Video About Growing Up Under Gothard’s and Pearl’s Teachings

Kristiana Minor is interviewed by Chris Shelton in the long but very worthwhile video, Growing Up Quiverfull – The Duggar’s Destructive Cult.

Because this video is over an hour long, I will provide an outline with times so you can skip to the parts you wish to watch. You can also read Kristiana’s story by clicking on her name above.

0:00 – Introduction, in which Chris Shelton introduces the concept of this dangerous cult, which he compares to Scientology. He tells us a little about Bill Gothard and the Duggars.

4:34 – Kristiana Minor is introduced and she explains what the quiverfull movement is.

7:16 – Kristiana recounts how her family slowly got involved with the quiverfull movement and patriarchy through Gothard’s teachings after they started homeschooling. She tells about ATI conferences and mentions that the Duggars were involved.

13:11 – She starts talking about the controlling environment of being raised quiverfull and how children are protected from outside influences.

23:17 – She is asked to discuss the abusive environment, which brings her to introduce the Pearls. Disclaimer, this footage of the Pearls’ teaching is very disturbing. I discussed this video in detail here.

25:57 – She explains blanket training and a quote from the Duggars is shown on crawl by which talks about how Michelle used blanket training. (I discussed whether or not the Duggars were quiverfull and if they promoted the Pearl’s teachings here.) Kristiana explains how blanket training at a young age sets the stage for all mental manipulation which follows.

28:33 – She wraps up the abuse section explaining that this control does not end when they grow up because Jesus was 33 and continued to follow His father’s commands. This is apparently what she was told growing up. It goes without saying that this reasoning does not hold water, since Jesus was obeying God’s commandments and He is equal with God and cannot sin. So, of course He followed God’s commandments. She then explains that they know no other discipline than to continue hitting until they break the child’s will and prove that they are bigger and stronger than the child. She seems to recall that quote coming from Michael Pearl. (She is close, the correct quote is, “…prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing.”)

28:55 – An excerpt from a redacted police report regarding a Duggar child is shown on the screen to prove that the Duggar children are spanked with a rod. After this, Kristiana discusses how the physical abuse ties in with forcing a belief system upon them.  She responds that it makes you fear to question or rebel.

30:21 – They discuss her position in the family, and how as the oldest she was the second mother to all the children. This leads discussing to her relationship with her siblings.

33:38 – She is asked if there are any other points she would like to make about her upbringing and the influence of Quiverfull/Gothard/Pearl on her life.

34:49 – She is asked how often they attended the Gothard conferences.

36:39 – She tells us all about how she managed to escape. This is quite a long story which starts with her parents being believers in education, even for women.  She tells about how she gets married and how she got involved with RecoveringGrace.org.

https://youtu.be/9WQy4LGUQRg

Zsuzsanna Anderson’s Negative Review of TTUAC

When I find Pro-Spankers speaking out against the Pearl’s teachings, I like to highlight them because I am very aware that those who are convinced that the Bible teaches that they must spank will not listen to the arguments of those who do not. If you know someone who is looking into the Pearls’ teachings and you want to convince them how dangerous these teachings are, please show them the 2 videos below. Zsuzsanna Anderson is an independent fundamental Baptist and she is clearly appalled by Michael Pearl and his teachings.  Zsuzsanna does not believe in attachment parenting, in fact, on her blog she derides it. You can easily confirm that by checking out the posts about Discipline on her blog.

Her review of To Train Up A Child is extensive. She starts out [Read more…]

White House Bible Study

Libby Anne  reports that the White House Bible Study leader is teaching something very close to Pearl’s teachings. This is affecting the way they run the country, specifically the decision to separate children from their parents. I sincerely hope that this is not true, but I wanted to share it with everyone because it seems very likely that it is true. I have no reason to doubt Libby Anne’s understanding of the situation, and I do not have time to thoroughly research this, so I’ll leave it up to  you to do further research if you are interested.

Remembering Lydia as the Pearls are in the news once again

Tulip Girl has an important post which I must share with you on this 8th anniversary of Lydia’s death.

I have shared these posts on my Facebook page, it’s time to put them here, as well:

Joy-Anna Duggar’s Husband Associated With Child Abuse Scandal from CafeMom

Family Of Joy-Anna Duggar’s Husband Hosting Couple Accused Of Promoting Child Abuse

And at one time, people were asking me for proof that the Duggars used the Pearl methods and/or spanked at all. Here is proof.

