealing food in the night, they would probably end up locking up the food.  If she were somehow managing to get it anyway, and IF it were true that she was peeing on the rug, it might make sense for someone who has been pushed over the edge to make her stay outside.

Another interesting and possibly pertinent quote is found on the No Greater Joy website and is from the article, Rodless Training

“There will be times when a spanking is appropriate. But you are prevented! Then use your power as the caretaker and dispenser of all privileges and responsibilities to make his actions totally counterproductive. If you can’t spank the flesh, starve it with an embargo. Stand your ground and do not let the little fellow find satisfaction in his pursuits. Stay on duty, demanding obedience until he surrenders his will to your persistence. If there is a way to deny him access to some means of indulgence that relates to the offense, then by all means as governor of the island on which he lives deny him normal privileges until he complies.”

So, this is what I’m seeing.  A family who was in way over their head, dealing with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and trying to make the Pearls’ teachings work in a situation for which they were not designed.  My thoughts are that they lost control of reality.  They needed help and did not seek it.  It’s a real tragedy.  They probably didn’t think that it was cold enough outside to kill her.  But with her body weakened by lack of food, she succumbed. (Edited to add now that the trial is over: there is no reason to suspect RAD whatsoever.)

I do not know much about the death of Sean Paddock. All I know is that he was wrapped tightly in order to keep him in his bed and he suffocated. Again, the Pearls do not teach parents to do that. His mother might have been trying so hard to win that she did not consider the consequences of her actions, but I can’t really blame the Pearls’ teachings directly for his death.

So far, all 3 cases of children dying at the hands of followers of the Pearls’ methods have been adopted.  It is apparent that these teachings are particularly dangerous when applied on adopted children.   It is very important that the organizations which oversee adoptions are made aware of this connection.

Update: April 6, 2012

I have recently learned of the teachings of Nancy Campbell of, Above Rubies, regarding using international  adoptions as a way to “rescue” the heathen children and “evangelize” them.  I learned this in a public thread on  Gentle Christian Mothers (starting with post 9).  Of course, I can’t know for sure, but IF the Williams were influenced by this mindset, it would explain a lot.

Update: Sept 9, 2013

I have learned during the trial that everything was fine with Hana until about a year after the adoption when she went through puberty.  Apparently she got a drop of blood on the toilet seat according to some, yet Carri claims that she was smearing her pad on the walls.  At that time, they started describing her as “opositional” and “rebellious.” It would appear that Carri got unreasonably strict and/or she started standing up for herself. That was when things started going very bad. Witnesses claim that Carri said that she was expecting a little girl and they sent her a woman. Carri has also been described as a germophobe and Hana was a carrier of Hepatitis B which obviously scared Carri.

Please see my follow up post on the Williams Trial here.

The Death Of Lydia Schatz on Wikipedia

I just found the Wikipedia article on the Death of Lydia Schatz. It seems to be factual.  Interestingly, they link to this site.  Only, they don’t link to any one post, but to page two of my blog.  That doesn’t seem helpful at all, it must be an error.  They also have an entry for Michael Pearl which mentions both Lydia Schatz and Sean Paddock.  Interesting.

Edited to add:  Libby Anne fixed the error as you can see in her comment below.  🙂

More Pearl Exposure

The Wartburg Watch apparently just found out about the Pearls and are properly shocked.  I’m so glad that more sites are speaking out.   Nothing really new here, but this is a pretty good synopsis and good to share with those who may not yet know.  They promise to do more investigating.  I’ll be watching for it.

book seller refuses to sell Pearl’s books

I just ran into the blog of a Christian book seller who has decided on his own not to have anything to do with Pearl’s books. Kudos to him!

I believe that he also wrote the following blog: When Child Discipline Goes Too Far. Bravo!

Edited to add:  “Bene Diction Blogs On” has blogged about this:
A curious bookseller and the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl

Concerns About The Pearls

The letter I sent to my pastor about the Pearls. By MarynMunchkins

Dear ***,

This morning’s message was wonderful.  I love how you bring grace and mercy into every message, and call legalism and self-righteous behavior what it is.  It’s truly a blessing to listen.

Unfortunately, my husband had an experience this week which was less than gracious and kind.  He took someone from the church out to lunch, who informed him that he was ungodly, his wife was unsubmissive, his children were out of control, and that he had no hope of ministry unless he got “his house in order”.  His Christianity was also called into question because of sin that has already been forgiven.

I don’t bring this up to so you will address that person.  My concern is far greater.  You see, this person based their beliefs and judgment of our family around the ministry of Michael Pearl.  I don’t know if you’re familiar with him, but I do know for a fact that there are families at *** who are.  I’ve known several families in the Southern Baptist church who have actively used his materials.

I’m writing to you because I’m deeply concerned about them.  In fact, I consider much of his teachings to be utter heresy.  While I see my opinion supported in my own study of Scripture and confirmed by several wiser Christians than I, I’d like you to look at it and give me your opinion.