Book Review – “Parenting In Christ” by Christina Dronen

Parenting in Christ: Treasures for Parenting from Jesus is a new book, written by Christina Dronen.  It is a lovely little study book, containing 10 short lessons, perfect for personal study or a small group setting. This is a very gentle book and respectful of children. I was quite impressed with these lessons and recommend the book highly.

I did, however, have some concerns [Read more…]

A New Rod Study Starting

Jeanne, from Family That Matters, is starting a new Rod Study based on Samuel Martin’s book, Thy Rod And Thy Staff They Comfort Me. I’ll be linking to each chapter here.

Why using the rod on your child and spanking is not found in the Bible: An old truth in a new light. (Part 1)

Part 1 is also available in German, Spanish and French.

Why using the rod on your child and spanking is not found in the Bible: An old truth in a new light. (Part 2)

Part 2 is also available in German, Spanish and French.

Why using the rod on your child and spanking is not found in the Bible: An old truth in a new light. (Part 3)

Science and Spanking

So, there have been some new studies lately regarding spanking. While I realize that many Christians don’t give a fig what the scientists say, many do and I thought it might be helpful to link to some articles about these studies.

Here is an article from Scientific American.

Here is an article from IFL Science.

I also have a nice article from Psychology Today which looks at child development and explains that many of kids’ so-called “naughty” behaviors are developmental and human.

Social Expectations and Abuse

This article by Claire Roise looks at how society’s views of cigarettes and seat belts have changed over the years and how it would look if abuse followed suit.  It is a very interesting article and I recommend it highly. I remember the changes she discusses quite well. (I was an oddball child who insisted on wearing a seat belt back in a time when they were not used at all. I remember digging them out from under the seat and brushing off all the gunk.) Society’s views of abuse have been changing over the years, but very slowly. Too slowly.

Dr. Seuss and the Issue of Consent

At the risk of ruining a favorite children’s book for you, I would like to share this perspective of Green Eggs and Ham. (Disclaimer: This does not appear to be a Christian blog and there is one mildly strong word which could offend.) However, this message is something I think is important to consider. What you do with this message is up to you. I’m thinking that one should at least discuss the concepts with children as the book is read.

A Christian Look at Domestic Violence

So many Christians do not understand domestic abuse. They often teach that a Christian wife should just submit and pray harder. This booklet looks at what the Bible teaches about abusive behavior using the story of David and Saul as an example. Obviously, the relationship between Saul and David was not the same as the relationship between a husband and wife, it was more like that of a father and son. However, the general abuse dynamics are the same and it is a very interesting study. This study would be very good to share with a pastor or anyone who you feel needs more insight into abuse.

Update on Steph’s Book

Please click on the posters for the blog post. You may contact Steph at GentleFirmness2014 (at) hotmail (dot) com or through her Facebook page.

The best sale for the book, “Gentle Firmness” through Monday, Dec 12.

Stephanie Cox is selling signed copies for her book “Gentle Firmness” at the lowest price ever, only $20 with FREE shipping! You still have 2 days to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to buy this book for yourself and as Christmas presents. In order to take advantage of this sale you need to contact Stephanie directly. You can message her through Facebook or email her at GentleFirmness2014 (at) hotmail (dot) com.

For more from Stephanie Cox, please see her articles here.

gentlefirmnesssale

Pearl’s Reaction To the Duggar Debacle

Pearl’s reaction to the problems the Duggars have faced fits his M.O. perfectly. He continues to give the same advice that the Duggars were already following and insists that it works, in spite of it not working for them. I don’t doubt that in his mind, the fact that it didn’t work is proof that they did not follow it correctly.  It appears that he cannot or will not consider the possibility that his methods don’t work.

Does Candace Cameron Bure promote the Pearls?

Inquisitr.com reports that Candace Cameron Bure promotes some very harsh teachings including that of the Pearls’. They even link to an old blog post entitled,“Ask Candace” for proof.

Do you have any parenting tips?
Who doesn’t? We all learn things along the way, that we end up sharing with people whether they like it or not. 😉 There are 3 books I consult along with long conversations with my sister-in-law, mom and few good friends. The books that guideline raising our children are the Bible, Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp and To Train Up a Child by Michael & Debi Pearl. My parenting tip of the day is … consistency; it’s key.

This article also discusses the Duggars and possible endorsement of the Pearls, which we have already discussed here.

Shannon’s Testimony and Plea to End Obedience-Based Christian Parenting

Shannon Evans pleas for an end to Obedience-Based Christian Parenting, especially for adopted children, in a very well written post. This is a good post to share with pro-spankers because she explains the danger of the mindset without condemning spankers. I realize that many of my followers are disappointed in this post and claiming that it does not go far enough. We have to understand that there is a time and place for baby steps. People rarely jump from pro-spanker to anti-spanker in moment of epiphany. Such a change is usually a long, arduous journey. Information taken in at each step of the way will either push them further along on the way or push them backwards. A blog post which condemns all spanking is often rejected and may even push them right back to their starting spot. It is clear from this post that the author has come a long way and is in danger of alienating many people she loves by posting this. I applaud her courage and passionate plea.

Remembering Sean

Tulipgirl reminds us that it has been ten years since we lost Sean.

Is it good parenting to let a baby cry?

It is always so sad to see letting a little baby cry be associated with doing what’s best for the child. Science proves otherwise and so does the Bible. I do not see anywhere in the Bible where it teaches that it is good to let a baby cry. On the contrary, God associates Himself with loving arms and full breasts meeting a baby’s needs.

Here are some of my other posts about Crying It Out.

Remembering Lydia

This morning when I saw the date, I knew it was an anniversary, but I could not remember of what until Eric Pazdiziora reminded me. It’s been 6 years since we lost Lydia.  😥

Eric Pazdiziora wrote a musical piece in memory of Lydia.

Here is TulipGirl’s memorial tribute to Lydia.

Colleen’s Testimony

Coleen G. was nice enough  to share her testimony here on my blog.  I’m reposting it below so it won’t be missed.

I have seen the fruits of the Pearl’s methods in my own children and at another family that we know.

My friend tried to switch her toddler son until he was crying submissively and brokenly. She was horrified at how many times this needed to be done and each event required welting, bruises because he would not be broken until he no longer could stand the agony. She never switched like that again and never used their methods again. She had been following the techniques as described including the correct “tool”.

I too tried to follow their methods but I could not bring myself to hit that hard. I did not know of my friend’s sessions with her son at the time. That story came out to me years later. I have a temper problem and very strong willed children as well(I know now that is a blessing not a sin issue). While I tried very hard to not let my temper rule me it came out when I had to go through multiple sessions over many days about the same issues with the same child. Their “rebellion” was taken personally and fed my sinful anger problem. I was not seeing results with my young children they mostly just grew out of whatever development stage and corresponding behaviors that I had been taught vis the Pearl’s was disobedience.

God got a hold of me healing the sin-anger and showing me that my parenting methods were causing me to sin against my children even when I was not angry. The switch was chaotic and it took almost two years for relational healing. Yes I was/am a sinner who had a problem but the Pearl’s methods aggravated and intensified that sin issue compounding the damage I was doing. Yes I had the book, all the connected books. I had videos and the magazine subscription so I was well steeped in their methodology.

Having now stepped away from it all and truly studied both the bible and child development I can see that much of what they teach is toxic even for mild even tempered parent of equally tempered children. While bible-y in terminology it is not Christ-like and denies what is normal development as sin that must be punished out of a child for the convenience of the parents and the child’s future salvation.

I have lived with the fruit and it is a sour hellish thing fit only for those who like the Pharisees care more for control and rules than Love and sacrificial living towards the weaker.

 

Testimony of Gentle Parenting

Gentle Christian Mothers has posted a testimony on her Facebook page. She includes a lovely photo of her 4 children, I do hope you will take a look. It is a public post so I do not believe that you need to have a Facebook account in order to view it.

Lisa’s Response to Debi Pearl’s Prayer for the destruction of her enemies

Lisa has said very well what I have had neither the time nor energy to write so I am going to give her comments the exposure they deserve.

In response to my post regarding Debi Pearl’s public prayer asking God to destroy her enemies, Lisa said:

I read the article, also, and I was appalled. A prayer should not ever need excuses for why it sounds like a prayer for another human being’s death.

What if they had asked God to open their eyes and hearts and show them ‘if there is any hurtful way in them, and lead them in the everlasting way’? What if they had asked God if they had a log in their eyes that they needed to remove in order to see more clearly? What if they had asked God to bless these people?

When Jesus said to pray for our enemies, I think he meant to pray for their good and their welfare. I think that if someone attacks you, the very first thing you should do is examine whether there is any merit to their complaint. After that, humble oneself and depend on God.