Michael Pearl’s website is http://www.nogreaterjoy.org  He boasts a comprehensive ministry to families, and his website is well organized and designed.

To illustrate some of my concerns, I’ve selected a few quotes from his website.

One of my primary concerns is his belief that there is no original sin, and we are born in a neutral state – able to choose between good and evil, but not being inherently either.  He also believes that we are instantly sanctified at the moment of salvation – that a true Christian cannot, in fact, sin after receiving Christ.  I can see no support for this theory in Scripture, and, in fact, see much the opposite.

He says “Man has spent many years “undoing” the character of God in himself and his society.”  Yet the Bible clearly says that “There is none righteous.”  We are certainly made in the image of God, but we do not possess His character, and therefore cannot undo it.

He has the audacity to add to Scripture and claim he knows what God would have written.  “If Hebrews 11 were to continue until the present, it would read something like this: “And the followers of Christ, though they were living in bodies of flesh, believed God that they were indeed baptized into his body and thus freed from sin. They went out into the world, walking by faith and hope and so, though they never saw their glorified bodies or the throne on which they were seated, they believed God against the sight of their eyes and so walked in holiness and victory over the world, the flesh, and the devil. While the world looked on the things that are seen, these sons of The Last Adam, believed him who is invisible and so inherited the kingdom and entered into the city which had foundations whose builder and maker is God.”  He claims and firmly believes that sin is contained only in the physical body, not the mind or soul; and with salvation comes the literal death of the physical body and the absolute freedom from sin.

This blog article ( http://allthings2all.blogspot.com/2005/09/michael-and-debi-pearls-no-greater-joy_30.html ) is a great summary of that issue.  You can actually listen to Pearl’s series on Romans online at http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=romans-audio to hear exactly what it is that he is teaching.

Pearl has very strong views of the typical Christian church.  “Face it, the church today is not a sanctuary from the world, nor is it a “holy” place. In the best case scenario, it is a slice of the world where there is an attempt at evangelism and worship. But on average, the church is a social club composed of a mixed multitude. Far too often, the church is a recruiting ground of pedophiles and fornicators.”  And “The church itself is actually a mission field. There was a time when the church was a place of worship for believers, and evangelism was done in special meetings or out in the homes and streets, but today, the churches invite the rattlesnakes to come into the house.”  I won’t speak for you, but I am more interested in having sinners come to church than keeping my children from ever being exposed to them.

Michael Pearl’s solution is to segregate from rest of Christianity.  While he does say “Don’t leave the church, anymore than a missionary would leave the field because there are sinners there.”, he also says “The homeschool movement is more than an educational alternative. It is parents putting on the brakes and saying, “my children will not ride this train to hell; I will take charge and direct my family in a different path.” You are part of a cultural shift, and a spiritual awakening. We are in the midst of a revival of the family. It must extend to a revival of community as well. The public church is no longer to be trusted with your children any more than the public schools.”  Please understand that I certainly am cautious about the people I entrust with my children – including those at church.  But, having just had the unfortunate experience of being told that our family wasn’t good enough to associate with by one of Pearl’s followers, I realize that his teaching goes far beyond being cautious of our children.  It’s judgmental.  It’s legalistic.  It’s unforgiving.  And the solution offered is to run from the community – “I would like to tell them to move to a community like Cane Creek and escape the world” – and avoid any and all other Christians that see differently.  It’s far different from Paul’s advice to as much as possible, live at peace with all men.  There is no grace extended to fellow Christians, nor an attempt to correct what is perceived as sin.  They only run away and hide in self-righteousness.

He segregates from the state as well.  None of his married daughters have marriage licenses.  His opinion is, “None of my daughters or their husbands asked the state of Tennessee for permission to marry. They did not yoke themselves to government. It was a personal, private covenant, binding them together forever—until death. So when the sodomites have come to share in the state marriage licenses, which will eventually be the law, James and Shoshanna will not be in league with those perverts. And, while I am on the subject, there will come a time when faithful Christians will either revoke their state marriage licenses and establish an exclusively one man-one woman covenant of marriage, or, they will forfeit the sanctity of their covenant by being unequally yoked together with perverts.”

Their teachings on marriage and submission are equally distressing.   Michael Pearl seems to suggest that the man of the house should always be reverenced, and never openly questioned.  Debi Pearl encourages a woman to always let her husband take the lead – even to the detriment of herself and her children.

This article shows their attitude very clearly.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=77&tx_ttnews[tt_news]=117&tx_ttnews[backPid]=71&cHash=0ffe48e952

“It’s called “the circle of love.” You please him, and he likes it – then he pleases you, and you love him – then you honor him, and he grows”

I see this as being diametrically opposed to Paul’s description of marriage and submission.  The husband is to love the wife as Christ loved the church, and the wife is then to submit to him.  Placing the responsibility of a happy marriage on the shoulders of the woman and her attitude is simply wrong.

I know for a fact that women who follow the Pearls have counseled other women enduring relationships with adultery and pornography that if they were better in bed or had a better attitude at home, their husbands would be satisfied at home.