I think that to compare any human beings to attacking dogs is a mistake. The Psalms may contain references like this but these are preshadowings of Christ’s affliction. We are not Christ, and we are now in the New Testament and Christ has taught us to love our enemies and do good to those who would despitefully use us. None of the apostles, nor Steven, prayed for the death of their enemies.

Finally, if I had ever written a book that led 1 other person (much less 3) to abuse their child to the point of killing them, I would be devastated beyond description. I would take that book off the market and burn every copy and repent on my face before God. Wouldn’t you?

I replied and she then went on to say:
[Read more…]

Are the Pearls praying for the death of their enemies?

It would appear that the Pearls are facing legal problems over the damages their teachings have caused.  Vyckie Garrison reports on this in an article entitled, “Evangelical couple begs God to strike critics dead over child abuse claims.”

When I saw this article, was surprised. I feel that I know quite a bit about the Pearls and I know that they strive to be good Christians. I disagree with fundamental aspects of their teachings on child rearing to the point that I consider much of it dangerous. However, I do believe that they are sincerely trying to serve the Lord.  So, I read the article right away, looking for what Debi Pearl really said.

She starts out describing a time when Mr. Pearl was brutally attacked by dogs while serving the Lord. She explains how this was really a satanic attack. She then likens it to this new legal attack. She decries her attackers which she explains are also led by the forces of darkness. She then tells of a time when the Lord delivered them by destroying their attacker. She did not say that someone died, but it is easy to come to that conclusion. She exhorts her followers and ends by asking for prayer, giving her followers a sample prayer. Here the excerpt in question:

…we ask that you step in and bring down the evil that is set against Michael Pearl’s family. Bring to an end all those that testify in lies and deceit.

Now, I can totally see where people would interpret that to mean that they are asking for people’s death, but I also suspect that they would be shocked and offended at that interpretation.  I suspect that are asking for an end to the evil and that a change of heart would cause there to be no more people testifying against them. Of course, I can’t speak for them, but that is how I read their words.

Either way, the prayer is appalling. One of my commenters expressed why very well here.

Understanding Toddler Meltdowns

What is the right response to a toddler’s meltdown? Would understanding them help? You bet it would! For that reason, I am sharing this very helpful and insightful post from Stephanie Cox, The Brain Overload During Meltdowns Is Real!

Edited to add, here is the follow up to this post.

Not Allowed To Foster Because of Spanking

Gregory and Melanie Magazu have been told that they may not have foster children because they spank their own children. I think that it is a good thing. Foster children have enough trauma, without being aware of children in the home being hit. This applears to be a test case, so I will be watching it.

Letter to A Pro-Spanker

The Melting Mom has written a letter to her pro-spanking friend to explain what she has learned about gentle parenting. This is a fantastic letter and I know that you will find it helpful.

I would also like to remind everyone that Gentle Christian Mothers is a very good place for mothers who are seeking to be gentle to find support.

There’s More To This Than Meets The Eye

Perhaps you have heard of Rachel Dolezal, she has been in the media a lot lately. She recently resigned from her posistion as NAACP leader after her parents informed the media that she was white. I had a feeling that there was something behind this all that we didn’t know, so I was not very surprised to find out that her parents trained her using the book, To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. Here is the article from Homeschoolers Anonymous:

THE MEDIA IS DOING EXACTLY WHAT RACHEL DOLEZAL’S ABUSIVE HOMESCHOOLING PARENTS WANT

Speaking of “more than meets the eye,” I have not been posting much and I missed sharing a blog post which discusses a study about the damange corporal punishment does to a child’s brain.

And while I’m sharing things which went out through my Facebook Feed, but not here, some of you might be interested in these Tips for getting toddlers to cooperate while shopping from Purple Puzzle Place.

More Reactions to the Duggar Situation

There is SO much being written about the Duggars. In an effort to please everyone, I decided to stop posting everything I saw on this blog’s Facebook Page and start posting it on my Facebook Account’s wall.  This way, those who want to see everything I share in real time can friend me and those who rather just see my blog posts can just follow my page.

So, here are the links I have shared since my last blog post.

Crystal Lutton explains What we, the Church, can learn from Josh Duggar.

Brent Detwiler takes an in depth look at the whole catastophe in The “Incredible” Duggar’s – “Happy, Healthy and Well Balanced.”

Susan Cottrell looks at The Dangers of Life in a Male-Dominated System on Pathos.

Allie Jones discovers what I noted when the story first broke: Police Report Reveals the Duggar Discipline Method: “They Have a Rod.”

Jonny Scaramanga reveals that Had Josh Duggar been prosecuted, Duggars would have lost the right to home school.

Joel J. Miller has an article in the Washington Post called, Jesus is quick to forgive, but Josh Duggar’s apology is still disturbing.

Travis Gettys writes about the Duggar mindset, as explained by Vyckie Garrison in Raw Story.

A Voice For The Victims

Victimhood is a very personal thing. Many survivors of abuse are finding their voices and are making a valient effort to speak for these victims.

Some are saying that it increases the pain of the victims and that we should stop.

Others are saying that we must speak out in order to give a voice to the victims.
Josh Duggar and Words as Magic by Rebecca Diamond
What Does The Josh Duggar Dialogue Say To Assault Victims? by Stephanie Tait
It’s Not Just The Duggars by Dana of Lemon Lime Adventures
Nice girls don’t talk about stuff like this by Rebecca Diamond *Trigger Warning*

I don’t want to add to the girls’ pain but nor do I want this swept under the rug. Since there are 5 victims, some might feel one way and some might feel the other.  Also, since the information is already out, that cannot be fixed.  The only thing left to do it to work towards healing.

My main goal in posting is to expose the paradigm behind all of this in hopes of preventing situations like this in the future.  My hope is that those who are considering getting into Gothard/ATI/Patriocentric  teachings will see the danger and run away.  I also hope that those who are friendly with such families will be much  more observant.

Here is an in depth explanation of How Fundamentalism’s Teachings on Sexuality Create Predatory Behavior from Diary of an Autodidact.

Jason Harris looks at 10 things every person should be able to affirm in the face of the Duggar family tragedy.

Barefoot Betsy responds to my first link.

Hope For Healing Duggars

I have been feeling very sad about the Duggar situation, so I am comforted to read this encouraging post by Trudy Metzger. Yes, the situation is grim, but there is still hope for healing. Yes, it’s true that she probably doesn’t really understand the patriarchy mindset involved in this story, but she does know about abuse and she does know the Allmighty Power of Jesus.

Edited to add: Tracy has a follow up post which adds to and clarifies her last post given new information she has learned.

Reactions to the Duggar Scandal

My last post was about the tragic news story of Josh Duggar and his abuse of young girls. How should the Church react to something like this? Here are some thoughts on that as well as reactions and analysis.

Barefoot Betsy shares her reactions and opinions. A short quote to whet your appetite:

I believe that the Christian community needs to soundly condemn the adult Duggars’ response as well as the molestations themselves. This kind of chicanery should not be tolerated in the name of Christ. Yes, forgive, but don’t forget. There is no excuse for the adults sweeping this kind of incident under the rug. For years and years.

Russell Moore, president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, explains what the church’s response to abuse should be.  I encourage you to read the whole article.  Here is a small quote:

We should also make clear to the whole congregation the steps we are taking to make sure that children and the vulnerable are safe in our churches from sexual abuse. Tell the congregation why you have background checks, why safeguards for parent pick-up in nursery or Sunday school are in place, and so forth. Moreover, tell the congregation what the leaders will do when there is an allegation of sexual abuse. Make it clear that sexual abusers will not be enabled in your church, and victims will not be blamed or shamed.

Also, Elizabeth Esther has a picture of an ATI counseling worksheet on her Facebook page. She says,

As many of you may know, the Duggars used teachings by Bill Gothard and ATI. Someone just sent me this ATI worksheet that was used for “counseling” victims of sexual abuse. Note the question “Why did God let it happen?” and the subsequent answers which blame the victim for “defrauding” the perpetrator (defrauding is fundy-speak for seducing/tempting a man) through “immodest dress, indecent exposure, being out of the protection of our parents and being with evil friends.” So, it’s the VICTIM’S fault for being sexually abused. Obviously this kind of “counseling” is egregiously WRONG (not to mention unprofessional) and, in fact, causes MORE damage by re-traumatizing the victim. Since the Duggar family used and promoted ATI materials, it’s conceivable that worksheets like these were used in the counseling (although, of course, I don’t know that for sure). Regardless, this kind of “counseling” material serves as an important insight into the kind of environment in which the abuse happened.

There is much more information about ATI style counseling in this article by Libby Anne.