Debi Pearl herself says “You can wake up in the morning with a song in your heart, kissing your child and laughing at the sunlight sprinkling your room. You can serve, give, forgive, and enjoy the victory you have in Jesus. And when you feel that hurt, angry spirit rise up, you can open your mouth in praise and thanksgiving to God that you are free from sin and bondage, and free to be glad. In that kind of atmosphere, a child grows stable and complete, a selfish man stops fighting and trying to defeat and subdue.”

She places the wife in the impossible position of being God to her husband, and causing him to repent.  She tells the wife that it is her Christian duty to endure all things from her husband, and that God will bless her, regardless of the husband’s sin or abuse towards her.

This quote, in particular, illustrates just how far they are willing to sacrifice women and children for a sinful, unrepentant man.  “But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, “What if he doesn’t repent even then?” Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception.”

Their views on children are horrifying.  I am well aware that Christians are arguing over many aspects of discipline and parenting.  But there are few who can read the advice of the Pearls and not be shocked by what they claim to be “Biblical”.

You can read the first chapter of their book “To Train Up a Child” at http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=to-train-up-a-child They are extraordinarily punitive, adversarial, and behavioristic.  They compare a child to a dog or a horse, and equate training an animal to raising a child.

“Most parents don’t think they can train their little children. Training doesn’t necessarily require that the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli. Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing-eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the dangers of city streets, shouldn’t a parent expect more out of an intelligent child? A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him. Can’t a child be trained not to touch? A dog can be trained to come, stay, sit, be quiet, or fetch upon command. You may not have trained your dog that well, yet every day someone accomplishes it on the dumbest of mutts. Even a clumsy teenager can be trained to be an effective trainer in an obedience school for dogs.”

The Pearls seem to forget that children are still created by God with a free will, and not just animals to be trained.  They have a choice and will just as every adult.

They suggest setting up an toddler to fail, and then switching them in order to ‘train them’ to obey immediately.

“Place an appealing object where they can reach it, maybe in a “No-No” corner or on the apple juice table (another name for the coffee table). When they spy it and make a dive for it, in a calm voice say, “No, don’t touch that.” Since they are already familiar with the word “No,” they will likely pause, look at you in wonder, and then turn around and grab it. Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, “No.” Remember, now, you are not disciplining, you are training. One spat with a little switch is enough. They will again pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the object, their desire, the command, and the little reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence.”

He promises complete and utter perfection from a child if you are consistent with this type of “obedience training”.

“Most children can be brought into complete and joyous subjection in just three days. Thereafter, if you are consistent, the children will remain happy and obedient. By obedient, I mean, you will never need to tell them twice. If you expect to receive instant obedience, and you train them to that end, you will be successful.”

Please realize that this is a far greater issue than whether to spank.  I have my own opinions and beliefs on this subject, and choose not to bring them into my concerns about the Pearls.  This man teaches that INFANTS should be switched on a regular basis.

“You must start training your children one year before their first birthday, because if you don’t, they will be trained without your input.”

Michael Pearl makes a distinction between “training” and “discipline”, but the fact of the matter is that, for him, both involve hitting a child with a switch.

At this time, there is a case pending trial of a mother who used Michael Pearl’s methods on her child, and the child died.
http://www.newsobserver.com/102/story/418676.html

http://www.newsobserver.com/1167/story/436198.html

Mandy Locke has written an excellent article covering Michael Pearl in more general terms.
http://www.newsobserver.com/100/story/434403.html

I don’t want to make his child training advice the point of my concern, although it sickens me.  But, unfortunately, most of the people I know who do follow Michael Pearl’s teachings begin with his advice on raising children.  He preys on their fears as parents and promises them perfection.  He claims any fault with your child is your fault, and consistency would fix any and all problems.

I see and have seen too many well-meaning Christian parents sucked into this lie, and lose sight of the goal.  The women mentioned in Mandy’s article – Chris and Meggan – are both friends of mine.  I been told of the damage their children, their families, and they themselves have suffered as a result of Michael and Debi Pearl.

Women, in particular, are susceptible to damage.  They are told that they are ultimately responsible for the well-being of their children, the care of their home, and the happiness of their husband.  They are expected to be perfectly consistent, perfectly happy, and perfectly willing to do anything asked of them.  It sets them up to be taken advantage of and abused.

It puts men into an artificial place of elevation within the family, instead of holding him to be the servant that he is expected to be to his wife and children.  It borders dangerously close to idolatry.  It gives him a sense of pride and arrogance that is hard to overcome.

I really appreciate you taking the time to look at all this.  I realize it’s incredibly long, and very full of information.  Please don’t feel any hurry to respond – I know there’s a lot of material here.  I’d love to meet with you at some point and discuss it.

Thanks so much for your willingness to help, and the amazing job you do sharing grace with all of us at *** each week.

Sincerely,

Sean Paddock

In March of 2006 Sean Paddock’s death was attributed to Pearl’s training advice. His mother was found guilty and the case is now going to appeal

Here is an article about the trial.